Have you ever noticed that moment when the person you’re speaking to suddenly seems to mentally drift away, their eyes glaze over and you know they’re not listening to you any more? Do you do that to others?
In this podcast, Sam and Chris discuss three levels of listening and offer practical tips to ensure you not only listen well but remain engaged and interested in your conversations.
Have you ever avoided telling someone something, because you knew as soon as you did they would start telling you what you have to do to fix it? Especially with close friends, family and loved ones. Their advice is always well intended but sometimes you might just need to get things off your chest to help you think things through. The last thing you need is someone giving you their words of wisdom before you have even finished giving them the facts!
In this show Sam and Paul go though some of the pros and the cons of giving advice and when not to. It can be confusing knowing when to give or receive advice, so giving people the heads up before you start can make the whole conversation take on a different slant. We also cover how to deal with unwelcome advice without burning your bridges and upsetting people, which can all too easily happen as you’ll hear!
THINK BACK… to the last time someone really listened to you. I mean really listened. For more than a few minutes. Without interrupting. Listening with all their being, until you’d actually finished your train of thought, and in some cases even your whole sentence? Fully present – not while driving, washing up, unpacking the shopping, half an eye on the footy/SATC re-runs; their attention clearly elsewhere. Listening until you came to a natural pause; a complete conclusion?
Not easy, eh? Most of us cannot wait to jump in, proffer our own opinion and then, with any luck completely take over the conversation. Why is listening so difficult? For those of you who can remember what it feels like to be truly seen and heard – you’ll know what an exquisite feeling it is. Sometimes we don’t want advice or an opinion, we just want someone to be a sounding board; to listen to us. Without judgment and preferably in silence.
Next time you speak with a friend or colleague, make a conscious decision not to interrupt for at least a few minutes. You may get an anxious: “why have you gone quiet?” but if you tell the other person you are, in fact, listening to them, unless they’ve keeled over in shock, they’ll feel sufficiently respected to continue, perhaps at an even deeper level. And trust, me, they won’t forget the full attention you’ve given them!
If you’re lucky to have a good friend, family member or colleague who is happy to give you their silent, undivided attention, then you’re very well blessed! Go give ‘em a big hug…
How does it feel when you are speaking to someone and it seems like your words are passing through the air between you, going in one of their ears, and out their other ear almost simultaneously? There is nothing much more frustrating than that!
“I’m not being listened to! They aren’t hearing me! Why am I so misunderstood?”
Having to constantly repeat ourselves is not the only option! Join Chris and Sam as they explore the differences between hearing and listening, how it affects our communication when we feel like we aren’t being listened to, and what we can start doing to improve the effectiveness of our speaking and listening straight away.
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