Guilt Trip – Tips on How to Respond

family guilt trip

(No offence intended in sharing this caption!)

Guilt trips are usually the result of us being judged by someone who feels we haven’t done, agreed with or been what they think we should. The person judging us then makes their disappointment clear in an overt attempt to make us feel guilty for whatever it is they think we’ve done wrong – and hopefully get us to change our minds.

These comments can be very pressurising and, particularly if repeated, can make us feel very uncomfortable or even manipulated. It can be helpful to try and understand why some people attempt to guilt trip us in this way, and then look at some ways we can respond effectively.

This great topic comes from one of our listeners, Tamworth, via twitter and includes some examples of how people can lay the guilt trip on thick.

Guilt Trippers – Why Do They Throw Guilt?

Guilt trippers or guilt throwers may or may not be aware that they are being judgemental in this way, but are even less likely to understand the reasons why they are doing it in the first place.

Often, it is an unconscious belief or fear they have, that they are projecting on to us – i.e. it is their issue!Continue reading

Do You Take Your Own Advice?

As coaches, we are skilled in helping other people gain clarity, build self-belief, take action and generally find ways to consistently and constantly make progress towards their desired life. Of course, you don’t have to be a certified coach to be able to help other people do the same. We all, at times, offer our sound judgement, advice, support or guidance to friends, colleagues and family members.

Yet, how often do you follow your own advice to others?

Do you find yourself telling colleagues they should leave the office on time and get home to more important things while you stick around just a bit longer to write ‘just one more email’?

Have you told a particularly stressed friend that they really ought to take a break and treat themselves to an afternoon at a spa or R&R in the local park, while your common stress-busting strategy is to just keep fighting through it?

Do you and your partner often discuss how great it would be to take in more of the cultural treats and opportunities that your area of the country offers, only to see another six months pass without Continue reading

Being nice is HARD WORK

Just for one moment, look up and have a look at someone near you. If you aren’t in a room with other people, just open up a web page with the latest news online and have a look at the first picture of a person that you see.

What is the first thing that strikes you about this person? What is their hair like? Do they have any? What are they wearing? Already you will be making decisions about them and making a judgement on what they did to present themselves they way that they do.

It’s so easy to then make a snap decision on what they SHOULD have done. Quite quickly you have re-organised their wardrobe, found them a new hair style, given them a quick make over and sorted out their relationship issues by telling them to dump that loser……

Being critical about someone is second nature. It makes you wonder where and why we learnt this skill. What makes us tear someone apart within seconds of seeing them?

Now, try and come up with one thing you like about that person. One thing you think they have did well in.

At first it can be a struggle, especially if it’s someone you don’t like!

But try, even if it seems trivial and pointless at first, find just one thing that is a positive statement to say about that person.

It can be something about their physical appearance, or something they are wearing or even just they way they smile and interact with another person.

Now, the challenge!

I want you to find one good thing about everyone you meet over the course of a day. Initially just keep it to yourself, just build up the practise of identifying that one good thing. First you might find this hard work, but as you continue you realise it becomes easier to pick something out. When you see¬†something really good about someone, see if you can tell them. Don’t go over board and make it sound like you are a stalker! Just drop it in to conversation if you can, or drop the compliment in passing and move on. That way they won’t get stuck in an embarrassing situation of having to say thank you. Often a “thank you” is swiftly followed up with and negation:-

Oh this old thing?
Oh it’s nothing the other person did all the hard work
It was more good luck than good sense!

As stated in the subject, being nice is HARD WORK! Not only do you have to realign your thought process to target the positive but then you have to dodge the negations that come soon after.

After one day of spotting these positives and maybe even telling a few people about it. Check in with yourself and see if you notice anything different? Are you exhausted from all that mental hard work or are you energised from all that positivity? You may be surprised by the result!

Whatever happens drop a comment in the box below and let me know what happened when you did it.

Was being nice really hard work for you?