At the beginning you feel like you’ve thought everything through and you’re really motivated to get going. Everything seems to be going great! Your plans have paid off and your journey towards your goal couldn’t seem easier.

So… why do you begin to slip?

Unless something happens to get you back on track, your goals seem to fade into obscurity.

You find yourself missing the odd gym session, and not being quite as organised. Whatever it is, you can feel yourself slipping back into your old ways. Unless something happens to get you back on track, your goals seem to fade into obscurity and before you know it, weeks have passed since you did anything you initially planned so hard for.

Often you can come up with a whole host of reasons why things faded away. But it always boils down to one thing:

Being accountable for your own actions gets harder

More important than what happens, is how and why it happens. There can be a whole host of reasons:

• You don’t feel you are progressing fast enough, so things get boring
• You find the going gets tough and other things seem to keep getting in the way, so you start to let them
• You aren’t sure you even want this goal anymore. You find it hard to remember why you thought this was a good idea!

I’m sure you can think of lots of other reasons, but the great news is that the solution is always the same.

GET ACCOUNTABLE!

If any of the above sounds familiar to you, then now is the moment to change it. Get someone else to hold you accountable to your own goals. Share with them your reasons for wanting them in the first place. Other people seem to have an amazing memory for repeating your own words back at you! If you feel things start to get tough, tell someone, ask for help, advise, tips, tricks, anything to help you get over your current hurdle. Finally, give them permission to check in on you once in a while to see how things are going.

You can even ask me to personally help you with this. Just drop me an email with what it is you are trying to achieve. I’ll help you keep that motivation bubbling along. An even more effective method, is for you to post your goal, plan and any expected hurdles here in the comments below, or on our Facebook page.

So there you have it, Email / Comment  or Facebook. Choose whichever one feels it will be the most effective for you. Let us, help you.

Can you relate to the feeling of:

• Making things harder for yourself than they need to be?
• Allowing yourself to be distracted by something other than your priority?
• Punishing yourself when something isn’t perfect?
• Taking on too much when you know you can’t fit everything in?

Sometimes sabotage can show up in a way that obviously affects our goals, and other times it can show up more subtly. For example, I recently noticed myself being clumsy and getting injured a lot – which is very unlike me. All the bumps and bruises were subtly trying to distract me from the important actions I needed to take. But a more obvious example is: if you are focusing on becoming more healthy, then buying chocolates and crisps (because someone else in the house or visitors might need them) is a more direct form of sabotage – which puts the temptation right in front of you.

So why do we self-sabotage – particular the dreams we most want?

And more importantly, what can we do about it?

There is usually a pattern to our sabotaging behaviour, and this is likely to be driven by an underlying fear – so that we aren’t consciously aware of it, but it is ticking away in our sub-conscious like a time-bomb.

Because the fear is buried away, it can be hard to identify, but at its heart – the attempts to stop you achieving what you want are also giving you something to blame when things do go wrong. For example, “I would have achieved that if only … hadn’t gone wrong.”

So here is a 3-step plan for nullifying self-sabotage:

1. Starting from a place of building awareness, there are little signs we can look for to spot self-sabotage in action:
   • If you catch yourself doing something that is “unlike you”
   • If it feels like the world & his dog are against you, and trying to stop you from achieving your goal
   • If you are having trouble concentrating on and prioritising what is important to you
   • Things are feeling much harder and more draining than you think they should be

   Once you start noticing these feelings or behaviours, then you can choose to do something about it. The key to ending self-sabotage is to be willing to explore what is causing it – because when you bring it to light, it can’t continue to tick away underneath the surface anymore.

2. Explore the underlying fear. This is unlikely to be the most obvious reason, so asking yourself some quality questions can help identify the root cause:
   • What will it mean for me if I achieve my dream (or do well at this)?
   • What will people think of me once I’ve reached my goal?
   • I deserve my dream because…?

   For example, I was suffering severe stage fright prior to doing some live webinars and calls recently. I’ve never had stage-fright before, but it wasn’t fear of speaking to a group of people that was affecting me. When I asked myself the first question above, I realised that if I did well at this one it would mean I’d have to do more of them! So it was more about avoiding the thing that felt uncomfortable, than doing the actual presentation itself.
   You might not need to work through each of these questions, or there might be another question that works better for you. But if none of them resonate, then you can try asking yourself “Why?” five times when thinking about the fear that is holding you back to uncover its root.

3. Finally, it will help to choose empowering beliefs that will help you towards your dream rather than halt you from it. Try asking yourself:
   • What would I need to believe about myself to feel confident about achieving my goal?
   • What would I need to believe about myself to feel I deserve my dream?
   • In order to enjoy working towards my goal, what would I need to believe about it/myself?

   Again – you only need to answer one or two of these questions, but if you struggle to answer any of them there is another place you can start. Instead, ask yourself: “In order to feel so badly about taking this action or achieving my goal I’d need to believe …?”And once you’ve answered that one, return to the other questions. Chances are you’ll now find an answer to one of them, which you can compare to your initial response. You can then choose to work with and nurture the belief that empowers you, rather than the one that has been holding you back and sabotaging your success.

And once you’ve worked through these three steps, you can then address some of the feelings that self-sabotage had been causing – like learning to say “no” to something if you’ve already got other commitments or before you get to the point of feeling like there is too much to do; allowing something to be “good enough” rather than aiming for the impossible ideal of perfection; getting very clear about your priority, so that distractions come second-fiddle; and allowing the process of taking action towards your dream or goal to be easy and enjoyable instead of expecting it to be hard and painful!

Have you had any experiences of self-sabotage? How did you spot them, and how did you respond? Let us know whether you’ve had dreams derailed by fear, or whether you’ve been able to turn it around. And please do share with us if any of this resonated, or if the 3 steps help you move forwards with your goal!

Paul and Sam explore the possibilities of asking “How to…?” do something – whether it is drawing, cooking or starting a podcast! From opening a Pandora’s box on Google, to discussing the merits of having a clear goal (or picture) vs simply knowing where to start; different styles can even affect our self-criticism!

Join us for this teddy-bears’ picnic! (And do share your drawing on our Facebook page if you take up the How-to-draw-a-Bear Challenge!)

Paul's How-to-draw-a-bear!

Sam's How-to-draw-a-bear!

And here’s a sneaky video of Paul’s drawing in action!

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So why do we so often eschew the idea of a road map for our lives? It’s very easy to drift from job to job, location to location, relationship to relationship, without a clear plan of action. Back in my twenties, I did just that. My life fell very much into the… “Well, I’ll see what comes up’ category. I had no grand plan of action, no specific goals (other than to earn enough cash to pay my mortgage, buy clothes, eat out, travel and have fun). It was fun, but somewhat precarious. And often I felt like I was going nowhere – fast!

Set your course
The million-dollar question: how can you reach your destination, if you don’t know where you’re going? Having direction doesn’t mean you can’t change your destination whenever you want. Or revise your goals. Allow yourself to be flexible. A great starting place is to make a list of your short term (1 week to 6 months), medium term (6 months to a year) and long term (1 to 5 years) goals for each of the following areas of your life: Career, Family, Environment, Spiritual Life, Relationships, Creativity, Friendships. Then look at each area again and mark each one from 1 (least satisfied) to 10 (most satisfied). This will instantly tell you the areas that require your immediate attention.

Realistic plan of action
Once you’ve established the area(s) you’d most like to change, then set yourself weekly, realistic and achievable goals to take yourself to your final destination. It’s important that you keep these ‘journey’ goals achievable. Baby steps. This will keep you motivated. For some, their goal may to become fit. Even joining a gym can be a major deal for many, so don’t run before you can walk! Take your time to build up to that half-marathon. But do nudge yourself out of your comfort zone. Regularly.

Resources and options
What resources do you already have that can help you achieve your goals? Do you have friends who can help you? Are there colleagues at work who can supportively nudge you in the direction you’re headed? What have you done in previous jobs that you can take with you as a skill set into your next position? Take a look at all your options for success. Brainstorm. Then pick an action point that’s the easiest for you to achieve that week. Then another one… and so on.. Challenge yourself. And reward yourself with each success.

Values and beliefs
Goals are great. But you won’t achieve them unless your values are in alignment with your beliefs. Values are the things that we get out of bed for. The things that motivate us. This could be family, money, recognition… Make a list of your top 10 values. Things you will do anything to achieve. Then put them in order of hierarchy. Then make a list of 10 things you’d do anything to avoid: this could be loneliness, embarrassment, recognition. If you see a clash between your goals and your values, then redefine your goals. For example, if one ‘going to’ value is recognition, but you’d do anything to avoid rejection, then you are unlikely to put yourself into career or job position where you will be held up and judged on your performance. No matter how hard you try, it simply won’t work. Another example: an employee who is given a promotion involving regular international travel will have a values collision if his main priority is his family, whom he will rarely see as a result. There will be tension and a lack of happiness.

Results
The key to succeeding in reaching your goals is to firstly identify them – what do you love? What would you love to do? Where would you love to live? What kind of relationship would you love to be in? Then take regular, committed action towards achieving them. Daily, weekly, monthly… Small, achievable steps taken regularly will give you the confidence and motivation to change every area of your life – successfully. You will begin to trust in your own innate ability to make the right choices in life. As a result, your dreams most certainly will become reality. Focus with laser-like intensity and commitment on your desired results, and your subconscious will do all it can to bring that goal to you. It really is as simple as that. Whatever you focus on, you will attract to you.

This is a universal law.