The one question that stood out for me provided a simple but profound insight into how I should approach my life now, to prevent me from having the same regret after experiencing more than 80% of my life.

The question was this: When you look back on the life that you’ve lived, what is your greatest regret?

What do YOU think was the #1 answer across the large survey?

I posed this question to a group of business executives I was training this week. After a few days of helping this group to get clearer on their priorities and to reconnect with what they value most, their guesses were perfectly reasonable.

“Didn’t spend enough time with the ones they loved?” one suggested. A logical thought from a 21st century executive.

“Didn’t do what they were passionate about?” another chimed in. Close but not exactly.

“Worked too hard and didn’t stop to enjoy life?” a third pondered. Nope.

According to this research, the number 1 regret – the greatest regret – of those who have lived a lot of life was…

“Not taking more risks.”

That really got me thinking about how I should start living.

I trusted the research and I trusted that made a lot of sense.

And I didn’t want to have the same answer when I get called by a researcher in 2051.

So, what lessons can we take and how can we avoid having the same regret?

Here is what I did and what you can do too:

1.    Trust that you can handle it.

The risk is rarely in the action but rather in our perception of what might happen afterwards to us. Our imagination spins wild tales of embarrasment, misfortune and utter catastrophe.

But we are greater than our problems. We can handle any short-term setback that might arise while we are pursuing something that really matters to us, following our dreams and opening our heart.

2.    Make sure you’re ‘What If…” scenarios genuinely consider both sides

What if I fail?  Hmmm….what if I succeed?

What if they laugh at me? Hmmm….what if they love me?

What if I hate it?  Hmmm….what if I adore it….and if not, I can always do something else…

What if I get too scared?  Hmmm….what if I find I have more courage, determination, persistence and passion than I thought I did

Our instinct is to protect and keep us safe. Follow point number 1 and allow yourself to imagine What If scenarios that light you up and ignite your fire to face the risk with courage and optimism.

3.    Embrace going beyond your comfort zone

The main reason we humans stay so ‘risk-free’ in our comfort zone is because we think that beyond safety and comfort lurks the Panic Zone.

But we forget the times in the past where we have gone outside our comfort zone and discovered the real zone – the Growth Zone.

This is just beyond your Comfort Zone and well before any panic. The Growth Zone is where the thrill of life happens, where fears disappear and your true joy and fulfillment is experienced.

Embracing the combination of these 3 points will make you realize that the ‘risks’ we perceive are often just a mirage.

That in fact, when you push on in spite of perceived risks and fears and tension and anxiety….it is very, very likely that you’ll suddenly realize that it wasn’t nearly as scary as you made it out to be.

You’ll question why you took so long. You’ll feel disappointment you didn’t take those steps much earlier.

You’ll marvel at how much easier (even when uncomfortable) it was compared to what you expected.

Yet, at the same time you’ll feel the immense boost in confidence and pride that you did it.

You will feel the weight lifted from your shoulders and within your heart.

You will embrace the new opportunities and experiences that are in front of you.

You will feel liberated.

And you will not regret it.

You might even smile when the researcher calls you and you get to tell her what a wonderful life you’ve had and the adventures you still intend to create.

How have you managed to take risks? How did you feel afterwards? What lessons can you learn from the times you stepped out of your comfort zone where everything worked out just fine? How can you apply this insight to your current life?

We’d love to hear from you and for you to share with other readers.

After this you’ll now have more energy to put towards the most important things in your life.

Leave a comment and let us know what you discovered by following this exercise and putting the strategy in place.

They reference the book :59 seconds by Richard Wiseman

Of all the self-growth practices, perhaps none is more vital than taking the best lessons from the past and using them to design your future.

So as we come of the end of yet another year, here are eight simple yet extremely powerful questions to ensure you capture the most empowering learning from the past year and use those insights and discoveries to propel you into an even more rewarding 2011.

But first, a word of caution and suggestion:  the answers to these questions can be life changing and should not be taken lightly. These questions should not be casually scanned over, with passive thoughts and weak conclusions. These questions are meant to be actively explored, investigated and participated in.  That said, let’s go for it!

Think back to this time last year. Where were you? Who were you spending time with? What were the stresses and joys in your life? What was the theme and major events of your winter, spring, summer and autumn? Where were you hoping you’d be today? Spend 5-10 minutes reminding yourself of what you experienced, created and contributed in 2010.

Take out your notepad or journal and write your answers to the questions below in some detail. Got your pen in hand? Great, here we go…

1. What did you love about your 2010? What were the special moments? What were your most significant achievements? What did you do that you didn’t think you could?

2. How does that make you feel on reflection? Happy? Proud? What are the emotions you remember from those moments? What do you feel as you relive those experiences?

3. What would you like to duplicate in 2011? Which activities, adventures, projects or events would you like to repeat? What would you like to create or share even more of? Where, or with whom, do you want to ensure you spend your time?

4. What did you hate about your 2010? What were you disappointed in? What were your biggest challenges? Where did you struggle the most or under-achieve versus your expectations?

5. What do you not want to happen again in 2011? Put emphasis and focus on things that you can control or can influence instead of unnecessarily worrying about things beyond your power.

6. What did you learn by going through these experiences? Despite the challenges or painful times, what did you learn, how were these experiences incredibly valuable or how did they positively serve you?

7. What decisions did you make in 2010 that were empowering for you? What were some of the most important decisions of the year for you?

8. With that insight, what decisions will you make in 2011 as a result, to make it an extra rewarding and fulfilling year? Building off your insights from the previous questions, what will you continue to do, where do you need to get extra help, what will you stop doing?

If you haven’t written your answers down yet, I really encourage you to do so this week. Set aside 30 minutes to really immerse yourself in this experience. You might just uncover the key to making 2011 an amazing year.

What special lessons are you going to take into 2011? Please leave a comment below, we’d love to hear what you learned from these questions.

In this podcast, Sam and Chris explore the emotional impact of falling behind and simple shifts you can make to minimise the impact and quickly get back on track.

If you have downloaded the podcast from iTunes remember to post a review and visit our website at ActionPodcast.com to leave a comment or contact one of the presenters directly. Sign up to receive the podcast directly to your inbox, plus an additional weekly blog post! You’ll also be the first to receive a copy of our new e-Book.

True team work!

It is such a joy to be part of the AP team, and I think this has been a vital factor in our success because we all truly love what we’re creating together. But it has very much been a roller-coaster ride, rather than smooth sailing – so I’m inspired to share some top tips for team work at this fortuitous time.

• Acknowledge & Accept Uniqueness: Chris, Gina, Paul and I are totally different people! We have different strengths, different passions and different foibles! Every team is filled with individuals, and when this is recognised and appreciated – everyone has the chance to feel that they belong and can find their own place within the group.
• Seek Other Perspectives: Not only are we unique, but we also have different opinions! Instead of arguing or simply agreeing about an idea, we always try to explore the reasons behind why we each feel the way we do. Having four (or more) perspectives means that your team are more likely to be better prepared, and to have considered most alternatives before deciding on the option that best suits the team’s objectives.
• Regularly Re-Clarify Objectives: The times we’ve nearly ‘slipped off the rails’ have been times when we lost sight of our joint objectives. By re-clarifying what our team focus is every month or two, we are much more aligned on everything we do. Checking regularly that everyone understands the reason why the team exists and what the group’s priorities are will ensure that issues or confusion are raised and resolved much sooner, and acts as a rudder to keep the team on track.
• Ask For Help: There are times when each of us needs to step back a pace, and the others naturally step forward to pick up the slack. The attention and effort we can each commit to ActionPodcast varies week to week, and we cope best as a team when we know where the others stand. When individuals feel safe to ask for help, or admit that they need to step back slightly, it not only gives the rest of the team a chance to keep things running smoothly but also lets people stretch their wings and feel helpful.
• Agree to Disagree: Not every decision we make is unanimous, and there are times when we have to go with a majority vote. We are often guided by what our group mission and objectives are, so that we consistently move in the best direction. In a team it is important to respect each person’s opinion, and also the fact that a decision ultimately needs to be made – so agreeing to disagree allows the team to move forwards without people taking it personally or getting upset.
• No right or wrong: The 4 of us have different ways of approaching things from where to start, what type of plan is needed, what we most enjoy or dislike, to how we communicate or receive information. We got off to a great start with a new project when we realised we don’t all need to start at the same point. In a race, runners have staggered starting points but all understand that they are running in the same direction around the same track – operating in this way as a team can allow everyone to find their own rhythm and contribution – without needing to have a single starting point.

Which of these 6 tips would make the biggest difference to a team you are part of just now?

Being a member of a team can bring many complications, personality-clashes and emotions, yet I can emphatically say that being part of the AP team has taught me so much about myself and how I interact with others – and I wouldn’t change it for anything! I am very capable on my own, but I thrive within the group and truly feel I add as much value to the team as I receive from being part of it. In fact, to borrow a cliche – the whole is much greater than the sum of its parts!

On behalf of the AP team we would also like to send heartfelt thanks to you and all our listeners for your support, comments and questions – we couldn’t do this without you!

We would love to hear from you – so please leave us a comment below or contact one of the AP team directly. If you haven’t already – then Sign up to receive our podcasts directly to your inbox with an additional weekly blog post! You’ll also be the first to receive a copy of our new e-Book – launching soon!

As we grow up, we pick up certain beliefs or ideas about the world that stick with us into adult life – and even if we are aware of them, we rarely question them, simply taking them at face value.

I was thinking about my belief ‘Where there’s a will, there’s a way’ and how disadvantaged someone would be if they never believed that with a bit of focused effort and determination there is almost always a way around, through, over, under or out of an obstacle. Almost immediately though, my brain chimed in that sometimes this belief is damn frustrating too! Why is that? Well, if I believe that there is always a solution for everything, then if I am trying and failing it must mean that I simply haven’t found the ‘right’ solution yet.

The problem with that is we are never in control of everything (and rarely in control of most things) so there are occasions when we either need to:

• adjust our path
• make a decision about whether something is still important enough to pursue
• change our expectations about when or how we achieve something
• or stop being precious about the way in which we achieve it.

Yet the flip-side or corollary of ‘Where there is a will, there’s a way’ is an unrealistic sense of responsibility and pressure to make things happen. Funny that – since I’ve always identified myself as my own worst critic!

Maybe there’s a flip-side to all our beliefs then… How about: ‘No pain, no gain’? This was a mantra of pride for me when I was a teen, and I felt it was very character-building when I pushed myself through something that was uncomfortable or unpleasant or both – all in the name of health or achievement. It is only much more recently that I realised this has meant I rejected the thought that progress and success can be easy and enjoyable! If something was too easy, then I couldn’t have done it properly or something must be missing. Hmm.

OK, surely there’s not a hidden side to the belief that ‘No matter how bad things are for me, there’s someone else in the world right now who is much worse off’? Whilst it didn’t totally prevent ‘poor me’ moments as I was growing up, this belief certainly helped put things in perspective when life seemed to mirror the motto on a t-shirt I’d bought that said “I’m always in the shit, only the depth varies!” How could there possibly be a negative side to such a belief? Well: in my own experience it meant that I sometimes accepted bad situations as normal or typical, basically dis-empowering myself from trying to change them; or, I rebelled in a non-constructive way because deep down I knew I needed to challenge it but couldn’t quite reconcile that with being appreciative of what I had that others lacked.

I still retain these beliefs – it wouldn’t be helpful to just ‘throw them out’, even if such a thing were possible. We can challenge our own blind acceptance of them though, by following these steps:

1) Identify a belief you hold that you want to explore.

e.g. “No pain, no gain”.

2) Ask yourself “What does it mean to me?

e.g. It means that I need to make an effort with all I do; that I need to push myself to do something I might not feel like doing, because I know it is worth it in the long run (and repeating it as a mantra can help!); it means prioritising future reward or benefit over immediate desire; it is character-building something to be proud of.

3) Find its flip-side or corollary. You might need to ask yourself this question a few times: “If I believe this, then…what else does this mean?”

e.g. If I believe “No pain, no gain” then this means that if something doesn’t hurt I mustn’t have achieved anything; if I believe this, then if something is easy and enjoyable I mustn’t have completed it fully; so therefore I’ve missed something or not done my best.

4) Ask yourself: “How has this flip-side been influencing my actions or decisions throughout my life?”

e.g. This means I feel dissatisfied and self-critical whenever I do something that is easy or enjoyable! So I’m always looking for what I missed, failing to celebrate (or recognise) my achievements, and suffer an unquenchable thirst for perfectionism!

5) Choose whether you are happy with these additional consequences. If you aren’t, then you can choose to make more active and conscious decisions to change those habits that don’t serve you. Ask yourself “What is the first thing I can do to reverse this consequence?”

e.g. start acknowledging every little thing I do*, find a physical gesture that I could use to congratulate myself (back-patting works really well for me!), start noticing what works that is easy (I have to keep a list of these, and review them each week to make sure I’m doing more of them).

Share one of your beliefs by adding a comment to this post, and either start exploring possible flip-sides that might secretly be influencing you on a daily basis, or simply post it and allow others to help you – as we all have our own interpretations and ideas!

Enjoy!

Sam

* I needed real help with this one, so set myself a major challenge of congratulating myself for EVERYTHING I did for 24hrs. This included: waking up in the morning, eating, going to the loo, washing my hands, answering the phone – everything!

In this podcast, Chris and Paul discuss how to simply break the cycle of worry in any situation and find a better approach.

After listening to the podcast and trying the suggestions, please leave a comment and let us know how it worked for you. We’d love to hear from you!

Sometimes in life, you get shat upon. Sometimes, there’s no avoiding it or the messy clean-up job that follows.

As a teen, I owned a shirt that said:

“I’m always in the shit –
Only the depth varies!”

It can be a great metaphor for what life ‘throws’ at you. Still: there are times when you half expect it, and other moments where the timing could not be any worse.

A few weeks ago – I was shat on, quite literally.

I was at a party, which was the first major opportunity for me to meet some new people locally, and I was quite excited that there were fellow motorbike-riders and vegetarians present! It was outdoors, since the Scots are quick to make the most of any fair weather, and there was both a big BBQ and a smaller ‘veggie’ one heating up.
I spent most of the night clustered around one or other of the BBQs trying to stay warm, and was by the smaller of the two when a bird flying above let it’s bowel contents go…right on the crown of my head.
I was of course blissfully ignorant of the risk – right up until the point of impact; and disbelief (“this couldn’t happen to me right now!”) warred with shock only long enough for me to jump up & rush inside, but not before the news had started circulating through the 30-something gathered.

I wish I could say it was the 1st time*, & I can’t say with any certainty that it will be the last. But what are the odds of being shat on by a bird flying (not sitting – but flying!) overhead, twice in your life?

It is said to be lucky. And someone joked about rushing out to buy a lottery ticket. But as I was upstairs in the bathroom having the front half of my hair washed in a tiny sink by a very caring but equally inebriated woman, I commented that this must be said simply to help make the dirtied one feel better!

However, apart from a bit of embarrassment that it happened in front of such a crowd, I was quite bemused by the whole episode and making jokes about people having a unique reason to remember me! It would have been really easy to get totally upset about it, to cry, and to feel too embarrassed to return to the party. But I was determined to make the most of the evening that I had been enjoying until rudely interrupted, and wasn’t going to let a bit of bird-luck get in my way. The woman helping me wash my hair remarked that I seemed so calm about the whole thing, and asked what I did. She laughed when I told her I was a lifecoach, and said that quite explained it!

Joking aside – what I did in that moment – was to notice that I had a choice. I couldn’t choose to undo the fact that I had been shat upon, but I could choose to have a miserable end to my evening, or a wonderful one. This is not a choice that is solely available to coaches, nor is it about ‘positive thinking’. At no point did I feel like thanking the bird that inadvertently caused this. I didn’t even buy into the ‘it’s lucky’ idea. I simply chose my reaction to a situation I couldn’t have avoided.

It would also have been easy to get really angry with the bird, or with a party being held outside on a cold evening, or the injustice in the world! And there is a great piece of wisdom in one of the 55 Concepts that I’ve mentioned before:

“People [birds, life] don’t do things TO you;
They do them FOR themselves.”

The bird didn’t choose to deliberately dump its waste on my head. The bird simply needed to relieve itself, and I was perhaps in the wrong place at the wrong time.

What choice will you make, when life next dumps you in an unpleasant mess?

P.S. (*The 1st time – about 5yrs ago in London, I did let it did spoil my day!)

The first decision is making the big decision, such as, “I’m going to get healthier”, “I’m going to spend less so I can save more”, “I’m really going to work on getting more customers”. Those are examples of the broader, or macro, decisions to address some area of your life. These are the kind of decisions that people are very good at proclaiming on New Year’s Eve as a resolution for the coming 12 months. Yet, the reason most people don’t get the results that they want, is that they are poor at consistently making the little daily decisions, or micro decisions, that really lead to the results they want.

And here’s why: most people make decisions based on who they are now, the skills they now have or the beliefs they now hold.

But if you’re a person who is aching for change and really wanting to get different results (e.g. more health, more wealth, more happiness, etc), you can’t make decisions based on who you are now.

The best advice I’ve ever received is this: make decisions as if you were the person you want to become.

Consider this example, you want to be healthier by going to the gym in the morning 4 days a week. You want it really badly but you struggle sometimes to get out of bed. You’re alarm goes off at 6am, you wake up and decide to lay there for another 15 minutes. At 6:15 you decide you need some more rest since you have a big day ahead of you and you can go to the gym tomorrow. That’s just not going to get you to your goal is it?

However, if you begin to make decisions as if you were a healthy active person, then you would begin to get out of bed as soon as the alarm went off and head to the gym regardless of how tired or unmotivated you actually felt in that moment. Act as if you were motivated. Act as if you loved going to the gym. And if you continued to make that decision on a consistent basis, and took that action on a regular basis, you’d soon become more healthy.

I recognise this can be easier said than done so contact one of the Action Coaches and listen to our motivational podcasts to learn some very simple and very effective techniques to make better decisions and consistently take the action you need in order to become the person you want to become.

In this podcast, Paul and Chris discuss the real power behind willpower and explain fastest way to overcome the lack of willpower in any situation.