Being consciously aware of what we’ve achieved is great for our general sense of well-being and contribution, and it can also significantly boost our confidence. But in the busyness of life, it can be easy to forget, overlook or play down the extent of what we’ve achieved – and by choosing to be accountable to someone (or some thing), we give ourselves key moments to reflect on our productivity and achievement, and whether our system of prioritising is working well for us.

Join Paul and Sam as they explore some different options for adding a helpful dose of accountability into your day, and even what some of the unexpected benefits might be!

Do you find yourself taking care of a lot of fairly small, quite inconsequential things when there is a really big issue that trying to get your attention?

A difficult conversation, situation or an old issue that knocks your confidence?

We all do it at times and in this podcast, Chris and Paul discuss WHY this happens and more importantly, what you can DO to face the ‘elephant in your room’ with greater ease, confident and success than you’re currently imagining.

We’d love to hear your experiene on how you’ve been able to overcome those big challenging situations so please leave a comment on this page.

Wiki Entry:-

“Elephant in the room” is an English metaphorical idiom for an obvious truth that is being ignored or goes unaddressed. The idiomatic expression also applies to an obvious problem or risk no one wants to discuss.^[1]

“This is pretty good; I think I’ll keep going.”

This one came from The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, and is one of many affirmations, techniques and perspectives that have helped me loosen the grip of perfectionism that had stopped me achieving much, let alone my best.

I know the other ActionCoaches have also struggled with the need to be perfect from time to time, so here is a collection of some of our top insights into how to live a more effective and fulfilled life:

• In Perfect Paul and I discuss the effects of Perfectionism Paralysis, and how it stops us doing what we most want to do. Listen to this podcast for some action tips to …
• In Be Anything But Perfect Gina & Chris talk explore limiting beliefs that could be at the heart of our perfectionist tendencies, highlight the warning signs and share some tips we can use to be successful even when we aren’t perfect.
• In (Un)Great Expectations Gina & I discuss how our high expectations can come at a high cost to our relationships and ultimately are the cause of any hurt we feel. Listen to this for tips on how perspective and clarity can ease the disappointment.
• If your perfectionism strays into external comparisons then you will want to listen to The Danger of Comparisons. Paul & Gina talk about the negative impacts of comparing ourselves to unrealistic ideals, and the way some industries contribute to these false images that we aspire to. Listen to this for a more healthy solution to comparisons that damage your self esteem and confidence.
• In Don’t Call Me Perfect… I bust the myth that coaches must be perfect, and explain why we all have a choice between judging ourselves or trying to improve. Read it for 4 questions that will allow you to start exploring your ‘shadow’ side.

Returning to creativity – one of the best pieces of advice I received just before I started writing a book last year was that it was better to have a completed manuscript that needed a lot of editing, than no manuscript at all.

Having parked perfectionism at the door and allowed myself to write the novel, I wholeheartedly agree – and think that this is a great metaphor for anything in life.

I would rather have lived imperfectly, than never to have lived at all!

Please leave a comment and share how perfectionism has stopped you. If you’ve found a way to reboot your action, or this collection of tips has inspired you, then we’d love to know about it!

In this podcast, Chris and Sam discuss a simple, practical and very effective strategy to quickly regain confidence and make you feel like a superstar before being in the spotlight. They provide two proven ways to achieve this…and it takes less than five minutes!

Leave us a comment and let us know how this works for you and what situation you’d like to have more confidence next time.

It’s a concept you’ve probably never considered, but the payoff is huge.

Which thoughts and words?

The most expensive words you’ll ever utter are the excuses you use to rationalise not doing the things you know need to be done.

But guess what? You probably have just a few (instead of dozens) different and recurring excuses you repeatedly use to get out of doing what needs to be done. If you make a shift and eliminate those, you’ll experience a tremendous boost in progress and happiness.

The bad news? You might not be aware of these thoughts and words in the moment because they seem so natural, so appropriate and so accurate and rational for what you feel. Yet, when you stop and reflect on them you’ll see them for what they are – just excuses that give you permission to stay in your comfort zone.

What’s more, you’ve probably been nurturing these excuses for so many years that they’ve become ingrained in your psyche and happen in a flash — stopping you in your tracks, and shutting down your growth without you even noticing what’s happened.

Understand this: These thoughts and words are preventing you from getting what you want.

Said another way: these are the excuses that are keeping you from your dreams; that create chronic internal conflicts (which pull your heart, head and gut in three different directions); that shatter your confidence and self-esteem; that train you to play smaller than you are capable of; that zap your energy and optimism for your life.

Yes, it’s true, these little thoughts and words are that costly and dangerous.

The good news? Once you see – and accept – these words for what they are, they lose their power over you and you stop thinking away your success. Which means you achieve and become much more when these thoughts disappear.

So, what should you do about this?

Do not to place judgement on yourself. Simply start your log with “I’m noticing that I usually/often/sometimes…“

Awareness is always the starting point so I strongly encourage you to start making notes, keeping a log of the excuses (…you may find you’ve been calling them ‘reasons’…) you use for not doing what you know you should do. Take regular notes, or put it in your journal, or create a ‘draft’ email you can quickly open and jot them down, whatever works for you to capture the thought in the moment. But don’t try to be perfect, just start doing it and adapt as you go.

Stop the cycle of excuses and take this small action now – don’t put this off – do this for yourself.  This is too important to delay.

Another key point is not to place judgement on yourself. Simply start your log with “I’m noticing that I usually/often/sometimes…” Just capture what you notice on reflection and reject the temptation to rationalise your rationalisation of these thoughts.

Over time, and possibly quite quickly, you’ll realise you have your own personal ‘choice excuses’.

Why do you set an early alarm and hit snooze for an hour?

Why do you bring your workout clothes to work but never make it to the gym?

Why do you not pick up the phone and ask for the sale instead of hiding behind the safety curtain of email?

Why don’t you tell your partner how you really feel when he/she does that?

Your excuses will be personal to you, but they here are some thought starters to help you recognise them:

• If I don’t check my email one more time before going to bed…
• I can’t start ______ until I am totally organised…
• I can’t start saving until I make more money because….
• I’ve done enough today already…
• I need to be more prepared before I…
• Only when things calm down at work can I….
• I know this food won’t help me achieve my health goals but I deserve it because…
• I never have enough time to….
• I’m too tired to do this now, I’ll do it tomorrow when I feel better…
• My relationship will improve when they….
• And so on…

You don’t need a list that long, and you’ll quickly realise there are 3 or 4 excuses that come up the most often.

The next step, once you’ve identified your ‘choice excuses’, is to remain highly sceptical of their truthfulness and to challenge your automatic response to them. You now recognise them as excuses that prevent you from making real progress. You now are able to loosen their grip on your behaviour. YOU now have the power to make better decisions and take more purposeful action that will lead you closer to your dreams.

So the next time they surface, flip these excuses of why you can’t into reasons of why you MUST take action now if you are going to achieve the success you desire.

Leave a comment below to share what you learned from this and what excuses you now see are holding you back. We’d love to hear from you.

Chris and Gina cover the subject of walking your talk. Tip number 54 in our eBook. By not following up with what you have promised can really put a strain on your own self confidence. Where as if you stay true to your commitment you’ll feel more empowered.

It’s no surprise that a common theme amongst books today is ‘Leadership in Tough Times’.  It’s an interesting topic, and one that applies to the business world as much as it does to our own personal lives.

How do you respond in tough times, when life presents a ‘major problem’? Do you get angry and look to lay blame on others? Do you freeze like a deer in headlights, convincing yourself you don’t know what to do next? Maybe you seek shelter from the storm by running to a friend, the fridge or some other pleasure-seeking distraction? Do you just cover your head and hope it will go away?

Or do you behave in a way that empowers you? That enables you to rise to the challenge and accept responsibility for making a change? Have you developed emotional fortitude to confidently face the tough times and strengthen your willpower to overcome the odds?

On reflection, I realise I have developed a few core beliefs that help me to keep calm and determined when things get shaky, leaving extra reserves of emotional strength to lead myself and others towards better times.

1. There is no problem I can’t handle

I have a belief that God won’t give me a problem that I can’t handle. Regardless of how ferocious, colossal or down-right nasty the problem is, I trust that I will be able to handle it.

It doesn’t mean I will know the answer or enjoy dealing with it, or not freak out along the way. But rather, I have faith that my capacity – and the capacity within each one of us – to take on enormous challenges is always greater than we think it is. I will use my strengths, my creativity and my resourcefulness to find the solution and make it so. One bad problem does not overrule all the good I have in my life, and keeping it in perspective really helps.

Tough times won’t destroy you. You can handle it, and I know you will.

2. The bigger the problem, the more I will grow

As a powerful complement to that first belief, I know that when a problem lands, it’s just another occasion where I am going to be challenged to grow. It’s an opportunity to learn more about myself, my compassion and my abilities. The bigger the challenge the more I will have to dig deeper into my convictions, to use resources I forgot I had, to work on strengthening my will, my faith and take my next step forward.

I understand and recognise that it will teach me important lessons (including painful ones I don’t want to face) and cause me to come out on the other side a better, stronger man for the experience.

This isn’t a belief or perspective I’ve always had: it’s one that surfaced a few years ago and serves me very well to keep a level head and spend more time focusing on finding a solution, than dwelling in the pain of the problem. Pain is a part of life, suffering is a choice.

It sounds odd, but now on some level when a big problem arises, I actually get a little excited to see what I’m going to learn and how I’m going to grow from this. This has totally shifted my approach and empowers me like nothing before.

That’s not blind optimism; it’s a truth that is always there for you to see as soon as you decide to be open and look for it.

3. Leaders are made in tough times

It’s easy to be a leader when things are going well. Profits rising? What an outstanding CEO! Back-to-back championships? The captain and the coach are the greatest of all time! Yet, the true test of a leader is when things turn for the worst. Can she remain focused yet flexible to still achieve her goals? Can he rally the troops to not lose confidence and inspire them to dig deeper, work harder and become closer as a team?

I see tough times as a calling for me to step up and become the leader I am meant to be.

When the going gets tough, you need to believe, not doubt; to create, not destroy; to bond not separate; to step up and  defy the odds, set a new standard for yourself and those around you.

Having all these empowering beliefs, does not exempt me from misfortune and periods of immense pain. So when stuff happens I simply remind myself that ‘this too shall pass’.

All pain is temporary. Yes, the sun will rise again and there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Despite all your best intentions, keen desire and self-belief, sometimes you just can’t fix the situation. But hold on to the knowing that tough times won’t last forever. You CAN handle this, and the experience WILL enable you to become more of who you are meant to be.

How might these ideas help you to respond differently in the future? Leave a comment to share how you used to respond in tough times, or what you find works best for you in coping with big challenges. Other readers, and I, will appreciate hearing from you.

So when a listener wrote in recently, Sam & Paul were keen to present a bouquet of flowers as thanks:

Whether its a small dinner party or a large event, join us as we explore the different levels of attention we can switch between at a social events, and how to combat the sense of guilt when you find yourself tired, bored or feeling trapped. With a bit of practice and these neat tips, the dance of the social butterfly is one we can all start to enjoy!

If you have downloaded the podcast from iTunes remember to post a review and visit our website at ActionPodcast.com to leave a comment or contact one of the presenters directly. Sign up to receive the podcast directly to your inbox, plus an additional weekly blog post! You’ll also be the first to receive a copy of our new e-Book.

If you have downloaded the podcast from iTunes remember to post a review and visit our website at ActionPodcast.com to leave a comment or contact one of the presenters directly. Sign up for our newsletter to receive the podcast directly to your inbox, plus an additional weekly blog post!

As part of being a member of the BNI (Business Networking International) I’m entitled to some quite good training events. I’ve recently attended their new members training and during that session they also talked about how to prepare for your 60 seconds. The type of information you should be looking to cover and how to structure it best. So with my new found leaning from the course I went home and put together my 60 second speech.It really surprised me at how differently I had to write to make it work. Writing for an article to be read, is totally different to writing something that is going to be spoken out loud. I had to really simplify my language so that each word flowed into the next. Any time I practised the speech I would find a spot that I would have difficultly in saying, so I’d see if I would simplify it more. I tested the speech out on a couple of friends who helped me tweak it some more and timed me to make sure I was hitting as close as possible to the 60 seconds.

Last Friday I went to the BNI group again and used my 60 second speech. I was almost dead on the 60 seconds and had just a few seconds to ad lib at the end. I was delighted. It wasn’t the most exciting 60 seconds, but it was effective, it covered all the points and was fluid. So how does this relate to personal development you ask?

Well this type of action is a fantastic way of building your confidence in an area that you feel needs a bit of work. By giving it a format, a structure that covers everything it needs, you are giving yourself a basic template also known as a Boilerplate. The purpose of this isn’t to then use it permanently unchanged. The idea is that once you have the basic format in plate you DO change it.

Your boilerplate is your base line, your starting point, not your end point. From your boilerplate you know what must be in place, from there as you grow in confidence and your skills develop, you can adapt it. Either with some additional preparation or, if you feel daring enough, on the fly and ad lib some new bits into it each time you use your boilerplate. That way you have something to fall back on it things go a bit wry.

Have a think about some of the places you are already using a boilerplate. Maybe cooking your favourite meal, each time you make it, it’s somehow a little different. Going to the gym, you have a basic routine that you follow, but each time you go you do something else to liven it up. Even at work you may produce the same report on a regular basis but each time you do it, you find a new and more efficient way to do some part of it. By having that boilerplate, a base line to work from, you know what to do. After a while of using that base line your creative side starts to kick in.

Although having the boilerplate may initially seem a bit restrictive and even dull, it helps you put in place the foundation upon which you can build. By having the initial structure in place, your creative side is engaged, and before you know it, new ideas are flowing. You begin to tweak things here and there. If you can think about an area of your life or a task that you need to do and you are struggling with it, think about creating a boilerplate for it. Then watch it blossom into a creative and unique tool that you can flexibly use everyday.

Just for a giggle, I’ve recorded my speech onto YouTube. I still need to use it a few more times and be able to recall it without having to read my notes. The important thing is it’s a start and from there it can only get better.

ENJOY! And please do feel free to comment, I’d love to get some feed back on how to improve.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYVBOYXFnng

Our society seems to relentlessly push us to want more and need more. “Do more with less” is a common mantra in today’s businesses, cutbacks in staff means to continue on the path of ‘getting ahead’ you simply need to put your head down, nose to the grindstone and work harder. All in the name of more. However, there is another side.

If you surveyed a group of people, and asked them for one word that describes success, they will come up with terms such as (examples in brackets):

• Progress (taking steps towards, see/feel improvement)
• Achieve (promotion, salary rise, award)
• Gain (knowledge, skills, health)
• Grow (confidence, talents, relationships)
• Acquire (insights, partnerships, tools)

Any of those terms could apply to your health, finances, spirituality, business or career, and relationships. “If it’s not growing, it’s dying” as the saying goes.

All of those points are true, accurate, and an important part of any success equation. But there is an equally important, equally powerful yet commonly overlooked part of the success equation.

Often, on our road to our own success, we reach a point where not only do we need to continue to acquire, but we also need to let go.

The flip side of the terms listed above are all incredibly important for you to continue on your journey to fulfilment and satisfaction:

• Release
• Relinquish
• Let go
• Leave
• Die

You got to where you are by all your actions, attitudes, beliefs and values you’ve adopted over the years. However, to get to where you want to go and be in your life, sometimes (…more than you realise) you need to let some things die.

For example, beliefs that no longer serve you, habits that hold you back, relationships that prevent your progress.

By embracing the ‘letting go’ side of success and deciding what you no longer need to hold on to in order to achieve your ambitions and desires, you will be liberated.

Take the following 3-minute audit now and decide what you should let go of today, in order to truly fulfil your potential, achieve your goals, or simply make a bit more progress every day.

Think of one area of your life where you are striving for more success than you are currently experiencing. Here are seven questions to help you to take action now:

• What is holding you back from making more progress, quicker progress, easier progress?
• What are your beliefs about what it takes to make the progress you want?
• Are all those beliefs true? Are you sure?
• What are your daily habits that might feel good or helpful in some way but don’t fully allow you to make the progress you want?
• What is more important to you—making progress towards your goals, or staying where you are?
• What is more risky for your long term success and fulfilment—moving forward despite the fear or feelings of discomfort, or staying trapped in your comfort zone?
• What is one thing you no longer need to have (extra plate of food?), do (constantly multi-task?), or be (a worrier?) in order to achieve your outcome?

Answer those questions now and it will become clear what you need to leave behind in order to really achieve the level of success you desire…and the success you deserve.

Leave a comment below to let us know what you’d like to let go, or where you’d like some additional suggestions on how to make this part of the success equation work for you.

Sam and Paul as the question of “So what?” to challenge themselves before someone else does!

If you have downloaded the podcast from iTunes remember to post a review and visit our website at ActionPodcast.com to leave a comment or contact one of the presenters directly. Sign up for our newsletter to receive the podcast directly to your inbox, plus an additional weekly blog post!

Think of someone you really admire, and which character traits of their’s shine through.
Sometimes it is much easier to believe something unpleasant about ourselves, than to acknowledge and accept that those traits we really admire in another person are part of us too.

When we think of each relationship as a mirror for ourselves, there is a lot of worthiness there to love – if/when we accept it. (Likewise, when someone is really annoying us – chances are we are doing that ‘annoying thing’ in some way too!)

Join Sam and Paul as they explore the piece of poetry that inspired both this discussion and a Full Out and Fearless blog post by @CoachCharrise on 22nd April 2009; and discover a quick and simple way to start reflecting the love to yourself that you deserve – no matter how scary that may sound!

Seek that which you love in me
And find it in yourself,
For I am but a mirror for all
Your magic inner wealth.

See me shine and light the way
And choose to do so too,
For shared just like the Olympic torch
You too can burn so true.

Feel me stretch and challenge my bounds
And find your wings to fly,
For deep within your caterpillar heart
You are a glorious butterfly.

Sense my presence and be inspired
And acknowledge your own gifts,
For we each are divine and worthy
Your soul my heart uplifts.

Written by Sam Forsberg, 15th February 2008, For Cameron

We all have days and/or moments where we:

• don’t feel confident enough
• feel too fat/boring/unattractive
• don’t have the energy for it
• have committed to something but don’t really want to do it

Sometimes we can ‘force’ ourselves into action, and at other times we give in to the resistance and indulge our desire to avoid whatever it is. It can be far more fun and easy though, to simply ask ourselves a question that encourages immediate action regardless of how we feel – and then lets our emotions and attitudes catch up to our new perspective!

Click here to find out more about Wyn and his Wynning Ways!

I want to have more …?

I’d love to be more ….?

What can I do to make my life …?

Almost in the words of Janet Jackson.

“What have you done for YOU lately?”

Or more accurately, what have you done lately that has been a positive step to move you in the direction of your goal?

I want to be a writer / What have you written lately?

I want to be my own boss / What steps have you taken lately?

I want to be more confident / What things have you done to expand your comfort zone lately?

One of the first things a coach will ask you when you tell them what you want out of life is what have you already done about it lately?

What would you tell your coach?

www.twitter.com/lifecoach for Paul

www.twitter.com/londonlifecoach for Gina

Give yourself the best start for 2009,

by following these 5 simple steps:

1. De-clutter your home and your work environment.
   Clear surfaces and floors. Give all the clothes you haven’t worn the past year to charity. Throw out old newspapers and magazines.  You’ll feel more energized and be able to think more clearly in a clean, clear space!
2. Spring into action.
   Start a realistic and achievable exercise programme. Get off the bus one stop earlier. Walk the children to school.  Swim, gym, pilates and yoga are all wonderful body toners. And you’ll be releasing those feel-good endorphins too!
3. Spring clean your mind.
   Identify one area of your life that’s crying out for change. Make a list of short-, medium- and long-term goals. Then take regular, small steps towards achieving them. Your confidence levels will soar. And you’ll be moving to a brighter future.
4. Reward yourself.
   Remember to always acknowledge your achievements, big and small. Giving yourself a regular pat on the back will help motivate you. From new make-up, or a facial, to a girls’ night out. Be your own cheerleader!
5. Get a life coach.
   If you’re ripe for change, want to achieve your goals, and just need a guiding hand to get there, life coaching is the perfect springboard. You’ll be amazed at what you can achieve in just a few sessions.