It’s a concept you’ve probably never considered, but the payoff is huge.

Which thoughts and words?

The most expensive words you’ll ever utter are the excuses you use to rationalise not doing the things you know need to be done.

But guess what? You probably have just a few (instead of dozens) different and recurring excuses you repeatedly use to get out of doing what needs to be done. If you make a shift and eliminate those, you’ll experience a tremendous boost in progress and happiness.

The bad news? You might not be aware of these thoughts and words in the moment because they seem so natural, so appropriate and so accurate and rational for what you feel. Yet, when you stop and reflect on them you’ll see them for what they are – just excuses that give you permission to stay in your comfort zone.

What’s more, you’ve probably been nurturing these excuses for so many years that they’ve become ingrained in your psyche and happen in a flash — stopping you in your tracks, and shutting down your growth without you even noticing what’s happened.

Understand this: These thoughts and words are preventing you from getting what you want.

Said another way: these are the excuses that are keeping you from your dreams; that create chronic internal conflicts (which pull your heart, head and gut in three different directions); that shatter your confidence and self-esteem; that train you to play smaller than you are capable of; that zap your energy and optimism for your life.

Yes, it’s true, these little thoughts and words are that costly and dangerous.

The good news? Once you see – and accept – these words for what they are, they lose their power over you and you stop thinking away your success. Which means you achieve and become much more when these thoughts disappear.

So, what should you do about this?

Do not to place judgement on yourself. Simply start your log with “I’m noticing that I usually/often/sometimes…“

Awareness is always the starting point so I strongly encourage you to start making notes, keeping a log of the excuses (…you may find you’ve been calling them ‘reasons’…) you use for not doing what you know you should do. Take regular notes, or put it in your journal, or create a ‘draft’ email you can quickly open and jot them down, whatever works for you to capture the thought in the moment. But don’t try to be perfect, just start doing it and adapt as you go.

Stop the cycle of excuses and take this small action now – don’t put this off – do this for yourself.  This is too important to delay.

Another key point is not to place judgement on yourself. Simply start your log with “I’m noticing that I usually/often/sometimes…” Just capture what you notice on reflection and reject the temptation to rationalise your rationalisation of these thoughts.

Over time, and possibly quite quickly, you’ll realise you have your own personal ‘choice excuses’.

Why do you set an early alarm and hit snooze for an hour?

Why do you bring your workout clothes to work but never make it to the gym?

Why do you not pick up the phone and ask for the sale instead of hiding behind the safety curtain of email?

Why don’t you tell your partner how you really feel when he/she does that?

Your excuses will be personal to you, but they here are some thought starters to help you recognise them:

• If I don’t check my email one more time before going to bed…
• I can’t start ______ until I am totally organised…
• I can’t start saving until I make more money because….
• I’ve done enough today already…
• I need to be more prepared before I…
• Only when things calm down at work can I….
• I know this food won’t help me achieve my health goals but I deserve it because…
• I never have enough time to….
• I’m too tired to do this now, I’ll do it tomorrow when I feel better…
• My relationship will improve when they….
• And so on…

You don’t need a list that long, and you’ll quickly realise there are 3 or 4 excuses that come up the most often.

The next step, once you’ve identified your ‘choice excuses’, is to remain highly sceptical of their truthfulness and to challenge your automatic response to them. You now recognise them as excuses that prevent you from making real progress. You now are able to loosen their grip on your behaviour. YOU now have the power to make better decisions and take more purposeful action that will lead you closer to your dreams.

So the next time they surface, flip these excuses of why you can’t into reasons of why you MUST take action now if you are going to achieve the success you desire.

Leave a comment below to share what you learned from this and what excuses you now see are holding you back. We’d love to hear from you.

Uncertainty in whether their surgery will allow them to walk normally again, uncertainty in where their next pay cheque is coming from, uncertainty on whether their role will be eliminated in the corporate reorganisation.

How much uncertainty you can handle has a dramatic impact on the quality of your days, weeks, and life. There are a few powerful distinctions that you need to make to survive times when you don’t know the outcome or how things will get resolved.

Myth: Uncertainty causes anxiety

Fact: Uncertainty is part of life, how you respond (think, feel) is a choice

When we think safety, security and stability are necessary for our happiness, and get anxious and fearful when they aren’t guaranteed in our current situation, we must realise that we can ALWAYS choose how we respond.

Some things we can’t control. But what we always control are our attitudes, thoughts and which resources and people we draw on to keep us moving forward and our heads held high.

For example, two people get made redundant from the same jobs in the same company. One person freaks out, convinced they will never find anything else in this ‘bad economy’. The other person quickly updates their CV (resume) and starts making contacts in their network, confident in their abilities and looking to gain an even better job. Same ‘job uncertainty’, very different choice of response.

Myth: Uncertainty is a bad thing

Fact: Good and bad depends on your perspective and what you choose to focus on

If you’re going through a tough time, and are worried about the outcome, remember there are always two sides to any situation.

If you feed your fears with all the negative possibilities, it definitely will seem like a very bad situation. But when you seek out the positive, you will always find it – the good is always there when you look for it.

This could be new opportunities that you hadn’t considered before, new skills you’re going to learn as you solve the problem, new lessons you’ll learn that will dramatically, and positively, impact your decisions going forward.

A case in point – someone very close to me recently found out they were a victim of an investment fraud and lost a considerable amount of their life savings. Their immediate response was “I’ll guess I’ll have to create more value in my business to earn that all back as soon as I can”. No panic, no depression, no anger, no ‘why me…’

They chose a powerful path to not only to focus on earning back that loss, but it challenged them to think bigger and wider on how this will spur them on to growing their business in whole new ways.  Sure they were in shock and saddened by this very ruthless crime but they chose not to dwell in that negative state and quickly shifted their energy to build empowering momentum for a profitable future.

Myth: Uncertainty must be tamed

Fact: The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the amount of uncertainty you can handle

When you accept that life is one big bundle of uncertainties, and quit trying endlessly to prevent events outside your control, you open up to the wonders of learning, growing and an abundance of happiness that is always there for you.

The next time you are hit with a situation leaving you uncertain about the outcome, make sure you stop and review how you are responding. And more importantly, decide how you would really like to respond…then choose wisely on what happens next.

How do you handle uncertain times? What strategies or experiences have you had that worked really well for you? Leave a comment to let us and the other readers know. We’d love to hear from you and you might just change someone’s life in the process.

The let down can be very painful and frustrating, sometimes even “devastating”. Or so it seems in the moment.

Religious views aside, one my more comforting quotes is “God’s delays are not God’s denials” (or the universe’s delays are not the universe’s denials). I was thinking of this today as I just learned my much anticipated business trip to Australia has been ‘postponed’ — that’s corporate speak for ‘probably ain’t gonna happen’.

It was something I had been preparing for for months, a week long training program with great inspirational speakers lined up, fantastic venues overlooking Sydney Harbour and a bonus few days on the end to relax on the beach. Even had numerous early morning and late night calls from Europe to Australia to convince the potential attendees of the value of the week and final got them on board just last week. So the let down of this lastest decision has been hard to take.

But delays are not denials, I tell myself.

Holding on to this thought doesn’t change the situation but it does significantly alter my emotions around the event. I could choose to dwell and indulge in ‘pain and suffering’ from the change of plans (…as so many of us do choose as default), or I can choose to believe that change happens for a reason. That this just means the experience I was looking forward to will be even better when it actually happens; it’s simply delayed, not denied.

When’s the last time you decided to suffer through change? Or stay frustrated when something was cancelled? How could you respond to future ‘delays not denials’. Our ability to manage our emotions in these moments is a gift we all have, and a choice we all make.

Choose wisely. Choose well.

Leave a comment to share with others…how do you cope with ‘delays’

I’ve had sinus troubles again recently. Not an unfamiliar story. Luckily, I managed to minimise the infection this time through some timely use of nasal spray, ibuprofen and a lot of rest over the weekend despite having a list of priority things a mile long to do (including studying for an exam on the Monday).  So I got through the exam, and was back at work feeling a wee bit sorry for myself, but confident that I wasn’t posing any risk to my colleagues. I might not have been the sharpest tack in the building, but I was functioning.

However, there were times in the past when I perhaps didn’t rest; when I kept pushing myself through the things that needed doing and consequently spent weeks recovering from the serious infection that set in. Worse still, I remember instances in my corporate past when I went to work ‘sick as a dog’ with something contagious because of some urgent task or backlog of work that needed attention. So what is the right decision when all’s ill? Here are some questions to consider before you start sharing your germs around:

• How urgent are the tasks? (Is there anything that I can delegate, delay or drop?)
• If tasks are truly urgent, can I work from home?
• How much of a risk am I to myself? (Am I likely to make myself worse by going in to work? What are the consequences if I do end up bedridden?)
• How much of a risk am I to my colleagues? (Am I contagious? What is the impact to the workload and the team if I share this illness with them all?)
• How effective will I actually be when I am feeling this unwell? (How well can I concentrate? How is the quality of my work being affected?)

It might be a tough pill to swallow, but the world doesn’t stop revolving if we have a few days off ill. Sure – there are likely to be consequences, but it is worth pausing to more accurately weigh up the costs of going in to work vs giving yourself a day (or a few) to rest and recover more quickly.

What will you do when you’re next under the weather?

(And if you do decide to venture in to work when next ill, ask yourself how you feel at the end of that day – and if the answer is “worse” then what might your body be trying to tell you? A new day, a new choice!)

Failure almost seems to be another F-word! We’re unlikely to think happy or positive thoughts when we hear it.

A fear of failure can stop us in our tracks, no matter how much we want to do something; and if we’ve already reached a point of failure it can be easy to wish the whole thing never happened. As Paul jokes, sometimes we just want to sweep it under the rug, hoping others haven’t noticed – even trying to convince ourselves that it didn’t occur.

Yet failure can be one of the best teachers if we let it and start thinking about our mistakes as a learning opportunity rather than just a point of pain. Join us in exploring the fabulous art of failure!

In this podcast, Chris and Paul discuss how to simply break the cycle of worry in any situation and find a better approach.

After listening to the podcast and trying the suggestions, please leave a comment and let us know how it worked for you. We’d love to hear from you!

I received a tweet this week which quoted a young girl. This young girl is battling cancer and going through chemotherapy. She told her parents “”Everything will be OK in the end; If it’s not OK, it is not the end”. She also says her mum worries too much.

There are so many ways to view that statement and so I choose to see the reminder that we always have the power to choose the meaning in any situation. Yet, so often we forget that we have that choice.

Take, for example, something in your life right now that you are worried about, big or small. You’re uncertain about the outcome, or you’re expecting a painful experience, or you’re simply not getting the results you want and don’t see a way to change it.

Think about the specific element, the tip of the pin, the little nugget that has you really worried.

How often you do indulge in that state of worry?
How long do you choose to indulge in that state of worry?
What are you really worried about in that situation?
Does the specific element — that ‘tip of the pin’ — honestly warrant and deserve that frequency and duration of emotional worry?

So often we get trapped in our own self-induced fog of worry that we can’t see anyway out of it (…or that it could even be anything but something to worry about). We build up a huge story in our minds about the terrible outcomes that will inevitably arrive and conveniently ignore the fact that we always have the power to choose the meaning we give something, or someone. We expend a lot of energy on the ‘worry’ part of the situation, rather than choosing to spend our energy on the ‘wonderment’ and ‘gratitude’ of the situation.

If you find yourself in a consistent state of worry about some element in your life, remember that it’s not the end. Only when you release the worry, see the situation as it is (and not worse than it is), and choose a more heartfelt, empowering meaning, will the situation be OK.

If it’s not OK; it’s not the end. And you always have the power to make it OK.

It could be that point in the rollercoaster ride where we are faced with a journey that looks entirely up-hill.

Are you really being lazy? Could it be that you are just progressing towards your goal REALLY slowly? Have you overlooked what you’ve actually completed? Or even worse, are you actually moving in the opposite direction (away from what you want)?

Join Paul & Sam as they explore how to tell which direction you’re facing, whether you’re moving or not, and some ways that you can start to measure & track your progress so that you are always clear on the action that is needed.

Sometimes in life, you get shat upon. Sometimes, there’s no avoiding it or the messy clean-up job that follows.

As a teen, I owned a shirt that said:

“I’m always in the shit –
Only the depth varies!”

It can be a great metaphor for what life ‘throws’ at you. Still: there are times when you half expect it, and other moments where the timing could not be any worse.

A few weeks ago – I was shat on, quite literally.

I was at a party, which was the first major opportunity for me to meet some new people locally, and I was quite excited that there were fellow motorbike-riders and vegetarians present! It was outdoors, since the Scots are quick to make the most of any fair weather, and there was both a big BBQ and a smaller ‘veggie’ one heating up.
I spent most of the night clustered around one or other of the BBQs trying to stay warm, and was by the smaller of the two when a bird flying above let it’s bowel contents go…right on the crown of my head.
I was of course blissfully ignorant of the risk – right up until the point of impact; and disbelief (“this couldn’t happen to me right now!”) warred with shock only long enough for me to jump up & rush inside, but not before the news had started circulating through the 30-something gathered.

I wish I could say it was the 1st time*, & I can’t say with any certainty that it will be the last. But what are the odds of being shat on by a bird flying (not sitting – but flying!) overhead, twice in your life?

It is said to be lucky. And someone joked about rushing out to buy a lottery ticket. But as I was upstairs in the bathroom having the front half of my hair washed in a tiny sink by a very caring but equally inebriated woman, I commented that this must be said simply to help make the dirtied one feel better!

However, apart from a bit of embarrassment that it happened in front of such a crowd, I was quite bemused by the whole episode and making jokes about people having a unique reason to remember me! It would have been really easy to get totally upset about it, to cry, and to feel too embarrassed to return to the party. But I was determined to make the most of the evening that I had been enjoying until rudely interrupted, and wasn’t going to let a bit of bird-luck get in my way. The woman helping me wash my hair remarked that I seemed so calm about the whole thing, and asked what I did. She laughed when I told her I was a lifecoach, and said that quite explained it!

Joking aside – what I did in that moment – was to notice that I had a choice. I couldn’t choose to undo the fact that I had been shat upon, but I could choose to have a miserable end to my evening, or a wonderful one. This is not a choice that is solely available to coaches, nor is it about ‘positive thinking’. At no point did I feel like thanking the bird that inadvertently caused this. I didn’t even buy into the ‘it’s lucky’ idea. I simply chose my reaction to a situation I couldn’t have avoided.

It would also have been easy to get really angry with the bird, or with a party being held outside on a cold evening, or the injustice in the world! And there is a great piece of wisdom in one of the 55 Concepts that I’ve mentioned before:

“People [birds, life] don’t do things TO you;
They do them FOR themselves.”

The bird didn’t choose to deliberately dump its waste on my head. The bird simply needed to relieve itself, and I was perhaps in the wrong place at the wrong time.

What choice will you make, when life next dumps you in an unpleasant mess?

P.S. (*The 1st time – about 5yrs ago in London, I did let it did spoil my day!)

We chatted for a bit, then he asked me the ‘big question’ – “Are you still playing?” I admitted, yes – that I was but that I was more aware of when I chose to play these days. He has been cold-turkey for quite a while now, so he sent me a link, and mentioned that it may inspire me to write a blog post. The site is www.wowdetox.com, and whilst I realised it was a link aimed to help people overcome their WoW addiction, I didn’t really expect it to have a lot of immediate relevance to me.

Paul and I have mentioned WoW on podcasts and blog posts from time to time – which is why I felt this dedicated post was appropriate. And for the record, I’d like to state that whilst I talk openly about my own gaming experience, in NO circumstances would I recommend WoW to anyone. In fact, I’d say ‘avoid it if you want to have any life’.

To give a bit of history, I’ve been playing WoW since it first came out ~ Feb/Mar 2005. Sure, I’ve had a few blocks of between 1-6 months of quitting it, but at its peak – I was playing >8hrs per day… this was on top of working 8-9hrs in my day-job, and commuting another 1-2hrs a day as well. You can imagine, that didn’t leave a lot of time for sleeping, socialising or anything much else! I jokingly referred to it as my 2nd fulltime role. After all, I was a high ranking ‘officer’ in a successful guild (invite-only community) – and my sense of obligation and duty to lead by example was a stunning display of commitment. I even used to boast about the fact that I had been in every raid organised by our guild minus only a couple, and only my dear friend Mem had a better attendance record than me!

With hindsight, I felt totally unfulfilled in my corporate role, and incredibly under-appreciated. WoW, and more so the community I felt I belonged to, fed my need for achievement and appreciation. It was only a very personal falling-out with the leader of the guild (another friend) that drew me out of that ever-worsening cycle. I took a 6 month break.

Still, I returned. And still I do.

Today, spending only a few minutes reading a couple of posts by fellow WoW-addicts on the Detox site, and watching the short video on there had me in tears.

I confess, I am a WoW addict. I may play a lot less hours per week now, and I’ve avoided getting caught up in any organised raiding anymore. But there is a pull that brings me ever back.

After 4+ years, I’ve developed some strong and wonderful relationships with people I’ve met through WoW. A lot have left the game & moved on; many, like myself, have had time-out but ultimately returned. The creators of the game did what real life has failed to do for many of us. They have created an environment wherein for the most part, you can put in time & effort, and you are guaranteed a reward or result.

Leaving University, I was totally disparaged in my first year of ‘the real world’ – because I learnt the hard way that in ‘Corporate’, the time & effort you put in very rarely equate to the reward and recognition you receive. Having been very academically gifted (where applied studiousness guarantees high results), that was an unpleasant shock!

But WoW delivers in this way that real-life largely fails to. And they charge us for this ‘pleasure’!

There are a myriad other reasons why WoW has been so popularly successful across the world – social sense of belonging, being judged by a face you choose to show (avatar) rather than the one you were born with, a fresh start where people don’t know your background or mistakes, not wanting to miss out on something new or fun, and I could go on. And to be fair, there is a lot about the game itself that I actually do enjoy!

The cost, however, is much MUCH higher than the monthly subscription fee I’ve been paying for over 4 years now and the initial game purchase price.

I always knew it was a form of escapism for me, and thought this was ok because my life after all was quite stressful! But today, I was reminded that WoW is a serious addiction for many people – and in some cases, a life-destroying one.

The Detox video asks you to consider if you are ready to cut back your game-time, or quit. And it reminds you that it is ok if you aren’t ready for that yet. The most important message they deliver is simply awareness.

I am not ready yet.

I really value the friendships I’ve built with certain people over time; and I know that the important ones will persist post-game if they’re meant to. But until I can replace WoW’s achievement-fulfilling ability with my own internal structure of reward and recognition – I’m still going to be drawn back. Even as a Coach, I’ve long recognised that I tend to miss out on the acknowledging of my progress and celebrating it (ideally with occasional rewards). This is something I easily help my clients with though and I see the amazing impact it has – so I’m having to be more conscious in applying it to my own life! It’s not just high-achievers who often overlook this.

So. Action: I’m going to talk to some of my gaming friends, and explain to them that if they need me for something, they can send me a text. If I’m available, I’ll log on. This way, I’ll start addressing the false sense of obligation I have to log in and play – ‘just in case one of them needs my help’.

And perhaps there’s a podcast in the wings here, where Paul and I can explore the nature of addiction and the importance of awareness – and choice.

Not all addictions are as debilitating as alcohol or as sinister as drugs. Food, sex, smoking, crises, WoW – whatever it is… the first step on the path to freedom is acknowledging your addiction (being honest with yourself), and to start noticing that is not serving you as well as you’d thought – and is likely doing you great disservice.

I don’t want to simply quit WoW, and end up replacing it with another addiction because I didn’t address the underlying cause.

Wow! (Pun intended) I didn’t realise how hard it would be to write this, or publish it.
I hope it helps someone as much as it’s helped me. I’d love you to share your comment if it has.

Ignorance is not bliss. In fact, it tends to make life hell.
As we learn, we are likely to move through 4 stages of competence – rarely jumping from Unconscious Incompetence (ignorance!) directly to Unconscious Competence (mastery!). Along the way, we pass through Conscious Incompetence (aware but struggling), and hopefully into Conscious Competence (aware and succeeding).

Join Paul and Sam as they explore how their actions (no matter how imperfect/perfect, small/large) move them through the challenge of overwhelm and unresourcefulness, and into more aware states of learning, choice and empowerment; where things aren’t all rosy but are a darn sight less ugly!

Tell us why you love this podcast by leaving a comment below (before 15th May), and you’ll automatically be entered into our milestone 5,000th motivational download celebration draw! Click here for more details, or simply add your comment below NOW!