Nikola Tesla – a creator and true genius

Most of us are convinced that until we believe we can have or manifest the object of our desire, then we ain’t never gonna get it. We’re quite sure that unless we have a positive self-image, we simply can’t have what we’d love.

Recognising that most of us have worth, trust, control, capacity, powerless and not allowed to be capable beliefs, which amplify our “it’s impossible” inner editor, it can often seem an impossibility to manifest our hearts’ desires. No wonder NLP is so popular. Any modality that helps to alter state or model behaviour gives our identities a life raft of significant proportions.

And therein lies our essential conundrum as human beings: we have completely forgotten that we have an innate ability to create – at will. Whether we think we’re a stupid dumbo or we’re God’s gift to the universe. We can create despite our beliefs about ourselves. We are co-creators here on this beautiful planet. In addition to the beliefs we’ve made up about ourselves, parents and schools have also colluded in the drama. We’re told that creating involves ‘sacrifice’, that it’s ‘terribly hard work’, that it takes gargantuan talent, and it usually depends on the largesse of some unforgiving God or unseen forces. Or even worse – we have to go into a peak state and run barefoot across hot coals. Yikes! Not true, my friend.

To add insult to injury, the entire self-development industry has drummed into us that we have to have positive thoughts in order to create what we’d love. Or we just need to make a wish list or simply order in our creative desires. For some, it’s merely a case of channeling entities – a la Shirley MacLaine – who will then guide us to our land of plenty.

We’ve been held hostage by the construct that believing in our (in)ability to create what we’d love is actually more important than the creation itself. How nuts is that?

So where is your focus? On creating or on believing?

The difference between a believer and a creator
All creators have self doubts, but what sets them apart from the believers is sheer will power. A will that they recognise and exert – in spades – to help them in the creative process, despite their inner critic telling them they can’t do x, y, or z.

Do you imagine the world’s greatest inventor and creators experienced a complete lack of self-doubt? Hardly! They probably suffered more than most and were probably rejected more than most. Everyone knows the story about Edison’s gadzillion attempts to create the first incandescent light. And let’s not forget the incandescent inventor Nikola Tesla – the forgotten genius without whom the 21st century would scrabbling about in the dark on all fours (for information on this incredible man check out this link to his life and work).

Creators tend to eschew society’s paradigms on what is and isn’t possible. And what they believe about themselves or the world around them is, as Robert Fritz so eloquently puts it “irrelevant to their creative process”. Madonna, Walt Disney, JK Rowling – just a few household names who certainly weren’t full of self-confidence and charisma when they began their creative journeys.

Steve Jobs is a wonderful example of a man who inspired his team to create what was considered ‘impossible’. And his world view is what he used to motivate those around him:

Watch this Steve Jobs video: “Everything around you that you call life was made up by people no smarter than you”

Creative Tension
When we delve deeply into the creative process many synchronicities happen; we find the right website or book, we bump into the right people. Not because of our beliefs but due to some unseen higher force at work. God knows what that is (maybe just that…) but it just happens. And do we really need to know that is is?

In his magnificent book, The Path of Least Resistance, Robert Fritz who has written extensively about creativity using structural tension as key and guide. With the premise that tension always seeks resolution, his view is that:

Creating is taking action to bring into being that which does not yet exist: the desired outcome. To do this successfully doesn’t depend on beliefs or reciting endless affirmations, rather it is structural. “Clarity about the desired outcome and the actual situation establishes a structural tendency that moves the structure toward tension resolution; and strongly motivates the best actions to achieve the desired outcome.”

So where is your focus? On your desired end results, or on your made-up beliefs?

I’ve been struggling with the discovery that one of our beloved cats, Patsy, has developed a cancerous growth on her leg. We had been told that it wasn’t the type of tumor that spreads. So the prognosis was that removal of the growth would be relatively easy.

We checked Patsy into the animal hospital early January to undergo surgery that cost more than £2000, and as far as we are concerned, worth every penny. During the operation the surgeon discovered a further two “nodules”, which he also removed and sent off for analysis.

It’s now two weeks since Patsy had her operation and her recovery has been amazing. She’s back to her old bouncy self. However one of the nodules tested positive for cancerous cells – just when we thought everything was going so well. We are now left not knowing if all the tumours have been removed or if they have spread to other places in her body. So we have no idea if Patsy will be with us in 4-6 months time, or live for another 8-9 years.

Coming to terms with not knowing can be a struggle, even at the best of times. When it’s something like this it’s even harder. You don’t know whether to grieve or celebrate and nothing seems to help. We’ve realised that no matter how long the uncertainty lasts, the main priority is for us to enjoy spending time with and loving Patsy – however long she’s got. Whether it’s a few months or a few years, we are now committed to cherishing every moment with her.

No matter if your struggle is with a pet, a loved one, a job or any situation where coming to terms with “making the most of it” is tough. We all deal with things differently. But allowing yourself to go through some sort of grieving process is incredibly healing.

Talking about the situation with friends and family is absolutely key. Getting plenty of rest is also vital, as it’s astounding how draining this kind of emotional turmoil can be! Don’t be afraid to cry, with others or even on your own. Tears are an excellent way to release pent up emotions. Finally making a vow to “do the best you can” is always a good mindset.

The types of things we are willing to spend more money on will vary for each of us (e.g. think gadgets, clothes, car, or entertainment), and this is based on more than just the retail value of the product or service.

For the next 30 seconds, think about the main things you spend the most money on and write a short list. You should be able to come up with 3-5 things pretty easily. Include things that you may not purchase very frequently, but that you spend a fair bit on when you do.

I really encourage you to record them in some way – because there’s a lot this list can tell you!

Dr John Demartini talks about the correlation between what we spend our money on, and what our values are.

For example, I spend quite a bit on cat food/health/wellbeing – which suggests (correctly) that I value my kitties very highly. If you spend a large portion of your income on your accommodation, then that might suggest that anything from security, to location or personal space are top priorities for you. And if holidays are a big annual spend, then that will indicate another of your top values – depending on what a holiday means most to you  (it could be about escape, relaxation, adventure, exploration etc).

So you can start to see some of the insights about what is important to you, and also use it to sanity-check a purchase… “Will this xyz honour the value that I’m buying it for?”

I was also struck by a particular appeal while watching the TEDx video that Gina shared with us a few weeks ago; Adam Baker encouraged us to:

“Start collecting experiences, not things.”

And as I was pondering this today, I realised it provided another clue based on what we spend our money on.

My list looks something like this (in no particular order):

• Cats
• Travel (to Australia, for courses/business)
• Dining out
• Books

And if I add one or two things that seem slightly disproportionate to the rest of my spending, then Starbucks and fine wine probably deserve a place too.

I was quite surprised to find that all of these were actually more about the experiences they give me, than the actual purchases themselves. Travel grants me access to my family, friends and development opportunities. Books give me experiences of escape and learning. Dining out and fine wine give me experiences that anchor me in the moment – I love savouring a mouthful of culinary magic, or the complexity of an aged red (not to mention the usually fine company!). And I confess, Starbucks gives me a whole host of experiences – comfort, belonging, social interaction, a creative environment.

So whilst I do still spend money on other “stuff” – a greater amount of my spending is done on things that I deem to give me valuable experiences.

And it can get even more interesting when we discover that our spending habits highlight values we may not have recognised as top priorities in our lives! Our values heavily influence our decisions – whether we are aware of them or not!

I was pretty surprised to consider the amount I spent on health & wellbeing last year… I certainly valued recovery from injury (mobility, independence, relief from pain) pretty highly!

We can also look at things we dislike or resent spending money on, for clues as to what might fall nearer the bottom of our values list. Whilst there might be some usual suspects, are there any that surprise you?

Perhaps next time you take out your cash or plastic – you might take a moment to think about which value the purchase is affirming for you.

Is it giving you a valuable experience, or is it just more stuff?

What is the point of making new year’s resolutions, intentions, or ambitions for you?

Are they to achieve something important? To acquire new accolades? Or simply to gain material things that add to the joy of life?

As an avid goal setter for 10 years now (…in fact, the date of my first entry in the notebook where I write my goals is January 2, 2002. Exactly ten years ago), I’ve set my share of grand ambitions and planned for smaller pleasures.

I’ve covered the range from traveling to far away places, experiencing some of the world’s most fascinating events, and learning new skills to advance my career, health, finances and relationships.

When I look back on my list, there is a strong theme of ‘accomplishment’. I wanted to accomplish things and experience stuff and by-and-large, I did just that.

Yet along my journey my perspective has changed.

I’m in a much different place in my life now than I was ten years ago, let alone 3 years ago when I was a marketing career man working 50-60hrs a week while trying to do it all. However, I’m still as ambitious as ever and my list of goals continues to grow.

But I’ve realised there is a more important purpose to my plans.

I believe there is a very important ingredient to successfully achieving your dreams that is usually forgotten and often unknown. And that is this:

We don’t set goals for what they give us, we set goals in order to become the person we need to become in order to live the life that we want.

You might want to read that statement again.

Who do you need to become this year to achieve your goals?

• A person of stronger faith and conviction for what you believe in?
• A person of deeper courage to face your challenges and succeed?
• A person with a bigger purpose and daily motivation to blast through any setbacks and barriers?
• A person that inspires others to raise their standards?
• A leader by example and a person of your word?

For all of your exciting or scary plans for the year ahead, I encourage you to add this dimension to your plan of attack.

If you haven’t written down your goals for 2012 yet, then do so this week.

And along side those goals, try to identify who you would need to become in order for that to become a reality. What part of your inborn courage, strength, love, compassion, resiliency, enthusiasm, creativity and ambition needs to shine? What elements of your personality need to drive your decisions and actions? What inside of you needs to determine your daily behaviour?

Who will you become in 2012?

Leave us a comment and share how you would like to grow this year. How can we help you?

Do you buy things you don’t really need – upgrading whenever a new and better version appears?

Are you in debt as a result of buying more and more ‘stuff’?

Do you feel trapped in a job you hate, just because you need the money to pay off the debt you’ve incurred by accumulating?

If you’ve answered ‘yes!’ to just a few of these questions, then you’ll appreciate this short inspiring TED talk from Adam Baker.

So the end of 2011 is almost here, many people may be tempted to make some New Years Resolutions, but we all know how well they work, don’t we? But it still a great time to turn over a new leaf, so to speak. So how about making the decision to start the new year with some new healthy habits of success instead?

Stephen Covey’s 7 habits of highly effective people is a great place to start for some good examples. Wiki-pedia has a great summary of them, which will save you a lot of reading! Here is a quick run through to get you going:-

The 7 Habits

• Habit 1: Be Proactive, Synopsis: Take initiative in life by realizing that your decisions. Take responsibility for your choices and the subsequent consequences that follow.
• Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind, Synopsis: Self-discover and clarify your deeply important character values and life goals.
• Habit 3: Put First Things First, Synopsis: Plan, prioritize, and execute your week’s tasks based on importance rather than urgency.
• Habit 4: Think Win-Win, Synopsis: Genuinely strive for mutually beneficial solutions or agreements in your relationships.
• Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood, Synopsis: Use empathetic listening to be genuinely influenced by a person, which compels them to reciprocate the listening and take an open mind to being influenced by you.
• Habit 6: Synergies, Synopsis: Get the best performance out of a group of people through encouraging meaningful contribution, and modeling inspirational and supportive leadership.
• Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw, Synopsis: Balance and renew your resources, energy, and health to create a sustainable, long-term, effective lifestyle.

So now I’ve saved you several hours of reading, you have all the information you need to start making some changes ready for 2012. Now it just leaves me to say, I hope you have a wonderful New Year and that 2012 is the year all your dreams come true. Remember ActionPodcast would love to help you achieve those dreams so just let us know if there is anything we can do to help!

Cheers!

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted—Aesop

Two things have struck a chord within me in the last 24 hours…

The first is the quote to the right, which was in a newsletter sent out by my coach Jennie (you can read some of her Tips here). The second was a sentiment expressed by my colleague – that “volunteering and supporting our community is essential throughout the year. It’s not just for Christmas!”

And as I look forward to celebrating Christmas day with some dear friends, and sharing the festive spirit with my loved ones, it makes me wonder whether my acts of kindness sometimes come with strings attached…

Whilst our motivations for doing something to help someone might come from a genuine place, do we hold expectations of how our kindness will be received?

I gave an early gift to a friend in need, so that she could feel reassured that there would be food on her table at Christmas. My intention was genuine, yet I felt disappointed with her reaction. I was so excited about doing something caring for her that I didn’t stop to think that she may not feel in the mood for celebrating in the midst of all her stress.

How misplaced my disappointment was!

We are often more compelled to charity and being of service to those less fortunate at this time of year. Yet our help is needed out of the festive season just as much.

And I can’t help but feel hypocritical when I’m forced to throw out wasted food, left over from too many big Christmas meals, when there are many who don’t have enough.

So these things have caused me to reassess how I think about and share kindness.

I’m going to make sure my friend knows I’m there if she needs me, and will call on Christmas morning to help brighten her day. I’m going to make a concerted effort to finish off leftovers before going out to buy more food. And I’m going to find a couple of ways I can spread some kindness in my local community – now, as a starting point, and in a way I can regularly sustain.

What gifts of kindness will you give this season?

One of the simplest acts of kindness is a smile – given freely, regardless of whether it is returned!

Best wishes for a warm & magical festive season, and a healthy & happy new year to you all!

It may be arbitrary but the turn of a new year is a perfect opportunity to set a plan for what you want to experience, create, have and do over the next 12 months.

Part of what spurns us on to thinking about our future is the middle of December to early January, for most, is a time where we have time less time at work and spend more time with friends and family. This end of year cycle is a perfect catalyst for reconnecting with what matters most.

But knowing what matters (or what you want to achieve) and making it so are wildly different things.

Having spent a huge portion of my adult life investigating what makes the difference between ‘those who achieve what they want’ and ‘those who try but don’t, or don’t really try at all’, I’ve learnt that 99% of the time it comes down to five factors.

Five factors that are within your control.

1. Clarity

It’s near impossible to succeed when you don’t know what success looks like for you. Most people — not a general statement but a quantifiable one from surveying hundreds of people — have a loose, or vague, or ill-defined outcome they are working so hard for. Check this with yourself: What are you currently working so hard for, putting in lots of time and energy? Do you know what specifically you want to have or feel when you’re done?

Pick one goal or dream or intention you want in your life in 2012 and spend focused time on getting clear and specific on what that final outcome looks like, feels like or does for you.

Clarity is an essential starting point.

2. Conviction and Motivation

Let’s face it, with all the demands in our lives today it is incredibly challenging to stay on track with what you want and not get pulled in dozens of directions from distractions and other people’s requests. That’s life! And it’s your job to keep your most important things front and centre in your life.

Yet even when it’s on our to do list we still need conviction to put in the day-to-day investment – sometimes baby steps and other times giant leaps of faith – to keep working at it.

For your main goals in 2012, strengthen your motivation to make consistent progress. Get clear on WHY you want to do this. Summarise all the benefits you — and those around you — will gain from achieving this goal and reflect on that list on a very regular basis.

3. A plan for inaction

If you’re clear and inspired to take action you still need a plan to get it done. However, you also need to prepare how you’ll respond when things don’t go your way, when you get sidetracked or disillusioned at your results along the way. How will you respond to setbacks? How will you get yourself out of a rut of frustration, procrastination or overwhelm?

Successful goal achievement is not just about taking action but it’s mostly about how to overcome the hurdles along the way.

Here are three sentences worth completing when you sit down and design your action steps:

If I get frustrated with lack of progress, in order to keep going or find a better way I will….

If I find days or weeks passing by without taking any action towards my goals, I can get back on track by….

If I’m really stuck and not sure where to begin, or am overwhelmed by everything I need to do, I can ease my way forward by…

4. Habits of Success

As Aristotle noted long, long ago, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit”. Our day-to-day behaviour is largely driven by our habits.

Habits of behaviour, thoughts and feelings. For example, do you have habits that build physical health or erode it? What is your ritual the first moment you turn on your computer at the start of the day – productive work or guilty pleasures?

Your success in the next year is a direct reflection of the balance sheet of your habits — those that serve you in achieving your goals and those that prevent you from getting closer to them.

What habits will you need to create for your big goals? Which habits do you need to eliminate in order to make consistent (and enjoyable) steps towards living the life you want?

5. Be open and seek support from others

You’re not always going to have the answers, the willpower or the energy necessary to take action. No great things are achieved in isolation.

Collaborate with others on solving the problems in your way. Find a quick tip via Google. Get a coach or mentor to help you to navigate to your end destination. Join a like-minded online community to gain ideas and a network of enthusiastic supporters.

For all of your goals, identify a Top 3 list of people, tools or resources you can tap into when you’re stuck or when you simply start to feel your motivation fade. Nip it in the bud and get back on track!

This is where the magic happens. If you fail to address these Big Five you’re likely headed for a year of missed opportunity, frustration or regret. So give yourself the gift of spending quality time thinking – and writing – through all of these. It’s a wonderful way to kick start your year with optimism and vibrancy.

You’ll be hearing a lot more from ActionPodcast on these points in 2012 and we look forward to helping you achieve fun and rewarding success throughout the year.

A FABULOUS QUOTE, which is equally attributable to us women of course! Yet when Tennyson penned his immortal lines, the fairer sex were not supposed to show outward, public signs of lust and longing. To make up for this, there was feverish letter writing, many an attack of the vapours (probably due to tight corsetry), and many a hushed chaperoned visit with the object of one’s desire.  There was no word for sex when Tennyson wrote this either, so the word ‘love’ encompassed the whole gamut of heart/mind/body attraction.

Love – a hurricane of enmeshed chemical attraction and neuroses? Or a soul’s recognition of someone we’ve most certainly met before – albeit in another form. Probably a bit of both. The feeling is certainly visceral enough…

For those of you lucky enough to have experienced love, it also means you’ve been bitten by love’s little flip side – pain. Yes the ‘ouch’ factor is one of the great trade-offs when we open our hearts to love someone – and receive in return. And it’s a price most of us are prepared to pay and a risk we want to take. But how do we keep our hearts open after we’ve been hurt? This is the secret – keeping ourselves open to giving and receiving love when all we want to do is curl up somewhere and never come out. Scary world. Scary people. Nope, never giving my heart to anyone again. Know the feeling?

As a result, we all too often retreat for safety into our heads and remain intellectually bound – cutting off from our feelings and emotions. Stymied. Not a good idea. Why? Because we actually cut ourselves off from receiving love – from any direction. Painful – and not a good strategy for success and emotional well being.

So what’s the cure when you’ve been bitten by the after-love bug? How can we possibly keep our hearts open when we’ve been hurt?

Here are some ways that have worked for me, at times when my heart has felt broken and I have lost trust in the world and the people who were once close to me, but have betrayed my trust. Hope you find them helpful too. P.S. the heart does heal… You will love again.

1. Often we feel shattered because we are grieving for a future that will never be realised. We’ve spent so much time imagining how life will be with this person in the FUTURE – we’ve totally forgotten to take it all day by day. Practise taking just one day at a time. In your own personal life as well as with others. Stay fully present. Neither dwelling on the past nor projecting yourself into the future. Both are escape mechanisms.

2. Forgive. Yourself primarily, then others. Harder said than done, but it does work. It means that events and people no longer have a hold over you and make you a perennial victim. It also takes a lot of energy constantly ruminating on what might have been, what you could/should have done. It’s past. Let it go.

3. Focus on all the good things in your life right now. From basics such as the fact you still have a job, a roof over your head, to all the loving friends and family who are there to support you. And good health, if you have that too then you are truly blessed.

4. Develop a state of optimism. Trust that good things will come to you. Be open to wherever and whomever they come from.

5. Acknowledge your emotions and let them out. Don’t suppress them. Crying is good – yes guys – for you too!

6. Understand that you control your thoughts. And your thoughts dictate what happens to you in life. If you dwell on the negative that’s exactly what you’ll attract. Only YOU have the power to make yourself happy. People come and go, but if you focus on establishing a closer relationships with yourself, you will rarely feel lonely.

7. Stay in the present. Every time you start looking back and feel sad, gently find ways to bring your thoughts back into the present.

Photo: christiancoachingcenter.org

I celebrate my own style of Thanksgiving every Monday morning. That can be pretty hard some Mondays I can tell you! But I have to admit, once I get into the swing of things it’s actually pretty easy an very rewarding.

So what is Thanksgiving Monday? Well as part of my Morning Pages, I have a segment at the start that I do just on Monday mornings. I write a short paragraph of things that I’ve truly grateful for. It varies each time, sometimes it’s something basic like my health, other times it can be something much come complex and personal. I’ve ben doing this for several weeks now since I read about it in a book I’ve been reading called :59 Seconds by Richard Wiseman. It’s a technique he recommends to increase happiness in your life. I must admit I was a little doubtful at first but following his guide I thought I’ll give it a go. He recommends similar things on the other days of the week, but the Monday Thanksgiving has been the most powerful for me.

It’s been so many different things to experience writing down what I’m thankful for, it’s actually quite hard to put into words. But I can safely say that it’s one of the most inspiring and uplifting things I’ve done in a very long time.

So if you are celebrating tomorrow I hope you have a truly wonderful time, but come next week when the party has all too soon become a hazy distant memory, start your own weekly thanksgiving ritual.

I’d hope you were at least curious… I’d even welcome scepticism!

And I would definitely want to share it with you – because it has personally helped me so much that I feel it is one of the most valuable tools you can have in your daily toolkit.

So, what is this mystery skill? It is called EFT, or emotional freedom technique.

It is simple to use, quick to learn and can be applied to almost any situation or issue.

You may have heard of acupuncture or acupressure, which stimulate the body’s energy system by applying needles or pressure to key points (or meridians) along the body’s energy channels. EFT works similarly through gentle tapping on the meridians making it less invasive – and is sometimes referred to as “psychological acupressure”.

I am very grateful that I was introduced to it about 12 years ago by two Aussie masters (thanks guys!) who have contributed some brilliant variations of the technique and helped make it more accessible.

If you want more info on the history of the technique or mechanics of it first, I’ve recorded a short audio extract giving an overview of what it is and why it should be used; and for more details including videos and research studies, EFT Downunder is a great place to start.

But if you are keen to dive straight in, a key resource that can help you start using this amazing technique immediately is Brad Yates’ YouTube Channel – which has ~200 short videos on different issues you can apply EFT to, so that you can easily follow along with his tapping.

EFT has reduced my arachnophobia responses from hysterical (off-the-scales) to a point where I was recently able to get a beer glass over a spider that was bigger than my palm; so imagine what it could do for you!

I’ve decided to try something new too, and have created a special video* (below) – to accompany this blog post making it even easier for you to get started. Plus, I’ve got a couple of great action challenges for you to try:

• Each day for a week, pick one of Brad Yates’ videos and tap along to it. Use the same video or a range of different ones, and just pay attention to whether anything changes and how you feel.
• Or, try either the Karate Chop or Finger Sequence (SET) that I share in my video for one day – using it for one minute every hour or any time you’re a bit stressed – and just notice how you feel.

Now remember – you don’t need to be convinced that it will work. I find it even more amazing because it can help you in everyday life no matter whether you believe it will work or not! Just put it into action for a day or a week and see what happens!

It might take a bit of time before it becomes your default response to a stressful or emotional situation, but it doesn’t take much for it to provide lasting relief.

Share with us whether you’ve taken up one of my challenges, and what your experience was like : do you remain a sceptic or have you just discovered a technique that could change your life?

* I was even able to use these unobtrusive tapping tools to cope with an intensely emotional funeral this week too.

These often unpleasant and uncomfortable parts of our life can attract a lot of our attention. They can absorb a lot of our energy and take us away from other things that are more rewarding, important and fulfilling.

Perhaps recently you’ve been spending an extraordinary amount of your time on a problem.

How can you tell if it’s just a symptom you’ve been focusing on?

But what if the attention you’re giving it is misguided?

What if your energy is being wasted?

What if the solution you’re after can’t be found where you’re looking.

What if the problem you see isn’t the problem after all?

One of the great skills of excellent problem solvers is being able to properly identify, and put their focus on, the RIGHT PROBLEM.

More specifically, it’s the ability to separate the symptoms from the cause.

I’m talking about being skilled at identifying the ROOT PROBLEM (or the root of the problem).

When you can identify the root of the issue – the source of all the troublesome symptoms that are showing up – you set yourself up for quicker, easier and more effective solutions.

How can you tell if it’s just a symptom you’ve been focusing on?

One clue is that symptoms often show up as the behaviour. For example, you do something that you’re not pleased with (….like skipping exercise or eating junk), or a colleague is regularly irritable or late for meetings.

What you see is the behaviour yet the root cause of the bad behaviour is usually underlying emotions or thoughts such as fear, anxiety, or habit that’s developed over time to name just a few.

A second clue is the problem keeps recurring. This means something that never seems to be resolved such as a body ache that won’t go away, or an ongoing argument with your spouse. If it is a recurring issue, you’ve likely been addressing the symptoms, not the root.

The next time you find yourself needing to deal with a problem, approach it with a different perspective than you have in the past. Or if you’re currently in the middle of a troubling situation, try to separate the symptoms from the root cause.

Get curious on whether what you THINK is the problem, is the real problem.

Question whether there is something more fundamental underlying the behaviour that you witness.

The more you do this to begin with, the greater your skill will become at developing lasting solutions in less time with less effort.

And then you’ll have more energy to put into the things that really matter and fulfill you.

Do you have a problem you’re currently facing? How has this changed your approach. How can we help you identify a new solution? Leave us a comment and let us know.

At the beginning you feel like you’ve thought everything through and you’re really motivated to get going. Everything seems to be going great! Your plans have paid off and your journey towards your goal couldn’t seem easier.

So… why do you begin to slip?

Unless something happens to get you back on track, your goals seem to fade into obscurity.

You find yourself missing the odd gym session, and not being quite as organised. Whatever it is, you can feel yourself slipping back into your old ways. Unless something happens to get you back on track, your goals seem to fade into obscurity and before you know it, weeks have passed since you did anything you initially planned so hard for.

Often you can come up with a whole host of reasons why things faded away. But it always boils down to one thing:

Being accountable for your own actions gets harder

More important than what happens, is how and why it happens. There can be a whole host of reasons:

• You don’t feel you are progressing fast enough, so things get boring
• You find the going gets tough and other things seem to keep getting in the way, so you start to let them
• You aren’t sure you even want this goal anymore. You find it hard to remember why you thought this was a good idea!

I’m sure you can think of lots of other reasons, but the great news is that the solution is always the same.

GET ACCOUNTABLE!

If any of the above sounds familiar to you, then now is the moment to change it. Get someone else to hold you accountable to your own goals. Share with them your reasons for wanting them in the first place. Other people seem to have an amazing memory for repeating your own words back at you! If you feel things start to get tough, tell someone, ask for help, advise, tips, tricks, anything to help you get over your current hurdle. Finally, give them permission to check in on you once in a while to see how things are going.

You can even ask me to personally help you with this. Just drop me an email with what it is you are trying to achieve. I’ll help you keep that motivation bubbling along. An even more effective method, is for you to post your goal, plan and any expected hurdles here in the comments below, or on our Facebook page.

So there you have it, Email / Comment  or Facebook. Choose whichever one feels it will be the most effective for you. Let us, help you.

Both of these positions can be thought of as emotional states that we ‘go to’ in certain circumstances.

The person I was speaking with recognised that he had been behaving somewhat selfishly in his relationship with his family.

I posed the question: Was being selfish in that situation a bad thing?

With a moment of reflection he felt it wasn’t. As he explained the context, I agreed.

It wasn’t bad, but was it good?

There is no doubt that acting selfishly – at times – serves a purpose.

It allows us to create boundaries around us when others are too demanding of our time or attention (think: a busy office environment where it’s hard to focus). It enables us to return to what is most important to us. It can also provide us with valuable time away from a sticky situation and give us the space to reflect and come up with better answers to the problems.

And yet, I would argue that being selfish is not sustainable. It does not lead to sustainable happiness, fulfilment and rewarding relationships.

We all go there at times, but how often do you do it? And how long do you spend there? Do you pass the point where even you feel it isn’t helpful?

The more people I have the privilege of helping and coaching, and the more I discover in this field of personal growth and development, the more I see that we humans rarely give ourselves enough credit of the control we have over our emotional state.

We have an innate skill to make a shift. We have the power to do that quickly. We have the ability to choose and decide how we respond to any situation.

Are there times where you have been a little bit too selfish lately?

Or perhaps, looking at it from another angle, how could your life benefit from being more selfless? More giving of your time, your attention, your presence, your love or your laughter.

Who do you know that would really really appreciate some of your generosity right now?

Who could you be more compassionate to this week? A friend? A partner? A stranger?

Who could you be more forgiving to before the end of this year?

You may find that being more selfless in one area is just the remedy you need to reduce your indulgence in being selfish in other parts of your life.

It’s a skill we all have.

And we should always remember that the more we practice, the stronger the skill becomes, enabling us to be more of the person we want to be.

Leave a comment and let us know how you’ve been able to make that shift and what you or others gained from it. We’d love to hear from you and your experience can help others.

The anxiety producing “If only… you’d taken that job, married that person, moved countries, bought that flat, had different parents, gone to a different college, taken less drugs, taken more drugs, had more fun, travelled more, had children, not had children…

Ego, ergo
This ego-inspired reasoning, which keeps us in a state of disempowerment and impotence is endless. And endlessly demotivating. And it lures us away from the immense power of being fully conscious and fully present.
Right here, right now.

Future
Or perhaps like many of us, you prefer to focus on the future to avoid feeling any present pain. Or taking action to move out of your current unease. The “What if…. line of anxiety producing self-enquiry… What if…. I get made redundant, make the wrong decision, my boyfriend/girlfriend leaves me, choose the wrong job, it all goes terribly wrong, lose all my money, feel lonely, etc. Projecting our fear into future events, which have yet to happen.

Resistance
We all, myself very much included, have constructed myriad ways of resisting the present moment. The Right Here. Right Now. The mind, ego, whatever you want to call it, invariably takes us away from true consciousness. It feeds off and promotes our fear. Controlling and self-denying, it loves the whip hand. And until we take charge of our thoughts, the CD of self-sabotage will continue to play into the sunset… like an interminable Groundhog Day (without the humour!).

Why do we avoid feeling present?
If you are a human being – and I’m assuming most of you reading this are of that persuasion – then you’ll probably find yourself taking more action to avoid pain, than taking positive action towards experiencing pleasure in life. Think about it. Sex addiction, work addiction, drug addiction – we self-medicate and self-anaesthetise to suppress painful emotions and feelings. But of course they simply go underground, emerging at inappropriate moments with the result that we often self-sabotage – in work and our personal life – the very relationships we hold most dear. Or we simply never invite them in in the first place. We avoid ‘being’.

Observe your emotions
One way I work with clients is to encourage them to feel their emotions. Not deny them. Look at the very word ‘emotion’. Motion = movement. They are simply passing through. They are not OF you. By refusing to identify with the emotions, but by simply observing them as they move through, you will become less addicted to checking out. There are many ways of staying present, with presence. The most powerful way is to focus on your breath. Put all your attention on your in – and your out breath. Practise this daily for at least 5 minutes at a time. Then any time you feel overwhelmed by emotions and feel yourself checking out, use this technique to change your state. It’s the best way to be fully present. And surrender to the moment.

Ground yourself
Another way is to stay in your body – preferably 24/7. Use grounding exercises such as imagining heavy cords reaching from the soles of both feet down into the ground. As far as the earth’s core. Tie these cords or vines around large boulders. Then draw up that fabulous fire energy from the earth’s molten core. Visualise that energising orange, brown, red colour rising up your feet, ankles, and legs until it fills your whole body. You will feel energised and more powerfully in your body.

Pay attention
Give your full attention to whatever you are doing. Whether it’s watching soapsuds on a glass you’re washing up, to watching the trees on your way to work, to totally focusing on your work. Practise right here. Right now.

Give yourself permission to be increasingly creative… Write a stream of consciousness page every morning as soon as you get up. Start painting, drawing, learn a musical instrument… move your consciousness from your left to your right brain. The source of all inspiration. Play! Play! Play! Run around a field, scream and shout. Allow your inner child expression and let go! Laugh – and above all, don’t take yourself too seriously.

Results
Being fully present will enable you to draw on unlimited inspiration. You will be able to deal with your emotions in a constructive way, instead of diving in and becoming overwhelmed by them. Unfettered by the past or future, you will access all the energy, self-awareness and clarity you need for peace of mind and a more creative and fulfilling life. Enjoy your presence!

So far it’s pretty quiet in there, but what I have found are a few people taking the most amazing pictures of the city I live in, London. I kept seeing them and being blown away by the powerful images of the most ordinary things. Just seeing how the view of a lamp, rooftop, or looking up at a skyscraper seemed to hold a new beauty.

I see many of the things that people are photographing, almost every day. But there was something about these pictures that inspired me. So I started taking my own photos. If I found myself spotting something that made me notice it, I would stop, think about what it was that I was drawn to and then try to capture that essence. I wasn’t trying to take a snapshot, I wanted to point out the one thing that drew me in. Often this would actually be the clouds behind the scene I was looking at. There is something very unique about the clouds in the UK. So you’ll see in many of my pictures that clouds feature prominently.

What I found the most interesting was when I found something that really moved me, it would more often than not, move others. It was like I had suddenly tapped into a new connection, not only with myself, but the others around me.

One comment that really interested me was “I wish I could take pictures like that!” to which I replied, “You can! Just take lots of pictures of things that move you and post the best ones.”

He now goes for walks with his children, with one specific reason. To find things of beauty and capture them on his mobile phone.

Join me on Google+ and share what moves you, too.

Sun Rise over Tower Bridge

What if that kindness made someone else happy too?

And what if that happiness was contagious – so that one small act of kindness could spread happiness not just to 2 people, but to the friends of friends of both those people? How cool would that be?!

Research shows that happiness IS contagious. It is also a skill that can be learnt, and is not set in stone by genetics or upbringing.

Happiness is hard to define, but one thing it is not is a final destination to be arrived at. It is something we all seek continuously, yet we don’t always achieve; and there are times when we can feel decidedly unhappy.

Maybe it is because we are looking in the wrong places. Or maybe we’re just focusing on the wrong things…

This was what I was contemplating as Mark Williamson spoke as part of a session entitled The Happiness Factor at the British Science Festival in Bradford last week. Mark was speaking in his capacity as the Director of Action for Happiness, and if I was excited about his talk – I was delighted to discover the website!

And as my act of kindness today I wanted to share it with you all.

Earlier this morning I would have said I was feeling unhappy – I wasn’t even sure I could write a blog post, let alone an inspiring one. But after exploring the Action for Happiness site, it is funny how my mood has changed!

At ActionPodcast we believe we always have a choice about our reactions, and we believe that small actions can lead to significant results. But even for us it can be easy to forget at times.

So I love that Action for Happiness blends passion and purpose; action steps with inspiration; science with community. I encourage you to explore the 10 Keys to Happier Living, watch some of the short videos and choose one action to take within the next 24 hours.

Let’s be part of a happiness virus – it is a great gift to ourselves as well as to share!

The one question that stood out for me provided a simple but profound insight into how I should approach my life now, to prevent me from having the same regret after experiencing more than 80% of my life.

The question was this: When you look back on the life that you’ve lived, what is your greatest regret?

What do YOU think was the #1 answer across the large survey?

I posed this question to a group of business executives I was training this week. After a few days of helping this group to get clearer on their priorities and to reconnect with what they value most, their guesses were perfectly reasonable.

“Didn’t spend enough time with the ones they loved?” one suggested. A logical thought from a 21st century executive.

“Didn’t do what they were passionate about?” another chimed in. Close but not exactly.

“Worked too hard and didn’t stop to enjoy life?” a third pondered. Nope.

According to this research, the number 1 regret – the greatest regret – of those who have lived a lot of life was…

“Not taking more risks.”

That really got me thinking about how I should start living.

I trusted the research and I trusted that made a lot of sense.

And I didn’t want to have the same answer when I get called by a researcher in 2051.

So, what lessons can we take and how can we avoid having the same regret?

Here is what I did and what you can do too:

1.    Trust that you can handle it.

The risk is rarely in the action but rather in our perception of what might happen afterwards to us. Our imagination spins wild tales of embarrasment, misfortune and utter catastrophe.

But we are greater than our problems. We can handle any short-term setback that might arise while we are pursuing something that really matters to us, following our dreams and opening our heart.

2.    Make sure you’re ‘What If…” scenarios genuinely consider both sides

What if I fail?  Hmmm….what if I succeed?

What if they laugh at me? Hmmm….what if they love me?

What if I hate it?  Hmmm….what if I adore it….and if not, I can always do something else…

What if I get too scared?  Hmmm….what if I find I have more courage, determination, persistence and passion than I thought I did

Our instinct is to protect and keep us safe. Follow point number 1 and allow yourself to imagine What If scenarios that light you up and ignite your fire to face the risk with courage and optimism.

3.    Embrace going beyond your comfort zone

The main reason we humans stay so ‘risk-free’ in our comfort zone is because we think that beyond safety and comfort lurks the Panic Zone.

But we forget the times in the past where we have gone outside our comfort zone and discovered the real zone – the Growth Zone.

This is just beyond your Comfort Zone and well before any panic. The Growth Zone is where the thrill of life happens, where fears disappear and your true joy and fulfillment is experienced.

Embracing the combination of these 3 points will make you realize that the ‘risks’ we perceive are often just a mirage.

That in fact, when you push on in spite of perceived risks and fears and tension and anxiety….it is very, very likely that you’ll suddenly realize that it wasn’t nearly as scary as you made it out to be.

You’ll question why you took so long. You’ll feel disappointment you didn’t take those steps much earlier.

You’ll marvel at how much easier (even when uncomfortable) it was compared to what you expected.

Yet, at the same time you’ll feel the immense boost in confidence and pride that you did it.

You will feel the weight lifted from your shoulders and within your heart.

You will embrace the new opportunities and experiences that are in front of you.

You will feel liberated.

And you will not regret it.

You might even smile when the researcher calls you and you get to tell her what a wonderful life you’ve had and the adventures you still intend to create.

How have you managed to take risks? How did you feel afterwards? What lessons can you learn from the times you stepped out of your comfort zone where everything worked out just fine? How can you apply this insight to your current life?

We’d love to hear from you and for you to share with other readers.

That’s when my client revealed something to me (and provided permission to reveal it on here too). Their partner had told them that they were stuck in apathy. 

This was initially just accepted by the client and with true apathy, it almost drifted off into the recesses of her mind as yet another thing she didn’t care about. But something stuck just long enough for her to talk about it to me. Following our session I forwarded on the Wikipedia entry for apathy to see if that helped at all. Although the descriptions seemed to tie in with what she was (or rather wasn’t) feeling. It was the image that finally hit home and made her feel something, even though it was sadness, it was a feeling and something she knew was a sign that things were going to change.

The client realise that not only was she stuck in a state of apathy, but that she was cornered by both boredom and worry. Neither of those two emotions were particularly attractive either. It was then that she decided, that to move from one zone to another didn’t mean she had to spend much time, if any, in those other areas.

She began to write down ideas that would put her in the positive areas. Things she could do. Places she could go. People she could see.

Once she had three or four things in each positive section she sat back and looked at her work. She smiled, a great big warm and relaxed smile. The client had just realised she was already somewhere between Relaxation and Arousal. She selected two of the things that seemed most comfortable to her, and scheduled time in her diary to do them.

Over the next week she completed both the things she set out to do. But what interested her the most is that she found it easier to recognise the ebb and flow of her emotions. Instead of suppressing them, she enjoyed them. By recognising that being stuck in one emotionless state was a place she no longer wanted to be. Even if that meant occasionally feeling worried, bored or anxious. At least she felt alive!

Do a quick calculation before you continue reading – even if it is just a guess off the top of your head.

This question was posed in the June 2011 issue of Psychologies Magazine, and (paraphrasing) it explains that new research* has found that when we feel loved and accepted by others, we are likely to decrease or underestimate the value of what we own because we derive a sense of protection and comfort from that love instead of needing it from our possessions.

I could rattle off a value based on my home contents insurance, but what struck me most was a comment about the corollary: of being super-protective about pricey objects…

I’d already noticed that I can get a bit obsessed with worrying about whether a guest is going to damage my furniture; not to mention how I feel about my partner’s care of my possessions sometimes! So this is clearly something I need to look at…

And if your valuation was relatively high, you spent a few minutes adding it all up or you identify with the ‘super-protective’ behaviour too then it might be worth taking a few moments to reflect on the sources of love in your life.

The article suggests making a list of the people whom you know love you. This is a great pick-me-up at any time, as well as for reminding us of the people we appreciate or whom we are missing and want to reach out to. But (for my own medicine) I’d like to add a couple of extra actions for recognising the value of love in our lives:

• What do I feel really proud of just now, and so far this year?
• What moments give me a sense of feeling at peace, oneness or being loved?
• What am I grateful for today?
• What do I love most about myself?

By answering these questions, we start to recognise love-filled experiences, people and characteristics that we might be overlooking.

I suspect our sense of security is influenced just as much by whether and how much we love ourselves, as it is by how much we feel loved by others. It is hard to accept love if we don’t love and accept ourselves.

For me, this is best summed up in The Verve song Lucky Man, where the lyrics declare: “All the love I have is in my mind”.

I’d love to hear whether answering the questions above helped you to feel more loved – by others, as well as yourself.

* Research: Clarke et al, Heightened Interpersonal Security Diminishes The Monetary Value of Possessions (Journal of Experimental Social Psychology).

I’d suggest it’s a good practice to review your ‘current life’ at least twice per year.

To stop and check in with yourself.

To take an honest look at which parts of your current life are giving you warnings that something isn’t right, yet you’re not heeding those warnings. Some examples could be:

• Your body is asking for a detox yet you continue to eat everything & anything.
• Your bank account is smaller but you continue to live larger.
• You’re feeling detached from your friends and miss them, however, when given the choice you default to more time at the office.
• You are constantly expressing that you “don’t have the time to…” do what’s important although you always seem to have time to do what’s unimportant or unfulfilling.

Of course, the warnings don’t mean you’re doomed to failure.

But warnings are warnings and they do serve a purpose.

The main purpose is to signal to you that something must change. Something within you or about you must change OR you’ll likely experience even more warnings and deeper pain in the near future.

But remember it’s not all bad either.

There are ALWAYS parts of your life that are examples of how to do it right. Sometimes you might need to look a little harder—if you’re out of practice—to find inspiring examples that demonstrate your unique strengths, your creative flair or your compassion for others.

If you feel like you’ve been running at a million miles per hour recently and spinning a bit out of control, give yourself the gift of some reflective time and answer the following questions:

1. What recent experience in my life did I really enjoy? Could be travel, a project, a special night with a special someone.
2. How could I use that recent experience as an inspiring example to create more joy and happiness in my life right now?
3. What could I do to create a similarly rewarding experience in the next 6 weeks?
4. What ‘warning signals’ have been showing up recently?
5. Which one(s) are the most important for me to resolve before I allow more time to pass?
6. What action can I take this week to change my behaviour and/or resolve the issue?
7. What are the first two action steps I WILL take to build momentum and make sure it’s a happy ending?

Spend 10 minutes answering these questions in your notepad or on your computer. Don’t just passively sit and think about them. Put pen to paper or fingers to keys.

You’ll be glad you did.

And you’ll be inspired by your inner strength to turn your warnings into examples, and renew your enthusiasm for creating the life that you want.

The Man Your Man Could Smell Like...

The Man Your Man Could Smell Like Old Spice

This tongue-in-cheek clip is an hilarious poke at the retro vibe of a ‘man’s man’ and as such appeals to both my generation who remember the original Old Spice ads (“the mark of a man”) as well as younger YouTube viewers who love the cocky,faux irreverent machismo humour. Beautifully scripted and delivered with bang on precision by actor Isaiah Mustafa these ads are helping Old Spice shift product like nothing before. Creating demand, where before there was but a trickle. Clever, eh? And very compelling.

Which brings me spicely on to… how do you advertise yourself? Specifically in your professional life? What are you doing to make you and your business as compelling and engaging as the Old Spice character?

Video Marketing = Increased Visibility
Being visible in today’s increasingly competitive digital markets is essential. And video is one highly effective way in which you can raise brand awareness and drive traffic to your website, all in one go. The new Old Spice Man video has received 35.5 MILLION views on YouTube (as I write). That’s what you call an audience – and then some.

Benefits of video marketing

1. Increased audience and greater visibility.

2. Engages the viewers’ emotions much more than written text.

3. 24/7 access via cell phones, iPods etc.

4. Thanks to Google’s Universal Search facility, video is now included in the search rankings. Hello SEO!

5. The key to greater audience share is to create quality content. Home videos with a pot plant coming out of your head just don’t cut it. Getting a professionally made video won’t cost you the earth.

6. You can duplicate your written content to video and offer more value to potential clients.

7. Ease of use. With a little practice you can create and upload your video content to YouTube relatively quickly. YouTube is FREE! And you create backlinks.

8. Landing pages that use video receive a higher conversion rate. It is much easier to make that ‘call to action’

9.  You can quickly establish your own particular niche or brand.

10. You can quickly position yourself as an expert.

Ways to promote yourself using video

Video Blogs
Fed up of receiving boring emails directing you to websites? Yes, me too. But if someone tags a link to a video with their Tweet or email, then I will usually go take a peek.  If your business is visually oriented (arts, design, property etc) a video blog would be a useful addition to your website and will help to create interest and drive traffic. You can establish a faster connection with your target market from the get-go and establish trust. Keep it short and sweet.

Video testimonials
Recording a series of happy clients is a great way to arouse interest and curiosity. Ask the more eloquent and passionate of your happy customers if they’d be happy to share their positive experiences on film. Again, keep it short and sweet. Viewers’ attention spans fade out after a few minutes.

Training Videos
Videos are a clever way – even mixed with audio – to train and instruct. A great way to reach potential clients who are visual learners. 

For more information on YouTube, check out its regular blog here: Official YouTube Blog

One of the things that never ceases to intrigue me is that sooner or later, some people take it upon themselves to give me additional background information on their colleagues I’ve met, or am about to meet. They have a feeling that I need to have my expectations set about certain people. Sadly, for the most part, this tends to be a negative opinion. So I listen to their opinions about their workmates’ work ethics, or social capability, and try to understand how they came to this impression.

Then I do my very best to forget everything they have just told me. When I do meet or work with the person in question, I like to start from a point where I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt. I have to remember that it was just the opinion of another person (or persons!), but it’s unlikely that I would have been able to fully understand the context in which the negative impression was created. It’s definitely impossible for me to gain insight from the person in question regarding this negative opinion. So you can see the battle is already very unfair.

To be clear, I still do the same with people that have been given glowing reports too! For me, at least at the beginning, I see everyone on a fresh, clean slate. What they put on that slate is 100% up to them; it’s their own actions and their own words that form my opinion.

Ultimately I may indeed end up with exactly the same negative or positive impression as others, but at least it’s my opinion – and mine alone.

My reply was that it was a ritual – almost a tradition – that I upheld, but it got me thinking about why it was so important.

I love a great movie or a gripping book for the immersive experience it gives me; that sense of having stood in the shadow of the characters and shared their journey. Getting so caught up in a story like the deep-sea diver who lives for a time as part of the underwater universe that he is visiting.

And in the same way that I appreciate the magic of nature, I am grateful for the experience that a brilliant movie can offer me.

Staying to watch the credits roll is, in part, about respecting the efforts of all the people who contributed to bringing that movie to life; and to my life.

And these days, that list for each movie is very, very long.

When we are able to appreciate and hold gratitude for something that moves us, there is a hidden gift. We learn not to take things for granted, and especially, we acknowledge the impact of the emotion that was evoked within us.

But there is also a sense of not wanting to let life diminish the power of the experience too quickly.

Why race out of the cinema, into the flash flood of life that brings its own competing experiences, to wash away the intensity of what has just been witnessed?

So I like to stay in the cocoon of the cinema as the credits roll, and simply sit with the feelings and thoughts that the movie has left me with. To mull over my reaction, what I most enjoyed, and even what niggles at the back of my mind.

Then, as the final credits give way to the studio logos and the lights start to lift, I can step slowly back out into the world knowing that I’ve honoured the experience I’ve just had.

The fact that last night was also the end of an era, made my ritual more poignant. What might be different without the courage of Harry, Ron, Hermione and the other characters I’d come to know and love?

So whether you’ve ever watched the credits of a movie until the end, personally thanked a chef for a delicious meal or written to an author of a book you loved, it is worth pausing for a breath and asking yourself:

What experiences touch your soul?

What experiences do you get caught up in?

What could you take a few extra moments to appreciate, to savour?

Then promise yourself that you’ll honour that experience next time you get a chance.

All done in an attempt to get the smaller, mundane (or urgent) things off your plate so you can settle down into your day and finally get to the important stuff.

It’s a strategy most of us use on a regular basis – but for most of us, it’s flawed. And usually painfully so.

While this approach often feels like the best thing to do, how often do you actually get to the most important items? Chances are, it’s rare and often at a cost.

The time cost of sacrificing our evenings with family or friends because you need to work a bit later as more little things came up during the day and you didn’t finish what you wanted to.

The attention cost of being distracted with other people’s demands or urgent problems which never allow you to be fully engaged and focused when you finally get the space to do the really valuable things.

The energy cost of being tired, drained or completely exhausted by the time you get to what matters most, causing you to put it off to another day.

And all these costs add up to a dramatic reduction in your productivity and performance.

So what is the alternative?

It’s a standard approach of the top performers, a key strategy of the world’s most productive leaders…and a simple enough idea that everyone can do.

For a rapid boost in your personal performance do the “first things first”.

Popularised in many books, including Eat That Frog by Brian Tracy and Be Excellent at Anything by Tony Swartz and Jean Gomes, the ‘first’ is the task, project, or issue that has the highest value and impact for you. This could be related to your professional or personal life.

How you define highest value and impact will be unique to you and will vary from week to week but there will always be one, two or three items that deserve the greatest care since they will give you (and your team or family) the biggest return.

At work, it’s often the things that require the most thinking time and full engagement for you to properly work through it.

Commonly, it’s the items that will give you the greatest long-term rewards and success, and doesn’t have short-term urgencies.

Usually, these will be the items you consistently neglect….since you “never have time to do what’s important”.

Hmmm…sound familiar?

Doing it “first” means to proactively and decisively commit to the first 30, 60 or 90 minutes of your day to focusing on nothing but the most important things.

Write a few pages of your book. Develop a long-term strategy for growing your business this year. Spend time on the looming performance appraisal of your key team members. Make that appointment or call an out-of-touch friend. Exercise.

Don’t turn your computer on if you don’t have to and certainly don’t open your email.

Complete focus.

How productive would that be?

How invigorating would that be?

How rewarding and fulfilling would that be?

If this is a scary thought for you, start small. Try it out just one day this week. Tell others you’re only available after a certain time.

I’m sure you’ll quickly notice the benefits you get and will be encouraged to do this more often and for longer periods.

Are you willing to give it a try? Are you willing to add more value, create more enjoyment and experience a boost in your performance?

Let us know how this worked for you and share other ideas to boost your performance.

So since it’s July already (how did that happen?!) it seems an appropriate time to give ourselves a thorough half-year review. Here are a few key areas worth making a note of:

1. How close are you to those goals you set in January?

2. Which goals are now obsolete and no longer hold your interest?

3. How are your finances? Have you been saving regularly, or are you still living life in the red?

4. Have you made new connections, found the time to network with a view to possible joint ventures?

5. How is your physical, mental and emotional health? Are you taking care of yourself? Have you taken time out to recharge lately?

6. How is your work/life balance? How are you dealing with personal and professional stresses?

9. What are your successes over the last six months?

10. Which achievements are you particularly proud of?

11. What direct action has led to these achievements and peak experiences?

12. What lessons have you learned? Professionally and personally?

Benefits of a half-year review
Time is certainly speeding up. And whether this is due to our lives being more crowded and more demands being made of us, or whether consciousness is actually accelerating is open to conjecture. Yet however you manage your time – and your thoughts – in our increasingly information overloaded world is crucial.

As any accountant will tell you, checks and balances are integral to a healthy business. Keeping a careful eye on how you spend your energy, time and money is essential. If you don’t already have a business and personal ‘plan’ for the next six months of 2011, I strongly recommend you create one. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Just write down some desired end results you’d love to see in your personal and professional life. Then, writing as if you’ve already achieved these goals, make a note of what action you took to get you there.

For, as a wise soul once wrote: “If you don’t know where you’re going, how will you know when you get there?”

“This is pretty good; I think I’ll keep going.”

This one came from The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, and is one of many affirmations, techniques and perspectives that have helped me loosen the grip of perfectionism that had stopped me achieving much, let alone my best.

I know the other ActionCoaches have also struggled with the need to be perfect from time to time, so here is a collection of some of our top insights into how to live a more effective and fulfilled life:

• In Perfect Paul and I discuss the effects of Perfectionism Paralysis, and how it stops us doing what we most want to do. Listen to this podcast for some action tips to …
• In Be Anything But Perfect Gina & Chris talk explore limiting beliefs that could be at the heart of our perfectionist tendencies, highlight the warning signs and share some tips we can use to be successful even when we aren’t perfect.
• In (Un)Great Expectations Gina & I discuss how our high expectations can come at a high cost to our relationships and ultimately are the cause of any hurt we feel. Listen to this for tips on how perspective and clarity can ease the disappointment.
• If your perfectionism strays into external comparisons then you will want to listen to The Danger of Comparisons. Paul & Gina talk about the negative impacts of comparing ourselves to unrealistic ideals, and the way some industries contribute to these false images that we aspire to. Listen to this for a more healthy solution to comparisons that damage your self esteem and confidence.
• In Don’t Call Me Perfect… I bust the myth that coaches must be perfect, and explain why we all have a choice between judging ourselves or trying to improve. Read it for 4 questions that will allow you to start exploring your ‘shadow’ side.

Returning to creativity – one of the best pieces of advice I received just before I started writing a book last year was that it was better to have a completed manuscript that needed a lot of editing, than no manuscript at all.

Having parked perfectionism at the door and allowed myself to write the novel, I wholeheartedly agree – and think that this is a great metaphor for anything in life.

I would rather have lived imperfectly, than never to have lived at all!

Please leave a comment and share how perfectionism has stopped you. If you’ve found a way to reboot your action, or this collection of tips has inspired you, then we’d love to know about it!

Every time I received these kinds of answers I had to remind the client that coaching is all about taking action; simply stating what you want to be or have (or feel) isn’t going to make it happen.  Only an action that you carry out will help to create your desired end result.

A classic answer from some clients that state intention but not action are:-

• I just need to be more confident
• I want to work on being more understanding
• I want to feel more comfortable in this situation
• I’m going to be more proactive
• I going to stop smoking

All of these statements came from clients when I asked them what action they were going to take over the following week. None of these answers are statements of action; they are all intentions or desired results.

It’s great to have clarity around the result you want, but without knowing how you are going to achieve it you’ll end up putting all your hopes into something just ‘happening like magic’. Just because you said it.

Intentions or statements of a desired result often contain the words “BE”, “HAVE”, “FEEL”, “WANT” or “NEED”.

If you find that when you are setting yourself actions to progress, you are using the above words then chances are you aren’t setting yourself an achievable action. This makes it impossible to complete, so it’s guaranteed to fail.

Make sure you are setting yourself real actions by following these simple steps:-

1. Think of your action as being something physical you have to do.
2. Your action should be something that takes a certain amount of time. It can be just a few minutes or even seconds, but if you can’t imagine how long it will take then it’s not an action!
3. Research is still action! Talking to others about something or looking up more information is still 100% better than just wishing something will occur. Schedule time in your diary and talk over things with a good friend – preferably a good listener.

So once you have decided what you want to “BE” or “HAVE”, consider what is it that you are actually going to “DO” about it.

Remember, just taking ONE small action is infinitely more effective than just thinking about it!

Condensing an idea or thought into its key essence without losing meaning is an important skill, yet we can become complacent in our communication.

Have you sent or received an ambiguous “txt msg” lately that could be misunderstood? The convenience of 160-character text messages (SMS) saw us lose meaning in our attempt to be brief and quick.

With the freedom of email, when did you last carefully review a message before sending it? The commoditisation of data has meant it is cheap to send increasingly large quantities of information, reducing the need for brevity.

Although brevity is less appropriate when being creative, journalling or simply chewing the fat with an old friend, it is increasingly more important in marketing, fast-paced work environments, digital communication and the prioritisation of our time.

I love Twitter for its 140-character limit which encourages me to be really clear and concise about what I want to say. It becomes easier with practice, so here are 4 Questions for Brevity to try:

1. What am I *really* trying to say? Think about the outcome you want & what the most important detail is.
2. Who is my message aimed at? Think about the audience and how that might influence what needs to be included.
3. Is it clear enough? Think about the context, and whether there are any assumptions made or details missing.
4. What can I cut without reducing the meaning? Think about how much story or description is necessary to your purpose from Q1.

Please add your comments below, and share your thoughts on:

In what context or situation would it be useful to practice your skills at brevity?

Does watching this video make you wonder if the creator was peeping in through your windows watching how you navigate through the day?

Well, if you’re laughing or feeling a bit uncomfortable at how much you relate to the above comments, then perhaps it’s time to really take a look at your procrastinating skills in a new light.

Being a procrastinator is not a genetic trait nor a unresolvable habit, it’s simply a result of flawed thinking and instant judgement. It’s not YOU that’s the problem, it’s just your pattern of thinking in the moment.

Ask these simple questions…and answer them with brutal and loving honesty…to shed a new light on your core issue and begin to feel more empowered to make a change.

Step 1: Think of something specific that you’re procrastinating on this week.

Step 2: What is it about this task/project that makes you uncomfortable about taking action?

Step 3: Why is that uncomfortable?

Step 4: Why is (your answer to step 3) uncomfortable?

Step 5: Why is (your answer to step 4) uncomfortable?

Step 6: Why is (your answer to step 5) uncomfortable?

Step 7: Imagine the task/project is now done. What would the ‘you of the future’ say to yourself right now?

Step 8: What small thing can you do, that will take less than 20 minutes, to break the ice, make progress and start to feel in control of the situation?

If you answered those questions openly and honestly, you now know what to do.

But the fact that the infection is there is telling me that my immune system is weak and that I need to take greater care of myself: physical, mentally and emotionally. We all know what we SHOULD be doing but so often we don’t take our own advice.

So briefly, if you feel like you’re getting run down. STOP! Take time out to rest. Watch your diet. Eat plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables. Cut down your alcohol intake. And certainly reduce the cigarettes if you’re a smoker. Your body can only go on for so long without packing up! Be kind to yourself.  I certainly intend to me much kinder to myself from now on.

Here are excellent and easy ways to maintain or boost your immune system from Dr. Ray Sahelian, M.D.

Deep sleep is one of the most important ways to boost the immune system. Chronic insomnia can lead to immune system deficiency. One good way to make sure you sleep deeper and longer is by taking a long walk each day.

Moderate exercise, at least 3 times a week, preferably daily walks. Excessive and prolonged physical activity temporarily reduces the function of the immune system. Avoid excessive sun exposure.

Reduce stress any way you know how. Stress releases the hormone cortisol which wreaks havoc with the immune system. Stress of any kind — emotional, physical, psychological — quickly damages the immune system.

Eat more fruits and vegetables. They have flavonoids that have anti-bacterial and anti-viral activity. Avoid excessive sugar intake. Consume more garlic, onions and culinary herbs such as cloves. Berry fruits are rich sources of bioactive compounds, such as phenolics and organic acids, which have antimicrobial activities against human pathogens. Among different berries and berry phenolics, cranberry, cloudberry, raspberry, strawberry and bilberry especially possess clear antimicrobial effects.

Ingest healthyprobiotic bacteria. These friendly gut bacteria may boost the immune system.
Reduce or eliminate smoking. Keep alcohol consumption low or moderate.

Drink more – up to mid-afternoon. Drinking tea appears to boost the immune system. Non-tea drinkers who downed two to four small cups of black tea per day for two weeks appeared to be better able to fight off bacterial infections. As an explanation for tea’s benefits, experiments in the lab revealed that an ingredient found in black, green, oolong and pekoe teas boosted the ability of immune system cells to attack a bacterial invader. The experiments used ethylamine, which is produced when the tea ingredient L-theanine is broken down in the liver.

Get a massage. Massage therapy reduces cortisol levels.

Pray, meditate, listen to music, or find a way to still your mind.

Do yoga, or relaxed breathing and stretching, at least once or twice a week.

Have regular exposure to the sun or take at least 400 units of vitamin D a day. Some people with little or no sun exposure may require up to 2,000 units a day.

If you’re suffering now, or feel like some bug is trying to take hold within you, try some of these solutions and you’ll be back on your feet in no time.

Welcome to the holiday (vacation for those in the USA) that almost never was.

So here’s an explanation on how circumstances conspired to almost ruin our holiday and stop it from happening altogether!

Three days before we were due to leave, one of our beloved cats threw up. Nothing unusual about that Eddie (short for Edina, yes the character from Ab Fab) normally throws up a couple of fur balls a week. Thank goodness for wooden, wipe clean flooring! However this time there appeared to be several lumps of blood. We were worried; very worried. The following day Peter took Eddie to the vet, who took some blood for tests and gave us various medications. That afternoon we checked out travel insurance and apparently we were covered if a pet was ill, so we could cancel our holiday and claim – if necessary.

That night, while keeping a close eye on Eddie, worrying ourselves sick over what could be wrong,we caught her eating some flowers, small bright red, some may say blood red flowers…. Panic over, the holiday was back on.

So we’re off! Up at the hideous time of 3:45am to pack and catch our train at 4:35am. Everything seemed to be going smoothly. Tickets, money, passport, check! Off we trek glad to put the false alarm behind us and look forward to relaxing in the sun. Upon arrival at the train station it seems the 4:35am train was changed to a 4:20, so we missed that one. Still, no panic there is another at 5:05am that should still give us plenty of time. Two hours for check-in is always excessive. The train seemed to be going really slowly and stopping at several places we weren’t expecting it to. (We were on the right train, weren’t we? Ah an announcement, yes we were!) Finally we arrive at the airport, locate our check-in area with a queue (line for the folks from the USA) that seemed to take up half the airport. Almost an hour later we are checked in! Our boarding time on our ticket seems to say boarding started five minutes ago. Our route to the security gates is diverted to some back room that looks like something they only use for the really cheap flights, well I guess that’s fair enough… Through security, no embarrassing body search, yay! Finally something went right.

A quick march off to the gate, which seems to be well over a 20 minute walk! The passengers are already boarding, we join the queue and are finally on board – after another five minute walk! This really was the furthest plane from our arrival at the airport! But we made it!

The plane journey was blissfully uneventful, although I was feeling a little stressed still from the sick cat, slow train, and check-in from hell. Nevertheless we arrived safely at Palma airport in Mallorca. We split up, I get the car rental sorted and Pete waits for the luggage. By the time I’m done refusing an infinite number of upgrades and duplicate over insurance, Pete has just picked up the suitcases, another win!

Off we go to the car park to find our car, it’s quite a big car park and it seems to confuse us, so we end up walking backwards and forwards either way about three times before we finally track down the world’s smallest hire car. Still, no problem, we manage to squeeze in the two suitcases and bags. Set up the GPS and start to program in the villa. OK, can’t find the villa, so we try the road. Can’t find the road, so the town. Nope, still no luck. We resort to the written instructions provided by the holiday company. They seem decent enough, and we are finally on the road.

But the GPS continues to freak out, by not having most of the roads listed in its map and reporting disk errors and it suddenly decides it’s night and turns the screen ultra dark. GPS now pronounced DOA (dead on arrival). The directions were great up to about 10 minutes before our destination. At this point they seemed to have different road names and vague descriptions of the final turning and location of or villa. We arrive and what seems, rather worryingly, a rather clapped out old villa. The gate is locked and we can’t find the key box anywhere. Pete attempts to climb over the brick wall, almost pulling it down in his effort for scale it. Still unable to find the key box he returns to the car as someone else drives past and toots their horn at us. Pete speaks to the lady, who only speaks Spanish and he only speaks pointing and smiling. Pete works out that our villa is further up the road.

We arrive at our beautiful villa, in large grounds and behind a large wrought iron and padlocked gate. With no key box in sight. Maybe we are just early, check-in is meant to be around 4pm and it’s still only about 12:30pm. As we head off again in search of a supermarket to buy provisions we decided to call the representative and ask for advice, just in case the gate shouldn’t be locked and we needed her to come out and unlock it. She was very friendly and said she should be there within the hour.

We continue on to get our supplies, not quite sure how we will fit everything in the tiny car as it’s pretty much full already with our luggage. Just as we finish squeezing the last of our shopping in to the back seat of the car, the rep calls to tell us that the padlock wasn’t actually locked so we could have just lifted it off ourselves. Oh, the shame.

Two days into our unwinding, we decide to go for a little drive out and see what we can see. Within about 30mins I have what can be only described as the closest thing to a major collision. So close in fact that the front number plate was dislodged and you can actually see the tyre marks along the front of the car. Just a few inches farther forward and the impact could have been so much worse it simply defies thinking about.

So the moral of my tale is simple: despite everything that almost went wrong, we did everything we could to deal with each issue as it arose. We supported each other when we struggled. Most importantly, we didn’t give up. Here I am now, several drinks later (so goodness only knows how this will read!) and having a wonderful relaxing time. This will go down as one of the toughest holidays I’ve ever had, but dammit, it’s my holiday and I am determined to enjoy it!

Chances are, we’ve been carrying them around with us regardless of whether they are still in our lives or not… This isn’t a horror story, but it is a scary thought!

I was recently introduced to the idea of the “dungeon” as part of the inner castle of our mind (or soul) – and even at a surface level, this metaphor can be incredibly powerful!

What if we lock every person who’s ever hurt us (or whom we’ve ever been angry with) in a deep, dark, damp cell in the dungeon of our mind? What if we did that, and threw away the keys, forgetting that we’d locked them in there at all?

The weight and pain of such a thing would be more than we might think we could bear, but people end up in our dungeons because we haven’t forgiven or released the perceived wrong that they did. The idea that we might all secretly be dungeon-masters, dishing out punishment and neglect is not a comfortable one… and we might try to trick ourselves at first thought – and decide we’ve not got anyone locked in any dungeon – thank you very much!

But if we did, what is it costing us to keep those people, events and hurts locked away inside us?

It is worth playing with this idea, even just briefly. So I encourage you to entertain the concept for a few minutes, and ask yourself:

“Who or what might be locked away in my dungeon?”

Some of the hurts might go back to our childhood, and others may be more recent additions to the dark cohort. Once I started playing with this, I had one particularly person spring very vehemently to mind! Others were slower to reveal themselves, and I’m sure there are even more waiting in the wings (aka the cells!).

Releasing anyone from our inner dungeon might seem like a tall order, particularly as we probably still feel they deserve to be there! But by allowing ourselves to recognise who and how many people we are dragging around after us – sustaining them in their dungeon home – can be quite an enlightening experience.

We might find it liberating to consider letting someone go. Not to condone what they did, but simply to break the hold it had over us in that deep inner place.

… It might even be like shucking off a ball and chain!

We live in a time of incredible opportunities, limitless access to ideas, and convenience all around us.

It’s also a time with a lack of security, constant and rapid change, and seemingly unavoidable distractions pulling us in multiple directions at all times.

So within this paradoxical storm it’s easy to fall into the trap of seeing or feeling a wall of barriers in front of you, blocking your path to your ultimate success and fulfilment.

However, the reality is there is one factor that rises above all others that prevents you from getting all you desire.

This one factor is the single biggest factor that prevents your progress.

This one factor erodes your confidence and creates paralysing procrastination and frustration, making your dreams seem painfully further away than before.

This factor alone increasingly causes more and more people to ‘play small’ in their life and end up looking back with regret and disappointment – in themselves.

The single biggest factor stopping you is you’re not doing what you really want to do

I don’t just mean the big picture of you not doing the job or work that you’re really passionate about. For many people that is a big part of it but mostly – and most painfully – this shows up on a daily basis in the little things: not following through on your promise to yourself to get to the gym in the morning, not spending needless hours on your computer or email rather than enjoying time with family, not facing the uncomfortable feelings and having the necessary conversation with your boss.

When you consistently fail to act on your thoughts of what you want to do it’s like digging a deeper and deeper hole that becomes too overwhelming to climb out of.

Yet at the same time, when you face this issue head on, when you get really honest with yourself, you’ll realise it’s not as scary as you make it out to be.

You will experience a rush of renewed enthusiasm with just a little bit of action against this.

You will accelerate your learning and be able to quickly adjust your approach to achieve your results faster.

And, perhaps most importantly you will feel more pride in yourself, more belief in your abilities, and an expansion in your internal drive to do more and more.

So when is now a good time to start doing that thing that you really, really want to?

Start with just one thing in your life. Pick one area, one topic that is driving you crazy with frustration or annoyance in yourself. You’ve wasted enough time getting emotionally twisted inside, it’s time to unravel that feeling and get back to your best self.

You have two choices on how to approach this:

Block off all the time you need to blitz it and get in all done in one fell swoop.

Or commit yourself to at least one action everyday for the next 5 days. Then you can re-evaluate the issue at that point and remap your strategy to get it done.

But also remember this: you really, really want to do this. So don’t make it feel like a heavy chore or burdensome work. Come from a place of joy, enthusiasm, creativity, fun, gratitude or whatever place will best serve you.

Remind yourself that you ARE doing what you want to do. Remind yourself of the greater good this is doing for you and for those affected by you.

Make yourself feel good in the process and you’ll feel great when it’s done.

If it’s not something that will be ‘completed’ but is an ongoing habit for you (e.g. exercising regularly, reading more books, spending quality time with your partner) then make sure you start to consistently reinforce the pleasure you get from doing it.

Take note of how you feel before, after and during this process.

By following these suggestions not only will you make progress on this one area in your life, but you will build momentum to keep going and ultimately be living life as you really want to.

Please leave a comment and share how this factor has stopped you and what you’ve done to break through that barrier. Big or small we’d like to know, and your fellow readers will appreciate your input.

What a funny expression that is. Initially I thought it meant something more titillating than a synonym for Wednesdays, but maybe Americans don’t use the word ‘hump’ in quite the same way as us Brits! Either way, in the spirit of all things humpable, here are five fun ways to make your hump day go with a bang!

1. Take the day off work. Yes, do it! Take a day off, or simply take your work home with you. Then you can spend your hump day at home. In the pleasure of your own company; or someone else’s.

2. Plan a great mid-week night out. You don’t have to go crazy – Thursday hangovers are never much fun. So how about a meal out with a close friend, your partner or even some work colleagues. It’s a great away to get into the pre-weekend mood.

3. Get up a little earlier and read the paper over a leisurely breakfast. All too often we rush our most important meal of the day, or even worse, grab it on the way to work with a macchiato whatever (has anyone noticed that Starbucks sells foam not coffee?). Heart-attack inducing croissants and bagels are not the best way to give your body energy first thing in the morning.

4. How many times have you been telling yourself you’ll get to the pool/gym before work? Even if you haven’t been since making that New Year’s resolution, how about starting a Hump Day Exercise Special? Just do exercise on Wednesdays. You’ll feel better for having made the effort. And you will burn off that bagel in no time.

5. Get up a little earlier and reward yourself with some intimate time with your partner. Or even yourself! Morning communion can be a great way to start your hump day!

Happy Wednesday everyone

Often when people first hear that phrase it strikes fear into them, that dreaded thought of moving out of their comfort zone. This is often because people think they need to do something something big and dramatic, and that quite frankly scares the life out of them. This simple is not true.

Expanding your comfort zone should feel much more like taking a small step everyday. Think of it as more of a breath of fresh air.

Being in your comfort zone really means how you feel when you are doing the same things you do every day. Without much thought or concern. It’s your natural state and requires very little preparation, consideration or energy.

To really stretch yourself out of your comfort zone, just think about taking it one small step at a time. To take one step out of your comfort zone, you should feel its something out of the ordinary. Something that breaks your normal routine. But not something that is too overwhelming or just down right risky! Try doing something physical or task that requires a bit of preparation, anything that means you have to think about how you are going to do it.

It’s by taking these small steps every day to gradually expand your comfort zone. The new and different, becomes routine. That’s exactly what expanding your comfort zone means!

There is certainly something very energising and uplifting about sunny skies and spring bulbs and fresh air without the chill. And for me, this has been accompanied by a deep sense of gratitude – how thankful I am for each ray of sunshine, how beautiful each flower is and how free it feels to finally ditch the thermal underwear I’d been living in for nearly 5 full months!

And whether coincidentally or through divine guidance, I’m experiencing a rebirth of sorts – beginning a new chapter of my life, and giving birth to some dreams that I’ve wanted to nurture for a long while now. It feels like Spring poetry in action!

Alongside the gratitude comes a sense of the impossible becoming – not just possible – but something real! If the sun can rediscover Scotland after such a long bitter winter, and the daffodils and tulips can emerge from the dark soil so bright and happy, then maybe the incredible plans and ideas that I have can take shape too…

It seems like this time of year invites more curiosity, more creativity and more hope! And it is the perfect opportunity for us to give ourselves small gifts of time – to play with that curiosity and wonder and fun. To reconnect with nature and the explorers in our hearts. Because if we don’t allow ourselves to enjoy these moments now, then it is all too easy to miss out on them for the rest of the year.

In the same way that the flower buds form and then open to greet the sun, so too is this our chance to raise our faces to the warmth of new beginnings. And in my gratitude, and with the benefit of hindsight from a sunny day, I can also see that the winter (with its cold darkness that made me want to cocoon at home by the heater) had its purpose. It allowed me to regroup, gather my ideas together and prepare the space for new seeds to germinate. Each season has its purpose, and our dreams and goals experience the flow of seasons too.

So I invite you to get curious with me, just now:

• Just take a moment to think about all the (little or big) things you can be grateful for. If you need inspiration, try a quick walk in a nearby park or even a look out the window if your view is more than just man-made structures!
• Jot down a couple of words or thoughts about some impossible things that could become possible with the creative energy of this time of year.
• Decide to give yourself permission to enjoy 5 (or even 30) minutes outside the next time the sun is shining. What would you do to enjoy it?
• What ideas or goals might have been germinating over the winter that could start sprouting (if they haven’t already!) with a little bit of nurturing?
• What one habit or action or plan could do with a fresh perspective, to re-energise and uplift it?

Did you allow yourself to get curious and play with some of those questions, just for a few moments?

If not: then what would it take, for you to let your inner explorer be courageous this week? (Remember – you can always put your curiosity back under lock & key again later, if you aren’t wanting to live with such excitement all the time!) Would you still choose to pass up on the chance to enjoy just a little bit of the energy of this season if you knew it was your last chance for this year?

And: if you did allow yourself to get curious and play with even one of the questions above, then I’d like to acknowledge you for your Spring spirit, and offer you another question – What would you need to do to schedule in just a little bit of spring fun each week from now?

Wishing you warmth & joy!

Sam

P.S. Along with the brighter weather has also come the inevitable ‘spring clean’ urge – so I’m making sure I get as much time outdoors and in the fresh air, as I am indoors and tidying/cleaning/clearing out stuff!

When we started ActionPodcast in 2008 we didn’t know what it would lead to, we didn’t know if it would resonate with you, we didn’t know how long it would last. So we just got started, took small steps, and watched as it unfolded.

But we knew with absolute certainty that we needed to share our messages.

And today we achieved a major milestone of our 100,000th podcast download, now listened to by people in over 25 countries.

Our experiences as coaches — in helping people find their passions, breakthrough fears and old habits, reconnect with their authentic purpose, create compelling goals and dreams for their future – has taught us many lessons about generating confidence, pride and conviction to keep moving forward. And it’s given universal insights into how to successfully navigate through change.

Our experiences in our own lives – four different people with four very different backgrounds, challenges, achievements and disappointments – has reminded us time and time again, that you can ALWAYS change your destiny. Your past provides lessons but it doesn’t determine or limit your future.

So in blending our unique perspectives with our shared purpose in helping you to continuously move forward and create a future of happiness and success, we continued to take small steps of everyday action.

Slowly but surely people like you were thanking us for the little boost, the extra insight and the profound a-ha! moment that we helped them discover. Small steps towards exciting futures.

Your fellow blog reader let us know that they know longer feel overwhelmed or stressed by what used to cause so much anxiety. Small steps towards more calm.

Podcast listeners said thank you for easing their pain in times of deep loss. Small steps with gratitude and acceptance.

Readers of our eBook shared their excitement of trying – and succeeding with – one of the 80 tips, tricks and perspectives shifts. Small steps for more energy and enthusiasm.

Our clients challenged us on “Why small steps? I need to move fast, I want more, now!” We encouraged them to start with small steps for easy wins and to overcome recurring setbacks. Small steps to build momentum.

So today we’d like to turn the table and thank YOU for your ongoing support of us, for your feedback and enthusiasm you’ve given us, for the gratitude we have for all our listeners and readers, for the exciting future you’ve encouraged us to move towards.

We send you 100,000 thank you’s and look forward to our next 100,000.

Don’t get us wrong, small steps aren’t always the only solution.

But they often are the starting point.

So now is your chance to drop me an email to Paul (at) ActionPodcast (dot) com and let me know what you’d like to hear in a future podcast.

It can be pretty much any topic at all, health, goal setting or maybe a specific problem you are trying to over come. Even if you aren’t sure if it’s something we normally cover, drop us a note and we’ll have a chat with you first if we need more information or need to clarify anything.

So drop us an email, leave a comment or post something on our facebook page.

I look forward to hearing from you soon!

In the initial days after the tragedy what I found most humbling was the incredible humanity displayed by the Japanese victims. Unimaginable suffering mixed with stories of hope; stories of human courage. A US camera crews finds a group of survivors huddled together making food – and immediately one of the men in the group offers the reporter some of their food. Food that they desperately need. His generosity made me cry. This man’s first thought was to look after his guests. How beautiful is that?

Despite finding themselves losing everything, the Japanese have not lost their humanity, their courage and human decency. There are no riots, no looting, no ripping each other off. At least as far as we can tell. Every person is out there helping each other out as much as they can. In shock, hungry, cold and grieving for lost loved ones, the Japanese are handling their own personal Armageddon calmly and in service.

It’s no dog eat dog and pillaging we saw in New Orleans. What a difference in mentality and culture,  self-awareness and self-worth. If only the same could be said of the Japanese government; a government that has been more than economical with the truth about the impending nuclear fallout at Fukushima, which is now leaking radioactive water into the sea, as well as polluting the atmosphere.

No wonder the people who can escape are fleeing the country. Millions of people are living without running water or power in temperatures that fall below freezing at night. Half a million homes are without power in Tohoku and 2.5 million have no access to water. Food is critically short and bottled water is running low in many cities. Gasoline is scarce and homes are running out of kerosene to power heaters.

Whatever happens next, this terrible real-life drama is a lesson to us all about love. About caring about others as well as ourselves. About realising the precariousness of life; it can be over in seconds, yet we all think we are immortal. Watching the TV images made me think about the last time I told the people closest to me that I love them. This is so important. And of the dreams yet to be realised in my own life. Are there goals and ideas you are putting off? Are you waiting until you’re perfect, richer, slimmer before you learn to ride a motorbike and head off into the Arizona desert? Learn to fly? Have a child? Travel the world? Paint? Write that book? Even leave your job that bores you to tears?

The current earth changes are but a herald of things to come. We cannot rely on governments, banks, outward organisations to help us. The real mast you can tie yourself to is awareness of your own inner being. Your own inner strength and self-awareness. Consciousness is rapidly evolving. If you are new to this concept then I urge you to read books by Eckhart Tolle, Marianne Williamson, and read A Course in Miracles.

At times of great disaster, it can be difficult to know which aid organisations to trust. Especially when we see the misuse or rather lack of use of funds in countries like Haiti. Millions of dollars are collecting interest, yet to be spent on rebuilding that particular nation. Thousands are still languishing in tent cities, riddled by disease. How sad is that? A situation repeated in many disaster zones where corruption is rife.

If you’d like to donate to the relief effort in Japan, I recommend two organisations that I trust, one of which I have personally worked for  – Real Medicine Foundation –  founded by Dr Martina Fuchs after the SE Asia Tsunami. RMF is doing incredible disaster relief work around the world. Check out their website at www.realmedicinefoundation.org

RMF’s partner in Japan is JEN (Japanese Emergency Non Profit), another non-profit, NGO with extensive humanitarian experience. You can donate here directly at their home page link. Their website is www.jen-npo.org

Please donate whatever you can to help the Japanese people now.

I’ve now been going back to the gym for 3 weeks, 4-5 times a week. I’ve discovered that if I just go to the gym 2-3 times a week my days off become too tempting for me to have “just another” day off. Always promising myself “I’ll go tomorrow!”, which of course I ended up repeating the next day, until every shred of motivation had been stripped away.

So my first trick is to go every day. Even if it’s only for 30-45 minutes.

After a few days of this routine, or especially after a nice relaxing and rather over indulgent weekend, I would find Mondays a bit of a struggle. So this time I ended up allowing myself to reel off all the excuses of why I didn’t need to go today… but while I was actually getting ready and walking out of the door!

It was a bit like when you see a mother trying to put a coat on a petulant child. The child loudly protests and gives all the reasons why she doesn’t want, or need to wear her coat. However, when the mother humorously just agrees with her daughter, the child allows her to put it on.

During my own wrestle with my inner voice – while getting dressed for the gym – I managed to come up with the following excuses:

• It’s very early
• I’m still tired
• Maybe I’m hungover
• I might be ill
• I can take a day off
• I can go tomorrow
• Maybe I could go later
• Oh, I don’t have my iPod I will definitely have to go back home
• If I go back home I may as well stay there, it’s not worth it…

I was actually about 10 paces out of my front door by the time the iPod excuse was thrown in. But I didn’t turn around, I just kept marching my petulant child (my inner voice) off to the gym.

The great thing about this technique is that you end up building your motivation by doing what you really want to do, despite all the de-motivating self-talk. The following day, my motivation had returned to almost full strength. By today (Wednesday) I had no problem what-so-ever!

Remember, it’s ACTION that promotes MOTIVATION, not in-action.

Can you relate to the feeling of:

• Making things harder for yourself than they need to be?
• Allowing yourself to be distracted by something other than your priority?
• Punishing yourself when something isn’t perfect?
• Taking on too much when you know you can’t fit everything in?

Sometimes sabotage can show up in a way that obviously affects our goals, and other times it can show up more subtly. For example, I recently noticed myself being clumsy and getting injured a lot – which is very unlike me. All the bumps and bruises were subtly trying to distract me from the important actions I needed to take. But a more obvious example is: if you are focusing on becoming more healthy, then buying chocolates and crisps (because someone else in the house or visitors might need them) is a more direct form of sabotage – which puts the temptation right in front of you.

So why do we self-sabotage – particular the dreams we most want?

And more importantly, what can we do about it?

There is usually a pattern to our sabotaging behaviour, and this is likely to be driven by an underlying fear – so that we aren’t consciously aware of it, but it is ticking away in our sub-conscious like a time-bomb.

Because the fear is buried away, it can be hard to identify, but at its heart – the attempts to stop you achieving what you want are also giving you something to blame when things do go wrong. For example, “I would have achieved that if only … hadn’t gone wrong.”

So here is a 3-step plan for nullifying self-sabotage:

1. Starting from a place of building awareness, there are little signs we can look for to spot self-sabotage in action:
   • If you catch yourself doing something that is “unlike you”
   • If it feels like the world & his dog are against you, and trying to stop you from achieving your goal
   • If you are having trouble concentrating on and prioritising what is important to you
   • Things are feeling much harder and more draining than you think they should be

   Once you start noticing these feelings or behaviours, then you can choose to do something about it. The key to ending self-sabotage is to be willing to explore what is causing it – because when you bring it to light, it can’t continue to tick away underneath the surface anymore.

2. Explore the underlying fear. This is unlikely to be the most obvious reason, so asking yourself some quality questions can help identify the root cause:
   • What will it mean for me if I achieve my dream (or do well at this)?
   • What will people think of me once I’ve reached my goal?
   • I deserve my dream because…?

   For example, I was suffering severe stage fright prior to doing some live webinars and calls recently. I’ve never had stage-fright before, but it wasn’t fear of speaking to a group of people that was affecting me. When I asked myself the first question above, I realised that if I did well at this one it would mean I’d have to do more of them! So it was more about avoiding the thing that felt uncomfortable, than doing the actual presentation itself.
   You might not need to work through each of these questions, or there might be another question that works better for you. But if none of them resonate, then you can try asking yourself “Why?” five times when thinking about the fear that is holding you back to uncover its root.

3. Finally, it will help to choose empowering beliefs that will help you towards your dream rather than halt you from it. Try asking yourself:
   • What would I need to believe about myself to feel confident about achieving my goal?
   • What would I need to believe about myself to feel I deserve my dream?
   • In order to enjoy working towards my goal, what would I need to believe about it/myself?

   Again – you only need to answer one or two of these questions, but if you struggle to answer any of them there is another place you can start. Instead, ask yourself: “In order to feel so badly about taking this action or achieving my goal I’d need to believe …?”And once you’ve answered that one, return to the other questions. Chances are you’ll now find an answer to one of them, which you can compare to your initial response. You can then choose to work with and nurture the belief that empowers you, rather than the one that has been holding you back and sabotaging your success.

And once you’ve worked through these three steps, you can then address some of the feelings that self-sabotage had been causing – like learning to say “no” to something if you’ve already got other commitments or before you get to the point of feeling like there is too much to do; allowing something to be “good enough” rather than aiming for the impossible ideal of perfection; getting very clear about your priority, so that distractions come second-fiddle; and allowing the process of taking action towards your dream or goal to be easy and enjoyable instead of expecting it to be hard and painful!

Have you had any experiences of self-sabotage? How did you spot them, and how did you respond? Let us know whether you’ve had dreams derailed by fear, or whether you’ve been able to turn it around. And please do share with us if any of this resonated, or if the 3 steps help you move forwards with your goal!

It’s a concept you’ve probably never considered, but the payoff is huge.

Which thoughts and words?

The most expensive words you’ll ever utter are the excuses you use to rationalise not doing the things you know need to be done.

But guess what? You probably have just a few (instead of dozens) different and recurring excuses you repeatedly use to get out of doing what needs to be done. If you make a shift and eliminate those, you’ll experience a tremendous boost in progress and happiness.

The bad news? You might not be aware of these thoughts and words in the moment because they seem so natural, so appropriate and so accurate and rational for what you feel. Yet, when you stop and reflect on them you’ll see them for what they are – just excuses that give you permission to stay in your comfort zone.

What’s more, you’ve probably been nurturing these excuses for so many years that they’ve become ingrained in your psyche and happen in a flash — stopping you in your tracks, and shutting down your growth without you even noticing what’s happened.

Understand this: These thoughts and words are preventing you from getting what you want.

Said another way: these are the excuses that are keeping you from your dreams; that create chronic internal conflicts (which pull your heart, head and gut in three different directions); that shatter your confidence and self-esteem; that train you to play smaller than you are capable of; that zap your energy and optimism for your life.

Yes, it’s true, these little thoughts and words are that costly and dangerous.

The good news? Once you see – and accept – these words for what they are, they lose their power over you and you stop thinking away your success. Which means you achieve and become much more when these thoughts disappear.

So, what should you do about this?

Do not to place judgement on yourself. Simply start your log with “I’m noticing that I usually/often/sometimes…“

Awareness is always the starting point so I strongly encourage you to start making notes, keeping a log of the excuses (…you may find you’ve been calling them ‘reasons’…) you use for not doing what you know you should do. Take regular notes, or put it in your journal, or create a ‘draft’ email you can quickly open and jot them down, whatever works for you to capture the thought in the moment. But don’t try to be perfect, just start doing it and adapt as you go.

Stop the cycle of excuses and take this small action now – don’t put this off – do this for yourself.  This is too important to delay.

Another key point is not to place judgement on yourself. Simply start your log with “I’m noticing that I usually/often/sometimes…” Just capture what you notice on reflection and reject the temptation to rationalise your rationalisation of these thoughts.

Over time, and possibly quite quickly, you’ll realise you have your own personal ‘choice excuses’.

Why do you set an early alarm and hit snooze for an hour?

Why do you bring your workout clothes to work but never make it to the gym?

Why do you not pick up the phone and ask for the sale instead of hiding behind the safety curtain of email?

Why don’t you tell your partner how you really feel when he/she does that?

Your excuses will be personal to you, but they here are some thought starters to help you recognise them:

• If I don’t check my email one more time before going to bed…
• I can’t start ______ until I am totally organised…
• I can’t start saving until I make more money because….
• I’ve done enough today already…
• I need to be more prepared before I…
• Only when things calm down at work can I….
• I know this food won’t help me achieve my health goals but I deserve it because…
• I never have enough time to….
• I’m too tired to do this now, I’ll do it tomorrow when I feel better…
• My relationship will improve when they….
• And so on…

You don’t need a list that long, and you’ll quickly realise there are 3 or 4 excuses that come up the most often.

The next step, once you’ve identified your ‘choice excuses’, is to remain highly sceptical of their truthfulness and to challenge your automatic response to them. You now recognise them as excuses that prevent you from making real progress. You now are able to loosen their grip on your behaviour. YOU now have the power to make better decisions and take more purposeful action that will lead you closer to your dreams.

So the next time they surface, flip these excuses of why you can’t into reasons of why you MUST take action now if you are going to achieve the success you desire.

Leave a comment below to share what you learned from this and what excuses you now see are holding you back. We’d love to hear from you.

I was lucky enough to attend a workshop of Julia’s here in London recently. Her amazing way of engaging the subconscious and allowing it full expression, despite the ego’s resistance was a wonderful exercise in giving my creativity full reign. I remembered long forgotten dreams of photography, art and dance. Working in pairs we blasted through self-doubt and internal critics to discover what we would truly love to create. And the best thing? It doesn’t have to be perfect.

I have listed below some of the questions that helped us reach this awareness. And I hope that you find them equally challenging and enlightening. And that this self-questioning will take you closer to your heartfelt desires to create – each and every day of your life. Just keep it simple.

1. Family
What did your mother think about artists and creativity?
What did your father think about artists and creativity?

2. What was the art form you practised as a child?

3. What’s the art form you lust after RIGHT NOW?

4. If you had 5 ‘other’ lives what would they be? And what small action can you take right now to taste some of those lives. eg dancer – take dance classes.

5. List 15 things/activities you absolutely love.

6. List 7 artistic U-turns. e.g. I started piano but gave up when I started dating…

7. If you didn’t have to do it perfectly, what would you try right now?  e.g. learn to ride a motorbike, play piano etc

8. List 5 Ways You are Mean to Yourself

9. List 5 Ways You are Loving to Yourself

10. List 5 adventures you’d like to have

11. What Do You Need To Try?

12. What Do You Need to Know?

13. What Do You Need to Accept?

14. Write a letter from your 8-year-old self to your current self.

15. Write a letter from your 80-year-old self to your current self.

Just a few examples of a little creative archaeology! And keep asking yourself, ‘What Do I Love’ You might be surprised at the answer.

HAPPY CREATING!

Today, I’ve been out-of-sorts (or crabbit, as they call it up here!) all day, feeling lethargic and even a bit nauseous… not to mention having trouble concentrating. Why? Largely because I chose to ignore what my body was telling me during the last 24hrs.

Firstly, I was thirsty much of yesterday, yet only managed to drink about 3 glasses of water despite my dry mouth and deep sense of craving. Secondly, I went to bed late even though I was tired and then felt knackered when I awoke in spite of the 9hrs sleep I’d had. And thirdly, I ate a big slab of baked Camembert for lunch rather than finding myself something decent to eat.

We can probably all relate to self-inflicted late nights, over-indulgence and dehydration at times, so what is so significant about this? Basically, because I know better than to do this to myself. Why? Because my body told me so, and has done on many occasions!

I know from past experience that if I am not asleep by about 11pm, then it doesn’t matter how many hours I get, I’ll still wake feeling tired and poorly-rested. I also know that when I am thirsty, I sometimes confuse water cravings for sugar ones… which leaves me feeling doubly bad (because I don’t drink enough water to wash all the sugar out of my system). And I certainly know that when I have dairy these days, I tend to feel sick afterwards – no matter how much I enjoyed it at the time.

I know these things, because my body has repeatedly given me messages confirming them – particularly when I forget myself and decide to splurge with a late night, lots of chocolate or anything creamy! My body is infinitely patient, and despite my continued mistakes, it simply keeps reminding me that I’m not listening.

But the cost is much more than just feeling crabbit all day.

I haven’t taken some of the actions I’d had planned for today to progress my big goals. I have minimised my chance of feeling refreshed and well-rested come the end of the weekend, and will probably find Monday morning more of a struggle because of this. And I also feel guilty, because deep down, I know this is not how my body deserves to be treated.

On top of that, I’ve also re-enforced some of the bad habits I’ve been working to shift – equivalently undoing some of the good work achieved previously. So how can we tune in to our body wisdom to better effect?

Here are a couple of things to try:

• Simply take a few moments to notice how you physically feel after you eat or drink something. Do you feel good? Lethargic? Refreshed? Unwell?
• Likewise, when you wake in the morning how do you feel? Are you ready to bound out of bed? Feeling like you need another night’s rest? Stressed because you’ve hit the snooze button a few times without realising?
• How do you feel at the end of the day, and what were your activity levels? Were you sedentary for most of the day (at a desk, pc or driving etc)? Did you get your body moving with some exercise?
• Use trial-and-error to check how your body reacts to differences in your diet, exercise or sleep patterns. What seems to work best for you?
• Try picking just one thing that works well for you, and persist with it for a while. What differences do you notice? And how do you feel if you ignore the magic of your body wisdom by reverting to an old habit or choice?

Whilst it is best to start with just one thing, rather than trying to overhaul all your physical routines at the one time, do notice what happens when you choose the “wrong” thing… because often one bad choice where we ignore our body wisdom seems to lead to multiple bad choices, and they compound to leave us feeling even worse!

Once we’ve started building our awareness of the messages our body tries to send us, we can start paying more attention to other things like our “gut instinct”, and even our reactions to situations or specific people. There’s an infinite amount of wisdom within our millions of cells just waiting for us to start listening to it!

Leave a comment below and share with us one message that your body repeatedly tries to send you, and what impact it has when you choose to ignore the wisdom! Enjoy the process of becoming more body aware!

One-tenth of 2011 is now gone. How was it for you?

Are you off to a flying start like an Olympic sprinter? Are you really making an effort to do what you want to do? Having more fun, checking off your to-do list with a steady flow of energy and optimism?

Or are you still stuck in the starting blocks? Putting off what really matters to you or perhaps waiting for some issues to clear before starting on your goals for the year? Maybe just postponing real action until you ‘feel more motivated’?

What you do, and how you behave in the first 1/10^th of the year can create massive momentum for the remaining 90% — both positive and encouraging momentum to continue to build on, and sluggish downward-spiral momentum that’s often hard to break away from.

Either way, the past has passed, and what’s done is done. The great news is there is still 90% of the year remaining!  So if you’re not off to an inspiring start, use today as your new beginning and promise yourself not to waste another minute!

It just comes down to the decisions we make right now: do I want more out of this year than last? How would I feel this time next year if I don’t try harder now? I will accept responsibility for my own success and happiness and make sure to take the actions necessary to making this a successful, happy, fun and exciting year and finally take control of living the life I want.

If you’re not sure where to get started, stay tuned for an exciting announcement from ActionPodcast.

This year at ActionPodcast, we have made the same promise – we are going to walk more of our walk and make the most of the next 90%, here’s our commitment: to do more to help you create extreme positive momentum in your life; encourage and inspire you to stay on track and on target for your ambitions and dreams; continue to help you get back up and dust yourself off whenever you fall down and life gets overwhelming.

And of course, there are loads of new helpful blog posts and insightful podcasts on our website to make sure you stay on path for taking everyday action in order to create a year you can really be proud of.  We’ll do it together.

Decide today to do one thing, just one small action right now, that will move you closer to what you want, and soon you’ll be doing more and more things that accelerate your success.

Leave a comment to let us know how your first 10% has been – good or bad – and how you’re going to make the next 10% even better.

Are you looking for new direction and new inspiration this year? Instead of asking others for advice, how about asking yourself these 10 power questions. They’ll give you insights and guidance towards creating the life that you really want.

1.  If tomorrow was your last day on Earth, what would you wish you’d done in your life (but haven’t).

2. Do you have a recurring vision or dream about a particular place, job, activity, people?

3. What do you feel you were put on this Earth to do?

4. What do you care deeply about?

5. Name 5 things you are really good at.

6. Ask 5 people what they think you’re good at.

7. If you had a week all to yourself without any responsibilities, what would you do?

8. What’s the most important decision you are facing right now? What stops you from making it?

9. If I told you that you had unlimited time and resources and that you could do anything you want in life, what would that be?

10. What are the first steps you can take towards doing the work or leading the life you’d love?

Inside your heart is a dream that may yet be unfulfilled. By focusing on what you love, rather than what you feel you should be doing will give you greater energy and insight. One easy way to start is to write non-stop for about 20 minutes, listing all the things you love doing. I did this recently and it was very revealing! Begin using your imagination to create, rather than clinging to a belief system that holds you back. Every single thing you see in the world today was created initially by someone’s imagination. As Lennon himself said: “Imagine…”

The High Street in Halifax at 7pm

This was the question posed to me recently on Twitter. You see, I’ve been spending a LOT of time in Halifax recently. It’s a relatively small town in West Yorkshire, in the north of England. It’s situated in a valley with three main roads in and out of the town. Most of the roads are one-way and traffic can be snarled up for quite some time during rush hour. There are a couple of very large companies based there which means a lot of people commute. This, in my humble opinion, is the root of the problem.

Most people can’t wait to get out, beat the traffic and get home in time for “tea”. This leaves Halifax like a ghost town in the evenings. Most places are closed either on a Monday or Tuesday, or even worse have shut down completely. Walking down the deserted high street in the evenings all I see are pound shops, charity shops, discount bakers, pawn brokers and banks.

So after several visits I must admit I was commenting on the sorry state of the town quite a bit on Twitter. So much so that someone, quite rightly, challenged me with a question that felt like a slap around the face with a cold wet kipper. (No, I have no idea where that analogy came from either).

“There must be something good about Halifax?!”

I very quickly realised that I had fallen into the trap of wallowing. I seemed to be getting some twisted satisfaction providing details of how depressing the town was and how I couldn’t wait to get home to London.

After a few moments, I began to realise that there was something I loved about the place. The people I’m working with are the cream of their area. They are hard working, yet fun and friendly. They take time to help you when you are in need. They are a really great bunch of people to be working with.

So from now on whenever I think about returning to Halifax, I think about my work colleagues, and realise that I’m actually looking forward to seeing them. Sometimes you have to take the good with the bad, but just don’t let the bad bits blur your vision.

So my challenge to you is simple. Think about your current situation and anything that you feel is negative, or that you have a very low opinion of, and ask yourself….

There must be something good about this?

Then let me know what it is!

The January focus on resolutions and new goals almost comes with a sense that if we want to change anything, we’ve got this narrow window of the 1st month of the year in which to make it happen. We might decide to lose weight, clean-out our house, get the garden ready for spring and take on more responsibility at work. We pick a handful of big goals for different areas of our lives that we want to improve, and think we’ll be able to tackle them all at once…

Aside from putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on ourselves, this approach is also ineffectual! Change can be challenging at the best of times, and if we try to do too much at once we may find we are setting ourselves up for failure. It is one thing to pick yourself up & get back on the horse after you’ve taken a fall, but if you’ve fallen off a chair, a motorbike and a cliff in that same week, then you’re unlikely to bounce back up again as easily.

And seriously – falling off the horse is inevitable (no matter what your goal)!

But it is our ability to get ourselves back on-track again that is the difference between success and failure.

So if you leave yourself (and your confidence) feeling so battered and bruised from the falls of multiple challenges, then chances are by March you’ll have abandoned all of them. Disappointed and disheartened, how likely are you to feel enthusiastic about tackling a new change any time soon?

This is definitely a case of (starting with) Less is More.

If you focus on just one or two goals instead, you’ll not only be much clearer about what it is you want to achieve, but you’ll find your confidence is much more resilient, and your efforts much more sustainable in the longer term.

So whilst you might want to save the world, start a new business, write 6 books, get healthy and have a social life in 2011, I’d encourage you to think about one (or two) key goals that you can really focus on this year. But how do you choose which ones are key?

1. Ask yourself: “If I get to the end of 2011 and I have (or have not) achieved this, how will I feel?”
2. Think about the reason why you want each goal, and explore the potential consequences & benefits of achieving them. Which one or two mean the most to you?
3. Remind yourself that it doesn’t mean you’ll NEVER do the other things – this is not a “No”, its just a “No, for now”.

You can always add another goal to your list later in the year – once you’ve got a few months of proof and confidence in the progress you’ve made with your original one.

P.S. If you are determined that 2011 is going to be different, and want it to be your best year yet – then we’re about to announce a really exciting new training event that you definitely won’t want to miss!

Not only will you have quadrupled your chances of staying on-track with your goals, but you’ll also be a lot clearer about your priorities and will make decisions much more easily.

Even if we only pick one or two things to focus on at the start of the year, we are bombarded with new ideas, new changes, new hurdles, new distractions almost constantly. And it is much easier to say no to extra things, and stay focused on what is most important, when you are really clear about what your top priorities are.

Leave a comment and let us know what one or two things you are choosing to focus on this year. Declaring it publicly is a great way to build power, momentum and motivation for YOUR top priority!

It’s a simple question: “How will this year be different for you?” Or perhaps more accurately stated, “How will you make this year different than last year?” Our societies and technologies today give us a gazillion things we can choose to do and pay attention to. What will you choose to do?

Of course, the answer will be different for all of us, but there are some universal ideas that can guide each of us. Borrowing from Brendon Burchard, here are four thoughts to take with you on your 2011 journey.

1. Bring the holiday spirit through the year

The holidays for most of us, represent a time of reconnecting with things and people that matter most to us, of sharing laughter with friends and family, of putting down the blackberry and iPad and just being present with our loved ones. It’s a time where we show appreciation at levels that is rarely seen or felt at other times of the year.

This year, in 2011, how can you show, and just ‘be’ at, new levels of appreciation for those you want in your life? How can you engage with them in more meaningful ways? And what will that do for the level of fulfilment you get from your relationships? How much of that will flow over to other parts of your life? I suggest probably even more than you think at this moment.

2. Build on your greatest lessons from last year

What were your 5 big lessons from 2010 in the person you are, your relationships, your business, your career, your health and vitality for everyday living? What did you learn from your struggles? What were your big successes and what difference did you make?

For this year to be different, you’ve got to think differently, and believe differently. You need a vision bigger than you are right now. You need to dare to shake things up a little, have bigger, bolder thoughts on what is possible. You need to be willing to leave your baggage behind, to shed your doubts and to carry forward in spite of your fears. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the taking of action in the face of your fear. For a more guided process of discovering your lessons from last year, read this previous post from ActionPodcast.

3. Make this a year of action and creation

Whatever your areas of interest, work, and hobbies are, place extra focus and attention on taking more action. Choose small steps over procrastination. Choose big steps to bust through your barriers. Always choose some sort of action instead of over analysis and worry. Place extra value on being effective and efficient rather than being perfect. Operating from a place of ‘creation’ is also an idea worth considering. By that I mean decide what things you’d like to create this year, for example, an even more fun and loving relationship with your spouse, a fantastic close-knit team at work, a healthy and fit new body. Adopting a mindset of ‘creation’ often brings with it more curiousity, fun, playfulness, joy, trial and error, than just treating everything like a chore on your to-do list. You enjoy the process more when trying new things and don’t worry so much if things don’t go exactly as planned.

How would your days and weeks be different if you showed up in a state of curiousity, fun, playfulness and joy more often? If you took more action and learned to love the process of creation?

4. Really, fully, completely LIVE this year

How you show up every day, week and month is ALWAYS your choice. Even when life has got you down, you can choose to stay down and wallow in self-pity, or you can choose to dust yourself off and move on. So this year, decide to be fully alive, to show up on more days with positivity, a healthy dose of friendliness and healthy energy, with more vibrancy and presence, showing more heartfelt appreciation and gratitude for what, and who, you have in your life.

How amazing would you feel if you just decided to be like that each morning? How would your life be different? And, how would that change the lives of those around you?

Make yourself proud. Make it special for those around you. Make 2011 bigger, bolder and more beautiful. Make it one to remember.

Leave a comment and let us know what you will do differently to make this a better year for you and those in your life.

The first week of January is a very potent, magical time. It’s a great opportunity to sit back and reflect on the past year: your successes and achievements, and also a look at things that didn’t work out quite as you’d planned.

Many of us have New Year’s resolutions we’d like to put into action, but all too often by the third week of January, they are forgotten dreams. Put into mothballs for December 31st next year.

If you’re like me, you probably want to change the pattern this year. To somehow stay motivated, pick goals that are attainable (as well as nudging yourself out of your comfort zone) and make your dreams a 3D, tangible reality.

In order to get results in 2011 it’s essential to keep your goals and aspirations SMART:

S: specific, significant stretching.
M: measurable, meaingful, motivational.
A: achievable, attainable, action-oriented.
R: realistic, relevant, results-oriented.
T: tangible, time-based, trackable

So, if your goal is to lose weight, start by joining a gym, work out a regular exercise programme and take a look at eliminating foods from your diet that are keeping the flab on. And be realistic. You’re not going to be totally toned in just 2 weeks, it could take several months. Give yourself treats along the way to encourage and support yourself. Get a gym or exercise buddy who can help you keep accountability and get you to those classes.

If your goal is to write that long thought-about book this year, join a writing class, start a stream of consciousness writing every morning. Take small, achievable steps towards achieving your goal. Have a plan of writing so many words a day – and stick to it.

Carrot or Stick?
Some of us work well when we have a reward in sight, others need deadlines to make us cross the finishing line. Whether you’re a carrot or stick person, work out what works best for you.

Accountability buddy – or life coach
Find a friend or professional coach whom you’ll be accountable to. I’ve found this to be the most successful way to achieve goals. Knowing I have someone to be accountable to ups the stakes and makes me want to succeed that much more.

Create a vision board
Get a piece of large coloured cardboard and start collecting images from magazines that embody the life you want to live. From the geographical location, to the type of partner you want to be with, to the kind of house you want to live in. This is not only a fun exercise, it really works.

Feel into your dreams
Above all, take time out, sit down, close your eyes and begin to imagine your ideal life. Have you been striving for things that in your heart you don’t really want? Once you move from your head to your heart, and begin to use your intuition the answers will come rapidly. You’ll see signs along the way leading you along the perfect path for you. Once you start practising this daily meditation you’ll begin to trust yourself more. And realise that only YOU know what’s best for you.

Happy New Year and happy manifesting!

All I want for Christmas is for you to have a wonderful time and celebrate your festive socks off.

Spend time with friends, family or even if you are working, have an amazing time.

If I did have just one wish though it would be to have you tell your friends and family about Action Podcast and have them listen to one of our podcasts or browse through our blog posts. Let them know there is a free ebook ready and waiting for them too!

HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!

Of all the self-growth practices, perhaps none is more vital than taking the best lessons from the past and using them to design your future.

So as we come of the end of yet another year, here are eight simple yet extremely powerful questions to ensure you capture the most empowering learning from the past year and use those insights and discoveries to propel you into an even more rewarding 2011.

But first, a word of caution and suggestion:  the answers to these questions can be life changing and should not be taken lightly. These questions should not be casually scanned over, with passive thoughts and weak conclusions. These questions are meant to be actively explored, investigated and participated in.  That said, let’s go for it!

Think back to this time last year. Where were you? Who were you spending time with? What were the stresses and joys in your life? What was the theme and major events of your winter, spring, summer and autumn? Where were you hoping you’d be today? Spend 5-10 minutes reminding yourself of what you experienced, created and contributed in 2010.

Take out your notepad or journal and write your answers to the questions below in some detail. Got your pen in hand? Great, here we go…

1. What did you love about your 2010? What were the special moments? What were your most significant achievements? What did you do that you didn’t think you could?

2. How does that make you feel on reflection? Happy? Proud? What are the emotions you remember from those moments? What do you feel as you relive those experiences?

3. What would you like to duplicate in 2011? Which activities, adventures, projects or events would you like to repeat? What would you like to create or share even more of? Where, or with whom, do you want to ensure you spend your time?

4. What did you hate about your 2010? What were you disappointed in? What were your biggest challenges? Where did you struggle the most or under-achieve versus your expectations?

5. What do you not want to happen again in 2011? Put emphasis and focus on things that you can control or can influence instead of unnecessarily worrying about things beyond your power.

6. What did you learn by going through these experiences? Despite the challenges or painful times, what did you learn, how were these experiences incredibly valuable or how did they positively serve you?

7. What decisions did you make in 2010 that were empowering for you? What were some of the most important decisions of the year for you?

8. With that insight, what decisions will you make in 2011 as a result, to make it an extra rewarding and fulfilling year? Building off your insights from the previous questions, what will you continue to do, where do you need to get extra help, what will you stop doing?

If you haven’t written your answers down yet, I really encourage you to do so this week. Set aside 30 minutes to really immerse yourself in this experience. You might just uncover the key to making 2011 an amazing year.

What special lessons are you going to take into 2011? Please leave a comment below, we’d love to hear what you learned from these questions.

But there is a simple solution…

Kindness!

An act of kindness, especially in the midst of chaos, not only makes you and the person you’ve helped feel better – but it can actually help counter-act some of the effects of stress from the festive season too…

We’ve all heard of the ripple-effect: where an action we take has an impact that ripples out like small waves from a pebble dropped in a pond. So if we give the gift of kindness with a smile, or a helping hand, then that will not only benefit the person we’ve helped, but it may well influence how they act towards others and the ripples continue spreading. What a wonderful gift to share!

But watching David R. Hamilton’s short video message has taught me something I didn’t know – that the chemicals produced when we connect with someone through an act of kindness can actually counter-act the effects of stress that we might be experiencing due to other pressures of the festive season. In fact, David suggests that a genuine hug can even lead to us having a healthy heart!

Now – I’ve done a wee bit of study into the physiological and mental impacts of stress, and the stress-hormones that are created within our bodies, and ANY way to reduce the impact of these stressful times is well worth trying. So, here’s a festive challenge for you wrapped up as a gift:

• When you are in a busy shop, take a moment to really thank the person serving you, and acknowledge how challenging it must be to deal with demanding customers at this time of year. Try this even if the service wasn’t as festive as you’d have liked!
• Smile at someone when you are standing at a bus stop, walking down the street in the snow, or waiting in a queue. Make eye contact with them briefly, and share a genuine smile – most people will smile back automatically (it is almost contagious!)
• Plan a small Christmas gift for someone you wouldn’t normally give to. It could be a neighbour you don’t know well, an acquaintance or someone random. The gift itself doesn’t have to be much – homemade sweeties, a beautiful card or a scratch-lottery ticket. The surprise will be as much a gift as what you give.
• Support a charity – at this time of year and in this economy, charities need all the support they can get. A few hours or a few pounds spent sorting out unwanted clothes from your wardrobe, or offering pet-food to an animal shelter or wildlife hospital could be a real act of kindness that has a massive impact.

Whatever you choose to do, one act of kindness can go a long way.

So as soon as you start noticing yourself getting stressed or tense with festive worries or complaints, just pause for a second and give yourself the gift of kindness by offering it to someone else!

1 Act of Kindness = Happiness to you, Joy to the Receiver, AND reduced Festive stress-levels!

Add your ideas for small acts of kindness to the comments below to help inspire other readers, and please let us know how an act of kindness has helped transform a situation for you too!

It was always going to be a wild challenge, and early on it grew a tail as well as threatening teeth & claws! But it has taken all my resources as a coach and a life-long learner to stick with it. The challenge is to write 30,000 words in 30 days – which is quite a stretch from the only other piece of lengthy writing I’ve done (6,000 words over a few months). I started with one month of research, followed by one month of planning, and yet November has still felt under-prepared.

I’d completed a SMARTER (Specific, Measurable, Appealing, Realistic, Timely, Ecological, Resourceful) goal analysis, and broken it down into more manageable chunks by deciding to write 1,000 words a day. But within the first week of the challenge I was already 4,000 words behind!

Where did I stumble?

• Measuring too much: with the focus on writing 1,000 words each day, I was continually using “word count” as I typed, to measure my progress. This was counter-productive, as it disrupted my flow and was demoralising when the numbers were increasing more slowly than I’d expected.
• Not acknowledging my success: Paul & I are such fans of back-patting ourselves because it really works. But I was forgetting to do it, because I was focusing on how far behind schedule I was. By the end of week 2, I had caught up with my anticipated progress, and only then remembered to celebrate my achievement.
• Didn’t plug the experience gap: whilst writing is something I love doing, I have almost never written dialogue, and it hadn’t occurred to me to plug that gap with some practice ahead of time. For every hour I spend typing dialogue, it is probably accompanied by another hour of thinking about what and how it will be “said”.
• Validation Catch-22: all new ideas or works of creativity are fragile things to begin with. I decided to protect the story from myself and others’ opinions (by not sharing or editing it); but this felt like writing into a void. I needed external validation other than word-count, and eventually chose one person I felt I could entrust the first chapter to. Definitely the right decision, as it has helped confirm that I can translate the magic in my imagination onto ‘paper’ for others to share.

I’m now at over 15,200 words – so how did I turn it around?

• One word at a time! 1,000 words a day is still a large chunk, so by acknowledging that every word counts and breaking my focus into smaller baby-steps, it has helped me to keep going even when I was struggling. I also stopped using the word-count function so regularly, and forgave myself for having fallen behind!
• My challenge, MY growth. I knew what this challenge meant to me, and by reminding myself of how I would feel once I’d completed it, helped me to push on when I was sleep-deprived or upset or uncertain how to continue. This is different to my purpose (“why” I was doing it: to save the Scottish Wildcats), but equally important. For me this is about personal integrity and commitment and contribution.
• Asking for help! There have been a great range of people supporting me through this: with enthusiasm, ideas, promotion, sponsorship donations and encouragement – including the occasional reminder of what I’m achieving! By being able to ask for support when I needed it most, has meant I’ve not been striving alone.
• Mantras for Momentum. Before I started writing, I was plagued by doubts about what I’d put into motion when I committed to this crazy challenge! So I created three short mantras that serve to balance me: “I give thanks that I am writing what I’m meant to write. I give thanks that the sponsorship donations are increasing daily. I give thanks that we are saving the Scottish Wildcats”.

I am deeply grateful for all the support I’ve received, and feel honoured to be doing something that will make a real and much-needed difference. And thank YOU too, because being part of ActionPodcast.com has taught me so much about myself and how I tackle challenges, that I am sure I wouldn’t be here at this point without the AP team and all our listeners and readers who’ve been with us over the last couple of years!

♥  Sam

“Think about an action you’ve been considering: which of the tips above would allow you to avoid some of the early hurdles before they trip you up?”

We all face stumbling-blocks in our daily lives, as well as during times when we step out of our comfort zones; and many of these techniques for success can be applied to any challenge that we set ourselves – large or small.

If you are feeling inspired after reading this, or want to share the details of a challenge you’ve set yourself, then we would love to hear from you. Please rate this post, add a comment and don’t forget to check out our ebook packed with 80 great tips to help you create every day action momentum!

Uncertainty in whether their surgery will allow them to walk normally again, uncertainty in where their next pay cheque is coming from, uncertainty on whether their role will be eliminated in the corporate reorganisation.

How much uncertainty you can handle has a dramatic impact on the quality of your days, weeks, and life. There are a few powerful distinctions that you need to make to survive times when you don’t know the outcome or how things will get resolved.

Myth: Uncertainty causes anxiety

Fact: Uncertainty is part of life, how you respond (think, feel) is a choice

When we think safety, security and stability are necessary for our happiness, and get anxious and fearful when they aren’t guaranteed in our current situation, we must realise that we can ALWAYS choose how we respond.

Some things we can’t control. But what we always control are our attitudes, thoughts and which resources and people we draw on to keep us moving forward and our heads held high.

For example, two people get made redundant from the same jobs in the same company. One person freaks out, convinced they will never find anything else in this ‘bad economy’. The other person quickly updates their CV (resume) and starts making contacts in their network, confident in their abilities and looking to gain an even better job. Same ‘job uncertainty’, very different choice of response.

Myth: Uncertainty is a bad thing

Fact: Good and bad depends on your perspective and what you choose to focus on

If you’re going through a tough time, and are worried about the outcome, remember there are always two sides to any situation.

If you feed your fears with all the negative possibilities, it definitely will seem like a very bad situation. But when you seek out the positive, you will always find it – the good is always there when you look for it.

This could be new opportunities that you hadn’t considered before, new skills you’re going to learn as you solve the problem, new lessons you’ll learn that will dramatically, and positively, impact your decisions going forward.

A case in point – someone very close to me recently found out they were a victim of an investment fraud and lost a considerable amount of their life savings. Their immediate response was “I’ll guess I’ll have to create more value in my business to earn that all back as soon as I can”. No panic, no depression, no anger, no ‘why me…’

They chose a powerful path to not only to focus on earning back that loss, but it challenged them to think bigger and wider on how this will spur them on to growing their business in whole new ways.  Sure they were in shock and saddened by this very ruthless crime but they chose not to dwell in that negative state and quickly shifted their energy to build empowering momentum for a profitable future.

Myth: Uncertainty must be tamed

Fact: The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the amount of uncertainty you can handle

When you accept that life is one big bundle of uncertainties, and quit trying endlessly to prevent events outside your control, you open up to the wonders of learning, growing and an abundance of happiness that is always there for you.

The next time you are hit with a situation leaving you uncertain about the outcome, make sure you stop and review how you are responding. And more importantly, decide how you would really like to respond…then choose wisely on what happens next.

How do you handle uncertain times? What strategies or experiences have you had that worked really well for you? Leave a comment to let us and the other readers know. We’d love to hear from you and you might just change someone’s life in the process.

Last week I did my first speech – The Icebreaker.

It’s good title for the first Toastmaster speech and one that every new Toastie probably dreads. I know I’d been thinking about doing mine for a month or two, before finally pushing myself out of my comfort zone and onto the floor at this week’s meeting.

The Icebreaker is your chance to tell your fellow club members a little about yourself and practice your speaking skills (from 4 to 6 minutes). You will also get positive and constructive feedback on the skills you already have, and those you need to work on a little. One of the major things I love about Covent Garden Toastmasters is the incredibly supportive environment. Everyone wants you to do well and with a philosophy of commend, recommend, commend, you can’t go wrong.

Here’s what the official Toastmasters manual has to say about the Icebreaker:

For your first speech project, you will introduce yourself to your fellow club members and give them some information about your background, interests, and ambitions. Practice giving your speech to friends or family members, and strive to make eye contact with some of your audience. You may use notes during your speech if you wish. Read the entire project before preparing your talk.

Objectives
 • “Break the ice” – To begin speaking before an audience by introducing yourself to fellow Club members.
 Begin to understand what strengths you already have, and areas that require particular emphasis in your speaking development.
 Time: Four to six minutes.

For my own Icebreaker, I decided to share some brief details about my background (long lists of ‘I did this’ and ‘I studied that’ can get a little boring, I feel) together with a memorable moment from my past. Thanks to help from my mentor, plus a few tips gleaned from a couple of great books, I remembered to warm up my voice beforehand, breathe (in as well as out) and have some strong coffee to keep me awake (It was 7am!).

I’m happy to say it all went even better than I imagined and I didn’t have to forage in my pocket for notes. The feedback I received was very encouraging and gave me great advice for my future speeches, one of which was to ensure I finish with a strong and relevant ending.

Here are a few of my own tips for those of you about to break the ice:

1.    Prepare your beginning and your ending first. They need to be strong to engage your audience, and leave them wanting more at the end.

2.    Make sure your story has a structure. Avoid taking your audience up the garden path – and leaving them there!

3.    Don’t try to memorise every word. It’s your story, so no one will know if you bend it like Beckham and ad lib here and there. Go with the flow.

4.    Try to vary you pitch and tone. Use pauses for emphasis. Pausing also gives you time to breathe and gather your thoughts. It also stops you from panicking. It certainly helped me!

5.    Engage your audience through eye contact. People love to be acknowledged. Obviously avoid headless chicken and 360-degree head movements or mad stares. Just pick a few people across the room and hold their gaze for a few seconds.

6.    Imagine you are speaking to just a few of your friends.

7.    Avoid hand-clasping in front of you, or windmill arms. It can be distracting for the audience. Keep your hands loosely by your sides and use them for emphasis or illustration only.

Please write in and let us know your own experience of Toastmasters, or if you’ve overcome the fear of public speaking! We’d love to hear from you.

That’s a nice ideal to work towards, but it is as ridiculous as it is impossible!

We are simply human – and I sometimes like to think of humanity as “perfect in our imperfection”. I might try to radiate love, but I certainly don’t manage it 100% of the time. And whilst I’m increasing the success and happiness and fulfillment in my life (& hopefully inspiring it in others), there’s a long way to go yet.

In fact, for me – working on these goals and dreams and visions sometimes comes at a cost to those closest to me; when I’ve run out of time or energy or the amount of ‘me’ that I have available to share. So I’m definitely not perfect.

The critical factor though, is one that allows me to feel I’m being authentic and operating from integrity as a coach and as a person. And that is my willingness to look at my darker sides, and to always work on improving myself.

Every time I react in a way that is inappropriate, unbecoming or even childish…

Every time I say something I don’t mean, that is inconsiderate or hurtful…

Every time I disappoint myself, or let myself and others down…

I am fully aware that I have a choice about my behaviour.

The point of awareness is almost like watching yourself from an out-of-body experience: you can see/hear yourself in a situation, and part of you thinks “Why am I saying/doing that? That’s not who I want to be” but there can be a sense of powerlessness in the moment, as you watch the scene play out.

I could choose to ignore that awareness, and next time round behave in exactly the same way. But that is not who I want to be. It is painful looking at the parts of yourself that you’d rather hide; and to change them sometimes feels like putting them on display for everyone to judge. But it is our own judgement we’re actually hiding from.

So, instead of judging, think about the last time you said or did something that was out of integrity, and get curious:

• Why might I have behaved in that way?
• How would I have liked to behave?
• What are some other alternatives?
• What can I learn from this?

There is no guarantee that you’ll get it right next time, but you will certainly have a stronger sense of choice when the moment comes. And step by step, you’ll move closer to being more of the person you want to be.

After all, that’s the most we can ask of ourselves – which is far more realistic than trying to be perfect.

It’s no surprise that a common theme amongst books today is ‘Leadership in Tough Times’.  It’s an interesting topic, and one that applies to the business world as much as it does to our own personal lives.

How do you respond in tough times, when life presents a ‘major problem’? Do you get angry and look to lay blame on others? Do you freeze like a deer in headlights, convincing yourself you don’t know what to do next? Maybe you seek shelter from the storm by running to a friend, the fridge or some other pleasure-seeking distraction? Do you just cover your head and hope it will go away?

Or do you behave in a way that empowers you? That enables you to rise to the challenge and accept responsibility for making a change? Have you developed emotional fortitude to confidently face the tough times and strengthen your willpower to overcome the odds?

On reflection, I realise I have developed a few core beliefs that help me to keep calm and determined when things get shaky, leaving extra reserves of emotional strength to lead myself and others towards better times.

1. There is no problem I can’t handle

I have a belief that God won’t give me a problem that I can’t handle. Regardless of how ferocious, colossal or down-right nasty the problem is, I trust that I will be able to handle it.

It doesn’t mean I will know the answer or enjoy dealing with it, or not freak out along the way. But rather, I have faith that my capacity – and the capacity within each one of us – to take on enormous challenges is always greater than we think it is. I will use my strengths, my creativity and my resourcefulness to find the solution and make it so. One bad problem does not overrule all the good I have in my life, and keeping it in perspective really helps.

Tough times won’t destroy you. You can handle it, and I know you will.

2. The bigger the problem, the more I will grow

As a powerful complement to that first belief, I know that when a problem lands, it’s just another occasion where I am going to be challenged to grow. It’s an opportunity to learn more about myself, my compassion and my abilities. The bigger the challenge the more I will have to dig deeper into my convictions, to use resources I forgot I had, to work on strengthening my will, my faith and take my next step forward.

I understand and recognise that it will teach me important lessons (including painful ones I don’t want to face) and cause me to come out on the other side a better, stronger man for the experience.

This isn’t a belief or perspective I’ve always had: it’s one that surfaced a few years ago and serves me very well to keep a level head and spend more time focusing on finding a solution, than dwelling in the pain of the problem. Pain is a part of life, suffering is a choice.

It sounds odd, but now on some level when a big problem arises, I actually get a little excited to see what I’m going to learn and how I’m going to grow from this. This has totally shifted my approach and empowers me like nothing before.

That’s not blind optimism; it’s a truth that is always there for you to see as soon as you decide to be open and look for it.

3. Leaders are made in tough times

It’s easy to be a leader when things are going well. Profits rising? What an outstanding CEO! Back-to-back championships? The captain and the coach are the greatest of all time! Yet, the true test of a leader is when things turn for the worst. Can she remain focused yet flexible to still achieve her goals? Can he rally the troops to not lose confidence and inspire them to dig deeper, work harder and become closer as a team?

I see tough times as a calling for me to step up and become the leader I am meant to be.

When the going gets tough, you need to believe, not doubt; to create, not destroy; to bond not separate; to step up and  defy the odds, set a new standard for yourself and those around you.

Having all these empowering beliefs, does not exempt me from misfortune and periods of immense pain. So when stuff happens I simply remind myself that ‘this too shall pass’.

All pain is temporary. Yes, the sun will rise again and there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Despite all your best intentions, keen desire and self-belief, sometimes you just can’t fix the situation. But hold on to the knowing that tough times won’t last forever. You CAN handle this, and the experience WILL enable you to become more of who you are meant to be.

How might these ideas help you to respond differently in the future? Leave a comment to share how you used to respond in tough times, or what you find works best for you in coping with big challenges. Other readers, and I, will appreciate hearing from you.

It’s a great phrase, ‘comfort zone’. It sounds so familiar, so safe, so secure.  A sure haven where we can rest a while – for centuries even – and never leave. So instead of taking risks, stepping out and seeing what we really are capable of in life, we tend to expand our comfort zones. Ever increasing circles. Ever decreasing opportunities. Clever, or so our mind thinks, but not a very practical nor far sighted life strategy. Believe me, there are times when I’ve stayed in mine for years. And serve me it has not.

So how can we mitigate the reptilian fears that come up every time a new opportunity in life arises, or new challenges, whether they be work, relationships, moving home, moving country? The list is endless. I’ve realised one of the major obstacles to escaping the zone of comfort is an often debilitating and incapacitating fear of the unknown. What we do not know we fear. Is it safe? Can I go there? Can I really be happy? Is it the right move? We all want to make sure it’s safe before we take that leap of faith. And a leap of faith is really what it’s all about. Learning to take that action, trust ourselves and then build up our self-confidence to take more leaps of faith. Giant leaps into more fulfilling, creative and happier lives, relationships and geographical surroundings.

We cannot know with utter certainty – even the most psychic among us – what really lies ahead. We can only imagine. Imagining the worst often attracts the worst case scenario; imagining the best will create that for us. What you think you become as Buddha said. Moving out of our comfort zones involves giving a polite nod to that part of our brain that is on continual red alert. Tell it that we are grateful that it’s doing it’s job so well, but its high time it took the A40 to Brighton and had a day off.

I can remember the time very clearly that I did my first – and only – parachute jump. Leaping, or in my case edging nervously out of a plane at 2000ft meant – to my rational mind – certain death. But I had total confidence, and the recklessness of youth, in my parachute opening. And it did.

My methods of moving out of my comfort zone include the following:

1. Just do it. Take action, no matter how small to move you one step ahead.

2. Equip yourself with as much information you can about your intended move.

3. Talk to people you know who have successfully moved out of their comfort zones. How did they do it? And what benefit did they get out of it?

4. Trust your own intuition. Only you know what’s best for you. So if you want to jack in your day job as a trader and practise beekeeping in Sussex. Do it!

5. Learn to listen to your emotions. Our minds tend to rationalise and find reasons for not doing things. Our emotions and feelings are great motivators, however. If the same thoughts around change keep coming up in your mind, then find ways of following these messages and move out of your comfort zone.

Trust me, taking action to move out of your comfort zone, whether it be a big push or baby steps, will be well worth it! Take the risk and dare to feel the fear and do it anyway!

I’d love to hear how you’ve successfully busted through your own comfort zones – and the benefits you gained by doing so. Feel free to leave your thoughts in the box under this post.

All of it actually, as I was born in 1970, October 5th to be precise. So
those of you quick off the mark will realise that very, very soon I’ll
be hitting the big 4-0.

As a child, I can recall thinking that in the year 2000 I would be 30
years old. It blew my mind to think that I would be a fully grown man
then, maybe even married. I even remember thinking ‘I wonder what I’ll
be like when I’m 40?’. But that was just a step too far for my young mind
to comprehend.

In my teenage years, I wished 30 would come quickly as I felt that being
a teenager I wasn’t taken seriously. It was a frustrating time. Feeling
old enough to understand the world I lived in, yet still treated like a
child without a clue.

In my 20s, I went a bit wild, to say the least. It was a rather ‘busy’
and hedonistic time that showed me glimpses of another world. That world
could have easily swallowed me whole, chewed me up and spat me out as
nothing but a quivering wreck or worse. Thankfully, I did manage to
survive my own escapades. And I learnt that what could best be described as addictive behaviour, if left unchecked, could have been the ruin of me.

Then I hit 30. It was the magical age I had dreamed of as a child. So
now I’m at the end of my 39th year, what did it really hold for me?

Everything I thought it would. I finally found and married my partner.
Whenever I look at the ring on my finger I feel proud. Especially as
being gay and married to a man is a triumph of the age we live in today
and that we reside in the UK. I live in an amazing apartment in central
London, with views (albeit obstructed) of the world famous Tower Bridge.
I became a coach, which has allowed me the privilege of being there for
people at a time when they needed help the most.

I created ActionPodcast.com with four amazing people, and it has taken us on the
most amazing journey of exploration, and the most exciting thing is that
it’s really only just started!

This proves to me that if you have the courage to dream, the rewards
will be greater than you could possible imagine.

True team work!

It is such a joy to be part of the AP team, and I think this has been a vital factor in our success because we all truly love what we’re creating together. But it has very much been a roller-coaster ride, rather than smooth sailing – so I’m inspired to share some top tips for team work at this fortuitous time.

• Acknowledge & Accept Uniqueness: Chris, Gina, Paul and I are totally different people! We have different strengths, different passions and different foibles! Every team is filled with individuals, and when this is recognised and appreciated – everyone has the chance to feel that they belong and can find their own place within the group.
• Seek Other Perspectives: Not only are we unique, but we also have different opinions! Instead of arguing or simply agreeing about an idea, we always try to explore the reasons behind why we each feel the way we do. Having four (or more) perspectives means that your team are more likely to be better prepared, and to have considered most alternatives before deciding on the option that best suits the team’s objectives.
• Regularly Re-Clarify Objectives: The times we’ve nearly ‘slipped off the rails’ have been times when we lost sight of our joint objectives. By re-clarifying what our team focus is every month or two, we are much more aligned on everything we do. Checking regularly that everyone understands the reason why the team exists and what the group’s priorities are will ensure that issues or confusion are raised and resolved much sooner, and acts as a rudder to keep the team on track.
• Ask For Help: There are times when each of us needs to step back a pace, and the others naturally step forward to pick up the slack. The attention and effort we can each commit to ActionPodcast varies week to week, and we cope best as a team when we know where the others stand. When individuals feel safe to ask for help, or admit that they need to step back slightly, it not only gives the rest of the team a chance to keep things running smoothly but also lets people stretch their wings and feel helpful.
• Agree to Disagree: Not every decision we make is unanimous, and there are times when we have to go with a majority vote. We are often guided by what our group mission and objectives are, so that we consistently move in the best direction. In a team it is important to respect each person’s opinion, and also the fact that a decision ultimately needs to be made – so agreeing to disagree allows the team to move forwards without people taking it personally or getting upset.
• No right or wrong: The 4 of us have different ways of approaching things from where to start, what type of plan is needed, what we most enjoy or dislike, to how we communicate or receive information. We got off to a great start with a new project when we realised we don’t all need to start at the same point. In a race, runners have staggered starting points but all understand that they are running in the same direction around the same track – operating in this way as a team can allow everyone to find their own rhythm and contribution – without needing to have a single starting point.

Which of these 6 tips would make the biggest difference to a team you are part of just now?

Being a member of a team can bring many complications, personality-clashes and emotions, yet I can emphatically say that being part of the AP team has taught me so much about myself and how I interact with others – and I wouldn’t change it for anything! I am very capable on my own, but I thrive within the group and truly feel I add as much value to the team as I receive from being part of it. In fact, to borrow a cliche – the whole is much greater than the sum of its parts!

On behalf of the AP team we would also like to send heartfelt thanks to you and all our listeners for your support, comments and questions – we couldn’t do this without you!

We would love to hear from you – so please leave us a comment below or contact one of the AP team directly. If you haven’t already – then Sign up to receive our podcasts directly to your inbox with an additional weekly blog post! You’ll also be the first to receive a copy of our new e-Book – launching soon!

Yet, how often do you follow your own advice to others?

Do you find yourself telling colleagues they should leave the office on time and get home to more important things while you stick around just a bit longer to write ‘just one more email’?

Have you told a particularly stressed friend that they really ought to take a break and treat themselves to an afternoon at a spa or R&R in the local park, while your common stress-busting strategy is to just keep fighting through it?

Do you and your partner often discuss how great it would be to take in more of the cultural treats and opportunities that your area of the country offers, only to see another six months pass without actually doing anything about it?

Perhaps these examples don’t exactly resonate with you…but I’m sure there are other situations that you have clearly and boldy, with respect and genuine care for another’s well-being, given someone sound advice. Yet, you yourself haven’t gotten around to acting on the same advice or made the time to take care of what’s important to you.

“Do as I say, not as I do” was a popular mantra of a former teacher of mine. Why is it easier to confidently give advice but not have the depth of conviction that we should also follow such solid advice? Why is it easier to tell others what is good for them, while we continue to practice bad habits that are counter-productive in our own life, and the complete opposite of our own words of wisdom.

Actually, a more important question would be “What is a great piece of advice you’ve given recently, that would also help you, but you haven’t taken action in your own life?” Something to ponder for sure.

The point is not to dwell on all the reasons and excuses you haven’t acted, but rather to challenge you to begin walking your talk more consistently. Step up and take on your own advice. Be a shining example for those around you. If your insights are helpful to others, wouldn’t acting on that direction yourself be even better for both of you?

Next time you want to give some advice, look in the mirror first and challenge yourself to do the same. It’s time you benefited as much as your friends from your thoughtful words of wisdom.

Leave a comment to let us know what advice of yours you’ve been avoiding, and what action you might take from reading this post. You’ll help others take action as well.

I found it the other week while sorting out old boxes of memories and paperwork. Finding it really touched my heart: the hopes and dreams of a young girl with an incredible imagination. What amazed me even more is that only a few of the 10 items on my list remain to be ‘done’!

Circumnavigating both Poles could be quite a challenge, but going to Egypt and riding a horse around the Pyramids is certainly within reach. Learning to scuba dive. Check. Flying in a helicopter. Check.

It made me wonder why I hadn’t continued to make Wish Lists – and how powerful they can be. Pretty much like a mood board where you stick images of your ‘wished for’ life in images, simply writing down the words has a magic to it for sure.

I’ve decided to write down my lists more often, and this time look at them more frequently than every 20 years!

I’d love to hear if any of you have made your own wish lists from when you were younger – and if you’ve accomplished or are even living out those dreams today.

Happy wish listing!

I wish I could tell them everything will be fine by the time they wake up tomorrow, but it won’t.

I wish I could ease their burden by taking away or fixing some significant part of their problems, but that’s just not possible.

I wish I knew exactly the right words to say: one magic phrase to help them through this. Sadly, I’m not magician.

It’s a horrible thing to be going through for anyone. I feel terrible that there’s no way I can fix things for them and make everything better. Even sending money would only bring mild and very temporary relief. The only thing I can offer them that will make a difference, is my time. By talking through with them what undoubtedly must feel like one of the worst times in their life.

I know for sure that when I went through hard times myself, it wasn’t so much what people said, but that they still wanted to talk to me. My friends and family didn’t have all the answers. Often they struggled to fully understand how much pain and suffering I was going through.

But the fact that they tried made the world of difference.

Out of all the conversations, there will be that one word or idea that seemed to provide just a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. Talking to them was often uncomfortable as I would have to be more open and honest than I would really have liked, and I’m sure at times, they felt that way too.

I realised that it was those people that were my light at the end of the tunnel. Without them I would have never found my way out. I hope, in some way, I can be that light for my friends who are in need right now.

Now I have to confess that I suffer from post-exam stress more than pre-exam stress – and I’m the first to admit that you can’t change anything after the fact so worrying about it once you’ve left the exam room makes no sense whatsoever. But when I was studying for my exam in Higher Psychology earlier this year, I had a lot of respect for my classmates who were taking multiple subjects (when I was doing just the one for fun). What did concern me though, was that I hadn’t sat a 2.5hr long exam for at least 10 years!

If you google it, there are actually lots of resources online that will give you tips and methods for dealing with pre-exam stress, and extra support may also be available through your educational institution and/or your local doctor (GP) if you are suffering more than most. It would seem silly for me to rehash info that is already out there, so instead I’ll share some unusual tips that I picked up whilst doing my Higher this year:

1. When we are trying to learn something, our brain makes connections to things we already know or stuff that is meaningful to us, which might be why we learn things that we’re really interested in much quicker than something we find boring. Even if a mathematical equation or a topic we need to learn seems totally annoying – we can create our own meaning for it that makes it more memorable. An example of this is that I can still remember SOH CAH TOA from high-school trigonometry because someone once told me it was a swear word in another language! Whether it was or not, it clearly appealed to my sense of humour all those years ago as I can still remember it to this day.
2. Memory and concentration can be affected by your mood and how you are physically feeling, but this isn’t just about making sure you are comfortable when you go into the exam (like not being too cold, or needing to go to the bathroom etc). For example, if you learn something whilst you are feeling excited then chances are you’ll find it easier to recall the info when you are feeling excited again rather than grumpy. Before you start studying, spend a minute thinking about feeling confident, focused and energised. Take a break every 30mins or so whilst studying and repeat it. Then before you go into your exam, take a few minutes to tap back into that feeling – this will not only distract you from feeling stressed, but will also help your memory to tune in on things you learnt whilst you were feeling that way.
3. Memory can also be strongly influenced by the environment we are in at the time of learning, and sometimes that means we need that same environment to be able to remember things. Use this to your advantage by studying in conditions that are as close to those of the exam as possible! This does mean that studying with the TV on in the background, whilst lying down, or late at night can be less helpful than studying somewhere like the library during the day, seated at a desk. It might sound boring – but try it for yourself and see if it makes a difference.
4. Past exam papers are widely available for most topics, and whilst I certainly found doing a few of them under timed conditions helped me, there is another way that these can be an important part of your preparation. Simply read through the questions from at least 4-6 past papers. Chances are, there will be a wide variation of the types of questions asked, how they are worded, and what parts of the topic they ask about. This means that you may spot a few that you’ve got no idea how to answer – in which case it might pay to do a bit of extra study on those questions. It also means you’ll be more familiar with the style of questions that you may face when you open the exam paper, so you are less likely to be caught off-guard.
5. Study in a way that works for you. There is no right or wrong way to study, and what works for one person might not work for another. Notice whether you find it easier to simply read through text books and make summaries, write out your notes multiple times, use mind-maps or visual images, rhymes and acronyms or different colours to highlight things: whatever works best for you, is the best way to do it!
6. Last but not least – don’t indulge the feelings of stress! This might sound impossible or just ridiculous, but if we focus on the stress and bad stuff then it’s like a broken record. Every time you find yourself worrying about your exams, choose to think about something else instead. You might choose to think about something totally different like your favourite hobby/song/colour (as a distraction), or you could choose to focus on how good you’ll feel when you get the exam result you wanted (visualising your success), or reverse the stressful thought so “I’ll fail my exams” becomes “I’ll pass my exams” (the opposite of the stressful thought). Each time you catch yourself thinking negatively about your exams, change your thought! This might mean you need to do it a lot to begin with, but gradually your thoughts will become more helpful.

Of course, none of these tips will overcome a lack of planning or refusal to study – and the sooner you start preparing, the more preparation you’ll be able to fit in before exam-day. At high-school I tended to cram rather than get myself organised, but the one thing ActionPodcast and my experience has taught me is that a little (tiny) bit of effort every day is far more effective than a whole lot in one big go!

Good studying, and remember – small steps each day!

I’ve learned that we – the average, everyday person – are capable of changing our lives in numerous ways, dramatic ways (!) and faster than most might believe. Many people are wanting or hoping to improve their situation in some way: to lose weight, save more money, develop more meaningful relationships, take on more interesting or engaging hobbies, travel more, give back more, and the list goes on. Many just want to feel alive again.

So what is stopping us and what can we do about?  In our world today, it is so easy to get overwhelmed with all the choices and distractions that surround us continuously. Information overload is a new problem of the 21st century. The subsequent setback is that overwhelm usually leads to inaction. Our brain gets flooded with ideas, reasons, excuses and worries – clouding our best intentions and completely confusing us on what to do next.

This in turn kills our momentum and blocks our progress. Over time, lack of motivation sets in and it’s a slow, steady decline into a less than totally-fulfilled life of ‘same-old, same-old’ mixed in with regrets of what could have been. Before we know it, we have settled for ‘our lot in life’ and forget to imagine anything more for ourselves. This naturally leads to frustration and guilt about the gap between where we expected we’d be and where we actually are in our lives.

In my quest to understand the difference between those that do and those that don’t, and through all the “success strategies” and “inspirational stories”, the “best advice” and “insider secrets”, there is one success tip that stands above all the rest and never fails. One that the world’s greatest do consistently, and where those just starting their journey always begin.

When in doubt, take baby steps.

Nothing will build momentum more directly. Nothing will get you climbing the life ladder faster. Nothing will start to rebuild your confidence sooner.

When in doubt, take baby steps.

When you feel frustrated that you’re behind on your progress, just do one thing, no matter how small or inconsequential it may seem at the time, towards the direction of your goal. When you’re afraid at the mountain you’ve got to climb, just focus on taking the first step. When you’re stressed you won’t be able to do it perfectly, start by taking your best shot and adjust as you go, but just start.

When in doubt, take baby steps.

Baby steps may feel insignificant at first, but they are always better than standing still. Baby steps may feel too slow, but you will quickly gain momentum. Baby steps may feel too weak for your massive dreams, but they give you immeasurable strength to keep moving.

Take baby steps, and you stop doubting.

Stop doubting and you start believing (again).

Start believing, and you start moving forward.

Start moving forward, and you begin moving faster.

The only way to achieve what is important to you, to create a fulfilling life, and to live life on your terms, is to continue moving forward. Press on when the odds are against you, keep walking when the road gets rough and soon you’ll be looking back at the miles you’ve travelled, one baby step at a time.

When you think it’s too late to change, it isn’t, it’s simply time to take the first step, a baby step, and before you know it, you’ll be exactly where you want to be, taking giant strides once again, and watching your life become as fulfilling as you know it is meant to be.

What baby steps can you take right now? What is one action that you can do today to get unstuck? Leave a comment to let us know how this thought helped you and you will inspire other readers to do the same!

“Let us be silent, that we may hear the whispers of the gods.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Silence. Silenzio. Silence. Silêncio. Schweigen. Šutnja. Stilte.
Whatever language you speak, the word silence means the same thing. More than just quietness, it also signifies a certain peace.

Simon & Garfunkel’s seminal The Sound of Silence was written the year I was born, and has always been one of my all time favourite songs. Listening to it as a child I would wonder aloud, what was the sound that silence made? Did it actually have a sound, a vibration to it? I think it does… it whispers things for sure.

If you live in a busy city then noise is a part of life. Even if you live in the country you have the noise of your incessant thoughts to keep you agitated. Peace is not that easy to come by it seems. TV, mobile phones, planes, trains, automobiles, screaming kids, screaming adults. No wonder we choose to self medicate so often: drink, drugs, sex – all ways of drowning out the roar and going into a quieter zone. It’s a self-medicating way of meditating; one of the few times when our minds actually stop.

So how can we get this longed for peace without Class A, a dried up liver, or chanting with the llamas? How can we find the silence in ourselves? For it’s in the silence that we find all the answers we seek. Inspiration and ideas come to us quite loudly – in silence.

So to clear the extraneous sounds – inside and out – here are some suggestions to access and enjoy your own Sounds of Silence:

1. Take a walk on the wild side and get into the country. Or find out where your nearest park or beach or forest or hill or nature trail or ocean is – and go explore! Breathe in some fresh air and feel your whole body relax and your mind switch off. Nature has a beautiful way of healing us, just like that.

2. Just S.T.O.P what you’re doing. Now! Seriously, just sit, stand and stare at the sky for at least 5 minutes. Do nothing. Stop standing there and do nothing.

4. Get up very early one morning. Take a walk around your neighbourhood and savour it before the morning rush. It’s a beautiful time of the day to be alive!

5. Or if you’re a night bird, wait until everyone else is asleep and sit in the dark. Switch off the TV, take time out from alcohol and simply enjoy the night time. For many parents this is the ONLY time you’ll get some peace and quiet. Be still with your own thoughts.

6. Meditate. The western idea of meditating is sitting quietly not moving in some draughty monastery. No! You can meditate while you’re washing up. Driving a car can be meditative. Sure, its better if you can sit cross legged in front of a candle but not everyone can do that. Just take time out to watch your thoughts is a good start. Watch them like clouds passing across the sky and don’t attach yourself to them.

7. Listen to some classical music or just ambient background noise. Music is a great healer and calms the nervous system. I’m talking more Mozart here than thrash metal, obviously. Violins, harp and flute are all wonderful sounds to take you out of your head and into your heart.

8. If you’re at work, turn off the mobile phone, step away from the computer, walk out of the building and have a minimum 5-minute break. Being stuck in front of your desk all day without moving is nuts.

9.  If you’re not much into nature, then find a local museum to visit, or an art gallery. Anywhere where you can slip gently into your right brain is going to help you relax and zone out of the mindless brain chatter.

10. Do some stream of consciousness writing. Author and playwright Julia Cameron began the idea of morning pages in her classic book The Artists Way. If any of you feel creatively stymied and want to release blocks, this is a must-read!

As part of being a member of the BNI (Business Networking International) I’m entitled to some quite good training events. I’ve recently attended their new members training and during that session they also talked about how to prepare for your 60 seconds. The type of information you should be looking to cover and how to structure it best. So with my new found leaning from the course I went home and put together my 60 second speech.It really surprised me at how differently I had to write to make it work. Writing for an article to be read, is totally different to writing something that is going to be spoken out loud. I had to really simplify my language so that each word flowed into the next. Any time I practised the speech I would find a spot that I would have difficultly in saying, so I’d see if I would simplify it more. I tested the speech out on a couple of friends who helped me tweak it some more and timed me to make sure I was hitting as close as possible to the 60 seconds.

Last Friday I went to the BNI group again and used my 60 second speech. I was almost dead on the 60 seconds and had just a few seconds to ad lib at the end. I was delighted. It wasn’t the most exciting 60 seconds, but it was effective, it covered all the points and was fluid. So how does this relate to personal development you ask?

Well this type of action is a fantastic way of building your confidence in an area that you feel needs a bit of work. By giving it a format, a structure that covers everything it needs, you are giving yourself a basic template also known as a Boilerplate. The purpose of this isn’t to then use it permanently unchanged. The idea is that once you have the basic format in plate you DO change it.

Your boilerplate is your base line, your starting point, not your end point. From your boilerplate you know what must be in place, from there as you grow in confidence and your skills develop, you can adapt it. Either with some additional preparation or, if you feel daring enough, on the fly and ad lib some new bits into it each time you use your boilerplate. That way you have something to fall back on it things go a bit wry.

Have a think about some of the places you are already using a boilerplate. Maybe cooking your favourite meal, each time you make it, it’s somehow a little different. Going to the gym, you have a basic routine that you follow, but each time you go you do something else to liven it up. Even at work you may produce the same report on a regular basis but each time you do it, you find a new and more efficient way to do some part of it. By having that boilerplate, a base line to work from, you know what to do. After a while of using that base line your creative side starts to kick in.

Although having the boilerplate may initially seem a bit restrictive and even dull, it helps you put in place the foundation upon which you can build. By having the initial structure in place, your creative side is engaged, and before you know it, new ideas are flowing. You begin to tweak things here and there. If you can think about an area of your life or a task that you need to do and you are struggling with it, think about creating a boilerplate for it. Then watch it blossom into a creative and unique tool that you can flexibly use everyday.

Just for a giggle, I’ve recorded my speech onto YouTube. I still need to use it a few more times and be able to recall it without having to read my notes. The important thing is it’s a start and from there it can only get better.

ENJOY! And please do feel free to comment, I’d love to get some feed back on how to improve.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYVBOYXFnng

As we grow up, we pick up certain beliefs or ideas about the world that stick with us into adult life – and even if we are aware of them, we rarely question them, simply taking them at face value.

I was thinking about my belief ‘Where there’s a will, there’s a way’ and how disadvantaged someone would be if they never believed that with a bit of focused effort and determination there is almost always a way around, through, over, under or out of an obstacle. Almost immediately though, my brain chimed in that sometimes this belief is damn frustrating too! Why is that? Well, if I believe that there is always a solution for everything, then if I am trying and failing it must mean that I simply haven’t found the ‘right’ solution yet.

The problem with that is we are never in control of everything (and rarely in control of most things) so there are occasions when we either need to:

• adjust our path
• make a decision about whether something is still important enough to pursue
• change our expectations about when or how we achieve something
• or stop being precious about the way in which we achieve it.

Yet the flip-side or corollary of ‘Where there is a will, there’s a way’ is an unrealistic sense of responsibility and pressure to make things happen. Funny that – since I’ve always identified myself as my own worst critic!

Maybe there’s a flip-side to all our beliefs then… How about: ‘No pain, no gain’? This was a mantra of pride for me when I was a teen, and I felt it was very character-building when I pushed myself through something that was uncomfortable or unpleasant or both – all in the name of health or achievement. It is only much more recently that I realised this has meant I rejected the thought that progress and success can be easy and enjoyable! If something was too easy, then I couldn’t have done it properly or something must be missing. Hmm.

OK, surely there’s not a hidden side to the belief that ‘No matter how bad things are for me, there’s someone else in the world right now who is much worse off’? Whilst it didn’t totally prevent ‘poor me’ moments as I was growing up, this belief certainly helped put things in perspective when life seemed to mirror the motto on a t-shirt I’d bought that said “I’m always in the shit, only the depth varies!” How could there possibly be a negative side to such a belief? Well: in my own experience it meant that I sometimes accepted bad situations as normal or typical, basically dis-empowering myself from trying to change them; or, I rebelled in a non-constructive way because deep down I knew I needed to challenge it but couldn’t quite reconcile that with being appreciative of what I had that others lacked.

I still retain these beliefs – it wouldn’t be helpful to just ‘throw them out’, even if such a thing were possible. We can challenge our own blind acceptance of them though, by following these steps:

1) Identify a belief you hold that you want to explore.

e.g. “No pain, no gain”.

2) Ask yourself “What does it mean to me?

e.g. It means that I need to make an effort with all I do; that I need to push myself to do something I might not feel like doing, because I know it is worth it in the long run (and repeating it as a mantra can help!); it means prioritising future reward or benefit over immediate desire; it is character-building something to be proud of.

3) Find its flip-side or corollary. You might need to ask yourself this question a few times: “If I believe this, then…what else does this mean?”

e.g. If I believe “No pain, no gain” then this means that if something doesn’t hurt I mustn’t have achieved anything; if I believe this, then if something is easy and enjoyable I mustn’t have completed it fully; so therefore I’ve missed something or not done my best.

4) Ask yourself: “How has this flip-side been influencing my actions or decisions throughout my life?”

e.g. This means I feel dissatisfied and self-critical whenever I do something that is easy or enjoyable! So I’m always looking for what I missed, failing to celebrate (or recognise) my achievements, and suffer an unquenchable thirst for perfectionism!

5) Choose whether you are happy with these additional consequences. If you aren’t, then you can choose to make more active and conscious decisions to change those habits that don’t serve you. Ask yourself “What is the first thing I can do to reverse this consequence?”

e.g. start acknowledging every little thing I do*, find a physical gesture that I could use to congratulate myself (back-patting works really well for me!), start noticing what works that is easy (I have to keep a list of these, and review them each week to make sure I’m doing more of them).

Share one of your beliefs by adding a comment to this post, and either start exploring possible flip-sides that might secretly be influencing you on a daily basis, or simply post it and allow others to help you – as we all have our own interpretations and ideas!

Enjoy!

Sam

* I needed real help with this one, so set myself a major challenge of congratulating myself for EVERYTHING I did for 24hrs. This included: waking up in the morning, eating, going to the loo, washing my hands, answering the phone – everything!

Closing our mind’s to others’ opinions can actually drive them away. It can also stymie our personal growth and limit knowledge and self-awareness, as illustrated by philosopher Edward de Bono:

‘The need to be right all the time is the biggest bar to new ideas. It is better to have enough ideas for some of them to be wrong than to be always right by having no ideas at all.’

The need to be right approach doesn’t serve us, as it can alienate others and makes us come across as sanctimonious bores. So why the frantic need to prove we’re on top?

We may feel the need to be right to make up for lack of recognition, acceptance and love as children. So if we are right we can claim back the self-worth we lost at a young age. Many of us are wounded kids running around in adult bodies, so being ‘right’ helps to temporarily ease the pain. It’s an attempt to get the recognition and approval we so desperately seek.

If any of you grew up with overly critical parents you’ll know what I mean. Poking, teasing, blatant sarcasm – they are all passive aggressive ways of attacking someone – just to make you feel better about yourself. It becomes a habit. When someone challenges our thinking, it can feel as if they are challenging us, our very core, not just our ideas. We essentially feel worthless.

The benefits of seeing the world from another perspective, and giving up the need to be right are tremendous. We open ourselves to new, fresh ideas. We allow another human being to be themselves, to acknowledge them for who they are and love them for it. Wanting to be right all the time means we are handing over our power to others – we seek their approval in order to feel good about ourselves. But relinquishing this behaviour can actually increase our self-esteem, not weaken it.

We can strengthen our relationship with loved ones, friends and colleagues, simply by listening and actually welcoming our differences of opinion. No two people on earth share the same world view! There is no ‘right’ way of seeing things.

Once we open ourselves up, relinquish our need for approval and accept others for who they are, we will then be able to do this for ourselves. We can nourish our inner child who then feels safe, loved, approved of, celebrated and recognised.

During a recent session it quickly became clear that I was on the verge of taking on too much. Over the last few months the power of being coached has resulted in some significant changes in my life and how I view situations. I’d been actively putting in a lot of work, spinning a lot of plates and generally been about as busy as I could physically be.

What surprised me was that I’ve now reached a point where pretty much everything is going to plan, on track and on schedule. I found myself looking for that extra thing that would put me back into the sensation of feeling, well rushed, busy and on the edge of coping.

I had become so used to “working my butt off” that now I had been able to schedule things better, automate them or even outsource them (my new favourite thing!) I was presented with a strange feeling of “what next?”!

Thankfully working with my coach I was able to see that, I was busy, very busy in fact. I was however, working smarter, better than before and I was now producing the results without having to work 16 hours a day. Ultimately I want to keep it this way, working at a pace that is healthy and even FUN!  As long as I’m still progressing, make moves in the direction that I want to go at a pace that works, then I’m doing the right thing.

I’d love to hear from others that have almost become so used to feeling rushed, that they often end up missing that feeling when everything is going to plan. What do you do to make sure you don’t overload yourself, just because you feel you should. How do you know when enough is enough?

There’s a long-term rivalry in my household, with my little brother and I referring to the sport as soccer, and my other half staunchly calling it football. Whilst it is fun to wind Cam up about the name, it was really moot point as I had absolutely no interest in the game and even less chance of watching it. So I’ve really been happily oblivious to the last few weeks of World Cup Fever.

Before I continue, I’d like to apologise to our ActionPodcast fans and the AP team for being late with my blog post this week. My reminder system clearly wasn’t foolproof and when I read Paul’s reminder email late last night I was horrified that I’d missed my deadline; and equally shocked because the reason I received Paul’s message so late was that I was watching the England vs Algeria game instead of being online! I need not say more about that game… but it did get me thinking about the fact that you should never say never:- and it can be quite an experience to do something you would normally actively avoid.

Watching the game last night, and today’s Australia vs Ghana match (which I secretly enjoyed!), have taught me a few things:

• I watch soccer like my dad! (ie. jumping forward in my seat, calling out at the screen, emotionally sharing the excitement and disappointment of the players and fans).
• I can tune out even the most incessantly annoying noise (ie. the vuvuzela football horns) when I’m focused intently on something – which is quite a feat given my sensitive hearing!
• I’m a genuine good sport, and it is more important to me how a game is played rather than just the end result.

What is interesting is that I always teased my dad about his sport-watching behaviour, that I kept asking Cam to turn the TV down when he was watching other football matches because of the whine of vuvuzela, and I was opposed to soccer because they always seemed to fall to the ground pretending to be hurt like extremely overpaid sissies when ‘real’ footballers (rugby players) take full body contact in their stride!

However, in the last 24 hours I’ve discovered that ‘active’ sports watching can be fun and compelling, that my mind and attention are more powerful than even my near-perfect hearing, and that good football doesn’t have to involve people diving for penalties, but players can still get accidentally hurt and even the best guys sometimes pull on a shirt or tackle late when under pressure.

I’ll even confess to being interested in watching some more of the World Cup games… Perhaps all the things we try to avoid could teach us as much?

May wonders never cease!

Research shows that people that are stressed and overwhelmed spend less than 25% of their time on things that are fulfilling to them. This can be at work and at home and at play. Are you being distracted from the important? Under demand from other people’s requests? Under delusion that the majority of your time on certain tasks is the best or fastest way to achieve your desired outcome? Of course, we all spend time in these phases, and indeed we need to spend time on the not-so-urgent-or-important duties during our days and weeks.

But every once in a while we need to take a step back. When is the last time you stopped? Took stock of where your time and attention is going, and should go? What is working for you (i.e. when are you at your best, where are you most productive and/or fulfilled, how are you managing your time and attention, where are you not coping as well as you’d like to)?

By the way, this doesn’t need to be a deep, soul-searching exercise. It can be a simple health check or audit of what’s happening right now in your life and what you could do to improve and increase your happiness or zest for life, work, family, friends, community, spirituality, and so on.

It’s a simple exercise of looking back on recent times and asking yourself the questions above. In just a few minutes of honest reflection your 20/20 hindsight will provide great foresight on how to easily and effortlessly take steps towards improvement and progress.

Do this without harsh judgment or beating yourself up for things that aren’t quite where you want them to be, just the process of this simple task will take you that much closer to everything you want to achieve. Even if you’ve struggled for a while or know you’ve procrastinated on making a change – that’s life, you’re human just like me. So if your initial reaction is self-blame or doubt, change it instead to one of gratitude that you care enough about yourself and are willing to live life more on your terms. Take the time to stop, acknowledge where you’d like to improve, and simply turn your attention to helpful and easy ways to take immediate steps in the right direction.

Here’s a simple guide (and secret of highly productive and consistent producers of excellence) on how and when to do this:

One minute per day: Before you lay your head on your pillow, reflect on the day and ask, ‘What was great about today?’ How can I make tomorrow even better?’ Be specific in your answers. Simple, easy, wonderfully rewarding.

One hour per week: Schedule and commit to one hour per week to reflect back on the previous week. How did you do? Did you complete what you wanted to? Did you get the outcomes you were hoping for? What can you do differently to effectively and efficiently manage your days/time/attention/energy this upcoming week? What are your priorities and outcomes for next week? Personally, I find first thing Saturday morning a great time to do this.

One day per quarter: Schedule and commit to one full day every three months to reflect back on the previous 90 days. Where have you seen great results and progress? What are the trends in how or where you under-delivered against your expectations? What can you start doing, or better yet, what will you commit to changing during the next 90 days. Be sure to look at all major areas of your life: health & vitality, finances & wealth creation, relationships with your partner & friends (separate out your partner from other friends or family), hobbies & interests, spirituality & community. You can also expand this to include your relevant professional categories. Make it a fun exercise and engage others in the hindsight and foresight exercise where appropriate. One full day might seem like a lot…but how much will you gain over the next 90 days from a 6-8 hour investment in planning ahead. (Hint: far more than you can imagine!). Personally, the last Friday or Saturday of March, June, September, December are great triggers to remind me to do this. You can also use the first day of Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter.

One weekend per year: A lot can happen in your life (and a lot can be delayed) in a year so it — and living the life that you want and deserve (!) — demands quality reflection and projection forward. Schedule and commit to two days at the end of the year to reflect on your previous goals and desires for the past year, the victories and defeats, the joys and sorrows. Where are you versus where you expected to be? What is going to make the next year different? Who are you becoming? How can you change or grow to become the person you want to be? What 20/20 hindsight can you use as foresight for an extraordinary year ahead? How much could you set yourself on an exciting and rewarding path with two full days of stopping, reflecting and planning ahead? (Hint: far more than you can imagine!)

20/20 hindsight is always there. So is your ability to reflect on these insights and turn them into powerful and empowering foresight for designing and living the life you’ve always imagined.

Start treating yourself to this gift today.

Chris

One thing to really make clear is that it’s a two way street!

We love to hear from our listeners or website visitors on their stories. What troubles they are experiencing. How they have overcome adversity and triumphed!

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When you look at it properly you’ll see evidence that this trend has been progressing for a long time. The number of “one bed” or “studio” properties seem much more prevalent than the traditional multi bedroom homes. People strive for their independence to live in their own home, but at what cost?

I run a confidence coaching group for gay men in central London and the topic of the session frequently turns to social interaction.

• How do I start a conversation?
• I hate small talk, it really sounds so cheesy!
• How do I deal with rejection?
• I tend to just sit back and let others talk, I want to change that.

It’s these sorts of things that we have all felt from time to time and the social networking online doesn’t seem to provide a direct solution to these difficulties.

“At one level, it has enabled people to make connections they might not otherwise have made, and virtual friendships can evolve into real-life relationships.” – suggests the report by the Mental Health Foundation.

I can personally testify to the power of converting online relationships to real life ones, in fact I met my husband because of the internet!

Using the power of these websites you can certainly expand your virtual social circle, but remember that there is a whole deeper level in the real world. Keeping in touch online is fantastic! Meeting face to face to chat, eat, drink, watch a movie, have a picnic, etc, provides you with so much more.  Not only do these real world interactions provide you with new blog stories, facebook pictures and tweets – but they directly counter loneliness!

There is a very simple and small step we can all take to significantly battle this new wave loneliness. The next time you’re changing your status update…. think about using it to arrange your next real world event. It doesn’t have to be the biggest party of the year, dinner or drinks work just as well.

Don’t use social networks to replace your interactions, use them to enhance the real life ones!

David Cameron and Nick Clegg will likely face as much criticism as support over the “difficult times” and difficult decisions ahead. They have united in a spring clean not just of the electoral system, but also of the status quo and party relationships within all levels of government.

Who would have thought – Tories & Lib Dems?! During the past few weeks I’ve watched with a mixture of healthy skepticism and real curiosity. I have total respect for both these leaders for taking on a tough challenge, and I didn’t envy them their decisions! I have been excited to see what emerges, and to try and understand what it means.

David Cameron and Nick Clegg have had to consider a range of what seemed like ‘less than ideal’ options, and even in the face of that they have been able to seek and find true opportunity. Personally and politically, they’ve had to perform an honest evaluation of what wasn’t working – especially if it had done in the past.

So in the spirit of this sea change, we are offered the opportunity to look critically at our own beliefs and attitudes. What isn’t working? What relationship do we need to re-evaluate? Perhaps our relationship with ourselves, with money, with our partners/friends/family, with responsibility, with politics, with …?

As I noted down some ideas for this blog post earlier today, I realised this is exactly what I’ve done in relation to politics over the last few months. I was previously of the opinion that the three things you never discuss with anyone (especially family & close friends!) were religion, politics and sex. I ‘didn’t do’ politics; actively avoiding it until someone pointed out that this was in fact a political stance! I was happy that voting in the UK was optional (whereas it’s compulsory in Australia, and you get fined for not doing it).

And yet, I voted in this election. In the last few weeks I’ve spoken to family, friends, colleagues and college buddies about politics. I’ve facebooked about it! I read up on the parties and their main points of policy. Somewhere along the line I decided that if I was to vote I needed to make an informed choice. I watched as the first election results came in live, I’ve checked the BBC’s election website for updates and news on what was happening, and I’ve watched announcements by Gordon Brown and David Cameron on the day of change. And I enjoyed it! Dare I say, I even got a little misty-eyed when I watched the announcement of a “new politics” and the outline of the coalition with David Cameron and Nick Clegg standing side by side.

This was a fundamental shift in my attitudes and actions. So what happened?

1. I realised that I needed to re-evaluate my beliefs and attitudes towards politics.
2. I examined the fact that I do care about the place where I choose to make my home; that I believe in our right to have a voice and I didn’t want to take this for granted.
3. I was open to the possibility that politics could be interesting.
4. I realised that to be authentic, my old belief wasn’t serving me.
5. I embraced a curiosity about this change and what it could mean for me and the broader context.
6. And I chose to take action in the spirit of this change, despite being anxious or not always understanding or feeling frustrated as I tried to learn about the UK political system.

Change can be scary. Writing my first public blog post mentioning politics is scary! And whilst it may not all be smooth-sailing from hereon in, and my transition towards civic participation might feel challenging, I remain curious about the future and happy that I chose to re-evaluate my position.

I’m also curious about the future for this unique coalition, this “new politics”, the economic challenges ahead; and I’m excited about the possibilities – encouraged that 65% of the population (up from 50%) chose to take action and vote, encouraged that two opposing party leaders can talk as adults, UK citizens and humans!

Perhaps there is inspiration to be drawn from the most unlikely of situations; perhaps like David Cameron, Nick Clegg and I, you too may have difficult decisions to ponder.

What in your life could do with a sea change?

Our minds are much like our homes.  They both get cluttered. They fill up with bits and bobs we no longer want or need. Both benefit from a regular cleaning out of stuff that we collected for one reason, and are holding onto out of habit, neglect, or just delusion it’s still the right thing to do.

Getting rid of old habits, procrastination or negative emotions, and replacing them with a fresh perspective and renewed optimism, is a great way to re-energise yourself and put a bounce in your step.

Here are simple suggestions to spring clean your life and mind.

Mind

Most clutter of the mind comes from a) losing sight of what is most important b) trying to mentally juggle too much. If you find yourself distracted on a regular basis and doing lots of things but not getting much accomplished, take a 30 to 60-minute time out to reset your inner compass on what is most important to you.

Action: Reflect on your goals for the year or what outcomes you really want to create in your life for the next week or month. Eliminate or delegate anything that isn’t a top priority.

Action: If you find your mind overloaded with too many things to remember, start each day with a pen and paper. Our brains are incredibly powerful, but very poor at organisation. Get back to basics and once you see all the items on paper you can make better choices on where to put your focus, attention and appreciation.

Relationships

What relationship have you neglected the past few months? Give it a polish and freshen the air around it. Is it a friendship you’ve gone too long without being in touch? A partner you haven’t spent enough positive and loving time with? Don’t worry if it’s been too long, now is the time to revive it and they will greatly appreciate the gesture.

Action: Decide to get in touch or make extra special plans to add shine to your relationship once again.

Emotions

What negative emotion have you been clinging to for too long now? What fear, stress, anxiety, worry, frustration, hatred is no longer serving you? We adopt these emotions because in some way they helped us. Perhaps to protect us from an illusion of greater pain ahead. But time has passed and it’s no longer contributing to your life and is likely contaminating it.

Action: Choose one negative emotion that is polluting your mind and body and decide to let it go. Replace that with something positive and make more room for happiness.

We’d love to hear your additional tips and ideas for spring cleaning your mind and body. Please leave a comment to share with other readers, and let us know what you will do to freshen up this spring.

But like many habits, they have become so ingrained we don’t even know we are doing it. Learned helplessness can be the result of psychological and physical abuse, or we’ve mirrored it from watching caretakers and parents. Perhaps it was our only form of survival. And of course, this life strategy may have worked for us at one time, but it sure ain’t now.
Usually learned helplessness is a response to being out of control. Or dealing with situations in our lives where we feel we have absolutely no control. Essentially, it’s the ‘I give up’ route.

Learned Helplessness is “the hopelessness and resignation learned when a human….perceives no control over repeated bad events” (Myers, 2002)

Keith Joseph McKean has written that learned helplessness is based on three things:
1.    Internal blaming – “It’s me!”
2.    Global distortion – “It’ll affect everything I do!”
3.    Stability generalization – “It will last forever!”

If, like many children, you grew up in an environment where you continually received negative criticism, then you will get to a point where you feel you are not good enough. That you must somehow be a ‘bad’ child and therefore fully deserve to be criticised in such a fashion. As you can imagine, this is incredibly damaging to a child’s sense of self.

Children who grow up with this kind of parenting will often give up: at college, relationships, jobs – and it can lead to varying degrees of depression. They believe that if they succeed in life it’d down to sheer fluke, not their own innate abilities. An example of extreme learned helplessness is women who stay in abusive relationships. At one level they believe they are deserving of this – even though rationally they may be able to argue otherwise.

Perception
If you feel that you can’t change a situation, even though clearly you are well able to, then you may be exhibiting learned helplessness. The state of helplessness is learned after an individual’s attempts to correct situations failed, or were perceived to have failed. The feeling of helplessness is often expanded to future encounters with similar situations, or even vastly dissimilar situations. If you were brought up as a child in an environment where you were made to feel powerless, you may well be continuing this pattern into adulthood, even though there are no circumstances that could be motivating you to do this.

Characteristics of learned helplessness and emotional abuse
•    Feelings of low self- esteem (This is a result of being criticized too often as children and teenagers.)
•    We perpetuate these parental messages by judging ourselves and others harshly. We try to cover up our poor opinions of ourselves by being perfectionist and controlling.
•    We tend to isolate ourselves out of fear and we feel often uneasy around other people, especially authority figures.
•    We are desperate for love and approval and will do anything to make people like us. Not wanting to hurt others, we remain “loyal” in situations and relationships even when evidence indicates our loyalty is undeserved.
•    We are afraid of losing others.
•    We are afraid of being abandoned.
•    It is difficult for us to “let go.”
•    We are intimidated by angry people and personal criticism. This adds to our feelings of inadequacy and insecurity.
•    We continue to attract emotionally unavailable people with addictive personalities.
•    We live life as victims, blaming others for our circumstances, and are attracted to other victims (and people with power) as friends and lovers. We confuse love with pity and tend to “love” people we can pity and rescue. And we confuse love with need.
•    We are either super-responsible or super-irresponsible. We take responsibility for solving others’ problems or expect others to be responsible for solving ours. This enables us to avoid being responsible for our own lives and choices.
•    We feel guilty when we stand up for ourselves or act in our own best interests. We give in to others’ needs and opinions instead of taking care of ourselves.
•    We deny, minimize or repress our feelings as a result of our traumatic childhoods. We are unaware of the impact that our inability to identify and express our feelings has had on our adult lives.
•    We are dependent personalities who are so terrified of rejection or abandonment that we tend to stay in situations or relationships that are harmful to us. Our fears and dependency stop us form ending unfulfilling relationships and prevent us from entering into fulfilling ones. Because we feel so unlovable it is difficult or impossible to believe anyone can really love us, and won’t eventually leave us once they see how “bad” we are.
•    Denial, isolation, control, shame, and undeserved guilt are legacies from our family. As a result of these symptoms, we feel hopeless and helpless.
•    We have difficulty with intimacy, security, trust, and commitment in our relationships. Lacking clearly defined personal limits and boundaries, we become enmeshed in our partner’s needs and emotions. We often become codependent.
•    We tend to procrastinate and have difficulty following project through from beginning to end.
•    We have a strong need to be in control. We overreact to change things over which we have no control.

How to move forward out of learned helplessness
These feelings may be so ingrained that it takes a while to actually recognise them.
1. Firstly, ask yourself who you act out your learned helplessness with. Is it a partner, an authority figure, a family member.
2. How is this serving you now? Write down all the ways you are benefiting from being helpless with this person.
3. Write down all the ways you’d feel better if you weren’t so ‘helpless’ with them. Yes, it might change the dynamic. And yes you may well lose them as a friend. partner, but think of what you will gain as a result.
4. Write down the names of people you feel completely safe with. Often we feel safest with the people we can be totally ourselves with. There is no power struggle. They accept us totally as we are. There is no judgement. There is no criticism.
5. How kind are you being to yourself? If you are regularly telling yourself: “I’m stupid” “I’m an idiot” etc then that’s exactly the kind of people you will attract into your life. People who will mirror to you exactly how you feel about yourself.
6. Think back to the situations that caused your feelings of impotence and futility.
7. Find a counsellor or therapist who is trained and has experience of emotional abuse and learned helplessness.
As Janis Joplin so eloquently put it: “Don’t compromise yourself. You’re all you’ve got!”

Many of us have successfully disengaged from unhealthy behaviour patterns such as learned helplessness. Once you become aware of how your patterns are stifling and sabotaging you, then you can take active steps to do something about it. There’s no rush… take your time, get support from friends and/or professionals –  and above all, be kind to yourself along the way.

Further Reading Recommendations (thanks to Sunshine Evert!):-

The Drama of a Gifted Child, by Alice Miller

The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney

Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin by Anne Katherine

The Dance of Fear by Harriet Lerner

What is the first thing that strikes you about this person? What is their hair like? Do they have any? What are they wearing? Already you will be making decisions about them and making a judgement on what they did to present themselves they way that they do.

It’s so easy to then make a snap decision on what they SHOULD have done. Quite quickly you have re-organised their wardrobe, found them a new hair style, given them a quick make over and sorted out their relationship issues by telling them to dump that loser……

Being critical about someone is second nature. It makes you wonder where and why we learnt this skill. What makes us tear someone apart within seconds of seeing them?

Now, try and come up with one thing you like about that person. One thing you think they have did well in.

At first it can be a struggle, especially if it’s someone you don’t like!

But try, even if it seems trivial and pointless at first, find just one thing that is a positive statement to say about that person.

It can be something about their physical appearance, or something they are wearing or even just they way they smile and interact with another person.

Now, the challenge!

I want you to find one good thing about everyone you meet over the course of a day. Initially just keep it to yourself, just build up the practise of identifying that one good thing. First you might find this hard work, but as you continue you realise it becomes easier to pick something out. When you see something really good about someone, see if you can tell them. Don’t go over board and make it sound like you are a stalker! Just drop it in to conversation if you can, or drop the compliment in passing and move on. That way they won’t get stuck in an embarrassing situation of having to say thank you. Often a “thank you” is swiftly followed up with and negation:-

Oh this old thing?
Oh it’s nothing the other person did all the hard work
It was more good luck than good sense!

As stated in the subject, being nice is HARD WORK! Not only do you have to realign your thought process to target the positive but then you have to dodge the negations that come soon after.

After one day of spotting these positives and maybe even telling a few people about it. Check in with yourself and see if you notice anything different? Are you exhausted from all that mental hard work or are you energised from all that positivity? You may be surprised by the result!

Whatever happens drop a comment in the box below and let me know what happened when you did it.

Was being nice really hard work for you?

Yet like all words, ‘curiosity’ is as open to individual interpretation as the rest of them. We have our own unique definitions for words, regardless of how commonplace or highbrow they are; and these meanings we imbue words with are influenced by the context we see them in, our personal experiences and memories, and particularly what we need or feel at the moment of hearing/reading them. For example, what comes to mind when you hear ‘I really need some money.’? Each of us will have a different reaction to the word and sentence, depending on things like:

• your childhood circumstances and the predominant beliefs you were taught – ‘money can’t buy you love’, ‘money doesn’t grow on trees’, ‘work hard and you’ll be paid well’, ‘money gives you choices’, ‘saving money for a rainy day’ etc.
• your current financial state, and how comfortable or stressed you are about your investments, bills and income.
• and the context you read the word in as well as the influence of the Media – For just $x, you get…You’ve just won… or You owe… Millions lost… etc.

It could mean ‘I’m desperately broke and can’t pay my bills’, or ‘I don’t have any cash and they don’t take plastic’, or ‘I can’t wait to buy that latest x’ or even ‘I really want to sponsor that child/animal/fundraiser’.

In this age of electronic communication, we’re all likely to have been party to misunderstandings related to emailed, blogged or even Twittered text – whether we were the one misunderstood, or the one who reacted to an unintended tone or connotation (which Emoticons can only begin to address). However, communicating face-to-face or verbally doesn’t ensure immunity either.

Spoken words are not susceptible for exactly the same reasons as text – where tone and body language are largely absent – but rather because the way your listener processes the words you say may not match the way you intended them.
Assumptions can be risky at the best of times, but how aware are you of the dangers in assuming someone assigns the same meaning to a word that you do?

Let’s play with this a little: (take a moment to consider) what does curiosity mean to you personally?

A Twitter friend, @deltalady, described it as a ‘renewal of your younger self to be more open to current experiences’ after establishing for herself that my @CuriosityCoach title wasn’t simply facetious!
I think of curiosity as being in a state of childlike wonder & awe, of asking lots of questions (usually avoiding starting with ‘Why?’, & most requiring me to let go of being right/having all the answers), of being willing to see the extraordinary in ordinary things, and ordinary in extraordinary ones, plus handfuls of other nuances – some of which I’m sure I’ve not even discovered yet!
The dictionary offers even further connotations including prying, meddlesome, and inexplicability!
And one person possibly interpreted it through his hormone-filters to be ‘I’m interested in getting to know you intimately!’ …which is one I’ll certainly need to be more aware of going forwards!

So, what does this mean for you?

Start by noticing the assumed meaning you give to words that you hear or read. After a while, you’ll find it easier to pick up on times when a word shared with someone has different definitions for you both… this can help you maximise your understanding of what you’re hearing, and minimise the scope for someone else’s interpretation of what you’ve said to remain unaddressed.

You may even find yourself getting curious about what particular words can mean to a range of different people!

The let down can be very painful and frustrating, sometimes even “devastating”. Or so it seems in the moment.

Religious views aside, one my more comforting quotes is “God’s delays are not God’s denials” (or the universe’s delays are not the universe’s denials). I was thinking of this today as I just learned my much anticipated business trip to Australia has been ‘postponed’ — that’s corporate speak for ‘probably ain’t gonna happen’.

It was something I had been preparing for for months, a week long training program with great inspirational speakers lined up, fantastic venues overlooking Sydney Harbour and a bonus few days on the end to relax on the beach. Even had numerous early morning and late night calls from Europe to Australia to convince the potential attendees of the value of the week and final got them on board just last week. So the let down of this lastest decision has been hard to take.

But delays are not denials, I tell myself.

Holding on to this thought doesn’t change the situation but it does significantly alter my emotions around the event. I could choose to dwell and indulge in ‘pain and suffering’ from the change of plans (…as so many of us do choose as default), or I can choose to believe that change happens for a reason. That this just means the experience I was looking forward to will be even better when it actually happens; it’s simply delayed, not denied.

When’s the last time you decided to suffer through change? Or stay frustrated when something was cancelled? How could you respond to future ‘delays not denials’. Our ability to manage our emotions in these moments is a gift we all have, and a choice we all make.

Choose wisely. Choose well.

Leave a comment to share with others…how do you cope with ‘delays’

What are you feeling?

CONNECTING TO OUR EMOTIONS can be scary for many of us. We’ve been brought up to hide, suppress or even completely deny what our bodies and feelings are telling us. We often believe we will be overwhelmed if we ‘feel’ too much – so we take the very unhealthy option of shutdown, or escaping down the proverbial rabbit hole. Not a great idea…

Often when I ask clients how they ‘feel’, they really don’t know.  And there have been times when I’ve run myself so ragged, I don’t know ‘how’ I feel either.  Yet our body is our barometer of truth. It never lies. Whereas our minds can make up any old story to keep us shut down (ergo safe) and protected. But if we’re not open to feeling it makes it harder to actually give and receive. To feel connected. To engage. With ourselves and others. To hear what our subconscious is trying to tell us.

In repressed, stiff upper lip Britain, showing too much exuberance or emotion is still, incredibly, not the done thing. Witness the media vitriol poured on Kate Winslet for her breathy, emotional acceptance speeches recently and you’ll get the gist. For God’s sake don’t get too excited about anything. After you’ve had 10 pints or a bottle of Grey Goose, that’s fine though. Why do so many Brits need alcohol to let loose and express themselves?

But I digress… showing emotion and connecting to feelings can be tough, if you’ve been brought up in a family or a society that doesn’t encourage such behaviour. So what can you do to start feeling again and showing your emotions – in all their technicolour glory?

1. Stop worrying about what other people will think if do you show your emotions. Men, God bless ‘em are still loathe to crack the mask in public. What a strain that must be – holding it all in.  Fear, anxiety and sadness are part of what it means to be human. Not a Terminator. Come on guys, gals – and all you intellectuals out there. Cut loose!

2.  Talking of intellect – get out of your head! Both men and women have been conditioned to believe that the head is the safest place to be. The seat of all wisdom. The one place that won’t let us down or make a fool of us. Wrong. Talking to a head is tedious, boring and without heart. Get back into your heart and speak from there. Start slowly. Feel your heart and take a risk, little by little. You’ll be amazed at the response. No more head-butting!

3. Releasing emotions is good – it acts as a safety valve and helps us to avoid meltdown. Unless you take part in regular sport, or spend Saturday afternoons shouting out your pent up stuff from the stands at a football match, chances are you are holding on to a great deal of emotion. Find a field and go and SCREAM! Or if you have a car, find a motorway on a quiet afternoon, wind down the window and SCREAM (but keep your head inside). It feels very very good, believe me!

4. Show emotion in your relationships. If your partner has pissed you off, tell them. If you’re happy with them, show it! They’re not mind readers. Check out your defence mechanisms and challenge them a little. Are they appropriate now, or is it younger aspects of yourselves that are still hurt that are running the show? If so, then I recommend seeing a therapist to help you access parts of yourself that have escaped down the rabbit hole.

5. Careful with opening up too much at work – at least to begin with. Feel what the company culture is like and make tiny steps into revealing yourself more.

As the very word itself suggests – emotion is e- motion.. it’s simply energy moving through us and needs to be expressed – safely!

Happy emoting!

Photo: http://neuronarrative.wordpress.com

Of course ActionPodcast is your number one but other than that what other websites, iPhone apps and systems do you use to keep you on track with your own personal development?

Personally I use the following

1. Actionpodcast.com (of course!)
2. Morning pages – I use either good old fashioned pen and paper, or I have a couple of iPhone apps that I use. They are EverNote and ShapeWriter.
3. DailyBurn - helps me track my weight and general fitness.
4. Google Calendar – I would be pretty much lost without it. As I have it synchronised with my iPhone I have it everywhere I go.
5. Google Docs – Great for keeping track, of pretty much anything using their suite of spread sheets, text documents and even presentations. I’ve also found that I can create quick and simple forms using Google docs and then use them on my iPhone for tracking things like expenses. The form then automatically fills out a spreadsheet for me, which makes doing my finances each week a breeze!
6. Social websites – I’ve bunched them together, but Facebook and twitter type sites really help me keep up with my friends, family and are a great way to ask for HELP! I use Ping.fm to send updates to all my social websites at the same time.
7. GymFu – I recently found a cool suite of applications for the iPhone that actively monitor your movements as you work out. It actually tells you how many to do, when to slow down even when your form isn’t quite right!

I love hearing about how people use technology and the internet every day in their own personal development. So please take a minute to send me your top favourites!

ENJOY!

Photo by garryknight

To say I’ve been busy lately would be a gross understatement. I’m not going to list out everything I’ve been juggling – at least half of which has been on strict deadlines – but I’m talking about things on the level of starting a new job, doing a major college assignment, planning a 3wk trip to the other side of the world… and I’ve had about 8-9 of these things on the go for a few months now.

What’s got me through day by day has been simply putting one foot in front of the other – taking that next little step that would get me a bit closer to whatever was needed (as well as a simple ‘project plan’ that allowed me to keep track of it all). Not everything has been given equal attention, and I wouldn’t be human if some things hadn’t slipped down the priority list; but what is more interesting is what I noticed today.

I’ve got 2 days left before I fly out, and am at the stage where I can start saying “What doesn’t get done before I get on that plane stays undone until I get back”. Today was a positive one, as I could actually tick off a couple of important milestones including one of the major projects – YAY!!! I finally allowed myself an hour’s grace to meet with a friend (multi-tasking to discuss kitty-sitting), and take a deep breath or two before the next step on the plan when I caught myself with the following shocking thought: “What am I missing? I must have something else urgent to add to my list because I can’t possibly be calm before I go away!”

Whoa! Where the hell did that come from?! It is like I’ve programmed myself to get to a point of exhaustion before I jump onto a long-haul flight; and the remote possibility that I might somehow have all urgent things completed before I leave for the airport seemed too difficult to fathom – so instead my mind went digging for other things to pile onto the pressure gauge.

At least I caught myself – this time. I can choose that I’ll only do what I’ve already planned to do, and anything else can wait. I don’t have to be a wreck physically, emotionally and mentally to be able to sleep on the plane. And I’ve really still got enough to do to keep me out of mischief until I leave anyway!

Would you notice if you were making things harder for yourself?

By the time we reach adulthhood, we’re trained to follow the annual calendar of set times to celebrate: New Year’s Eve, Valentine’s Day, Christmas, your birthday or anniversary, and perhaps one or two other unique situations or occasions in the calendar. We also celebrate victories and milestones like a new job, a new home, a favourite sports team win, or a great performance at our child’s piano recital.

The point is that nearly all celebration is due to an event. An experience, a moment in time, and a reflection of time passing.  Something outside of us. It’s an event that is so exciting or significant, it just feels good to celebrate.

So what if we created more celebration — more spontaneous celebration — in our lives, just because we can. What would you celebrate? How would you celebrate?

And what if we turned that equation around and said, “It feels good to celebrate, so I’m going to create an event that will be exciting (and fun) and significant (and have meaningful impact). I’m not going to wait for something else to happen, I’m just going to do it because I want to.”

Here are some thought starters to help you on your way to more spontaneous celebration for you and those around you. Even better is that each one can be done for free or very little cost.

Celebrate the people in your life

• For five consecutive days leave your partner or children a little note telling them how much they mean to you. Try to do it in 10 words or less, tell them a little thing they do that lights you up or warms your heart, tell them how much you appreciate their support, tell them something wonderful you often think about them but haven’t actually said it before. Five days, fifty words…you’ll be amazed at what you’ll get back in return for that little gesture.
• The same can work wonders for your work colleagues, especially if you manage a team. Leave hand-written notes on their desk, or send them a card about how much you value their contribution and recognise their good work. Be specific and mention exactly what they did or are doing that you appreciate.

Celebrate your experiences

• You’ve probably got dozens of great photos buried in your hard drive or in an old shoe box. Photo of your family, your travels, special occasions that remind you of magical moments in your life…but only if you see them! Don’t worry if they’re not professional looking or perfectly shot, just pick one or two that make you smile and send them off to the printer to get enlarged and framed. Printing via the internet will cost you less than £1 and a frame will cost you about £10. £11 spent once, to make you smile everyday for the rest of your life.

Celebrate your self

• Take a few minutes at the end of each day this week, and make a note to yourself. Acknowledge the progress you made, the success you had and the magic moments this week. Sometimes the smaller the better — it serves to remind you of the little things and little steps of progress you’re making to enjoy the life that you’re creating. This is extra powerful if you’re in a time of struggle right now. Don’t wait for all things to be better to celebrate, decide what IS going well, no matter how small, and celebrate that with a laugh, a smile or a spontaneous dance in the dark. Whatever works for you, but be spontaneous and free.

So I’ve decided that I’m going to go out with friends tonight for some live Irish music and I’ll be sure to spontaneously dance with the famous blond woman in the black dress.

Please leave a comment and let us know >>

• What would you like to spontaneously celebrate?
• And how will you do that?

So, in an attempt to explore, and gently knock my deferral habit on the head once and for all (maybe a childhood fall from a horse is where it did, in fact, all go terribly wrong) here are my thoughts and findings on the whole Procrastination Phenomenon…

The Definition

Procrastination essentially means putting off till tomorrow what you can do today. Or as I read somewhere recently: “Procrastination is like masturbation; in the end you’re just screwing yourself”.

I couldn’t put it better myself. Procrastination also happens to be the ‘grave of opportunity’ for many of us. It sucks. So how does the ‘P’ word manifest itself in our daily life?

The Symptoms

A deliberate decision to defer doing things, ranging from: I’ll tidy up those papers later to… that ironing can wait, to I’ll apply for that job next week, to I’ll get a divorce next year when the economy’s better. We’re so good at making up excuses why we shouldn’t, can’t or just simply won’t do things we know need doing.

I know that I can suddenly have an irresistible urge to do the hoovering when I’ve got papers to file, my cupboards suddenly need sorting when I have a writing deadline, or I just have to get some fresh air when faced with demanding tax returns to fill out. The list and the excuses are endless. I even find myself ironing rather than doing what I should be doing. Crazy making. If I have a writing deadline, I will often wait until I’m up against the wire to get it done. This way it gets done faster, but I also put off more important deadlines like job applications and such like.

So why do we procrastinate?

The reasons we put things off are many and varied. Is it sheer laziness, this stubborn refusal to get on and do the damn thing, is it fear, or are our self-sabotaging habits indicative of more serious emotional and mental problems like depression?

I often procrastinate if I’m feeling overloaded or overwhelmed, and poor management is probably the key element here, but an inability to prioritise can lead to severe procrastination. Perfectionism, another dangerous ‘P’ word came up when I spoke to friends and colleagues about their own delaying tactics. We often have unrealistic standards – for ourselves and others – a self-limiting belief that it’s better not to start at all than to risk failure, or sub-standard contributions. Occasionally severe worry about a task to be done means that more time is spent angsting than doing, while some of us may feel that any kind of setback is a complete disaster – we have an “all or nothing” mindset. So don’t try again once we’ve experienced so-called ‘failure’.

And of course there are some things in life we have to do that are simply boring or difficult. It’s easy to put them at the end of our ‘to do’ list. More serious is the negative mind chatter that tells us ‘we’re useless’ or ‘nothing ever goes right for me’. If you are experiencing this to any degree, tell it to shut the f**k up. Or get professional help. Quick.

The Solutions

Here are a few strategies I’ve used to help me with my own procrastination:

1. Look at your list of ‘to do’s and list them in an order of priority. What are the things that you simply HAVE to do either today or tomorrow? Which are the tasks that can be left until next week or next month, without making you feel stressed?

2. Ask yourself exactly what you are gaining from procrastinating. What’s the trade-off here?

3. Mind your language. Try changing the ‘shoulds” “have to’s” and ‘can’ts to choose to and choose not to. This could be very revealing. No one has a gun at your head – perhaps you’re in a job/marriage/relationship that needs leaving!

4. Are your values aligned with your actions? Many of us doing work we actively dislike, assuming there are no options. Make a list of your values and see if your job is in synch. If not, then look around for another form of work. Yes, the economy is in dire straits, but there is plenty of work out there. Whether you think you can, or whether you think you can’t – you’re right!

5. As Brian Tracy recommends in his book, Eat The Frog – tasks can be looked up on as frogs – the most dreaded task being the ugliest frog. He recommends eating the ugliest frogs first!

6. Reward yourself when you do accomplish something. This is vital!

7. Remember, its better to produce/do something than nothing at all.

8. Just cut the bull and get on with it!

Good luck! And on a final note, here’s a great quote from William James:

“It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task, which, more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome”

Recommended Reading:

Eat that frog
Just Get On With It: A Caring, Compassionate Kick Up the Ass!
Procrastination: Why You Do It, What to Do About It
Do it Now: Break the Procrastination Habit

Why did you do that?

Why didn’t you do what you said you would?

The reason being is that this type of questioning normally results in the client having to justify themselves and can put them in a defensive stance. This frame of mind is the type of situation we find ourselves in, often as children but not exclusively, when we are asked to explain something.

Immediately your defences go up and your brain goes into overdrive to come up with a reason, whether it is strictly honest doesn’t matter. Making sure that you “save face” by providing a valid reason, for your actions or inactions, seems to take an unreasonable priority. Basically you end up saying what you think is the right thing to say instead of what really matters, the truth.

It’s completely automatic and without some time to stop, consider and re-evaluate, it’s really hard not to snap into that defensive mode. So we, as coaches, like to avoid putting our clients into a defensive mode by avoiding the “Why?” question.

However, sometimes that is exactly what you want someone to do when they are in need of some kind of motivational affirmation.

For example:-

Why is it important for you to change your job?

Why will losing weight be good for you?

Why do you want to achieve this goal?

This time the why question is reaffirming the positive intention or motivation behind an action. It gives people the chance to remind themselves the reasons they are giving themselves this extra bit of work to do.

Asking why for a justification will put up barriers and cause the person to become defensive and clam up. Asking why as a way to discover motivational reasoning will encourage the person to look a little deeper and discover what is really important to them.

So next time you find yourself posing the question “Why….?” take a moment to check whether you are asking for justification or motivational reasoning, as you will get significantly different results.

I’ve had sinus troubles again recently. Not an unfamiliar story. Luckily, I managed to minimise the infection this time through some timely use of nasal spray, ibuprofen and a lot of rest over the weekend despite having a list of priority things a mile long to do (including studying for an exam on the Monday).  So I got through the exam, and was back at work feeling a wee bit sorry for myself, but confident that I wasn’t posing any risk to my colleagues. I might not have been the sharpest tack in the building, but I was functioning.

However, there were times in the past when I perhaps didn’t rest; when I kept pushing myself through the things that needed doing and consequently spent weeks recovering from the serious infection that set in. Worse still, I remember instances in my corporate past when I went to work ‘sick as a dog’ with something contagious because of some urgent task or backlog of work that needed attention. So what is the right decision when all’s ill? Here are some questions to consider before you start sharing your germs around:

• How urgent are the tasks? (Is there anything that I can delegate, delay or drop?)
• If tasks are truly urgent, can I work from home?
• How much of a risk am I to myself? (Am I likely to make myself worse by going in to work? What are the consequences if I do end up bedridden?)
• How much of a risk am I to my colleagues? (Am I contagious? What is the impact to the workload and the team if I share this illness with them all?)
• How effective will I actually be when I am feeling this unwell? (How well can I concentrate? How is the quality of my work being affected?)

It might be a tough pill to swallow, but the world doesn’t stop revolving if we have a few days off ill. Sure – there are likely to be consequences, but it is worth pausing to more accurately weigh up the costs of going in to work vs giving yourself a day (or a few) to rest and recover more quickly.

What will you do when you’re next under the weather?

(And if you do decide to venture in to work when next ill, ask yourself how you feel at the end of that day – and if the answer is “worse” then what might your body be trying to tell you? A new day, a new choice!)

However, within a few more weeks he had cut his time for that same distance in half and was now middle of the pack. He used to be afraid of the water and now loves to swim and compete in the sport. When asked of his advice to someone who was taking on a new challenge, his words were as simple as they were profound, “Persistence is key and the reward is freedom”.

What is true behind these words is what you gain freedom from. Not usually a lifetime of riches and independence, but more precisely, freedom from your worries, fears, concerns, anxiety, depression, doubts, low self-esteem or whatever mental and emotional weight you were putting on yourself. When that weight is lifted, and you have a breakthrough — such as acknowledging the fact that you can do it — it is often astounding how insignificant your old thoughts of doubt and worry really were. It’s shocking how much those negative thoughts and feelings really tied you down and delayed your success.

So whatever challenge you’re currently facing and trying to bust through, remember persistence is the key to your freedom — the ultimate reward we all deserve. Realise that when you have that success, you will look back and wonder why you chose to indulge in those negative thoughts and emotions for so long. So why not leave those thoughts behind right now? Let go and be free.

What are you currently facing where persistence will help you? What would you like to be free of? And what reward is waiting for you?

Leave us a comment as we’d love to hear from you.

Until then,

Chris

If we think of each year of our lives as a chapter, and look back at the last couple, there’s probably an underlying theme or sense of what that year meant to us in the overall scheme of our lives. For the last couple of years, I’ve set conscious intentions for my chapters and they’ve worked for me in a way that resolutions never really have.

2008 was a year of intention to find out what kind of lifestyle I wanted and where I wanted to live, as well as to reconnect with nature.

2009 was a year of intention to both allow myself to ‘put down roots’ (create stability) and also to utilise the many resources I had on hand (rather than trying to acquire new ones).

These intentions once set, influenced my available options, my decisions and my attitudes for the year that followed in both subtle and deeply meaningful ways. I could not have imagined half the things that have occurred in those two years, yet I feel like I’m exactly where I’m meant to be. There is something magical in choosing a theme for the year, and claiming it as your own – yet at the same time relaxing with it, and trusting that it will manifest when it is ready.

I can’t say that I didn’t occasionally try to force these themes, or to become impatient with the apparent lack of speed of their solutions. However, I was able to remind myself that they were always sitting in the background and percolating in my mind, and that it was the journey of the year that I’d remember rather than a single moment.

How did I come to decide upon these intentions? I guess it was a combination of honestly appraising my life, noticing the things that seemed to pop up repeatedly calling for my attention, and then deciding which was the highest priority. That might sound a bit complicated, but it was very much driven by intuition or gut instinct, and once the decision was made – it felt like the obvious choice.

My intentionality for 2010 is to surrender up to God, the Universe, Spirit – or GUS as a good friend calls it! – everything that I am struggling with or trying to control; everything that seems petty, or that feels so much bigger than me. To take action with the belief that what is meant to be will be, that I have everything I need right now, and that faith and intuition will lead me to synchronicity.

I may need some help with this! Gentle reminders appreciated!

And I’d love to hear about your intentions for the 2010 you want to have.

1. What is the one sore spot you’ve been struggling with for a while?
2. What lesson seems to keep popping back up, whose message you’ve not quite heeded yet?
3. What one thing, if it was achieved, would make 2010 shine for you when you are looking back on it?

Happy New Year to all our listeners – I, and each of the ActionPodcast coaches, look forward to sharing 2010 with you!

How is it that millions of people want something that is important to them, is absolutely possible to achieve, will provide tremendous benefits and rewards, yet they fail so miserably at getting what they want?

Here are three key reasons why New Year’s resolutions don’t work:

1) Most resolutions are made in response to something negative. Lose weight, get out of debt, stop smoking. They are based on a habit or situation someone wants to change or end. While these are valid things to change, it’s really hard to build momentum by ending something negative. It requires focus on something you don’t want.

2) Most people don’t understand what it takes to truly create lasting change or results. Resolutions and goal are just words, but results require action – and usually consistent and massive action. Most people want something big to change yet don’t get crystal clear on what action will be required, what new information or knowledge they need, what new skills they need or what old habits must be broken that will hold them back. Trying harder is never the solution, trying different is.

3) Most people don’t establish the right environment of support for the goal. After bolding claiming to themselves and their friends what they will do, most people try (or suffer) in private to make the change. Combined with points 1 and 2 above, without effective influence, support, collaboration it can be a daunting challenge that can quickly lose momentum.

2010 doesn’t have to be this way for you. Here’s a quick solution for your resolutions:

1) Describe a compelling outcome you really want. Rather than losing 20 lbs, turn it to the positive: I want to be a vibrant and healthy 120lbs so I can play with my children for hours, wear that slinky dress and have more energy to give to my partner.

2) Write down exactly WHAT you want, and describe in detail WHY that is important. When you get really connected to the WHY, that’s when the energy, enthusiasm and excitement builds. Then detail the HOW, the specific steps and actions you need to take. Complete it with a measurable timeframe. Most importantly, review your top goals daily, and all goals monthly to keep you on track.

3) Create an empowering environment around you. Supportive friends, daily reminders posted on your wall or mirror, throw away all junk food, de-clutter your home to give you more focus. If those goals are really compelling, you will do whatever it takes to ensure you make consistent progress towards your goals.

If you’re not already subscribed to Action Podcast, you can do so on the right side of this page. You’ll receive weekly inspiration, insights and motivation to keep you going from four experienced coaches. That’s another way to keep you on track, on purpose and energized throughout the entire process.

Best wishes for a successful and rewarding 2010!

Find something you’re scared of, and 9 times out of 10 it involves some kind of change in your life: new job, new relationship, new hair colour, new house, new school, new teacher, new country, new car! The list is endless.

So why do we resist? And how can we overcome the fear of change? Or rather, do we really have to?

I’ve now been living in New York for just over 5 months. It’s actually my 6th visit to the city, so it’s not entirely an alien planet. But culturally it often feels like it. I’d been wanting to live here for a few years, but always resisted the calling: too expensive, won’t get enough work to keep me here, will be all on my little lonesome. The excuses were really endless. Strange, really, since my life in London was hardly one of spellbinding excitement and stimulation. I guess it really was the fear of the unknown. Of moving out of my comfort zone and changing it for something totally out of my sphere.

But has the experience turned into a nightmare of epic proportions? Absolutely not! In fact I wish I’d come here years ago, when the economy was still buoyant and finding work a helluva lot easier. Yet despite the inherent challenges of moving to a new city and not knowing anyone, I’ve met some incredible people, made great professional contacts and thoroughly immersed myself in the cultural life here. In my opinion it’s just about the greatest city on earth. I love it here. I moved out of my comfort zone and embraced the changes. And as I did so became more confident. Not always less fearful, but soon discovered that the fear passed once I actually got on and did the very thing that was spooking me!

If you’re a change junkie, then you’ll have no problem uprooting in every sense. Change to you is an adrenalin kick. But for more cautious types, I have one thing to say. Feel the fear and do it anyway! Life is passing you by so very quickly. Stop dreaming and start doing. Make the changes you’ve always dreamed of, before it’s too late.

Photo courtesy: mediaslap.soundworks.com

We would love to celebrate our special birthday with a few of your comments and reviews via the iTunes store.

Please take a few minutes to log in to iTunes and register your customer rating and a customer review.

Action Podcast on iTunes

Thanks you so much in advance – we look forward to reading your reviews soon!

Paul, Sam, Gina and Chris
The Action Podcast Team

This week, technology was on best-behaviour. But neither Sam nor Paul could remember the topic they’d been planning to podcast about! What happens when you just can’t remember…?!

Paul: So Sam, do you have any ideas for a topic tonight?

Sam: Um, didn’t we have one last week that we discussed and got really excited about?

Paul: Oh, yeah! We did speak about something… but I can’t remember what it was. I’ll check my notes…

Sam: Hmm. I can’t remember either – I just know it was going to be a good one! Maybe I sent you an email about it…?

Both: Nope – absolutely nothing written down or sent. Can’t remember! Oh well, let’s just have a chat anyway.

Paul: So how was your week?

Sam: It’s been good…<detailed update about a couple of key events/issues>. It’s strange, but when you let things go it creates space for the universe to provide solutions and opportunities.

Paul: That’s so true…<detailed description of similar experiences>. One of my meditation books suggests asking the universe for something, without harm to others.

Sam: I really like that. It reminds me of the ‘be careful what you wish for’ idea. I wouldn’t want to get what I’m asking for at a cost to someone else. I like to pray with gratitude, and to trust that everything happens for a reason. If it’s meant to be it will be.

Both: <more discussion on metaphysical topics>.

Paul: Yeah, it takes you out of the victim mode; helps you realise you have choices/options…

Sam: That was it!! Our topic! We’ve come full circle – and after surrendering our lost topic idea, it has returned to us 30mins later! How amazing is that?!

Stay tuned for the rediscovered topic when Paul & Sam get recording next…

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What would you have done differently?

I was visiting a team of administrators this week to give them a presentation on how to work more effectively with another department. Whilst I was fine tuning my presentation I over heard two people having a conversation that really wasn’t going anywhere. Lets call them A and B for simplicities sake.

A wanted B to do a piece of work. B was in the middle of doing something and states that he cannot do that right now. These two points of view were repeated a few times with out much more being added or taken away. The result was A walked away saying “fine whatever”.

Both A and B were clearly trying to convey a message that didn’t seem to be resonating with the other person. So it got me thinking what was going wrong and how could they have had a more productive exchange?

It really boils down to one factor. Time.

• Time to think
• Time to converse
• Time to agree
• Time to action

Some people say that Time is the most valuable thing you have. I must say that it’s pretty difficult to deny. No matter how hard you try, time is basically linear. The only choice you really have is what do you spend your time on, not whether to spend it at all.

So let’s review the conversation again. Person A has already spent time on thinking about the piece of work he wants to give to B. He approaches B and spends time detailing the subject. B becomes somewhat defensive and is unable to spend any time thinking, agreeing, taking action and even to some degree even conversing! What would have been great to see at this point is A recognising this and restarting his own time process.

1. Think – why is B not able to just accept what I’m saying and take on this work?
2. Converse – ask them, now that A has given himself time to think “what’s wrong here, what have I missed or not considered?”
3. Agree – during the agree section, A must allow B time to take to two previous steps to think about what is being proposed and to converse over any issues or questions they may have. Once both A and B have been able to Think and Converse they can agree how to move forward.
4. Action – A’s action will be to check after the time allotted that B has been able to complete the work assignment. B’s action will be to carry out the work or if something happens to start the process again so that he can explain what stopped them.

Now here comes the punchline. If you miss a step what happens?

• Think, but nothing else. You’re left wondering what went wrong and start to assign blame.
• Converse, but nothing else. Conversing with someone without thinking, agreeing or taking action? That’s sounding awfully like an argument!
• Agree. Agreement has to be on both sides.Without the others, this isn’t agreeing, it’s demanding!
• Action, with out the rest is throwing your hands up in the air and saying “fine whatever!”

So the next time you find yourself in a situation and can sense it’s not being as productive as you had hoped, consider the four steps to time. Start from step 1 and see what happens if you just had time…

Make new friends, meet with like minded people and enjoy an evenings discussion on a specially selected personal development topic.

You can find out more information and reserve your place by logging on to http://www.meetup.com/actionpodcast

Places are limited! So make sure you snap one up as the event is already filling up!

I really hope to see you there!

Paul

PS. Why not bring along a friend as well? But make sure they also sign up at http://www.meetup.com/actionpodcast before it’s too late.

I received a tweet this week which quoted a young girl. This young girl is battling cancer and going through chemotherapy. She told her parents “”Everything will be OK in the end; If it’s not OK, it is not the end”. She also says her mum worries too much.

There are so many ways to view that statement and so I choose to see the reminder that we always have the power to choose the meaning in any situation. Yet, so often we forget that we have that choice.

Take, for example, something in your life right now that you are worried about, big or small. You’re uncertain about the outcome, or you’re expecting a painful experience, or you’re simply not getting the results you want and don’t see a way to change it.

Think about the specific element, the tip of the pin, the little nugget that has you really worried.

How often you do indulge in that state of worry?
How long do you choose to indulge in that state of worry?
What are you really worried about in that situation?
Does the specific element — that ‘tip of the pin’ — honestly warrant and deserve that frequency and duration of emotional worry?

So often we get trapped in our own self-induced fog of worry that we can’t see anyway out of it (…or that it could even be anything but something to worry about). We build up a huge story in our minds about the terrible outcomes that will inevitably arrive and conveniently ignore the fact that we always have the power to choose the meaning we give something, or someone. We expend a lot of energy on the ‘worry’ part of the situation, rather than choosing to spend our energy on the ‘wonderment’ and ‘gratitude’ of the situation.

If you find yourself in a consistent state of worry about some element in your life, remember that it’s not the end. Only when you release the worry, see the situation as it is (and not worse than it is), and choose a more heartfelt, empow