Posted on 16 May, 2012 by Sam
For most of us, we learn our family roles at a young age as we try to discover our place in the world, and they stick with us for the rest of our lives.
But whether good, bad, indifferent or confusing, we don’t have to inherit the roles established through youth or circumstance… we can choose to rethink the roles we want to play within our family.
And ‘family’ can refer to the people you choose to surround yourself with, not just your biological relatives, despite the oft-quoted adage that “you can choose your friends but not your family”. So what are these family roles we adopt, and why would we want to change them?
What are family roles?
I think of them as any physical, emotional or relational tie that we have to our family as a whole, or to individual members. They can be labels we take on, behaviours we repeat or feelings we associate with our family.
An example of some of the roles I’ve inherited are: black sheep, big sister, rule-breaker/boundary-stretcher, courageous (if a little crazy), rebellious daughter, golden granddaughter and international jet-setter. There are many more, and you would perhaps get a different list if you asked my family members to provide it instead, but these are roles that have affected my relationships with all of my family and that I accepted as part of my identity.
It is the last of these – international jet-setter – that has caused me to rethink my family roles recently in my 12th year of living overseas.
Understanding & Changing Them
I realised that part of me had assumed that ‘international’ also meant ‘distant’ Read more of this article »
Posted on 25 April, 2012 by Paul
Recently I’ve noticed a trend, people aren’t achieving the goals that they set for themselves.
They talk a great talk, telling me how much they want it and how better their life would be once they achieved it.
But they are all failing to achieve their dream for one simple reason, their desired end result is simply not important enough to them. Or rather, they aren’t treating it with the same importance as the rest of their life.
Top 3 Goals that Fail
- People who want to lose weight aren’t able to stick to a suitable diet because of work, or a party or some other excuse.
- Those who wish to improve their social life and make more friends often choose to sit at home sulking, despite the fact they have been invited out.
- Others who are in a job they hate seem to spend so much time stressing about their work they allow no time to start looking for alternative work that would suit them better.
Why You Fail
All the people above want to make a change but find it hard, because they haven’t given it the same priority as the other parts of their life. The only way they will ever get on track and start achieving their goal is if they get more organised, allocate time to make things happen and take action.
Planning and Scheduling
If you are following a healthy eating plan (I hate calling it a diet) you need to make sure you’ve planned for times when it’s going to be tough to stick to. When you’re eating out, ask to substitute items on the menu for a side salad. Or order extra vegetables instead of more bread loaded with butter! Have healthy snacks like nuts or fruit in your bag if you are caught short and need a bite to eat between meals. A little extra planning and consideration will keep you on the straight and narrow. Your waistline with thank you for it!
Get Out and Make an Effort
I frequently have to remind clients that it’s hard to meet new people when you’re sat at home watching the TV. GO OUTSIDE! If you want to meet new people and make friends, find groups and events that cover things you are interested in. MeetUP.com is a great place to start as it has thousands of groups. You’re bound to find something of interest and most of them are completely free! If you are going to join a group, don’t just go once every six months and wonder why your social circle isn’t increasing. Become a regular face at the group, introduce yourself to people you have seen before, join in with events and be reliable.
Making friends is like everything else in life, you have to work at it, you have to earn friendship. Make time for socialising, even if you don’t always feel like it. By making the effort, people will make the effort to get to know you better, and that’s how friendships start.
Take Action Instead of Complaining
Being in a bad work place is awful. You’re there for so many hours a day, if you don’t enjoy it then it can be terribly depressing. But just dreading it every day isn’t going to change it. You have to put the wheels in motion. It’s always better to already be in a job when looking for a new one, so don’t quit just yet! Get your CV updated, have friends check it and help make it as professional as possible. Then start hitting that “apply” button. Sometimes just the act of looking can release a bit of work pressure as it helps you see there is an alternative.
Have you found yourself wishing things would change but nothing seemed to? Maybe it’s because you need to spend a little more time planning, scheduling, making an effort and taking action!
Posted on 12 April, 2012 by Chris
As someone who mostly works from home, with infinite freedom to do as I choose, I often find my thoughts going to things I must do, could do, should do to be more disciplined.
Being self-disciplined is a life skill for everyone, critical for ambitious people and it’s a life-line for the self-employed.
With substandard self-discipline you let time and productivity leak like a bullet-riddled water pipe, you get pulled in a dozen directions before you realise it’s too late in the day to really get started on something, and you never fully experience your full potential.
If your to-do list or calendar is the structure to your day, self-discipline is the structure to your mind and decision making.
Read more of this article »
