Summer Book Series #5: How to Be An Adult in Relationships – David Richo

How to be an Adult in relationships

How to be an Adult in relationships by David Richo

In the latest of our summer book season podcasts, Paul and Gina discuss David Richo’s amazing book How To Be An Adult in Relationships (The Five Keys to Mindful Living).
A wonderful book for anyone in a relationship, just out of a relationship or single, David Richo talks about being mindful and present in all our interactions with others.
By using the 5 As of Attention, Acceptance, Affection and Appreciation as guideposts, Richo takes the reader on a journey of mindful awareness, right to the heart of what it takes to communicate from a place of love, rather from a place of fear.

Society all-too often teaches us that everything we need is outside of us – that once we find the person we love they will provide 100% of all our needs. Wrong!! We’re lucky if we get 25% of our needs met from our partners. We need to learn to parent ourselves and find the remaining sources from within ourselves or from work or hobbies or friendships.

Most of us appear to have grown up – we’re in adult bodies after all – but in reality we are all wounded children running around in grown-up bodies. We’re still looking to heal those wounds from childhood and therefore all too often replicate the relationships we had with our parents, with our partners.

Richo helps you to look at your patterns and gives useful, practical advice on how to begin with the most important relationship of all – the one we have with our Self. As well as:

* recognizing and attracting an emotionally mature relationship

* understanding the major phases of relationships

* maintaining healthy boundaries as we become increasingly intimate

* overcoming fears of abandonment or engulfment

* expressing anger and other emotions in adult ways

* surviving break-ups with your self-esteem intact

* understanding love as a spiritual and heroic journey

 

An amazing book – highly recommended!

Click here to buy your copy of the book via Amazon:

[amazon ASIN=”1570628122″]How To Be An Adult in Relationships by David Richo[/amazon]

 

The Key to a Rapid Boost in Your Performance

How often do you start your day by getting all the little things ‘out of the way’ first – clearing email, cleaning your desk, catching up on niggly out-of-date to do’s that are stressing you out since they still haven’t been done?

All done in an attempt to get the smaller, mundane (or urgent) things off your plate so you can settle down into your day and finally get to the important stuff.

It’s a strategy most of us use on a regular basis – but for most of us, it’s flawed. And usually painfully so.

While this approach often feels like the best thing to do, how often do you actually get to the most important items? Chances are, it’s rare and often at a cost. Continue reading

Practice Active Listening

Have you ever noticed that moment when the person you’re speaking to suddenly seems to mentally drift away, their eyes glaze over and you know they’re not listening to you any more? Do you do that to others?

In this podcast, Sam and Chris discuss three levels of listening and offer practical tips to ensure you not only listen well but remain engaged and interested in your conversations.

This topic was inspired by the recent request from a listener, and our answering podcast – The Dance of a Social Butterfly.
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The Dance of a Social Butterfly

Meeting new people in any situation can inspire a mixture of fear, excitement, nervousness and anticipation – depending on how easily we cope with the dance of the social butterfly. And even if you enjoy a chance to socialise, it isn’t always a bed of roses!

So when a listener wrote in recently, Sam & Paul were keen to present a bouquet of flowers as thanks:

“When I am in any situation especially social I am able to make a great impression and have fun/etc – but after a while I get tired/bored and cannot maintain the energy or enthusiasm. I have tried making goals – using NLP-type exercises and all of these help in the short term, but not for long. Can you please advise if you have any input?”

Continue reading

The fine art of listening

THINK BACK… to the last time someone really listened to you.
I mean really listened. For more than a few minutes. Without interrupting. Listening with all their being, until you’d actually finished your train of thought, and in some cases even your whole sentence? Fully present – not while driving, washing up, unpacking the shopping, half an eye on the footy/SATC re-runs; their attention clearly elsewhere. Listening until you came to a natural pause; a complete conclusion?

Not easy, eh? Most of us cannot wait to jump in, proffer our own opinion and then, with any luck completely take over the conversation. Why is listening so difficult?
For those of you who can remember what it feels like to be truly seen and heard – you’ll know what an exquisite feeling it is. Sometimes we don’t want advice or an opinion, we just want someone to be a sounding board; to listen to us. Without judgment and preferably in silence.

Next time you speak with a friend or colleague, make a conscious decision not to interrupt for at least a few minutes. You may get an anxious: “why have you gone quiet?” but if you tell the other person you are, in fact, listening to them, unless they’ve keeled over in shock, they’ll feel sufficiently respected to continue, perhaps at an even deeper level. And trust, me, they won’t forget the full attention you’ve given them!

If you’re lucky to have a good friend, family member or colleague who is happy to give you their silent, undivided attention, then you’re very well blessed! Go give ‘em a big hug…

Photo credit: creativeenergyblog.wordpress.com