Learn to Overcome Your Shyness Before it Overcomes You

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Are you a shy person?

When you’re around a crowd of people you don’t know, do you sometimes wish the floor would just swallow you up? Is it your biggest fear to have to speak in front of a large audience? When you enter a room, do you want to just go unnoticed? If you were able to relate to any of these scenarios, then yes you are a shy person.

While constantly seeking attention and desiring to be in the centre of conversations are not always good, being overly shy can be just as bad. Announcing your entrance at a party can turn people off just as much as not opening you mouth and making eye contact during a conversation. Yes, it may be a challenge to strike a balance between the two, but once you learn how; you’ll see just how easy it actually is and how much better your social life and relationships will be!

There are many reasons why a person feels overly shy. In many cases, people feel too conscious about themselves—what they’re wearing, how they look, and their speech all these result to feeling so awkward and shy in front of people. There are also other who have such a negative self-evaluation that they feel they will never measure up to people’s expectations, thus they feel extremely shy facing people.

Again, it’s okay to feel shy every once in a while but when that feeling starts to take over your life and hinder your actions then it becomes wrong.

Below are a few quick tips on how to overcome that feeling of shyness before it overcomes you.

  1. Stop feeling self-conscious. Unbelievably the people around you are all too busy with their own concerns to even notice and scrutinise you.

  1. Acknowledge your strengths. What are you good at? Focus on it instead of what you think you lack.

  1. Stop trying to conform to everyone. Just be yourself and accept that you have your own awkwardness. That’s fine.

  1. Release your anxieties through physical activities. Always feeling self-conscious are signs of anxiety. Release the pressure through jogging and working out.

  1. Affirm yourself of your strengths and capabilities. Dwell on these instead of always sulking on the things that you think you’re too weak at.

  1. Never take rejection personally. Remember you are not the only one who experiences rejection, we all do. There’s really nothing personal about it. 

  1. Stop comparing yourself to others. You may never measure up to the smartest or most popular person at work, but believe it or not, you also have strengths that other people desire. So stop comparing yourself or setting standards that are too high to achieve. Love yourself for who you are! 

  1. Build on your social skills. Practice being around people and interacting with them. This will help boost your self-confidence. You may still have episodes of shyness, but just keep practicing and you’ll get better.

  1. Learn to accept your weaknesses. No one is perfect, even the person you most admire isn’t, so stop trying to be one. Just accept that you have you own shortcomings. We all do.

  1. The next time you’re in front of people or in a social gathering and you begin having episodes of uncontrollable shyness, take deep breaths to calm yourself.

 

Change the Rules

Do you ever find yourself wishing you could do things but they just seem so far our of your reach they are even worth trying?

Paul and Gina talk about taking some advice from Tim Ferris to “Change the Rules”

When Paul decided he wanted to write a book so time ago, he struggled with the dread of having to start such a mammoth task from scratch. But after going to see Tim Ferris speak in London, Paul decides to change his on rules in what it takes to create a book. Looking back over the years Paul has written many blog posts and has decided to use these as a foundation for his book.

To get things going Paul is using the Scrivener app to collect all the parts of his book and turn it into something that works. You can have a look and download the program for windows or Mac’s from their website:-

Scrivener from Literature and Latte

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What have you been putting off, that you felt was simply unachievable? How could you change the rules to make it happen?

Three Keys to Gaining Clarity (Instantly)

Over the past few weeks I’ve had the privilege and honour to deliver training workshops and coach individuals from over 18 countries. Some in person when I travelled to Australia, Russia and Germany; some over Skype to America and Spain.

While everyone has their own challenges and ambitions, what continues to strike me is the absolutely critical importance of CLARITY.

Clarity is at the heart of progress and achievement. When you have clarity, you (for the most part) can confidently march forward towards the result you’re after. It doesn’t mean it’s easy or effortless but it does mean that there is a certain force of energy, focus, conviction or commitment directing your every step.

At the opposite end of the spectrum, it can be painfully obvious when you lack clarity or feel like you have no clue on what you should do. You stop, get stuck and barely make any progress.

But the tougher, more challenging and more dangerous place is somewhere in the middle. You THINK you are clear, you ARE putting in the effort but the results are underwhelming-to-non-existent. It’s kind of like counterfeit money – it looks real, it feels real but using it too much can get you in serious trouble.

“Counterfeit” clarity applies equally to the small things – for example, prioritising your daily to-do list – as well as the big things such as the direction of your life, relationships and career.

You may start out ok but before long your momentum slows and more and more problems, hurdles, delays or distractions get in the way.

Can you relate to any of these?

  • Poor time management, easily distracted, continually chasing new ideas and ‘dabbling’ in a lot of different things
  • Not finishing what you’ve started
  • Waiting for the perfect moment to begin…or continue
  • Telling yourself “Tomorrow will be better to get started on that”
  • Getting caught in circular thinking, continually debating the pros and cons of certain actions
  • Repeatedly set goals and never achieve them
  • Overwhelmed at what needs to get done
  • Indecisive with little things and avoiding the ‘big’ things

A lack of clarity isn’t the result of these behaviours, it’s the CAUSE.

And as it happens to all of us at times, the cure isn’t to just make sure you get clear first, but rather to learn to spot the signals quickly and make a swift change of course.

What do you tend to do when you’re unclear?

For me, the signals I’ve come to know quite well are:

  • Checking emails (…or Facebook or the News or my phone…) way to frequently, especially when I’m not expecting anything of importance or urgency.
  • Starting my day by reviewing emails (…or Facebook or the News or my phone…) before I’ve even exercised or showered or had some food.
  • Telling myself I need to switch to more important things or resolve a bigger problem yet continue to carry on dabbling in minor things.

When I eventually snap out of that trance and back to the things that matter most to me, I am reminded of three keys to getting clear:

1. As soon as you recognise you’re off track and not making the right progress, stop.

2. Immediately ask yourself four questions:
What is my real outcome in this situation? (or in the next ____ minutes/hours/days?)
Therefore, what must I stop doing right now?
What is the first action I can take to build momentum towards my outcome?
How good will I feel when I start to make progress?

3. Take that next step no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. Don’t waste time debating whether it’s the right or wrong step. You just need to take action and move forward. You might learn it wasn’t the ‘right’ step but at least now you know and can adjust your approach even further.

Time and time again those three prove to be uber helpful and quickly shift focus, energy and momentum towards getting clear, and ultimately getting what you want.

And if you’re really stuck on HOW to get clear, you owe it to yourself to make ‘getting clear(er)’ your top priority. Ask a coach or mentor, search for a relevant blog or article online, speak to a friend or family member or ask us at ActionPodcast.

So start to recognise your signals more quickly and follow those exact steps.

You’ll be glad you did.

Let us know what your tricks for getting clear are and what you need to get clear on now by leaving a comment below or on our Facebook page.

Remember your dreams!

bucketlist1It’s all too easy to cast aside those amazing dreams you had as a child. Dreams and ideas of what you’d love to achieve, where you’d love to go, the kind of work you’d love to do – when you grew up. Everything seemed exciting and full of promise back then. We were looking at the world through eyes of innocence. At least during the Seventies!

Granted, you might not actually want to be an astronaut in later life, but there are many things we park, as we get embroiled in marriages, mortgages, kids and just surviving.

In today’s podcast, Paul and Gina discuss ways in which you can re-connect to your lost and abandoned dreams. And begin manifesting them in your life today.

There’s nothing more exciting than ticking off a ‘to create’ list and realising that you have, in fact made your dreams come true. Check out the fab movie ‘Bucket List‘ for more inspiration!

 

Ouch! Love hurts!

Love_hurts_by_AlephunkyRelationships – of any kind – are always a minefield of emotions… as the song goes “its a thin line between love and hate”.

Keeping your heart open after you’ve been hurt is almost counter-intuitive. Why would you want to do that?

Doesn’t make any sense at all to open yourself to another bruising…  It certainly makes sense to lick your wounds, look after yourself and be kind to your heart after a betrayal of trust. But it’s imperative you also stay open to receiving love from others, however much you’re hurting.

When a client of mine discovered his partner was seeing someone else, his whole world fell apart. He told me he felt like he’d been kicked in the stomach; a knife stabbed through his heart. A visceral, aching pain that he couldn’t handle. It took him months to get over the shock and the disappointment of this ultimate betrayal. He told me he wasn’t much fun to be around at that time.

It became clear during our sessions that he’d shut down his heart. And was pushing away friends who were trying to help him. And latterly he was also pushing away potential new partners. A double whammy pain.

He was shutting himself off from love, whereas he actually admitted to me he really needed to be held, to cry, to yell out, to laugh with friends who could support him. And when he stopped fighting himself, he began to allow allowed close friends in to support him. His real friends gently coaxed and nudged him through his pain – and often self-pity – to a happier space. And now, six months later, he is dating again. Cautiously but with an open heart.

So if you’re going through a break-up right now.. sure, acknowledge all your emotions – they need to be released. But please don’t close your heart to receiving love while you go through the letting-go process. You need it.

Photo: alephunky.deviantart.com

 

If you don’t succeed at first, try a different way!

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We’re funny old things, human beings. All too often we give up if something doesn’t work. Or we don’t get the success or results we’d dreamed of straight away. We often have such a ‘right way’ belief about how things should be done, we don’t stop to consider alternative ways of reaching and achieving our desired end result.

In today’s podcast, Paul and Gina share ways you can act more creatively around securing job interviews, writing CVs, even creating an attractive advert for renting out your apartment (as Gina is doing right now).

It’s called A/B Testing. It’s normally associated with online marketing. By testing two different versions of an email you can see which one get the best response. You just keep doing this A/B test to hone your email and get the best response.

But why just limit this to online marketing? You can use this for so much more!

Listen to the podcast and find out how you can test your way to success.

Enjoying the Journey

All too often we find ourselves rushing so fast to our next task or goal that we can often miss the experience of the journey.

Paul talks to Gina about her latest mission to relocate to the South of France. Although there are lots of things to think about and organise, it’s really important, at times like this, to take a moment and really recognise the journey you are on.

If you were to ask yourself, what are you enjoying right now about your journey would you be able to list 2 or 3 things?

Listen to the show and find out more

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Fear of rejection: You can connect with people more confidently

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Do you ever feel that you could do better when connecting with other people?

Maybe it’s making a connection with someone new, or rekindling an old relationship that’s lapsed.

Often the fear of how someone else will react to our attempts to reach out to them can hold us back. Everyone gets a little nervous to some degree or another when they need to take that first step. It’s our expectation of how we are going to be perceived that puts us off.

  • Try thinking about what you can do for them, instead of why you need them.
  • Boost them up by explaining you really what their help, because you respect them and would appreciate some direction from them.
  • It might not be the perfect moment for them, so make sure you check that up front. It will take the pressure off them telling you they are busy right now, and maybe scheduling some time with you later.
  • Try to find a common connection that you can both share and relate to. Avoid anything that is one sided.

For lots more ideas listen to the podcast.

If you have any other suggestions on how to connect with people more confidently, let us know!

January Blues

January BluesAre you suffering from post holidays blues?

Getting back into the swing of things can seem such a hardship!

Have you been hit with the “sensible shovel”?  🙂

Are you feeling regret or even resentment of things you aren’t allowed anymore,

Are you feeling the struggle of returning to using some self control?

a lot of goals or resolutions often are focused on what we can no longer have. This is going to make things a lot hard for you. By focusing on the lack, what you can’t have, you can expect a real up hill battle.

The Simple Solution

Be more motivated by focusing on what it is that you do want, or put it another way, what will you gain?

For example, instead of thinking about the weight you need to lose. Think about the delicious, nutritious and fulfilling foods you can eat. Because that change in your perspective suddenly gives you something to look forward to, rather than mourning the lost of the things you can’t have.

Listen to this podcast for lots more ideas to get you make on track and enjoying whatever it is you are working towards.

The Power of Reviewing 2012

Happy-New-Year-2013-HD-Wallpaper-2Happy New Year everyone!  We made it!

Clearly, 2013 is just the beginning of a massive shift in consciousness… I think the Mayans knew this very well, that 2012 marked the end of an old way of being and interacting – with ourselves and those around us – as well as the planet.

And as I watched the amazing NYE fireworks on the Thames two days ago, I felt excited and full of optimism for the year to come. The New Year is traditionally a time of resolution- and goal-setting. But this year I decided to celebrate a little differently.

Instead of setting goals – I’ve looked back over 2012 and did a ‘completion’ exercise on the whole year. This a great way to let your subconscious know you’re through with certain projects and can put them to bed. It’s a way of acknowledging your triumphs, your challenges and bringing to your awareness exactly what you’ve learnt the past year.
So I asked myself the following questions:

1. What have I created?

2. What have I learnt?

3. What is it true to let go of?

4. What would I love to create now?

You could do this ‘straight’ ie just ask the questions and receive the answers. Or you could do it more intuitively – so you’ll get answers from your subconscious (no avoiding the truth there!).

To tune in to your subconscious is very easy. Simply close your eyes, take a couple deep breaths and imagine you are surrounded by a circle of gold light.
Ask yourself the first question, ‘What have I created’ and allow the first image or symbol to appear. It could be anything – from a banana to a colour to a mountain… Don’t judge the image… just open your eyes and write it down. Then it’s time to interpret it.

What does this symbol or image mean to you? Just make it up. There is no right or wrong answer. Simply allow your subconscious to speak. Then using the same symbol, ask yourself,  “What have I learnt.”

Repeat the above for questions 3 and 4, getting a new symbol for each question.
You’ll probably find the answers quite illuminating as I did. By doing this exercise intuitively you are more likely to receive the ‘truth’ of your creations, your learning, your letting go and what your heart would love to create next.

Happy completing! And happy creating 🙂