Major congratulations to our very own ActionPodcast Ironman Chris!

He’s been able to motivate himself to take part in Ironman Cozumel and came in with an incredible time of 13 hours. An amazing achievement. You might not want to do a 3.8km swim, 180km bike ride followed by a 42.2km run (phew!) but there is probably one goal in your life you’d like to create.

Any creation outside of your comfort zone requires a few key principles of discipline, courage, persistence and perhaps an extra special meaning that gives you a deeper level of determination. Whether that’s to go after your dream job, your ideal partner or even an Ironman triathlon.

Listen to Chris and Gina discuss “the difference that makes all the difference”.

Nikola Tesla – a creator and true genius

Most of us are convinced that until we believe we can have or manifest the object of our desire, then we ain’t never gonna get it. We’re quite sure that unless we have a positive self-image, we simply can’t have what we’d love.

Recognising that most of us have worth, trust, control, capacity, powerless and not allowed to be capable beliefs, which amplify our “it’s impossible” inner editor, it can often seem an impossibility to manifest our hearts’ desires. No wonder NLP is so popular. Any modality that helps to alter state or model behaviour gives our identities a life raft of significant proportions.

And therein lies our essential conundrum as human beings: we have completely forgotten that we have an innate ability to create – at will. Whether we think we’re a stupid dumbo or we’re God’s gift to the universe. We can create despite our beliefs about ourselves. We are co-creators here on this beautiful planet. In addition to the beliefs we’ve made up about ourselves, parents and schools have also colluded in the drama. We’re told that creating involves ‘sacrifice’, that it’s ‘terribly hard work’, that it takes gargantuan talent, and it usually depends on the largesse of some unforgiving God or unseen forces. Or even worse – we have to go into a peak state and run barefoot across hot coals. Yikes! Not true, my friend.

To add insult to injury, the entire self-development industry has drummed into us that we have to have positive thoughts in order to create what we’d love. Or we just need to make a wish list or simply order in our creative desires. For some, it’s merely a case of channeling entities – a la Shirley MacLaine – who will then guide us to our land of plenty.

We’ve been held hostage by the construct that believing in our (in)ability to create what we’d love is actually more important than the creation itself. How nuts is that?

So where is your focus? On creating or on believing?

The difference between a believer and a creator
All creators have self doubts, but what sets them apart from the believers is sheer will power. A will that they recognise and exert – in spades – to help them in the creative process, despite their inner critic telling them they can’t do x, y, or z.

Do you imagine the world’s greatest inventor and creators experienced a complete lack of self-doubt? Hardly! They probably suffered more than most and were probably rejected more than most. Everyone knows the story about Edison’s gadzillion attempts to create the first incandescent light. And let’s not forget the incandescent inventor Nikola Tesla – the forgotten genius without whom the 21st century would scrabbling about in the dark on all fours (for information on this incredible man check out this link to his life and work).

Creators tend to eschew society’s paradigms on what is and isn’t possible. And what they believe about themselves or the world around them is, as Robert Fritz so eloquently puts it “irrelevant to their creative process”. Madonna, Walt Disney, JK Rowling – just a few household names who certainly weren’t full of self-confidence and charisma when they began their creative journeys.

Steve Jobs is a wonderful example of a man who inspired his team to create what was considered ‘impossible’. And his world view is what he used to motivate those around him:

Watch this Steve Jobs video: “Everything around you that you call life was made up by people no smarter than you”

Creative Tension
When we delve deeply into the creative process many synchronicities happen; we find the right website or book, we bump into the right people. Not because of our beliefs but due to some unseen higher force at work. God knows what that is (maybe just that…) but it just happens. And do we really need to know that is is?

In his magnificent book, The Path of Least Resistance, Robert Fritz who has written extensively about creativity using structural tension as key and guide. With the premise that tension always seeks resolution, his view is that:

Creating is taking action to bring into being that which does not yet exist: the desired outcome. To do this successfully doesn’t depend on beliefs or reciting endless affirmations, rather it is structural. “Clarity about the desired outcome and the actual situation establishes a structural tendency that moves the structure toward tension resolution; and strongly motivates the best actions to achieve the desired outcome.”

So where is your focus? On your desired end results, or on your made-up beliefs?

If you died tomorrow – what would people say about you, and your life? What would you want them to say?

Instead of waiting until it is arguably too late and face the top 5 common regrets (see the article below), contemplating the question of our own mortality can actually be very motivating.

Sam & Gina discuss how their own experiences have helped shape their lives and their actions, and take a light-hearted look at the fact that we don’t ever know when our ‘time’ will come. What would you be inspired to do if you realised you’d regret never having done it?

Click here to see the topic suggestion Rob shared on Facebook, and the article that inspired it.

Gina and Paul talk about overcoming hurdles to achieve things that were out of their own comfort zones. With the support of others and a little practice, it’s amazing how much you can achieve. The impossible becomes reality.

Finding the freedom to do what you want is always a challenge. Your inner voice does its best to try and put you off doing anything new. By externalising your fears, either by talking about them to others, or even by sending a simple text message as we mentioned in the show, you can turn down that voice to a quiet whisper and allow yourself to focus on just doing what you first thought would never be possible.

Not the best way to engage and make positive emotional connections! It simply makes the other person shut down. Sam and Gina discuss the J-word vis-a-vis their own relationships. And offer 3 helpful tips on how we can check in on our own behaviour – and make powerful adjustments – before we start projecting and blaming others. 

Do you buy things you don’t really need – upgrading whenever a new and better version appears?

Are you in debt as a result of buying more and more ‘stuff’?

Do you feel trapped in a job you hate, just because you need the money to pay off the debt you’ve incurred by accumulating?

If you’ve answered ‘yes!’ to just a few of these questions, then you’ll appreciate this short inspiring TED talk from Adam Baker.

So, instead of purgatory, why not go for what you LOVE instead? Paul and Gina discuss the fine art of creation… and the 3 fundamental aspects of creativity: germination, assimilation and creation.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY CREATING WHAT YOU LOVE

We talk about the comments we received from our listeners always make our day, so when we get them we really are delighted.

Also what podcast topics or blog posts have made us as ActionPodcast coaches sit up and really take on board what some one the others have said. Even though we talk about personal development all the time, and coach clients, we still find there are things we can learn from the other coaches.

Looking forward to the year ahead we reveal what we wish for in 2012.

*NEW* We now have a free App in the Android Market Place and the Apple App Store. The app lets you listen to podcasts directly without having to download them on to your PC or Mac first. You can get access to all the latest podcasts, the top ten, recent articles, all our twitter feeds and a lot more! Just go to the App Store on your phone or tablet and search for “ActionPodcast” all one word. Or just click the buttons below.

ActionPodcast App now available from:

This podcast helps you beat the burnout with 5 top tips.

The run-up to Christmas is an especially fraught time – especially for many female executives who are also juggling a family, parents and husbands/partners! Paul and Gina discuss simple ways you can take stock of your work and home life, and take immediate action to avoid meltdown in the pre- and post-holiday period.

The most obvious symptom of burnout is often exhaustion—a fatigue you just can’t kick, even by taking a few days off. But there’s more to it than just being tired. You may even experience a loss of enthusiasm that often results in your doing the bare minimum, as well as a loss of faith in your abilities.  You may be short-tempered and even overreact to minor things. No matter what you do, you can’t get all of it done well. You could actually start making more mistakes than usual or begin allow things to fall through the cracks.

Listen to this podcast for some great instant tips to help you beat burnout!

A FABULOUS QUOTE, which is equally attributable to us women of course! Yet when Tennyson penned his immortal lines, the fairer sex were not supposed to show outward, public signs of lust and longing. To make up for this, there was feverish letter writing, many an attack of the vapours (probably due to tight corsetry), and many a hushed chaperoned visit with the object of one’s desire.  There was no word for sex when Tennyson wrote this either, so the word ‘love’ encompassed the whole gamut of heart/mind/body attraction.

Love – a hurricane of enmeshed chemical attraction and neuroses? Or a soul’s recognition of someone we’ve most certainly met before – albeit in another form. Probably a bit of both. The feeling is certainly visceral enough…

For those of you lucky enough to have experienced love, it also means you’ve been bitten by love’s little flip side – pain. Yes the ‘ouch’ factor is one of the great trade-offs when we open our hearts to love someone – and receive in return. And it’s a price most of us are prepared to pay and a risk we want to take. But how do we keep our hearts open after we’ve been hurt? This is the secret – keeping ourselves open to giving and receiving love when all we want to do is curl up somewhere and never come out. Scary world. Scary people. Nope, never giving my heart to anyone again. Know the feeling?

As a result, we all too often retreat for safety into our heads and remain intellectually bound – cutting off from our feelings and emotions. Stymied. Not a good idea. Why? Because we actually cut ourselves off from receiving love – from any direction. Painful – and not a good strategy for success and emotional well being.

So what’s the cure when you’ve been bitten by the after-love bug? How can we possibly keep our hearts open when we’ve been hurt?

Here are some ways that have worked for me, at times when my heart has felt broken and I have lost trust in the world and the people who were once close to me, but have betrayed my trust. Hope you find them helpful too. P.S. the heart does heal… You will love again.

1. Often we feel shattered because we are grieving for a future that will never be realised. We’ve spent so much time imagining how life will be with this person in the FUTURE – we’ve totally forgotten to take it all day by day. Practise taking just one day at a time. In your own personal life as well as with others. Stay fully present. Neither dwelling on the past nor projecting yourself into the future. Both are escape mechanisms.

2. Forgive. Yourself primarily, then others. Harder said than done, but it does work. It means that events and people no longer have a hold over you and make you a perennial victim. It also takes a lot of energy constantly ruminating on what might have been, what you could/should have done. It’s past. Let it go.

3. Focus on all the good things in your life right now. From basics such as the fact you still have a job, a roof over your head, to all the loving friends and family who are there to support you. And good health, if you have that too then you are truly blessed.

4. Develop a state of optimism. Trust that good things will come to you. Be open to wherever and whomever they come from.

5. Acknowledge your emotions and let them out. Don’t suppress them. Crying is good – yes guys – for you too!

6. Understand that you control your thoughts. And your thoughts dictate what happens to you in life. If you dwell on the negative that’s exactly what you’ll attract. Only YOU have the power to make yourself happy. People come and go, but if you focus on establishing a closer relationships with yourself, you will rarely feel lonely.

7. Stay in the present. Every time you start looking back and feel sad, gently find ways to bring your thoughts back into the present.

Photo: christiancoachingcenter.org

Whether it be a relationship that’s no longer working, or a job that you want to leave, now is a very natural time of year to let go.

During this podcast Gina and Paul discuss the two phases of letting go. Firstly, identifying situations where it’s appropriate to let go. Secondly managing the results of implementing the change and gaining support through what can be a very difficult time.

The anxiety producing “If only… you’d taken that job, married that person, moved countries, bought that flat, had different parents, gone to a different college, taken less drugs, taken more drugs, had more fun, travelled more, had children, not had children…

Ego, ergo
This ego-inspired reasoning, which keeps us in a state of disempowerment and impotence is endless. And endlessly demotivating. And it lures us away from the immense power of being fully conscious and fully present.
Right here, right now.

Future
Or perhaps like many of us, you prefer to focus on the future to avoid feeling any present pain. Or taking action to move out of your current unease. The “What if…. line of anxiety producing self-enquiry… What if…. I get made redundant, make the wrong decision, my boyfriend/girlfriend leaves me, choose the wrong job, it all goes terribly wrong, lose all my money, feel lonely, etc. Projecting our fear into future events, which have yet to happen.

Resistance
We all, myself very much included, have constructed myriad ways of resisting the present moment. The Right Here. Right Now. The mind, ego, whatever you want to call it, invariably takes us away from true consciousness. It feeds off and promotes our fear. Controlling and self-denying, it loves the whip hand. And until we take charge of our thoughts, the CD of self-sabotage will continue to play into the sunset… like an interminable Groundhog Day (without the humour!).

Why do we avoid feeling present?
If you are a human being – and I’m assuming most of you reading this are of that persuasion – then you’ll probably find yourself taking more action to avoid pain, than taking positive action towards experiencing pleasure in life. Think about it. Sex addiction, work addiction, drug addiction – we self-medicate and self-anaesthetise to suppress painful emotions and feelings. But of course they simply go underground, emerging at inappropriate moments with the result that we often self-sabotage – in work and our personal life – the very relationships we hold most dear. Or we simply never invite them in in the first place. We avoid ‘being’.

Observe your emotions
One way I work with clients is to encourage them to feel their emotions. Not deny them. Look at the very word ‘emotion’. Motion = movement. They are simply passing through. They are not OF you. By refusing to identify with the emotions, but by simply observing them as they move through, you will become less addicted to checking out. There are many ways of staying present, with presence. The most powerful way is to focus on your breath. Put all your attention on your in – and your out breath. Practise this daily for at least 5 minutes at a time. Then any time you feel overwhelmed by emotions and feel yourself checking out, use this technique to change your state. It’s the best way to be fully present. And surrender to the moment.

Ground yourself
Another way is to stay in your body – preferably 24/7. Use grounding exercises such as imagining heavy cords reaching from the soles of both feet down into the ground. As far as the earth’s core. Tie these cords or vines around large boulders. Then draw up that fabulous fire energy from the earth’s molten core. Visualise that energising orange, brown, red colour rising up your feet, ankles, and legs until it fills your whole body. You will feel energised and more powerfully in your body.

Pay attention
Give your full attention to whatever you are doing. Whether it’s watching soapsuds on a glass you’re washing up, to watching the trees on your way to work, to totally focusing on your work. Practise right here. Right now.

Give yourself permission to be increasingly creative… Write a stream of consciousness page every morning as soon as you get up. Start painting, drawing, learn a musical instrument… move your consciousness from your left to your right brain. The source of all inspiration. Play! Play! Play! Run around a field, scream and shout. Allow your inner child expression and let go! Laugh – and above all, don’t take yourself too seriously.

Results
Being fully present will enable you to draw on unlimited inspiration. You will be able to deal with your emotions in a constructive way, instead of diving in and becoming overwhelmed by them. Unfettered by the past or future, you will access all the energy, self-awareness and clarity you need for peace of mind and a more creative and fulfilling life. Enjoy your presence!

Unable to complete tasks due to outside forces?

Chris and Gina discuss ways in which we invite distractions (often without realising it) into our lives and the impact this has personally and professionally.

Find out how you can acknowledge your distractions and take practical steps to minimise their impact.

Signs your life is out of balance
I always know my life is out of whack when I start to feel any – or all – of the following:
1. overwhelmed.
2. irritable and short-tempered.
3.  overly emotional.
4.  angry and unable to concentrate or complete tasks.
5.  forgetful.
6.  exhibit passive aggressive behaviour (ouch!)
7.  feel constantly stressed – like having 10 cups of coffee.
8.  my breathing is shallow and rapid.
9.  my boundaries are unclear and i say “yes” when I really mean “no”.
10. I feel sad or depressed.
11.  I am constantly comparing myself to those who are appearing to ‘do more’ with their time.
12.  There is no creativity or play in my life.
13.  I’m involved in either too much work or too much play.
14.  I have no energy and am constantly tired.

How to tell when your life IS balanced
I know I’m in balance when I am expressing my fun, my creativity and feel in the flow with life. When life, in spite of its inherent challenges, is still flowing and is often effortless. I know when I’m in balance when I exercise, eat healthy food and take care of myself. If I’m not taking care of myself, then I can’t take care of my partner, my friends or my family. I know I’m in balance when I’m not worrying and angsting over everything, I’m not in denial; there is just a calmness about my actions. And I am very clear about boundaries and manage to articulate them to colleagues and loved ones.

How to get your life back in balance
The key here is actually being consciously aware that your life is out of balance in the first place. For some of us, working a 60-hour week is normal. Having no free time is normal. Sorry folks, it may be ‘normal’ but it sure ain’t healthy. To fully express all of you – left and right brain – we need balance in our lives.

Firstly, find out where your life is out of balance. I get clients to draw a circle, then divide it up into the following areas: Family/Work/Partner/Exercise/Friends/Spirituality/Me Time. Then write down what percentage of your time you are giving to each area. You might be surprised at the results!

Depending which areas are the most out of whack, write down some easy action steps to creating equilibrium. You could combine exercise with family time by an afternoon at your local pool. Or combine friends and spirituality by going to a workshop together.

Benefits of being in balance
Generally, I feel happier and more relaxed, which then has a positive effect on everyone I come into contact with. If we are feeling calmer we will inspire others to seek more balance in their own lives. I can think more clearly and make more congruent decisions that are beneficial. Decisions that are not fear-based but are more intuitive and self-serving. One great benefit of being in balance is that I am much more aware of my body and its messages. Often our heads overrule the body. Listening to your body can be extremely beneficial. It speaks the truth!

Here are a couple of great quotes that always remind me about balance in my life:
“Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance and order and rhythmn and harmony” Thomas Merton

“Man always travels along precipes. His truest obligation is to keep his balance”
Pope John Paul II

The 4 R’s of Perseverance are:

1.   Reconnect

2.   Realistic

3.   Resourcefulness

4.  Reignite momentum

Something always positive comes out of negative events, and it’s been interesting to see how social networking has played a major part in bringing these Womble clean-up mobs together for the benefit of their own communities – and communities in other parts of London.

Listen to this podcast and download our free ebook for even more tips and tricks to boost your daily energy.

The Man Your Man Could Smell Like...

The Man Your Man Could Smell Like Old Spice

This tongue-in-cheek clip is an hilarious poke at the retro vibe of a ‘man’s man’ and as such appeals to both my generation who remember the original Old Spice ads (“the mark of a man”) as well as younger YouTube viewers who love the cocky,faux irreverent machismo humour. Beautifully scripted and delivered with bang on precision by actor Isaiah Mustafa these ads are helping Old Spice shift product like nothing before. Creating demand, where before there was but a trickle. Clever, eh? And very compelling.

Which brings me spicely on to… how do you advertise yourself? Specifically in your professional life? What are you doing to make you and your business as compelling and engaging as the Old Spice character?

Video Marketing = Increased Visibility
Being visible in today’s increasingly competitive digital markets is essential. And video is one highly effective way in which you can raise brand awareness and drive traffic to your website, all in one go. The new Old Spice Man video has received 35.5 MILLION views on YouTube (as I write). That’s what you call an audience – and then some.

Benefits of video marketing

1. Increased audience and greater visibility.

2. Engages the viewers’ emotions much more than written text.

3. 24/7 access via cell phones, iPods etc.

4. Thanks to Google’s Universal Search facility, video is now included in the search rankings. Hello SEO!

5. The key to greater audience share is to create quality content. Home videos with a pot plant coming out of your head just don’t cut it. Getting a professionally made video won’t cost you the earth.

6. You can duplicate your written content to video and offer more value to potential clients.

7. Ease of use. With a little practice you can create and upload your video content to YouTube relatively quickly. YouTube is FREE! And you create backlinks.

8. Landing pages that use video receive a higher conversion rate. It is much easier to make that ‘call to action’

9.  You can quickly establish your own particular niche or brand.

10. You can quickly position yourself as an expert.

Ways to promote yourself using video

Video Blogs
Fed up of receiving boring emails directing you to websites? Yes, me too. But if someone tags a link to a video with their Tweet or email, then I will usually go take a peek.  If your business is visually oriented (arts, design, property etc) a video blog would be a useful addition to your website and will help to create interest and drive traffic. You can establish a faster connection with your target market from the get-go and establish trust. Keep it short and sweet.

Video testimonials
Recording a series of happy clients is a great way to arouse interest and curiosity. Ask the more eloquent and passionate of your happy customers if they’d be happy to share their positive experiences on film. Again, keep it short and sweet. Viewers’ attention spans fade out after a few minutes.

Training Videos
Videos are a clever way – even mixed with audio – to train and instruct. A great way to reach potential clients who are visual learners. 

For more information on YouTube, check out its regular blog here: Official YouTube Blog

Finding common ground with someone can build instant rapport and allow you to connect with people and a much better level. Learning to find the common ground with someone is a skill that anyone can learn to incorporate into their daily lives.

The course Gina mentions is with http://www.darreneden.com

Often we hear people say that if they had more money they would be able to do something else; something more exciting or interesting. Or they blame their current circumstances, having to look after the kids, an elderly relative or some other kind of commitment.

All too often we find ourselves holding on to this wishful thought that if we had the freedom, things would be different. Well Paul and Gina are here to tell you that vision of freedom is, in fact, just an illusion. It’s your own way of stopping you from actually fulfilling your dreams.

By sustaining this illusion, people even feel somewhat satisfied that they have already attained their goal, even though it’s just in their mind. This has the added benefit of them never having to go through the hard work and change that might be required to achieve this dream.

So if you often find yourself lost in wishful thinking, it’s time to shatter that illusion and start working towards making it a reality instead.

So since it’s July already (how did that happen?!) it seems an appropriate time to give ourselves a thorough half-year review. Here are a few key areas worth making a note of:

1. How close are you to those goals you set in January?

2. Which goals are now obsolete and no longer hold your interest?

3. How are your finances? Have you been saving regularly, or are you still living life in the red?

4. Have you made new connections, found the time to network with a view to possible joint ventures?

5. How is your physical, mental and emotional health? Are you taking care of yourself? Have you taken time out to recharge lately?

6. How is your work/life balance? How are you dealing with personal and professional stresses?

9. What are your successes over the last six months?

10. Which achievements are you particularly proud of?

11. What direct action has led to these achievements and peak experiences?

12. What lessons have you learned? Professionally and personally?

Benefits of a half-year review
Time is certainly speeding up. And whether this is due to our lives being more crowded and more demands being made of us, or whether consciousness is actually accelerating is open to conjecture. Yet however you manage your time – and your thoughts – in our increasingly information overloaded world is crucial.

As any accountant will tell you, checks and balances are integral to a healthy business. Keeping a careful eye on how you spend your energy, time and money is essential. If you don’t already have a business and personal ‘plan’ for the next six months of 2011, I strongly recommend you create one. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Just write down some desired end results you’d love to see in your personal and professional life. Then, writing as if you’ve already achieved these goals, make a note of what action you took to get you there.

For, as a wise soul once wrote: “If you don’t know where you’re going, how will you know when you get there?”

After this you’ll now have more energy to put towards the most important things in your life.

Leave a comment and let us know what you discovered by following this exercise and putting the strategy in place.

But thinking about the year already whizzing by got Paul and Gina thinking about what really inspires them and helps them really appreciate what they have in life.

What inspires you?

But the fact that the infection is there is telling me that my immune system is weak and that I need to take greater care of myself: physical, mentally and emotionally. We all know what we SHOULD be doing but so often we don’t take our own advice.

So briefly, if you feel like you’re getting run down. STOP! Take time out to rest. Watch your diet. Eat plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables. Cut down your alcohol intake. And certainly reduce the cigarettes if you’re a smoker. Your body can only go on for so long without packing up! Be kind to yourself.  I certainly intend to me much kinder to myself from now on.

Here are excellent and easy ways to maintain or boost your immune system from Dr. Ray Sahelian, M.D.

Deep sleep is one of the most important ways to boost the immune system. Chronic insomnia can lead to immune system deficiency. One good way to make sure you sleep deeper and longer is by taking a long walk each day.

Moderate exercise, at least 3 times a week, preferably daily walks. Excessive and prolonged physical activity temporarily reduces the function of the immune system. Avoid excessive sun exposure.

Reduce stress any way you know how. Stress releases the hormone cortisol which wreaks havoc with the immune system. Stress of any kind — emotional, physical, psychological — quickly damages the immune system.

Eat more fruits and vegetables. They have flavonoids that have anti-bacterial and anti-viral activity. Avoid excessive sugar intake. Consume more garlic, onions and culinary herbs such as cloves. Berry fruits are rich sources of bioactive compounds, such as phenolics and organic acids, which have antimicrobial activities against human pathogens. Among different berries and berry phenolics, cranberry, cloudberry, raspberry, strawberry and bilberry especially possess clear antimicrobial effects.

Ingest healthyprobiotic bacteria. These friendly gut bacteria may boost the immune system.
Reduce or eliminate smoking. Keep alcohol consumption low or moderate.

Drink more – up to mid-afternoon. Drinking tea appears to boost the immune system. Non-tea drinkers who downed two to four small cups of black tea per day for two weeks appeared to be better able to fight off bacterial infections. As an explanation for tea’s benefits, experiments in the lab revealed that an ingredient found in black, green, oolong and pekoe teas boosted the ability of immune system cells to attack a bacterial invader. The experiments used ethylamine, which is produced when the tea ingredient L-theanine is broken down in the liver.

Get a massage. Massage therapy reduces cortisol levels.

Pray, meditate, listen to music, or find a way to still your mind.

Do yoga, or relaxed breathing and stretching, at least once or twice a week.

Have regular exposure to the sun or take at least 400 units of vitamin D a day. Some people with little or no sun exposure may require up to 2,000 units a day.

If you’re suffering now, or feel like some bug is trying to take hold within you, try some of these solutions and you’ll be back on your feet in no time.

Chris and Gina discuss three simple steps to honestly re-evaluate your dedication level and how you can make committing to a project or goal something fun instead of a chore.

These questions can help build your confidence that you can do it and start you on the path to feeling great about your new opportunity.

What a funny expression that is. Initially I thought it meant something more titillating than a synonym for Wednesdays, but maybe Americans don’t use the word ‘hump’ in quite the same way as us Brits! Either way, in the spirit of all things humpable, here are five fun ways to make your hump day go with a bang!

1. Take the day off work. Yes, do it! Take a day off, or simply take your work home with you. Then you can spend your hump day at home. In the pleasure of your own company; or someone else’s.

2. Plan a great mid-week night out. You don’t have to go crazy – Thursday hangovers are never much fun. So how about a meal out with a close friend, your partner or even some work colleagues. It’s a great away to get into the pre-weekend mood.

3. Get up a little earlier and read the paper over a leisurely breakfast. All too often we rush our most important meal of the day, or even worse, grab it on the way to work with a macchiato whatever (has anyone noticed that Starbucks sells foam not coffee?). Heart-attack inducing croissants and bagels are not the best way to give your body energy first thing in the morning.

4. How many times have you been telling yourself you’ll get to the pool/gym before work? Even if you haven’t been since making that New Year’s resolution, how about starting a Hump Day Exercise Special? Just do exercise on Wednesdays. You’ll feel better for having made the effort. And you will burn off that bagel in no time.

5. Get up a little earlier and reward yourself with some intimate time with your partner. Or even yourself! Morning communion can be a great way to start your hump day!

Happy Wednesday everyone

This is a longer podcast than normal because whilst Gina & Sam are very passionate about their own daily journals, they realise that not everyone will be as excited or comfortable with the idea

… so they start by exploring some tips for people who might experience strong resistance to the idea of writing down their thoughts every day. The process of writing in this way can skyrocket your success and happiness: and alongside discussing the many benefits of journaling, they also explore some of the ways to make it work best for you.

[Gina & Sam both use a form of journaling from The Artist's Way called Morning Pages - for more info have a look here.]

They reference the book :59 seconds by Richard Wiseman

In the initial days after the tragedy what I found most humbling was the incredible humanity displayed by the Japanese victims. Unimaginable suffering mixed with stories of hope; stories of human courage. A US camera crews finds a group of survivors huddled together making food – and immediately one of the men in the group offers the reporter some of their food. Food that they desperately need. His generosity made me cry. This man’s first thought was to look after his guests. How beautiful is that?

Despite finding themselves losing everything, the Japanese have not lost their humanity, their courage and human decency. There are no riots, no looting, no ripping each other off. At least as far as we can tell. Every person is out there helping each other out as much as they can. In shock, hungry, cold and grieving for lost loved ones, the Japanese are handling their own personal Armageddon calmly and in service.

It’s no dog eat dog and pillaging we saw in New Orleans. What a difference in mentality and culture,  self-awareness and self-worth. If only the same could be said of the Japanese government; a government that has been more than economical with the truth about the impending nuclear fallout at Fukushima, which is now leaking radioactive water into the sea, as well as polluting the atmosphere.

No wonder the people who can escape are fleeing the country. Millions of people are living without running water or power in temperatures that fall below freezing at night. Half a million homes are without power in Tohoku and 2.5 million have no access to water. Food is critically short and bottled water is running low in many cities. Gasoline is scarce and homes are running out of kerosene to power heaters.

Whatever happens next, this terrible real-life drama is a lesson to us all about love. About caring about others as well as ourselves. About realising the precariousness of life; it can be over in seconds, yet we all think we are immortal. Watching the TV images made me think about the last time I told the people closest to me that I love them. This is so important. And of the dreams yet to be realised in my own life. Are there goals and ideas you are putting off? Are you waiting until you’re perfect, richer, slimmer before you learn to ride a motorbike and head off into the Arizona desert? Learn to fly? Have a child? Travel the world? Paint? Write that book? Even leave your job that bores you to tears?

The current earth changes are but a herald of things to come. We cannot rely on governments, banks, outward organisations to help us. The real mast you can tie yourself to is awareness of your own inner being. Your own inner strength and self-awareness. Consciousness is rapidly evolving. If you are new to this concept then I urge you to read books by Eckhart Tolle, Marianne Williamson, and read A Course in Miracles.

At times of great disaster, it can be difficult to know which aid organisations to trust. Especially when we see the misuse or rather lack of use of funds in countries like Haiti. Millions of dollars are collecting interest, yet to be spent on rebuilding that particular nation. Thousands are still languishing in tent cities, riddled by disease. How sad is that? A situation repeated in many disaster zones where corruption is rife.

If you’d like to donate to the relief effort in Japan, I recommend two organisations that I trust, one of which I have personally worked for  – Real Medicine Foundation –  founded by Dr Martina Fuchs after the SE Asia Tsunami. RMF is doing incredible disaster relief work around the world. Check out their website at www.realmedicinefoundation.org

RMF’s partner in Japan is JEN (Japanese Emergency Non Profit), another non-profit, NGO with extensive humanitarian experience. You can donate here directly at their home page link. Their website is www.jen-npo.org

Please donate whatever you can to help the Japanese people now.

Sam and Gina discuss their own challenges with getting things done and explore breaking things down into chucks and having “medium milestones” to help keep things on track

Read Chris’s related blog post on how we find so many excuses not to do things here

In this podcast Paul and Gina discuss ways you can actually start getting motivated, what you can focus on to maintain momentum – and reach your intended goals. As both coaches have recently started back at the gym themselves, they will be posting weekly accountability blogs on our Action Podcast Facebook page – in an effort to keep their own momentum going!

I was lucky enough to attend a workshop of Julia’s here in London recently. Her amazing way of engaging the subconscious and allowing it full expression, despite the ego’s resistance was a wonderful exercise in giving my creativity full reign. I remembered long forgotten dreams of photography, art and dance. Working in pairs we blasted through self-doubt and internal critics to discover what we would truly love to create. And the best thing? It doesn’t have to be perfect.

I have listed below some of the questions that helped us reach this awareness. And I hope that you find them equally challenging and enlightening. And that this self-questioning will take you closer to your heartfelt desires to create – each and every day of your life. Just keep it simple.

1. Family
What did your mother think about artists and creativity?
What did your father think about artists and creativity?

2. What was the art form you practised as a child?

3. What’s the art form you lust after RIGHT NOW?

4. If you had 5 ‘other’ lives what would they be? And what small action can you take right now to taste some of those lives. eg dancer – take dance classes.

5. List 15 things/activities you absolutely love.

6. List 7 artistic U-turns. e.g. I started piano but gave up when I started dating…

7. If you didn’t have to do it perfectly, what would you try right now?  e.g. learn to ride a motorbike, play piano etc

8. List 5 Ways You are Mean to Yourself

9. List 5 Ways You are Loving to Yourself

10. List 5 adventures you’d like to have

11. What Do You Need To Try?

12. What Do You Need to Know?

13. What Do You Need to Accept?

14. Write a letter from your 8-year-old self to your current self.

15. Write a letter from your 80-year-old self to your current self.

Just a few examples of a little creative archaeology! And keep asking yourself, ‘What Do I Love’ You might be surprised at the answer.

HAPPY CREATING!

Do you often find yourself saying yes to an increased workload, when you should be saying “No”? Are you working evenings and weekends leaving no time for FUN, or hobbies or relaxing with your family and loved ones? How about asking for longer deadlines, or factoring in more realistic time schedules for your work? Covering Tip #25 from our book 80 Tips, Tricks and Perspective Shifts for Everyday Action, Gina and Chris share their own experiences of being overwhelmed and the repercussions of taking on more than they can chew. And how by committing to less, and incorporating more FUN into their lives, they are actually achieving more.

Are you looking for new direction and new inspiration this year? Instead of asking others for advice, how about asking yourself these 10 power questions. They’ll give you insights and guidance towards creating the life that you really want.

1.  If tomorrow was your last day on Earth, what would you wish you’d done in your life (but haven’t).

2. Do you have a recurring vision or dream about a particular place, job, activity, people?

3. What do you feel you were put on this Earth to do?

4. What do you care deeply about?

5. Name 5 things you are really good at.

6. Ask 5 people what they think you’re good at.

7. If you had a week all to yourself without any responsibilities, what would you do?

8. What’s the most important decision you are facing right now? What stops you from making it?

9. If I told you that you had unlimited time and resources and that you could do anything you want in life, what would that be?

10. What are the first steps you can take towards doing the work or leading the life you’d love?

Inside your heart is a dream that may yet be unfulfilled. By focusing on what you love, rather than what you feel you should be doing will give you greater energy and insight. One easy way to start is to write non-stop for about 20 minutes, listing all the things you love doing. I did this recently and it was very revealing! Begin using your imagination to create, rather than clinging to a belief system that holds you back. Every single thing you see in the world today was created initially by someone’s imagination. As Lennon himself said: “Imagine…”

Whilst expectations themselves seem part of human nature, those of us who hold high expectations for ourselves – complete with perfectionist foibles – tend to have reasonably high expectations of those around us too. Particularly if they are close to us!

But the greater the expectation, the more power it has to hurt us. All hurt and disappointment can be traced back to an expectation we’ve held. One of the 55 Concepts for Conscious Living tell us that “hurt is not getting what you want”. The catch-22 of expectations though, is that we also tend to assume others know what it is we want! So we don’t tell them – which means they’d either need to be mind-readers, or chances are they’ll disappoint us somehow.

How we respond to the inevitable hurts and disappoints has the ability to make or break our relationships. So join Gina and Sam as they discuss some of the ways that we can handle our great disappointments, and choose clarity as an alternative to our (un)great expectations – especially when it matters most!

P.S. Visit the 55 Concepts for Conscious Living on facebook!

Thousands of people have been affected by the recent nasty flu bug. So how can you make sure you take more care of yourself to stop it knocking you for six?! We can’t live in a bubble, but there are ways you can take care of yourself throughout the year to ensure your body and your immune system is in tip top shape when the next flu season comes around.

Gina tells Paul how she unfortunately spent a lot of the Christmas holiday period sick in bed. So this year she has committed to making sure she looks after herself all year long!

For more information on flu have a look at the NHS website

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Flu/Pages/Introduction.aspx

The first week of January is a very potent, magical time. It’s a great opportunity to sit back and reflect on the past year: your successes and achievements, and also a look at things that didn’t work out quite as you’d planned.

Many of us have New Year’s resolutions we’d like to put into action, but all too often by the third week of January, they are forgotten dreams. Put into mothballs for December 31st next year.

If you’re like me, you probably want to change the pattern this year. To somehow stay motivated, pick goals that are attainable (as well as nudging yourself out of your comfort zone) and make your dreams a 3D, tangible reality.

In order to get results in 2011 it’s essential to keep your goals and aspirations SMART:

S: specific, significant stretching.
M: measurable, meaingful, motivational.
A: achievable, attainable, action-oriented.
R: realistic, relevant, results-oriented.
T: tangible, time-based, trackable

So, if your goal is to lose weight, start by joining a gym, work out a regular exercise programme and take a look at eliminating foods from your diet that are keeping the flab on. And be realistic. You’re not going to be totally toned in just 2 weeks, it could take several months. Give yourself treats along the way to encourage and support yourself. Get a gym or exercise buddy who can help you keep accountability and get you to those classes.

If your goal is to write that long thought-about book this year, join a writing class, start a stream of consciousness writing every morning. Take small, achievable steps towards achieving your goal. Have a plan of writing so many words a day – and stick to it.

Carrot or Stick?
Some of us work well when we have a reward in sight, others need deadlines to make us cross the finishing line. Whether you’re a carrot or stick person, work out what works best for you.

Accountability buddy – or life coach
Find a friend or professional coach whom you’ll be accountable to. I’ve found this to be the most successful way to achieve goals. Knowing I have someone to be accountable to ups the stakes and makes me want to succeed that much more.

Create a vision board
Get a piece of large coloured cardboard and start collecting images from magazines that embody the life you want to live. From the geographical location, to the type of partner you want to be with, to the kind of house you want to live in. This is not only a fun exercise, it really works.

Feel into your dreams
Above all, take time out, sit down, close your eyes and begin to imagine your ideal life. Have you been striving for things that in your heart you don’t really want? Once you move from your head to your heart, and begin to use your intuition the answers will come rapidly. You’ll see signs along the way leading you along the perfect path for you. Once you start practising this daily meditation you’ll begin to trust yourself more. And realise that only YOU know what’s best for you.

Happy New Year and happy manifesting!

All I want for Christmas is for you to have a wonderful time and celebrate your festive socks off.

Spend time with friends, family or even if you are working, have an amazing time.

If I did have just one wish though it would be to have you tell your friends and family about Action Podcast and have them listen to one of our podcasts or browse through our blog posts. Let them know there is a free ebook ready and waiting for them too!

HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!

If you think something should take 45 mins then setting an alarm for that time not only keeps you on track but also serves as a reminder that you need to focus on what you are doing. It’s also great for making sure you take breaks that will actually add to your motivation rather than hinder it.

Chris and Gina reveal many other tips to help you make a conscious effort to keeping on track and on time.

Fans of Elizabeth Gilbert‘s bestseller Eat Pray Love (now a movie with Julia Roberts) will be just as inspired by her new novel: Committed – A Skeptic Makes Peace With Marriage.

Part reflection, part research, part essay, Gilbert looks at the institution of matrimony in all its subtle and not so subtle hues. In tandem with her ‘new’ partner Felipe, Gilbert had also eschewed the idea of remarrying, especially since both had experienced messy divorces. Yet her best laid plans were savagely re-written by the US State Department who gave the couple an ultimatum: get hitched – or Felipe would never again get to press his mitts into the ink at Checkpoint Charlie and secure permanent residence in the land of the free.

I’ve not read either book (yet), so this isn’t a review, rather a reflection on one of her quotes:

“We search for happiness everywhere, but we are like Tolstoy’s fabled beggar who spent his life sitting on a pot of gold, under him the whole time. Your treasure – your perfection – is within you already. But to claim it, you must leave the busy commotion of the mind and abandon the desires of the ego and enter into the silence of the heart.”

The very idea of ‘going within’ is completely alien to many, yet this is the one ‘place’ that contains all the wisdom you’ll ever need, all the answers you’ll ever need and all the love you’ll ever need. And best of all? YOU have the key to unlock this beautiful supernova of consciousness, illumination and clarity.

Unfortunately, accessing the hotline to our higher selves, to our souls, is never exactly encouraged in school. Instead those pulling the strings in our media, government and education system are constantly and cleverly distracting us, seducing us to look outside of ourselves for all the answers. It’s a dead end street, folks. You won’t find long-lasting happiness in your new job/car/Hermès bag/iPhone/investments/partner/dog/child/house/Next Big Thing…

We are all constantly and often quite deliciously distracted… But it’s a hollow egg and soon we are hungry for more. The ‘Constant Craving’ that kd lang sings about so eloquently is a very painful and real human condition. And it’s mostly due to lack of connection with our Selves.

So how do we go within? How do we find the ‘silence of the heart’ and abandon the desires of the ego? And what will we find when we do get there?

By being still and quiet and listening to that inner voice, we’ll find the peace of mind and vast reserves of insight and energy that we are all craving. Stop. Do Nothing. Just Be. Look at the clouds. The sunlight on the grass, even the water in the kitchen sink! Doesn’t matter. Simply practise being in the moment with yourself. Alone. How does that feel?

Often we avoid stopping our incessant activity because we are trying our best to avoid pain. We don’t want to feel the bad as well as the good. In fact we spend most of our lives in pain avoidance. But pain is often a signal that our lives are out of balance – something we can actively take charge of and change. Gilbert’s own pain was the stimulus to go on an incredible life-changing journey that brought her back into her heart.

You may not have the cash or ability to take a year off and travel to Italy, India or Bali… but you can take 10 minutes out of your day to sit quietly and simply be. And it’s FREE!

P.S. Gilbert also did a fabulous TED talk on nurturing creativity, which is very, very inspiring. Please check it out.

Chris and Gina cover the subject of walking your talk. Tip number 54 in our eBook. By not following up with what you have promised can really put a strain on your own self confidence. Where as if you stay true to your commitment you’ll feel more empowered.

Gina and Paul talk about how we all can find ourself in a situation where we find we just aren’t being honest with ourselves or the people around us. Maybe we started to tell little white lies at first as it just didn’t seem important, but now it’s become unbearable.

At the start of a relationship it’s all to easy to adapt yourself to fit into the image that you think your potential partner is really looking for, only to find further down the line, you end up resenting them for “making” you act in a different way.

Find out how being honest from the “get go” can really make your life and relationships a lot less troublesome in the future. Learn to be loved for who you really are.

Here’s how: by simply by giving yourself a few seconds to calm down and sense what the real issues are, what the person is asking for and how you can really be of most help to them. Giving great customer services does not mean you have to compromise yourself.

If you have downloaded the podcast from iTunes remember to post a review and visit our website at ActionPodcast.com to leave a comment or contact one of the presenters directly. Sign up to receive the podcast directly to your inbox, plus an additional weekly blog post! You’ll also receive a copy of our new e-Book.

Last week I did my first speech – The Icebreaker.

It’s good title for the first Toastmaster speech and one that every new Toastie probably dreads. I know I’d been thinking about doing mine for a month or two, before finally pushing myself out of my comfort zone and onto the floor at this week’s meeting.

The Icebreaker is your chance to tell your fellow club members a little about yourself and practice your speaking skills (from 4 to 6 minutes). You will also get positive and constructive feedback on the skills you already have, and those you need to work on a little. One of the major things I love about Covent Garden Toastmasters is the incredibly supportive environment. Everyone wants you to do well and with a philosophy of commend, recommend, commend, you can’t go wrong.

Here’s what the official Toastmasters manual has to say about the Icebreaker:

For your first speech project, you will introduce yourself to your fellow club members and give them some information about your background, interests, and ambitions. Practice giving your speech to friends or family members, and strive to make eye contact with some of your audience. You may use notes during your speech if you wish. Read the entire project before preparing your talk.

Objectives
 • “Break the ice” – To begin speaking before an audience by introducing yourself to fellow Club members.
 Begin to understand what strengths you already have, and areas that require particular emphasis in your speaking development.
 Time: Four to six minutes.

For my own Icebreaker, I decided to share some brief details about my background (long lists of ‘I did this’ and ‘I studied that’ can get a little boring, I feel) together with a memorable moment from my past. Thanks to help from my mentor, plus a few tips gleaned from a couple of great books, I remembered to warm up my voice beforehand, breathe (in as well as out) and have some strong coffee to keep me awake (It was 7am!).

I’m happy to say it all went even better than I imagined and I didn’t have to forage in my pocket for notes. The feedback I received was very encouraging and gave me great advice for my future speeches, one of which was to ensure I finish with a strong and relevant ending.

Here are a few of my own tips for those of you about to break the ice:

1.    Prepare your beginning and your ending first. They need to be strong to engage your audience, and leave them wanting more at the end.

2.    Make sure your story has a structure. Avoid taking your audience up the garden path – and leaving them there!

3.    Don’t try to memorise every word. It’s your story, so no one will know if you bend it like Beckham and ad lib here and there. Go with the flow.

4.    Try to vary you pitch and tone. Use pauses for emphasis. Pausing also gives you time to breathe and gather your thoughts. It also stops you from panicking. It certainly helped me!

5.    Engage your audience through eye contact. People love to be acknowledged. Obviously avoid headless chicken and 360-degree head movements or mad stares. Just pick a few people across the room and hold their gaze for a few seconds.

6.    Imagine you are speaking to just a few of your friends.

7.    Avoid hand-clasping in front of you, or windmill arms. It can be distracting for the audience. Keep your hands loosely by your sides and use them for emphasis or illustration only.

Please write in and let us know your own experience of Toastmasters, or if you’ve overcome the fear of public speaking! We’d love to hear from you.

In this podcast, Gina and Chris discuss ways to make sure you do keep a healthy balance of taking care of yourself, while still being strong, supportive and available for your friends and colleagues.

If you have downloaded the podcast from iTunes remember to post a review and visit our website at ActionPodcast.com to leave a comment or contact one of the presenters directly. Sign up to receive the podcast directly to your inbox, plus an additional weekly blog post! You’ll also be the first to receive a copy of our new e-Book.

It’s a great phrase, ‘comfort zone’. It sounds so familiar, so safe, so secure.  A sure haven where we can rest a while – for centuries even – and never leave. So instead of taking risks, stepping out and seeing what we really are capable of in life, we tend to expand our comfort zones. Ever increasing circles. Ever decreasing opportunities. Clever, or so our mind thinks, but not a very practical nor far sighted life strategy. Believe me, there are times when I’ve stayed in mine for years. And serve me it has not.

So how can we mitigate the reptilian fears that come up every time a new opportunity in life arises, or new challenges, whether they be work, relationships, moving home, moving country? The list is endless. I’ve realised one of the major obstacles to escaping the zone of comfort is an often debilitating and incapacitating fear of the unknown. What we do not know we fear. Is it safe? Can I go there? Can I really be happy? Is it the right move? We all want to make sure it’s safe before we take that leap of faith. And a leap of faith is really what it’s all about. Learning to take that action, trust ourselves and then build up our self-confidence to take more leaps of faith. Giant leaps into more fulfilling, creative and happier lives, relationships and geographical surroundings.

We cannot know with utter certainty – even the most psychic among us – what really lies ahead. We can only imagine. Imagining the worst often attracts the worst case scenario; imagining the best will create that for us. What you think you become as Buddha said. Moving out of our comfort zones involves giving a polite nod to that part of our brain that is on continual red alert. Tell it that we are grateful that it’s doing it’s job so well, but its high time it took the A40 to Brighton and had a day off.

I can remember the time very clearly that I did my first – and only – parachute jump. Leaping, or in my case edging nervously out of a plane at 2000ft meant – to my rational mind – certain death. But I had total confidence, and the recklessness of youth, in my parachute opening. And it did.

My methods of moving out of my comfort zone include the following:

1. Just do it. Take action, no matter how small to move you one step ahead.

2. Equip yourself with as much information you can about your intended move.

3. Talk to people you know who have successfully moved out of their comfort zones. How did they do it? And what benefit did they get out of it?

4. Trust your own intuition. Only you know what’s best for you. So if you want to jack in your day job as a trader and practise beekeeping in Sussex. Do it!

5. Learn to listen to your emotions. Our minds tend to rationalise and find reasons for not doing things. Our emotions and feelings are great motivators, however. If the same thoughts around change keep coming up in your mind, then find ways of following these messages and move out of your comfort zone.

Trust me, taking action to move out of your comfort zone, whether it be a big push or baby steps, will be well worth it! Take the risk and dare to feel the fear and do it anyway!

I’d love to hear how you’ve successfully busted through your own comfort zones – and the benefits you gained by doing so. Feel free to leave your thoughts in the box under this post.

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Launched back in November 2008, ActionPodcast has now delivered nearly 100  inspiring podcasts which have been downloaded over 50,000 times! We are very happy with what we’ve achieved so far, but we promise – this is only the beginning!

To celebrate and thank YOU – our listeners – for your incredible support, we’ve got a special gift packed with even more value and action: our first eBook,

80 Tips, Tricks and Perspective Shifts for Everyday Action

just for you!

Available for download any day now – this is a fun, informative and comprehensive guide to taking everyday action in eight vital areas of your life.
If you’d like to be more effective in your time management, communication or relationships, or to better manage your money, energy or confidence (and much more), then this is the eBook for you! In an easy-to-read format, we’ve created a buffet of 80 insightful and practical tips for you to choose from: just pick one or two to get started. The tips and action steps are easy to follow, and you’ll be able to check out another tip whenever you’ve got 2 minutes spare – on your way to work, during lunch, while the children are at school or during a lesson break.

To be 1st to get your free copy of the NEW ActionPodcast eBook:

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simply sign-up by entering your email address in the “Sign up now” box (top right of this page). We’ll notify you as soon as the eBook is ready for you to download, and you’ll also receive updates when we release a new podcast or blog post!

Enjoy!

Chris, Gina, Paul & Sam

The ActionPodcast Team

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I found it the other week while sorting out old boxes of memories and paperwork. Finding it really touched my heart: the hopes and dreams of a young girl with an incredible imagination. What amazed me even more is that only a few of the 10 items on my list remain to be ‘done’!

Circumnavigating both Poles could be quite a challenge, but going to Egypt and riding a horse around the Pyramids is certainly within reach. Learning to scuba dive. Check. Flying in a helicopter. Check.

It made me wonder why I hadn’t continued to make Wish Lists – and how powerful they can be. Pretty much like a mood board where you stick images of your ‘wished for’ life in images, simply writing down the words has a magic to it for sure.

I’ve decided to write down my lists more often, and this time look at them more frequently than every 20 years!

I’d love to hear if any of you have made your own wish lists from when you were younger – and if you’ve accomplished or are even living out those dreams today.

Happy wish listing!

What are your two magic words?

If you have downloaded the podcast from iTunes remember to post a review and visit our website at ActionPodcast.com to leave a comment or contact one of the presenters directly. Sign up to receive the podcast directly to your inbox, plus an additional weekly blog post! You’ll also be the first to receive a copy of our new e-Book.

• BNI
• Athena
• Toast Masters
• Drinks and Links

You can also find many groups using the website Meetup.com. That is where we have our very own ActionPodcast Meetup Group.

In today’s podcast we talk about our own experiences with these groups, what went well, and an example of how not to network!

If you have downloaded the podcast from iTunes remember to post a review and visit our website at ActionPodcast.com to leave a comment or contact one of the presenters directly. Sign up for our newsletter to receive the podcast directly to your inbox, plus an additional weekly blog post!

“Let us be silent, that we may hear the whispers of the gods.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Silence. Silenzio. Silence. Silêncio. Schweigen. Šutnja. Stilte.
Whatever language you speak, the word silence means the same thing. More than just quietness, it also signifies a certain peace.

Simon & Garfunkel’s seminal The Sound of Silence was written the year I was born, and has always been one of my all time favourite songs. Listening to it as a child I would wonder aloud, what was the sound that silence made? Did it actually have a sound, a vibration to it? I think it does… it whispers things for sure.

If you live in a busy city then noise is a part of life. Even if you live in the country you have the noise of your incessant thoughts to keep you agitated. Peace is not that easy to come by it seems. TV, mobile phones, planes, trains, automobiles, screaming kids, screaming adults. No wonder we choose to self medicate so often: drink, drugs, sex – all ways of drowning out the roar and going into a quieter zone. It’s a self-medicating way of meditating; one of the few times when our minds actually stop.

So how can we get this longed for peace without Class A, a dried up liver, or chanting with the llamas? How can we find the silence in ourselves? For it’s in the silence that we find all the answers we seek. Inspiration and ideas come to us quite loudly – in silence.

So to clear the extraneous sounds – inside and out – here are some suggestions to access and enjoy your own Sounds of Silence:

1. Take a walk on the wild side and get into the country. Or find out where your nearest park or beach or forest or hill or nature trail or ocean is – and go explore! Breathe in some fresh air and feel your whole body relax and your mind switch off. Nature has a beautiful way of healing us, just like that.

2. Just S.T.O.P what you’re doing. Now! Seriously, just sit, stand and stare at the sky for at least 5 minutes. Do nothing. Stop standing there and do nothing.

4. Get up very early one morning. Take a walk around your neighbourhood and savour it before the morning rush. It’s a beautiful time of the day to be alive!

5. Or if you’re a night bird, wait until everyone else is asleep and sit in the dark. Switch off the TV, take time out from alcohol and simply enjoy the night time. For many parents this is the ONLY time you’ll get some peace and quiet. Be still with your own thoughts.

6. Meditate. The western idea of meditating is sitting quietly not moving in some draughty monastery. No! You can meditate while you’re washing up. Driving a car can be meditative. Sure, its better if you can sit cross legged in front of a candle but not everyone can do that. Just take time out to watch your thoughts is a good start. Watch them like clouds passing across the sky and don’t attach yourself to them.

7. Listen to some classical music or just ambient background noise. Music is a great healer and calms the nervous system. I’m talking more Mozart here than thrash metal, obviously. Violins, harp and flute are all wonderful sounds to take you out of your head and into your heart.

8. If you’re at work, turn off the mobile phone, step away from the computer, walk out of the building and have a minimum 5-minute break. Being stuck in front of your desk all day without moving is nuts.

9.  If you’re not much into nature, then find a local museum to visit, or an art gallery. Anywhere where you can slip gently into your right brain is going to help you relax and zone out of the mindless brain chatter.

10. Do some stream of consciousness writing. Author and playwright Julia Cameron began the idea of morning pages in her classic book The Artists Way. If any of you feel creatively stymied and want to release blocks, this is a must-read!

If you have downloaded the podcast from iTunes remember to post a review and visit our website at ActionPodcast.com to leave a comment or contact one of the presenters directly. Sign up for our newsletter to receive the podcast directly to your inbox, plus an additional weekly blog post!

Closing our mind’s to others’ opinions can actually drive them away. It can also stymie our personal growth and limit knowledge and self-awareness, as illustrated by philosopher Edward de Bono:

‘The need to be right all the time is the biggest bar to new ideas. It is better to have enough ideas for some of them to be wrong than to be always right by having no ideas at all.’

The need to be right approach doesn’t serve us, as it can alienate others and makes us come across as sanctimonious bores. So why the frantic need to prove we’re on top?

We may feel the need to be right to make up for lack of recognition, acceptance and love as children. So if we are right we can claim back the self-worth we lost at a young age. Many of us are wounded kids running around in adult bodies, so being ‘right’ helps to temporarily ease the pain. It’s an attempt to get the recognition and approval we so desperately seek.

If any of you grew up with overly critical parents you’ll know what I mean. Poking, teasing, blatant sarcasm – they are all passive aggressive ways of attacking someone – just to make you feel better about yourself. It becomes a habit. When someone challenges our thinking, it can feel as if they are challenging us, our very core, not just our ideas. We essentially feel worthless.

The benefits of seeing the world from another perspective, and giving up the need to be right are tremendous. We open ourselves to new, fresh ideas. We allow another human being to be themselves, to acknowledge them for who they are and love them for it. Wanting to be right all the time means we are handing over our power to others – we seek their approval in order to feel good about ourselves. But relinquishing this behaviour can actually increase our self-esteem, not weaken it.

We can strengthen our relationship with loved ones, friends and colleagues, simply by listening and actually welcoming our differences of opinion. No two people on earth share the same world view! There is no ‘right’ way of seeing things.

Once we open ourselves up, relinquish our need for approval and accept others for who they are, we will then be able to do this for ourselves. We can nourish our inner child who then feels safe, loved, approved of, celebrated and recognised.

Apparently, psychologist Clayton Barbeau gave the world the oft-used ‘shoulding all over yourself’, taken to a more below-the belt conclusion by another couch potato – clearly a big Freud fan – who dubbed it ‘musterbation’.

But whatever moniker you give this feeling, if you’re anything like me, once the dread word ‘should’ enters your brain you have a sudden indescribable urge to do exactly the opposite. Or put it off for weeks, nay months, even years for the more stubborn ‘delayers’ among us.

So where does all this wonderful ‘shoulding’ come from? Is it parents, teachers, the Bible, News of the World? Ourselves? Clearly in life there are certain essentials that do need doing: the garbage ‘should’ be taken out, otherwise you risk a rat-attack. And it’s advisable to engage in regular ablutions to avoid a sad case of Billy No Mates. But nowhere is there a written law for adults who have left the parental nest that you have to do any of those things. You can jolly well please yourself.

Differentiating between what is essential and what isn’t is a matter of conjecture and totally subjective. However, if you feel you are ‘shoulding’ on various topics way past their sell-by date, it may help to take a closer look… And ask yourself the question… What am I resisting here? Do the benefits of doing this outweigh the non-benefits? Whose voice is this? Mine or someone else’s? Am I delaying because actually doing this ‘should’ thing will make me unhappy?

‘I should get a job to pay my mortgage’ is a sensible thought indeed if you are currently sans income. But if the thought of doing work you previously hated, just to support some unscrupulous bankster cartel fills you with dread, then perhaps it would be useful to look at what other work you can do. Or sell. Downsize. There are always alternatives.

A client of mine who has made tremendous progress in dealing with her inner gremlin self-limiting beliefs told me last week that she ‘should go back into teaching’. When I asked her what she had gained from having left the profession three months ago, she quickly gave me 20 brilliant reasons why she was so much happier now. She definitely should not be going back to the Bronx and class warfare.

Stop shoulding all over yourself!

Tricks of the magazine trade

In today’s podcast, Paul and Gina look at ways we can combat the ‘comparison game’ and come out on top.

If you have downloaded the podcast from iTunes remember to post a review and visit our website at ActionPodcast.com to leave a comment or contact one of the presenters directly. Sign up for our newsletter to receive the podcast directly to your inbox, plus an additional weekly blog post!

But like many habits, they have become so ingrained we don’t even know we are doing it. Learned helplessness can be the result of psychological and physical abuse, or we’ve mirrored it from watching caretakers and parents. Perhaps it was our only form of survival. And of course, this life strategy may have worked for us at one time, but it sure ain’t now.
Usually learned helplessness is a response to being out of control. Or dealing with situations in our lives where we feel we have absolutely no control. Essentially, it’s the ‘I give up’ route.

Learned Helplessness is “the hopelessness and resignation learned when a human….perceives no control over repeated bad events” (Myers, 2002)

Keith Joseph McKean has written that learned helplessness is based on three things:
1.    Internal blaming – “It’s me!”
2.    Global distortion – “It’ll affect everything I do!”
3.    Stability generalization – “It will last forever!”

If, like many children, you grew up in an environment where you continually received negative criticism, then you will get to a point where you feel you are not good enough. That you must somehow be a ‘bad’ child and therefore fully deserve to be criticised in such a fashion. As you can imagine, this is incredibly damaging to a child’s sense of self.

Children who grow up with this kind of parenting will often give up: at college, relationships, jobs – and it can lead to varying degrees of depression. They believe that if they succeed in life it’d down to sheer fluke, not their own innate abilities. An example of extreme learned helplessness is women who stay in abusive relationships. At one level they believe they are deserving of this – even though rationally they may be able to argue otherwise.

Perception
If you feel that you can’t change a situation, even though clearly you are well able to, then you may be exhibiting learned helplessness. The state of helplessness is learned after an individual’s attempts to correct situations failed, or were perceived to have failed. The feeling of helplessness is often expanded to future encounters with similar situations, or even vastly dissimilar situations. If you were brought up as a child in an environment where you were made to feel powerless, you may well be continuing this pattern into adulthood, even though there are no circumstances that could be motivating you to do this.

Characteristics of learned helplessness and emotional abuse
•    Feelings of low self- esteem (This is a result of being criticized too often as children and teenagers.)
•    We perpetuate these parental messages by judging ourselves and others harshly. We try to cover up our poor opinions of ourselves by being perfectionist and controlling.
•    We tend to isolate ourselves out of fear and we feel often uneasy around other people, especially authority figures.
•    We are desperate for love and approval and will do anything to make people like us. Not wanting to hurt others, we remain “loyal” in situations and relationships even when evidence indicates our loyalty is undeserved.
•    We are afraid of losing others.
•    We are afraid of being abandoned.
•    It is difficult for us to “let go.”
•    We are intimidated by angry people and personal criticism. This adds to our feelings of inadequacy and insecurity.
•    We continue to attract emotionally unavailable people with addictive personalities.
•    We live life as victims, blaming others for our circumstances, and are attracted to other victims (and people with power) as friends and lovers. We confuse love with pity and tend to “love” people we can pity and rescue. And we confuse love with need.
•    We are either super-responsible or super-irresponsible. We take responsibility for solving others’ problems or expect others to be responsible for solving ours. This enables us to avoid being responsible for our own lives and choices.
•    We feel guilty when we stand up for ourselves or act in our own best interests. We give in to others’ needs and opinions instead of taking care of ourselves.
•    We deny, minimize or repress our feelings as a result of our traumatic childhoods. We are unaware of the impact that our inability to identify and express our feelings has had on our adult lives.
•    We are dependent personalities who are so terrified of rejection or abandonment that we tend to stay in situations or relationships that are harmful to us. Our fears and dependency stop us form ending unfulfilling relationships and prevent us from entering into fulfilling ones. Because we feel so unlovable it is difficult or impossible to believe anyone can really love us, and won’t eventually leave us once they see how “bad” we are.
•    Denial, isolation, control, shame, and undeserved guilt are legacies from our family. As a result of these symptoms, we feel hopeless and helpless.
•    We have difficulty with intimacy, security, trust, and commitment in our relationships. Lacking clearly defined personal limits and boundaries, we become enmeshed in our partner’s needs and emotions. We often become codependent.
•    We tend to procrastinate and have difficulty following project through from beginning to end.
•    We have a strong need to be in control. We overreact to change things over which we have no control.

How to move forward out of learned helplessness
These feelings may be so ingrained that it takes a while to actually recognise them.
1. Firstly, ask yourself who you act out your learned helplessness with. Is it a partner, an authority figure, a family member.
2. How is this serving you now? Write down all the ways you are benefiting from being helpless with this person.
3. Write down all the ways you’d feel better if you weren’t so ‘helpless’ with them. Yes, it might change the dynamic. And yes you may well lose them as a friend. partner, but think of what you will gain as a result.
4. Write down the names of people you feel completely safe with. Often we feel safest with the people we can be totally ourselves with. There is no power struggle. They accept us totally as we are. There is no judgement. There is no criticism.
5. How kind are you being to yourself? If you are regularly telling yourself: “I’m stupid” “I’m an idiot” etc then that’s exactly the kind of people you will attract into your life. People who will mirror to you exactly how you feel about yourself.
6. Think back to the situations that caused your feelings of impotence and futility.
7. Find a counsellor or therapist who is trained and has experience of emotional abuse and learned helplessness.
As Janis Joplin so eloquently put it: “Don’t compromise yourself. You’re all you’ve got!”

Many of us have successfully disengaged from unhealthy behaviour patterns such as learned helplessness. Once you become aware of how your patterns are stifling and sabotaging you, then you can take active steps to do something about it. There’s no rush… take your time, get support from friends and/or professionals –  and above all, be kind to yourself along the way.

Further Reading Recommendations (thanks to Sunshine Evert!):-

The Drama of a Gifted Child, by Alice Miller

The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney

Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin by Anne Katherine

The Dance of Fear by Harriet Lerner

If you have downloaded the podcast from iTunes remember to post a review and visit our website at ActionPodcast.com to leave a comment or contact one of the presenters directly. Sign up for our newsletter to receive the podcast directly to your inbox, plus an additional weekly blog post!

Now it seems more like trying to drink from a fire hydrant when we are trying to find a few answers. Yes love it or loath it, the internet is a powerful tool. Learning how we can handle just the right amount of information to make an informed decision is a skill that many of us are still struggling with. One of our listeners asked us

“How do you know when you’ve got enough information & how to put into practice. How do you avoid becoming overwhelmed with knowledge?”

So during this podcast Paul and Gina talk through their own experiences with “Analysis Paralysis” and give a few tips and tricks on how to deal with information overload.

Further reading:

The 4 Hour Work Week

The Artists Way

If you have downloaded the podcast from iTunes remember to post a review and visit our website at ActionPodcast.com to leave a comment or contact one of the presenters directly. Sign up for our newsletter to receive the podcast directly to your inbox, plus an additional weekly blog post!

What are you feeling?

CONNECTING TO OUR EMOTIONS can be scary for many of us. We’ve been brought up to hide, suppress or even completely deny what our bodies and feelings are telling us. We often believe we will be overwhelmed if we ‘feel’ too much – so we take the very unhealthy option of shutdown, or escaping down the proverbial rabbit hole. Not a great idea…

Often when I ask clients how they ‘feel’, they really don’t know.  And there have been times when I’ve run myself so ragged, I don’t know ‘how’ I feel either.  Yet our body is our barometer of truth. It never lies. Whereas our minds can make up any old story to keep us shut down (ergo safe) and protected. But if we’re not open to feeling it makes it harder to actually give and receive. To feel connected. To engage. With ourselves and others. To hear what our subconscious is trying to tell us.

In repressed, stiff upper lip Britain, showing too much exuberance or emotion is still, incredibly, not the done thing. Witness the media vitriol poured on Kate Winslet for her breathy, emotional acceptance speeches recently and you’ll get the gist. For God’s sake don’t get too excited about anything. After you’ve had 10 pints or a bottle of Grey Goose, that’s fine though. Why do so many Brits need alcohol to let loose and express themselves?

But I digress… showing emotion and connecting to feelings can be tough, if you’ve been brought up in a family or a society that doesn’t encourage such behaviour. So what can you do to start feeling again and showing your emotions – in all their technicolour glory?

1. Stop worrying about what other people will think if do you show your emotions. Men, God bless ‘em are still loathe to crack the mask in public. What a strain that must be – holding it all in.  Fear, anxiety and sadness are part of what it means to be human. Not a Terminator. Come on guys, gals – and all you intellectuals out there. Cut loose!

2.  Talking of intellect – get out of your head! Both men and women have been conditioned to believe that the head is the safest place to be. The seat of all wisdom. The one place that won’t let us down or make a fool of us. Wrong. Talking to a head is tedious, boring and without heart. Get back into your heart and speak from there. Start slowly. Feel your heart and take a risk, little by little. You’ll be amazed at the response. No more head-butting!

3. Releasing emotions is good – it acts as a safety valve and helps us to avoid meltdown. Unless you take part in regular sport, or spend Saturday afternoons shouting out your pent up stuff from the stands at a football match, chances are you are holding on to a great deal of emotion. Find a field and go and SCREAM! Or if you have a car, find a motorway on a quiet afternoon, wind down the window and SCREAM (but keep your head inside). It feels very very good, believe me!

4. Show emotion in your relationships. If your partner has pissed you off, tell them. If you’re happy with them, show it! They’re not mind readers. Check out your defence mechanisms and challenge them a little. Are they appropriate now, or is it younger aspects of yourselves that are still hurt that are running the show? If so, then I recommend seeing a therapist to help you access parts of yourself that have escaped down the rabbit hole.

5. Careful with opening up too much at work – at least to begin with. Feel what the company culture is like and make tiny steps into revealing yourself more.

As the very word itself suggests – emotion is e- motion.. it’s simply energy moving through us and needs to be expressed – safely!

Happy emoting!

Photo: http://neuronarrative.wordpress.com

If you have downloaded the podcast from iTunes remember to post a review and visit our website at ActionPodcast.com to leave a comment or contact one of the presenters directly. Sign up for our newsletter to receive the podcast directly to your inbox, plus an additional weekly blog post!

Overcoming redundancy: Brilliant ideas to help you bounce back (Paperback)

Rebuilding Your Life After Redundancy: The New Life Network Handbook (Paperback)

The Career Change Handbook: How to Find Out What You’re Good at and Enjoy – Then Get Someone to Pay You for It

What Color is Your Parachute? 2010: A Practical Manual for Job-Hunters and Career-Changers (Paperback)

Turn Redundancy to Opportunity : Proven Techniques and Programmes for Taking Charge of Your Own Future

Burning the Suit: Fighting Back Against the Aftershock of Redundancy

Gina’s full blog post can be found at www.ginabaksa.com

If you have downloaded the podcast from iTunes remember to post a review and visit our website at ActionPodcast.com to leave a comment or contact one of the presenters directly. Sign up for our newsletter to receive the podcast directly to your inbox, plus an additional weekly blog post!

So, in an attempt to explore, and gently knock my deferral habit on the head once and for all (maybe a childhood fall from a horse is where it did, in fact, all go terribly wrong) here are my thoughts and findings on the whole Procrastination Phenomenon…

The Definition

Procrastination essentially means putting off till tomorrow what you can do today. Or as I read somewhere recently: “Procrastination is like masturbation; in the end you’re just screwing yourself”.

I couldn’t put it better myself. Procrastination also happens to be the ‘grave of opportunity’ for many of us. It sucks. So how does the ‘P’ word manifest itself in our daily life?

The Symptoms

A deliberate decision to defer doing things, ranging from: I’ll tidy up those papers later to… that ironing can wait, to I’ll apply for that job next week, to I’ll get a divorce next year when the economy’s better. We’re so good at making up excuses why we shouldn’t, can’t or just simply won’t do things we know need doing.

I know that I can suddenly have an irresistible urge to do the hoovering when I’ve got papers to file, my cupboards suddenly need sorting when I have a writing deadline, or I just have to get some fresh air when faced with demanding tax returns to fill out. The list and the excuses are endless. I even find myself ironing rather than doing what I should be doing. Crazy making. If I have a writing deadline, I will often wait until I’m up against the wire to get it done. This way it gets done faster, but I also put off more important deadlines like job applications and such like.

So why do we procrastinate?

The reasons we put things off are many and varied. Is it sheer laziness, this stubborn refusal to get on and do the damn thing, is it fear, or are our self-sabotaging habits indicative of more serious emotional and mental problems like depression?

I often procrastinate if I’m feeling overloaded or overwhelmed, and poor management is probably the key element here, but an inability to prioritise can lead to severe procrastination. Perfectionism, another dangerous ‘P’ word came up when I spoke to friends and colleagues about their own delaying tactics. We often have unrealistic standards – for ourselves and others – a self-limiting belief that it’s better not to start at all than to risk failure, or sub-standard contributions. Occasionally severe worry about a task to be done means that more time is spent angsting than doing, while some of us may feel that any kind of setback is a complete disaster – we have an “all or nothing” mindset. So don’t try again once we’ve experienced so-called ‘failure’.

And of course there are some things in life we have to do that are simply boring or difficult. It’s easy to put them at the end of our ‘to do’ list. More serious is the negative mind chatter that tells us ‘we’re useless’ or ‘nothing ever goes right for me’. If you are experiencing this to any degree, tell it to shut the f**k up. Or get professional help. Quick.

The Solutions

Here are a few strategies I’ve used to help me with my own procrastination:

1. Look at your list of ‘to do’s and list them in an order of priority. What are the things that you simply HAVE to do either today or tomorrow? Which are the tasks that can be left until next week or next month, without making you feel stressed?

2. Ask yourself exactly what you are gaining from procrastinating. What’s the trade-off here?

3. Mind your language. Try changing the ‘shoulds” “have to’s” and ‘can’ts to choose to and choose not to. This could be very revealing. No one has a gun at your head – perhaps you’re in a job/marriage/relationship that needs leaving!

4. Are your values aligned with your actions? Many of us doing work we actively dislike, assuming there are no options. Make a list of your values and see if your job is in synch. If not, then look around for another form of work. Yes, the economy is in dire straits, but there is plenty of work out there. Whether you think you can, or whether you think you can’t – you’re right!

5. As Brian Tracy recommends in his book, Eat The Frog – tasks can be looked up on as frogs – the most dreaded task being the ugliest frog. He recommends eating the ugliest frogs first!

6. Reward yourself when you do accomplish something. This is vital!

7. Remember, its better to produce/do something than nothing at all.

8. Just cut the bull and get on with it!

Good luck! And on a final note, here’s a great quote from William James:

“It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task, which, more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome”

Recommended Reading:

Eat that frog
Just Get On With It: A Caring, Compassionate Kick Up the Ass!
Procrastination: Why You Do It, What to Do About It
Do it Now: Break the Procrastination Habit

Find something you’re scared of, and 9 times out of 10 it involves some kind of change in your life: new job, new relationship, new hair colour, new house, new school, new teacher, new country, new car! The list is endless.

So why do we resist? And how can we overcome the fear of change? Or rather, do we really have to?

I’ve now been living in New York for just over 5 months. It’s actually my 6th visit to the city, so it’s not entirely an alien planet. But culturally it often feels like it. I’d been wanting to live here for a few years, but always resisted the calling: too expensive, won’t get enough work to keep me here, will be all on my little lonesome. The excuses were really endless. Strange, really, since my life in London was hardly one of spellbinding excitement and stimulation. I guess it really was the fear of the unknown. Of moving out of my comfort zone and changing it for something totally out of my sphere.

But has the experience turned into a nightmare of epic proportions? Absolutely not! In fact I wish I’d come here years ago, when the economy was still buoyant and finding work a helluva lot easier. Yet despite the inherent challenges of moving to a new city and not knowing anyone, I’ve met some incredible people, made great professional contacts and thoroughly immersed myself in the cultural life here. In my opinion it’s just about the greatest city on earth. I love it here. I moved out of my comfort zone and embraced the changes. And as I did so became more confident. Not always less fearful, but soon discovered that the fear passed once I actually got on and did the very thing that was spooking me!

If you’re a change junkie, then you’ll have no problem uprooting in every sense. Change to you is an adrenalin kick. But for more cautious types, I have one thing to say. Feel the fear and do it anyway! Life is passing you by so very quickly. Stop dreaming and start doing. Make the changes you’ve always dreamed of, before it’s too late.

Photo courtesy: mediaslap.soundworks.com

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Just take a sheet of A4 paper, and write the word ‘thank you’ over and over again… until a name comes up. Then keep writing again, ‘thank you’ over and over. Until more names come up. Like me, you’ll probably be quite surprised at the names on the list. You may find other words arise, not just names. That’s perfectly okay. Whatever messages you receive from your subconscious are very powerful, so own them all.

Then take some time out to just reflect on all the great things you have in your life. It could be good health, family, your children, a great job, getting fired from a job you loathed, being in a great relationship, or finally leaving a toxic one. Whatever you have to be grateful for, I can guarantee if you take just 5 or 10 minutes each day to remind yourself of all these wonderful people and situations, you’ll feel far more at peace with yourself – and the world around you.

The book Paul mentioned in this podcast is Moon Over Water: Meditation Made Clear, with Techniques for Beginners and Initiates

Make connections

So what is rapport?
A dictionary definition describes it as relation; connection, esp. harmonious or sympathetic relation. It’s all about communicating effectively in your life, to strengthen your connection with people and ensure you are understood. And it has its roots in the French verb, rapporter, to bring back. It’s a give and take scenario here. Successful communication is equally important between family, friends, lovers, and work colleagues. Personal development expert, Tony Robbins asks: “Is it more important to be right, or more important to be in love with someone?” Good question!

It’s your choice: win friends and influence people? (Dale Carnegie’s seminal book, originally written for sales people in 1937 is still a best seller) or in the case of journalist Toby Young: lose friends and alienate people [great book/hilarious movie].

When younger, I made little effort to maintain rapport with people who rubbed me up the wrong way. But in hindsight and some age-gathered wisdom, I now see that these people were generally just mirroring aspects of myself I hadn’t integrated or were still completely unaware of. These ‘pain in the butt’ folks were actually my greatest teachers – or would have been if I hadn’t exited sharply stage left. Today, I’m happy to say I rarely dismiss new contacts out of hand, and instead take time to find out what makes them tick. To imagine the world from their view and stand in their shoes for a while. Not easy, but a whole lot smoother on the nervous system than outright condemnation and disregard.

I’ll admit to only just having read Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People  and will also admit to being blown away by its contents. Despite its much-maligned title, Mr C’s message is as applicable today as it was in the Thirties. And you don’t have to be in sales to benefit. This book has made me sit up and think so profoundly that I’m going to repeat 10 of his building blocks of successful rapport right here:

Don’t criticise, condemn or complain.
Give honest and sincere appreciation. Become genuinely interested in other people.
Smile.
Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound, in any language.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Make the other person feel important. And do it sincerely.
Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong”
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Let the other person save face.

By applying even a few of these each week since reading the book, I’ve noticed a profound change in my relationships with others. Most noticeably is that I’ve become infinitely more interested in other people. Not just people who are like me. But everyone I meet! Every human being you are likely to encounter in life will have an incredible story to tell. And is always worth listening to.

Here are my own tips for creating better rapport:

1.    Make eye contact. And hold it for longer (without staring!)
2.    Make your body language open. Uncross your arms, uncover your heart and turn to face the person you are talking to. This encourages openness and trust.
3.    Show that you’ve been listening by asking appropriate questions. Sincerely. Most people spend 95% of their time thinking about themselves. They love it when you show genuine interest in what you’re doing.
4.    Find common ground from the beginning of the conversation. Generally, people like people who are like themselves.
5.    Listen for verbal thinking preference clues. Is the person you are talking to visual (I see what you’re saying), Aural (I hear you), Kinaesthetic (How do you feel about?).
6.    Step into the other person’s shoes and imagine life from their viewpoint. Not a single person on the planet has exactly the perspective on life. Yet we often imagine other people see things exactly the way we do. Wrong!
7. Match your tone, pace, volume and inflection – without it being obvious – to the person with whom you’re talking. I’m not talking about mimicry here, rather a subtle shift in the way you communicate.

The above points are easy to practice – and you’ll be amazed at the results. Happy connecting!

Photo: www.persuasive.net

Not easy, eh? Most of us cannot wait to jump in, proffer our own opinion and then, with any luck completely take over the conversation. Why is listening so difficult?
For those of you who can remember what it feels like to be truly seen and heard – you’ll know what an exquisite feeling it is. Sometimes we don’t want advice or an opinion, we just want someone to be a sounding board; to listen to us. Without judgment and preferably in silence.

Next time you speak with a friend or colleague, make a conscious decision not to interrupt for at least a few minutes. You may get an anxious: “why have you gone quiet?” but if you tell the other person you are, in fact, listening to them, unless they’ve keeled over in shock, they’ll feel sufficiently respected to continue, perhaps at an even deeper level. And trust, me, they won’t forget the full attention you’ve given them!

If you’re lucky to have a good friend, family member or colleague who is happy to give you their silent, undivided attention, then you’re very well blessed! Go give ‘em a big hug…

Photo credit: creativeenergyblog.wordpress.com

Look familiar?

We’ve all felt those undeniable feelings: total and utter exhaustion, apathy, emotional shutdown and numbness; no energy, combined with mental and physical meltdown. It ain’t pretty and it sure as hell ain’t fun. Take a sledgehammer to your brain – and then some. Plus the awful dawning realisation that doing it all is, quite frankly, impossible. At which point those gnawing feelings of guilt, futility and uselessness kick in. We attack ourselves for not being able to achieve what we’d set out to do. What a beautiful vicious circle! What total lack of vision and self-care.

Today, these feelings aren’t just the preserve of overworked executives, working mums and over achievers, increasingly children are actually complaining of being overwhelmed, of having too much to do! How sad is that? In our manic world of human doings, we are running ourselves and our offspring ragged.

Alvin Rosenfeld, M.D., a child psychiatrist and author of The Over-Scheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyper-Parenting Trap, believes that enrolling children in too many activities outside of school can actually lead to children becoming clinically depressed. “Parents feel remiss that they’re not being good parents if their kids aren’t in all kinds of activities. Children are under pressure to achieve, to be competitive.”

Good stress
Some stress is actually beneficial – the flight or flight mechanism actually helps us in certain situations. An increased heart rate and a system flooded with adrenalin certainly helps us to get that project in on time, or avoid hitting the car that’s pulled out in front of us. Or escape a horde of wild elephants. But to be in permanent state of red alert stretches our minds and bodies to breaking point, and is fundamentally damaging to our psyche. Such activity impairs our immune system and prematurely ages us. Nice.

Constant activity
Some of us are juggling jobs, children, husbands/wives, relatives, childcare, friends and running a home. That takes a hell of a lot of energy, not to mention organisation. Many women, especially, never find the time to re-connect with themselves and their energy source. We are often running on empty. Something has to give. We’ve long since realised that the Superwoman myth is just that. And a hollow one to boot! Many people like to fill their free time with constant activity, or simply can’t say no to others’ demands. All habitual ways of avoiding being fully present with oneself.  At huge cost.

Ways to offload and reconnect
Sit down. Shut the door. Take the phone off the hook and take time to consider which areas of your life are out of balance. Be very honest. Then simply take the necessary steps to restore equilibrium.

1. Ask for help. Too many of us believe we have to do it alone. Or we’ll get the job done faster and more efficiently if we do it all ourselves. Drop the desire to control and trust others to help. It works. Delegate – at work and at home. Asking someone for help provides them with an opportunity to give. You are acknowledging them – soul to soul.

2. Reduce caffeine intake. And avoid self-medication to help you relax. A walk in the local park, or a day at the seaside will be far more restorative on your nervous system than several beers, a spliff or some nicotine. Resist the urge for a quick fix. Like sugar, it’s a temporary jolt and you’ll feel like crap afterwards.

3. Do nothing! When was the last time you just sat down and did nothing? Thought nothing? Try it today. Sit in a café for 5 minutes, grab a coffee and watch the world go by. Preferably in silence and alone. The point is to recharge not expend your energy. Or if you have a garden, sit outside and just look at the plants, the clouds. Simply. Do. Nothing.

4. Slow down. Find ways to relax in a healthy way. Do some deep breathing. For overstretched parents: research says that what children need most are relationships, not activities,” says Rosenfeld. “Focus on building meaningful relationships with your children, not becoming their chauffeur.”

5. Talk to someone. Sharing our anxieties with supportive and loving friends and partners makes dealing with the issues so much easier and less overwhelming. Share the load!

6. Take regular exercise. Release some feel-good endorphins via any form of exercise that you enjoy. Give your heart and your lungs a good workout. Swimming is great as it calms the nervous system.

7. Prioritise your tasks. As the saying goes, How do you eat an elephant? One foot at a time. Don’t waste time sharpening your pencil when you have a huge pile of tax returns to fill in. And stop all the procrastination As Brian Tracy so aptly suggests in his great book, Eat That Frog. Every morning consider the tasks overloading you (frogs). Then simply eat the fattest and ugliest frog first. Which task, when completed will give you the most impact?

Good luck!

We are very excited to announce that today, Friday 17 April 2009, Action Podcast enjoyed its 5000th download!

To celebrate, we are offering our listeners a fantastic, motivational offer –  4 FREE telephone coaching sessions with an Action Podcast Coach of your choice!

To make sure you are in with a chance of winning, simply post a comment in the box below, or post an iTunes review, telling us what you most enjoy about actionpodcast.com. On 15 May 2009, we will randomly select one entrant as our 5000th download winner.

So don’t delay! Here’s your chance to get help in turning your life around.
Post a comment below now, or submit a review on iTunes

TERMS AND CONDITIONS
The 4 free coaching sessions will last 45 minutes and must be taken between Monday 20 April and Wednesday 30 September 2009. They will be by phone (if you live in the UK) or by Skype. Due to the global nature of this offer, there are certain restrictions to the time of day that these sessions will be available. The winner will have 7 days to accept their prize or it will be re-drawn and awarded to another listener.

Post your comment now – and make 2009 a year to remember. Good luck!

For further information on family coaching and resources available visit Alan’s website at: www.developyourchild.co.uk

MOST OF US know that happiness really does come from within – not without. Our acquisitive culture has made us only too aware of the transient nature of short-term, external fixes. Like a Chinese meal, we’re all too often left hungry after feasting at the table of consumerism!

And certainly no one else can make us happy. What a massive and unrealistic responsibility to place upon another human being. Not to mention totally unrealistic.

Nope, we have to get the happiness pill all by ourselves…

And the secret of happiness? Change your thoughts. Nothing outside of you has the power to make you intrinsically happy. You can choose happiness, or you can choose to dwell on people and situations that bring you down. I’ve certainly played with this myself and although it takes some practice to get out of negative habits, focusing on more positive things really does work. Ditto gratitude. When life takes you down, have a look around and acknowledge all the truly wonderful things you have to be thankful for. Roll around and luxuriate on the grass you’re on now. It’s not always greener the other side!

I’m quoting Dale Carnegie here as he sums up the whole happiness issue perfectly, with a nod to the Bard and one very popular former US president. Happy Easter!

Everybody in the world is seeking happiness – and there is one sure way to find it. That is by controlling your thoughts. It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about. ‘There is nothing either good or bad,’ said Shakespeare, ‘but thinking makes it so.’
Abe Lincoln once remarked that ‘most folks are about as happy as they make their minds up to be.’
DALE CARNEGIE

Whilst the perfectionist or overachiever in us cringes at the thought of requesting assistance and sharing the load, our controlling aspects can feel desperate and frustrated, and this seems to add to our stress and uncertainty.

Yet receiving help can be both a miracle and a gift – helping us to make progress and overcome challenges, whilst empowering the giver-of-help with a sense of achievement and purpose. They say two heads are better than one, so Gina & Sam put theirs’ together to explore just why asking for help is so hard, and how we can take small steps towards fruitful collaboration.

And how do I know these gems? From the 140-character world of the latest social networking craze – Twitter. Move over Facebook and MySpace – Twitter is the SMS (short message service) of choice among 25s and overs.

What is Twitter?

What the hell’s a tweet? And, more to the point, what IS the point of this latest addition to social networking? Does anyone really care what you’re thinking? For the uninitiated, Twitter (essentially a micro-blogging site) was set up by California net nerds, Noah Glass, Biz Stone and Evan Williams in March 2006. A February 2009 Compete.com blog entry ranks Twitter as the third largest social network (behind Facebook) and puts the number of users at roughly 6 million and the number of monthly visitors at 55 million.[1] And climbing… Backed by venture capitalists – to the tune of around $57 million – as of January 2009, Twitter still sells no advertising space and makes no obvious revenue. Interesting… Although the founders are in constant talks with other tech giants, most recently Google.

Talk, Talk

Simply put, a Tweet is a message sent on Twitter. To send or receive a Tweet, you have to create a free account with Twitter via your mobile phone or your computer. It’s a good idea to encourage friends and contacts to create accounts, too, and start following people you find interesting. You can also download specific Twitter apps (applications). They are sometimes called “twitter tools”, “twitter add-ons” etc, but are simply websites which have built-in scripts that complement Twitter. For maps, try Twitter Atlas, Mr Tweet will do a people search for you, Twidget is a widget application and Twitterific and Twit Rank will give you the current top 50 Twitters in the world. Barack Obama is numero uno, closely followed by Stephen Fry with nearly 400,000 followers.

Tweets can only contain text, you can’t yet include pictures, video or other computer files with Tweet messages. Members who want people in their network to look at multimedia content must find a Web page to host the files, then send a message containing the page’s address to their networks. Twitter converts all addresses more than 30 characters in length into tiny URLs – links that compress the full Web site address to conserve space.

News feed

Twitter really became known to a wider public when news of the Hudson River plane crash earlier this year reached Twitter users well before the newsrooms. Now, every news gathering organisation in the world has a presence on Twitter. They are finding their stories on Twitter and from blogs. And as for the celeb influx to the medium? The New York Times reports that musos such as 50 Cent, Kanye West, Britney Spears and politicians like Barack Obama and Ron Paul all rely on teams of personal assistants to ghostwrite their tweets (!) to an ever-hungry public. So celebs and news agencies are harnessing the power of immediate communication, what about business?

Twitbiz

Some companies are using Twitter as a marketing or public relations service, much like an extension to their corporate blogs, while others allow their employees to tweet for them. Using search tools such as search.twitter.com or desktop applications like TweetDeck makes it easy to keep tabs on talk about the company, its product names, or even the industry as a whole. This way they can eavesdrop on early warnings of problems and gain valuable feedback on product issues or ideas.

The future?

Well, it all looks pretty rosy for Twitter. The latest numbers from Nielsen Online indicate that Twitter grew 1,382% year-over-year in February this year, registering a total of just more than 7 million unique visitors in the US alone for that month. Users elsewhere are catching on fast too. In fact, according to last Wednesday’s Guardian (25 March 2009), the British Government now wants children to learn about “social and collaborative communications, including e-mails, messages, blogs, wikis and twitters”, as part of the English curriculum. They must gain “fluency” in handwriting and keyboard skills, and learn how to use a spellchecker alongside how to spell. So it’s goodbye to Beatrix Potter and hello “click, click”. Looks like Twitter will soon have a wider demographic than its current older fanbase.

I wonder how the great Bard would have coped with a 140-character sonnet? Under sufferance, methinks.

Happy tweeting tweeps!

PHOTOS: Courtesy of Twitter.com

1. Kazeniac, Andy (February 9, 2009). “Social Networks: Facebook Takes Over Top Spot, Twitter Climbs”. Compete.com. http://blog.compete.com/2009/02/09/facebook-myspace-twitter-social-network/.

http://darreneden.com/

http://www.magiciansway.com/

www.twitter.com/lifecoach for Paul

www.twitter.com/londonlifecoach for Gina

Gina and Paul talk about the action steps you can take to triumph!

Hurrah for the Patron Saint of Love – St Valentine! The official day for lovers everywhere! Book that table, buy that card – tell her you love her…

There’s a scene in the seminal Seventies movie, Love Story, where the leads – doomed lovers Ali MacGraw and Ryan O’Neal – share a poignant exchange on her deathbed, where she utters the immortal line: “Love… means never having to say you’re sorry.”

Familiarity
Well, sorry love, but it’s been quite the opposite for me. It’s all too easy to take someone you profess to love for granted, particularly after the first flush of lust begins to fade; sleepy-to-urgent, early-morning sex is a distant memory, and certainly after a few years’ cohabitation.

Bad day at work? It’s not the dog or cat who gets it, but your ‘boo’, your ‘baby’, your sweetheart with whom you got jiggy only a few hours earlier. This thing called ‘love’ can diminish just as soon as it begins.

This thing called ‘love’
So what exactly is ‘love’ anyway? Meshing neuroses? A chemical reaction? Nature’s sneaky way of ensuring we continue the species? Or something completely intangible and inexplicable that could only be the meeting of soul mates? Until it all derails, of course.

We’ve all felt that very physical heartache when someone we love has left us. As Al Green sang so eloquently: ‘How can you mend a broken heart?’ Indeed. The pain is tangible; visceral even. And yes, people do die from broken hearts – although you‘ll never see it on an autopsy report. So it must be real, right?

Romancing the stone
The romantic notion of love, favoured by fans of Austen, Cartland and more contemporary chick-litters, is a powerful force. In fact, it’s a billion-dollar, heart-pounding, stomach-churning worldwide industry. However, many of the emotions we associate with ‘love’ temporarily blind us to our beloved’s irritating habits that emerge later. And this chemical reaction often has little to do with freeing someone and loving them just as they are. Instead, we seek to change, alter, sculpt and even grow to hate the object of our desire, simply because we dodesire them, ergo they have power over us. We are suddenly, painfully, aware of our vulnerability. What if they leave us? Possessiveness, insecurity, jealousy. How many couples do you know are soldiering on in complete denial? Having failed to take their respective exits, they remain resolutely tied to each other’s masts.

The real deal
In short, we’ve been sold up the Swanee with this whole romantic love lark. And despite singletons everywhere protesting their woe – or complete indifference – this Saturday, most of us would still welcome some regular love action, in its myriad forms. But what is ‘love’, actually?

Pure, unconditional love is something we feel for our children – as most emotionally healthy parents will recognise. But it’s quite another thing experiencing it for life, for a partner. So, what’s it all about then?

“Love explains love,” announced Rumi sagely – as only he can. And he has a point. It just is. Why try to explain something as inexplicable and intangible anyway?

Know thyself
In my experience, how we receive – and give love – very much depends on our relationship with our selves. And how much we love and honour ourselves. Without these vital ingredients, any external relationships will always be lacking.

As for our much-celebrated St Valentine, the guy had nothing to do with love. According to legend, he was Roman priest, beheaded on February 14th, and only associated with the day as his death coincided with the Roman festival of Lupercalia – a celebration of Pan (god of chaos and wine) and Juno (goddess of marriage). Sweet irony, dear bedfellows!

Happy Valentines!

So why do we so often eschew the idea of a road map for our lives? It’s very easy to drift from job to job, location to location, relationship to relationship, without a clear plan of action. Back in my twenties, I did just that. My life fell very much into the… “Well, I’ll see what comes up’ category. I had no grand plan of action, no specific goals (other than to earn enough cash to pay my mortgage, buy clothes, eat out, travel and have fun). It was fun, but somewhat precarious. And often I felt like I was going nowhere – fast!

Set your course
The million-dollar question: how can you reach your destination, if you don’t know where you’re going? Having direction doesn’t mean you can’t change your destination whenever you want. Or revise your goals. Allow yourself to be flexible. A great starting place is to make a list of your short term (1 week to 6 months), medium term (6 months to a year) and long term (1 to 5 years) goals for each of the following areas of your life: Career, Family, Environment, Spiritual Life, Relationships, Creativity, Friendships. Then look at each area again and mark each one from 1 (least satisfied) to 10 (most satisfied). This will instantly tell you the areas that require your immediate attention.

Realistic plan of action
Once you’ve established the area(s) you’d most like to change, then set yourself weekly, realistic and achievable goals to take yourself to your final destination. It’s important that you keep these ‘journey’ goals achievable. Baby steps. This will keep you motivated. For some, their goal may to become fit. Even joining a gym can be a major deal for many, so don’t run before you can walk! Take your time to build up to that half-marathon. But do nudge yourself out of your comfort zone. Regularly.

Resources and options
What resources do you already have that can help you achieve your goals? Do you have friends who can help you? Are there colleagues at work who can supportively nudge you in the direction you’re headed? What have you done in previous jobs that you can take with you as a skill set into your next position? Take a look at all your options for success. Brainstorm. Then pick an action point that’s the easiest for you to achieve that week. Then another one… and so on.. Challenge yourself. And reward yourself with each success.

Values and beliefs
Goals are great. But you won’t achieve them unless your values are in alignment with your beliefs. Values are the things that we get out of bed for. The things that motivate us. This could be family, money, recognition… Make a list of your top 10 values. Things you will do anything to achieve. Then put them in order of hierarchy. Then make a list of 10 things you’d do anything to avoid: this could be loneliness, embarrassment, recognition. If you see a clash between your goals and your values, then redefine your goals. For example, if one ‘going to’ value is recognition, but you’d do anything to avoid rejection, then you are unlikely to put yourself into career or job position where you will be held up and judged on your performance. No matter how hard you try, it simply won’t work. Another example: an employee who is given a promotion involving regular international travel will have a values collision if his main priority is his family, whom he will rarely see as a result. There will be tension and a lack of happiness.

Results
The key to succeeding in reaching your goals is to firstly identify them – what do you love? What would you love to do? Where would you love to live? What kind of relationship would you love to be in? Then take regular, committed action towards achieving them. Daily, weekly, monthly… Small, achievable steps taken regularly will give you the confidence and motivation to change every area of your life – successfully. You will begin to trust in your own innate ability to make the right choices in life. As a result, your dreams most certainly will become reality. Focus with laser-like intensity and commitment on your desired results, and your subconscious will do all it can to bring that goal to you. It really is as simple as that. Whatever you focus on, you will attract to you.

This is a universal law.

I’ve been on what seems like a permanent cycle of super-charged “let’s go for the uber challenge” route most of my adult life. And only recently have I made a conscious decision to get off the bloody hamster wheel. And let myself off the proverbial hook. There’s a good reason why Wayne Dyer chose to call his seminal book: Life Was Not Meant To Be A Struggle.

When I first flicked through his homilies, 20 years ago on a road trip from rainy Adelaide to sweat-stained Darwin, I could barely contain my cynicism. What did he know!? Life was tough, of course it was. How could it be anything different? Arrogance of youth, or rather ignorance of youth. I’d never know it to be anything else. So I left that book of wisdom in a mall bookshop in Alice Springs, and never looked back. Until years later, when I finally understood what the guy meant. With the benefit of hindsight – and 20 year’s life experience – I can see he was right all along.

Survival
As human beings, we are consciously, or unconsciously attempting to improve ourselves to test ourselves and become ‘better’ in some way. Nothing wrong in that – it’s natural evolution. And we often define ourselves by the challenges in life we successfully overcome. Again, nothing wrong in that, either. But I’m not talking about healthy, inspiring challenges here, such as learning to paint, starting a new job, moving to another country or leaning a musical instrument. I’m talking about an ego-induced sense that survival itself has to be a struggle. I AM, I exist, because I struggle. I am driven and motivated by struggle. Get the picture?

Trade off
Clearly there has be a trade-off with this battling, military mindset. Even someone’s language is a clue to their belief system: It’s a minefield/battleground out there. I’m going to soldier on… Rally the troops…

So what are we getting out of this perpetual battle? Firstly, when we are seen to be struggling, it shows everyone else that we are not a quitter. We’re trying hard, but it’s external circumstances that refuse to play ball. It means that at a profound subconscious level, we feel powerless to affect change in our lives. That we are not fully able to take responsibility for our selves in some way.

Battling away is also a method of eliciting sympathy from others. Itself a huge energy boost. Everyone loves the underdog – especially in Britain. Hey, don’t get too successful, otherwise we’ll shoot you down. The tall poppy (another battleground imagery/alliteration) syndrome.

Purpose
Many of us have a profound fear of boredom, of having no purpose in life. And a profound fear of commitment… Just two reasons out of many for choosing to live life on (often) java-fuelled red alert, and resist take a calmer, steadier, self-responsible and easier route to achievement.

How many of you know friends and acquaintances who are actually doing well in life, but still would prefer you to think that the going is tough for them? Someone, at some point in their lives has told them, either verbally or by living example, that life is a battle. They are living under the false assumption that if they are successful it has to be hard going. Hard work, yes, and persistence are two vital ingredients along the road to success. But not struggle.

Some of us firmly believe that life owes us a living. Why bother to shift when someone else, ie the state, can pick up the bills. This mindset of lack of contribution creates great internal struggle. Like many of these issues, it’s connected with self-esteem issues.

Avoiding asking for help?
Too many of us feel that we have to achieve it all alone. We fail to realise that other people are our greatest resource and that it’s actually fun to co-create with others. You can be stimulated, share your knowledge and feel supported. So much better than battling on alone. Go on, reaach out and ask someone for help today. Not only will you be receiving something special, you are also, very importantly, giving someone else the chance to give.

That old reptilian brain
Survival struggles are not about creating opportunities, they are more about remaining in our reptilian brain of instinct and survival. It’s all about the survival of me, myself and I. And has nothing to do with being part of the collective. Of being of service to others.

Another reason for the continual battle is that we fail to recognise values and beliefs collision in our lives. Hence we never quite achieve the success we desire. One half of us is going in one direction – towards happiness, and the other is yanking us back in an attempt to avoid potential pain which we may have to endure to achieve our idea of happiness. A double-edged sword.

Self-denial
Another reason for this internal battle, for the enemy always lies within, is a mindset that denies us the very things we love. We refuse to give ourselves the very things that can make us happy and fulfilled. Therefore we choose unhealthy relationships, bad food, careers that don’t satisfy us, toxic environments. And the excuses we give ourselves not to be creative (no time, no money, no good…) the list is endless. The internal battle continues… Ouch!!

Indeed, many of us on the struggling route worry that if it all became the Big Easy, a) life would be boring. b) we’d be somehow less deserving of our successes. c) we’d lack the drive to achieve further success. How nuts is that?!

Turning struggle into opportunity
As with most habits, after years of practice they become subconscious. So, the first way to stop the struggle is to become aware that we have a habitual behaviour of struggle. Look at all areas of your life: job, family, creative/spiritual life, finances, and environment. Which areas are you struggling in? Is this a pattern or a new circumstance? What are you getting out of this pattern of behaviour? Is the trade-off past its sell by date, leaving you frustrated or angry? Or are you still getting what you want out of life because of it? Be honest with yourself. And be kind to yourself.

Practise living and being in your intuitive (right-brain). Creative. I dwell in possibility. Instead of ego personality survival, take up activities to boost your intuition and your connection to spirit/source. The paths that will take you there include oga, meditation, playing music, “me” time, walking in nature. Look at the trees: as above so below. Firmly rooted in the earth, yet reaching up to embrace spirit. For we are all spirit descending into matter, and matter arising into spirit simultaneously.

Practise moments of stillness. Just before you go to sleep, review your day. And again, just a 5 minutes of mindless being before you get up is wonderful. Practise gratitude. Make a list of 10 things in your life that you are thankful for. Make another list of 10 things in your daily life that make you happy. This could be a smile from the postman, a hot shower after exercise, sharing a beautiful sunset with someone you love, to the smile on your child’s face as they are sleeping.

What do you LOVE?
Most of us are well practised in telling ourselves exactly what we don’t want in life, but we ain’t so good at listing all the things that we love. Another great boost to yourself is to write down all the things you love. What would you LOVE to be doing in life. No obstacles. What makes your heart sing? And what do you love about yourself. If you struggle with this one, ask your friends what they love above you. Pin this up somewhere you can see it daily. Believe it. And be live it….

Above all become conscious when feel yourself entering into a struggle cycle… Stop. Look. Listen. Acknowledge and feel into the tension but refuse to be drawn into battle with it. Observe it, play with it and above all, don’t take life, or yourself, too seriously. Life really was never meant to be a struggle.

WHEN life gets challenging, do you find yourself ruminating regretfully on the past – searching for reasons to justify present dissatisfactions? The anxiety producing “If only… you’d taken that job, married that person, moved countries, bought that flat, had different parents, gone to a different college, taken less drugs, taken more drugs, had more fun, travelled more, had children, not had children… This ego-inspired reasoning, which keeps us in a state of disempowerment and impotence is endless. And endlessly demotivating. And it lures us away from the immense power of being fully conscious and fully present.
Right here, right now.

Or perhaps like many of us, you prefer to focus on the future to avoid feeling any present pain. Or taking action to move out of your current unease. The “What if…. line of anxiety producing self-enquiry… What if…. I get made redundant, make the wrong decision, my boyfriend/girlfriend leaves me, choose the wrong job, it all goes terribly wrong, lose all my money, feel lonely, etc. Projecting our fear into future events, which have yet to happen.

Resistance
We all, myself very much included, have constructed myriad ways of resisting the present moment. The Right Here. Right Now. The mind, ego, whatever you want to call it, invariably takes us away from true consciousness. It feeds off and promotes our fear. Controlling and self-denying, it loves the whip hand. And until we take charge of our thoughts, the CD of self-sabotage will continue to play into the sunset… like an interminable Groundhog Day (without the humour!).

Why do we avoid feeling present?
If you are a human being – and I’m assuming most of you reading this are of that persuasion – then you’ll probably find yourself taking more action to avoid pain, than taking positive action towards experiencing pleasure in life. Think about it. Sex addiction, work addiction, drug addiction – we self-medicate and self-anaesthetise to suppress painful emotions and feelings. But of course they simply go underground, emerging at inappropriate moments with the result that we often self-sabotage – in work and our personal life – the very relationships we hold most dear. Or we simply never invite them in in the first place. We avoid ‘being’.

Observe your emotions
One way I work with clients is to encourage them to feel their emotions. Not deny them. Look at the very word ‘emotion’. Motion = movement. They are simply passing through. They are not OF you. By refusing to  identify with the emotions, but by simply observing them as they move through, you will become less addicted to checking out. There are many ways of staying present, with presence. The most powerful way is to focus on your breath. Put all your attention on your in – and your out breath. Practise this daily for at least 5 minutes at a time. Then any time you feel overwhelmed by emotions and feel yourself checking out, use this technique to change your state. It’s the best way to be fully present. And surrender to the moment.

Ground yourself
Another way is to stay in your body – preferably 24/7. Use grounding exercises such as imagining heavy cords reaching from the soles of both feet down into the ground. As far as the earth’s core. Tie these cords or vines around large boulders. Then draw up that fabulous fire energy from the earth’s molten core. Visualise that energising orange, brown, red colour rising up your feet, ankles, and legs until it fills your whole body. You will feel energised and more powerfully in your body.

Pay attention
Give your full attention to whatever you are doing. Whether it’s watching soapsuds on a glass you’re washing up, to watching the trees on your way to work, to totally focusing on your work. Practise right here. Right now.

Give yourself permission to be increasingly creative… Write a stream of consciousness page every morning as soon as you get up. Start painting, drawing, learn a musical instrument… move your consciousness from your left to your right brain. The source of all inspiration. Play! Play! Play! Run around a field, scream and shout. Allow your inner child expression and let go! Laugh – and above all, don’t take yourself too seriously.

Results
Being fully present will enable you to draw on unlimited inspiration. You will be able to deal with your emotions in a constructive way, instead of diving in and becoming overwhelmed by them. Unfettered by the past or future, you will access all the energy, self-awareness and clarity you need for peace of mind and a more creative and fulfilling life. Enjoy your presence!