Ouch! Love hurts!
Keeping your heart open after you’ve been hurt is almost counter-intuitive. Why would you want to do that?
Doesn’t make any sense at all to open yourself to another bruising… It certainly makes sense to lick your wounds, look after yourself and be kind to your heart after a betrayal of trust. But it’s imperative you also stay open to receiving love from others, however much you’re hurting.
When a client of mine discovered his partner was seeing someone else, his whole world fell apart. He told me he felt like he’d been kicked in the stomach; a knife stabbed through his heart. A visceral, aching pain that he couldn’t handle. It took him months to get over the shock and the disappointment of this ultimate betrayal. He told me he wasn’t much fun to be around at that time.
It became clear during our sessions that he’d shut down his heart. And was pushing away friends who were trying to help him. And latterly he was also pushing away potential new partners. A double whammy pain.
He was shutting himself off from love, whereas he actually admitted to me he really needed to be held, to cry, to yell out, to laugh with friends who could support him. And when he stopped fighting himself, he began to allow allowed close friends in to support him. His real friends gently coaxed and nudged him through his pain – and often self-pity – to a happier space. And now, six months later, he is dating again. Cautiously but with an open heart.
So if you’re going through a break-up right now.. sure, acknowledge all your emotions – they need to be released. But please don’t close your heart to receiving love while you go through the letting-go process. You need it.