Comments on: The Art of Failure http://www.actionpodcast.com/2009/10/the-art-of-failure-1113/ Positive transformation by taking ACTION Fri, 03 Feb 2012 12:52:05 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Sam http://www.actionpodcast.com/2009/10/the-art-of-failure-1113/#comment-169 Sam Tue, 13 Oct 2009 20:51:16 +0000 http://www.actionpodcast.com/?p=1113#comment-169 Thanks for sharing Steph. I'm retyping this as a technical glitch lost my reply...funny the way these things happen! The brilliant thing about hindsight and past experiences is that we can choose the perspective we hold on them. We have the power to rewrite our stories, changing their meaning and impact for us in the process. The end of a marriage (~divorce) is acknowledged as one of the most stressful things in life, yet it doesn't have to be a vicious nightmare. You and I have both demonstrated that it is possible to retain a healthy & caring relationship with an ex. Even in the most difficult experiences, we can't control how others behave - but we can choose our own reactions. I know how much you love your kids! How would it be if you saw your first marriage as a success because it blessed you with two wonderful children? You mentioned that you and Andy have changed your behaviours and priorities as a result of your first marriages. Could it be that those were exactly the experiences you both needed to have created the marriage now that you truly desired? Whilst my marriage 'failed' according to my Christian belief of marriage-for-life, there are a lot of successes in it too if I'm willing to look for them. Having been a child of an extremely messy divorce, I am deeply grateful to my husband and myself for proving that separation whilst intensely painful can be done with good grace. I think the saddest thing of all would have been to experience the end of a marriage, and not to have learnt anything about ourselves at all. You add so much to the ActionPodcast discussions - thanks again for being such an active member of this community! With love & curiosity, Sam :) Thanks for sharing Steph.

I’m retyping this as a technical glitch lost my reply…funny the way these things happen!

The brilliant thing about hindsight and past experiences is that we can choose the perspective we hold on them. We have the power to rewrite our stories, changing their meaning and impact for us in the process.

The end of a marriage (~divorce) is acknowledged as one of the most stressful things in life, yet it doesn’t have to be a vicious nightmare. You and I have both demonstrated that it is possible to retain a healthy & caring relationship with an ex. Even in the most difficult experiences, we can’t control how others behave – but we can choose our own reactions.

I know how much you love your kids! How would it be if you saw your first marriage as a success because it blessed you with two wonderful children?
You mentioned that you and Andy have changed your behaviours and priorities as a result of your first marriages. Could it be that those were exactly the experiences you both needed to have created the marriage now that you truly desired?

Whilst my marriage ‘failed’ according to my Christian belief of marriage-for-life, there are a lot of successes in it too if I’m willing to look for them.
Having been a child of an extremely messy divorce, I am deeply grateful to my husband and myself for proving that separation whilst intensely painful can be done with good grace.

I think the saddest thing of all would have been to experience the end of a marriage, and not to have learnt anything about ourselves at all.

You add so much to the ActionPodcast discussions – thanks again for being such an active member of this community!

With love & curiosity,
Sam :)

]]> By: Stephanie Butcher http://www.actionpodcast.com/2009/10/the-art-of-failure-1113/#comment-166 Stephanie Butcher Wed, 07 Oct 2009 17:34:50 +0000 http://www.actionpodcast.com/?p=1113#comment-166 Totally relate to this, my first marriage ended after 10 years too and even though I've now been married to Andy for 11 years, that feeling of failure has never gone away. The only good thing about my first marriage was having Charlie and Hollie. I know that Andy and I put our friendship and marriage before anything else in our lives now which I believe is a result of us both experiencing a failed marriage so I suppose that's something we learnt to make a priority. I have a good relationship with my ex husband and his partner and look after their little boys sometimes so we've all moved on in a healthy way but I still sometimes wonder how I could have made such a mistake. Totally relate to this, my first marriage ended after 10 years too and even though I’ve now been married to Andy for 11 years, that feeling of failure has never gone away. The only good thing about my first marriage was having Charlie and Hollie. I know that Andy and I put our friendship and marriage before anything else in our lives now which I believe is a result of us both experiencing a failed marriage so I suppose that’s something we learnt to make a priority. I have a good relationship with my ex husband and his partner and look after their little boys sometimes so we’ve all moved on in a healthy way but I still sometimes wonder how I could have made such a mistake.

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